mine in '09

New Year's Eve....bah, humbug. Same ole, same ole every year. Peeps are all introspective, reflective, and anticipating the New Year, which is all good. Been There , Done That. Right now, I'm trying to drown out the whistling sounds from the heavy winds with the Har.ry Conn.ick Jr. CD that HLS left (which is THE bizness, btw). The online weather report said that the winds were strong enough to break tree limbs, knock down wires, and loose holiday decorations. So you KNOW that I got one eye on my computer and the other on my front yard, hoping to get some new decorations on that deep, DEEP discount.

Anyways...I'm keeping it low key this year. I hope to even be asleep.

But before I close, I'll leave ya'll with one thing that I plan to hold true to:

**clears throats**

I'm gon' get me "some" in the New Year.

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...

...

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Amen, goodnight, and holla!

(Mike, I need the cute term for the male equivalent to "power-u"...the back-blowing, mind-numbing, toe-curling kind. 'Preesh!)

Happy '09! Let's get it!

the men in my life

I'm in a weird mood tonight. I'm sportin' my doo rag, my ratty pink robe, AND my Os.car the Grouch hoodie...so it must be serious. Time to say goodbye to my Christ.mas colors: magenta, turquoise and lime. I drove my dad back to the airport around 6:30pm. His wife planned for him to go back to the N.O. before New Year's b/c she wasn't going to spend this year without him like last year. I invited both of them last year, but she made the decision to stay home b/c she wanted to spend Chris.tmas with baby Shan. My dad makes no secret about J being his favorite grandchild (without verbally saying so) and was quite fine with coming up here alone. His explanation for spoiling J is that his other grandkids have active dads, aunts and grandparents. J, on the other hand, just has me.

That is, he just has me until J's dad decides to show up. So HLS (Habitual Line Stepper) texted me earlier last week and said that he was driving up on Friday. Well, me knowing HLS the way that I do, I decided to not get J's hopes up...better to be a surprise than a disappointment. He actually followed through and came bearing gifts...for everybody. He brought J some games, a robot dinosaur, some Le.gos In.diana Jon.es stuff, and...wait for it...a pre-paid phone. I was actually shocked that none of that was accompanied with some story about his inability to make ends meet. But perhaps he had already gotten that out of the way during the week before. He then gives me a nightgown with Tink.erbell on it (which was cute) and gives my dad a straw, cowboy-like hat. I am my dad's child b/c we both looked at him like "why in the hell are you giving US gifts?" But I thanked him and kept it moving with little emotion. I don't need him to do anything for me, but he tries hard to impress. If he really wanted to impress me, then he should be a father to his child...not for my sake, but for J's.

The phone sparked some discussion, b/c IMO there is no reason for a 7 y/o to have a phone. So, I put some restrictions on that immediately. It can't/won't leave his room and he can only talk to his dad and his PawPaw on it. I told HLS that I have nothing to do with the phone and if he wanted J to keep it, he would have to maintain the account and put minutes on it. HLS left J's new phone number on my desk. I guess that I'm supposed to program his number, but I have no reason to call him when I can easily holler loud enough for him to hear me downstairs and when he's not with me, I should be able to reach him through some adult.

Anyway, J was on cloud nine...and didn't really care about the phone. It's very rare that he gets to experience this much testosterone within his 4 walls at one time. He didn't know who to play with. I decided that since it was Christ.mas that I would allow HLS to spend the night. I found it funny that my dad got in J's bottom bunk early that night, perhaps staking his claim. I quickly threw HLS a blanket, went upstairs, and closed my door. I can't be too nice b/c then he'll start thinking that we're close. I could care less about what's going on in his family (ESPECIALLY his mom who has made absolutely NO EFFORT to meet J), his job (unless it affects my child support), or whatever new body ache he has THIS week (dude used to always throw out his medical issues to gain sympathy and I used to fall for that mess in my stupid-er ages).

The next morning, I woke up to him cooking breakfast. I was on a mission to head to Pier On.e so that I could get those discounted Christ.mas ornaments.

HLS: Your breakfast is on the table.

Me: I'm heading down to the Pier O.ne.

HLS: You need to put something in your stomach first.

Me: **looking around to confirm that I was in my own home and that I was indeed a grown woman** I'm heading down to Pier On.e. If its still here when I get back, I'll eat then.

I think that the reason that I fell for him in the past had something to do with his constant fussing over me, nurturing and acting like the father figure that I always wanted. Not sure if I articulated that well but something like that but in a non-freakish way. He even noticed that the bruising around my ankles had disappeared and inquired of my current cholesterol levels. When he departed on Saturday, he left behind a book of poetry that he had written and 3 Christ.mas CDs (since my dad complained that I never played any Christ.mas music while he was here). I guess that he was trying to impress my dad as well, since they have never been the best of friends. Alcohol and gifts change things...at least for that moment.

Tonight, J and I had to say goodbye to my dad. J kept asking his PawPaw to change his ticket to the 1st. He couldn't. In a last ditch effort, J just asked that he stay an extra hour. Again, he couldn't. It was hard. No one barely said anything in the car.

My dad wasn't a great father and I never would've imagined that we'd get to this point after my shutting him out of my life for so many years. We got into it on a few occasions while he was here, but its interesting to see how easy we were able to rebound and resume our previous convos before the disagreement. He's a funny guy. He brags about cussing out his pastor, hearts the F-bomb, has yet to lose his Chatta.nooga twang, thinks that 'nam was the beginning of all of his "crazy" issues, ends almost every statement with "he'ah", farts and then waits for your face to contort, must have Crown within arm's reach, actually believes the women that tell him that he resembles Morr.is Chest.nut, can't hear worth a damn, will quickly impose his spiritual views on you and absolutely CANNOT agree to disagree...but he's my dad and to love him is to love all of that.

As for HLS...I was glad that he was able to carve out some time for J. I don't know how J will look upon his dad when he reaches my age. I just hope that he remembers this Christmas and how happy he was.

random holiday musings

My dad is really interesting after 3 shots of Patron.

I HATE 'hood clubs. Clubs, in general, were already treading on thin ice but I have gone to my LAST 'hood club tonight.

I'm thinking....maybe I am a bit "saddity".

A g/f in northern VA thinks that I'm turning "Goth" and asked if I was depressed.

I don't think that I am...I just happen to like black polish and thought black hair was a good idea until I had to get treated.

I was the good girl to men that preferred troubled girls. I feel as if I'm the troubled girl to the man that I want(ed)...who prefers good girls.

I officially give up.

I scored some Pier One ornaments on sale post-Christmas and put them on my tree as if they had been there all the time.

I have somehow become addicted to House during my time off...and I don't remember the last drama series that I actually cared about.

If you're having a party and request that the guests wear a certain color, it's pretty safe to say that I'm not coming. I am sure that that's what's hot on the streets now but I am not your party puppet.

Tee is now officially engaged...kinda proud that I had something to do with that.

I have upgraded some of my friends up here to extended family b/c they have shown me much love during this holiday season.

Peeps were in Linens 'N Things with a seriousness this weekend. I scored another huge frame for 7 bucks.

That 7 bucks was the only money that I spent on me this Christmas b/c I used my gift certificates from my bday to fund my Christmas ornaments and my cropped jeans.

I love to see this boy smile...and I'm glad that I sat back and let others break their bank to do it.

I kept explaining to him that he doesn't hit the lottery on the 25th of December and the reason for the season, blah, blah, blah...not sure if he cares.

Drinking marguaritas during my lunchbreak is not good business.

Sweet potato pie with melted ice cream; however, is.

I don't think that another man will love me the way that J's dad does.

That kinda sucks.

WTF is up with this weather?!

If that's not sexy, I don't know what is. THANKS FOR THE BLANKET, LEEZARUS!!!

My mammogram came back normal. I had no reason to believe otherwise.

I put my foot in some greens. Never thought that I'd say that.

I thought that I was ready for a friendship with old dude after talking to him one night...now, I'm not so sure and can't explain why.

I don't know too much of where I stand on a few things anymore.

My dad raked those leaves up. Yayyy!!!!

When I'm alone in my room, sometimes I stare at the wall, and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call. Telling me I need a dude who's as sweet as a dove, for the first time in my life, I see I need love...

Or maybe a lil "lovin'".

makin' a list, checkin' it twice

Once again, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin. Which is fine. All of my horn tooting has subsided, lol. Rockin' the "silky" pink robe now (ratty pink one is out of commission for the moment) w/o a doo rag...tryin' to preserve the curls. Look at me, I'm relaxing all prissy now.

I'm on day 4 of these meds and it feels as if their starting to wear off. I'm going to hold out until tomorrow and see what happens. If I don't see anymore improvement, I will be bent over in the doctor's office by Wednesday, right cheek primed and ready for a shot. These daggone copays are adding up. Merry Christmas to me! I will finally get my mam.mogram on Friday. I always try to set my appointments towards the end of the day...until this woman said that I couldn't wear lotion, perfume, or deodorant. Needless to say, I had to sign up for the first train smoking b/c I refuse to walk around funky. She asked if I had implants, and although I know its procedure, I hadn't laughed that hard all day.

Saturday was fun, but Sunday was business...I was about my business. Although the Prez really likes "having me around", I need to be about mine for 2009. While on my Sunday night date...watching Rata.touille, sharing MY recliner and MY blanket, and eating stale Nilla wafers with the kid...I thought that it would be nice for us to do more artsy type things since J is a lot like me. I put him in this drama class afterschool (that of course, I have to pay for b/c cultural enrichment is not free). He has been doing really well and his teacher said that she always wants to give him the big parts b/c he's good at memorizing his lines. Go figure. He can't seem to remember what math page to study or to bring his jacket or library book home or to run to homeplate before just walking off into the dugout, but he can memorize some lines. He loves drawing and building things and I noticed that when struck with an idea, he loses focus on tv until he puts it to paper...like I used to do. So while surfing online, I found a FREE Saturday morning art program that he and I can take together at the local visual arts center. I emailed the director this morning to check February registration, so hopefully, she gets back with me and we'll secure 2 spots. And if I grow some balls and my bank account, I'll finally take those figure drawing classes over next summer while my baby is back home. I hate that I lost touch with what was once my passion, but I hope to get back to my roots in 2009. I feel as if it will lead me to somewhere...don't know exactly where, but somewhere close to home.

I keep wondering if interior design is something that I'd like to try my hand at. That statement was totally random, but the jury is still out.

Another goal of mine for the New Year (also requiring much testicular fortitude) is to start investing in stocks in January. One of my books had me so intrigued that I was up reading until almost 2 am. I come from a family of some of THE worst money managers. It seems that my cuz and I are the only ones working hard at being good stewards and trying to make ends to leave to our children's children. And its not as if we hadn't screwed up our finances before, its just that we've learned from those experiences. And seeing as how I wasn't as smart as Kim Por.ter to at least get impregnated by someone with money, I guess that I'll have to look for other means at stacking my own. My prayer is for substantial growth over the long term.

And lastly, I need a will. I have been putting this off for some time. I have life insurance policies and learned some legal mumbo jumbo but if something happens tomorrow without any directives, I just see myself leaving a huge mess behind. That needs to be taken care of ASAP.

All of these random thoughts are partially inspired by my increased stress level, frustration, and drama on the job. But I guess the method of motivation doesn't matter as long as it propels me towards my dreams...or reminds me of those deferred.

Have you made any goals for 2009?

I'm a little bit cocky, I'm a little bit rock 'n roll

I went, I saw, I conquered. Moreso...I went, scanned the room, and couldn't find the competition. Not bad for someone who was bent over in the doctor's office begging for a shot just yesterday. When we're full of ourselves, my baby boy J and I always imitate Joh.n Ce.na and wave four fingers to the face, look real crazy, and say, "You can't see ME!" Let me tell ya, that statement was appropriate tonight.

I had been slowing around all day, b/c I wasn't sure how washing my hair 5 times in one week was going to work for me. I popped 4 more tablets and just went for it. I thought about roller-wrapping it and keeping it straight but again, I'm sure that I got a bit of new growth that needed to be camouflaged by curls. I never missed the severe N.O. humidity until tonight b/c I was trying everything to make these bammas fall.

After I finished doing my hair, I went out to the mall to look for those daggone accessories that I neglected to get. Have I ever mentioned that I hate malls? Or that I don't like shopping? OK, now add to it that I forgot that this was December and that folk are going crazy 'round this time of year. It was my worst nightmare...feeling as if I had gotten caught up in a super-sized Wal-Mart. I race J around this outdoorsy-fancy mall in the cold and then head over to Kat's.

As promised, J brought his Wii and I ordered them a pizza and attempted to finish getting ready. I just couldn't get it together fast enough. Let me first say that Kat was my fairy godmother. That girl took care of me and J. She earned her spot in the girlfriend hall of fame. Kat pressed my dress and poked new holes in the straps of my stilettos so that they would wrap around my ankle more securely. She picked my polish color for my toes and just raced around the house to make sure that I had everything that I needed. And STILL managed to play J's baseball game. Seriously, that chick is amazing and came through like a G.

I arrived at the spot MORE than fashionably late, which was ok b/c my last word to my friends was that I wasn't going. I was happy to see some of the people that were laid off on Monday. I mean, it wouldn't have been me but I was happy to see them there...and drinking. Anyways, when I walked through the door, someone needed to wipe me down b/c I was on! Fugg a date.

Matter of fact, I may never go with a date again and mingle as I please. I am one of the more humble people that you'll meet on blog but I'm not ashamed to say that the "gorgeous" word was thrown around quite a bit, lol. The only problem was those damn shoes. Ya know, it was nice being 5'7" for a night...but uh...I don't need all that air up there. They are a size 8 if anybody wants them and can work them. My plan was minimized to taking pictures, eating, and throwing the deuce...which sucked b/c I love to dance. While chilling at the table, my girl tapped me on the knee and said, "I KNOW you're gonna get out there like you always do." I reply, "Naw, I'm just gon' chi..."

**Beat drops...voice whispers, "shu.ffle...cupid shu.ffle"**

DAYUM! My girls up here know that if the Cup.id Shu.ffle comes on, I drop convos, put down drinks, purses, and whatnot and get out there and line dance with the best of 'em. Hell, on my birthday I paused in mid-hurl 'cuz I heard it over the bathroom speakers and proceeded to drunkenly cupid shuffle in the stall. I'm SERIOUS about my game...I got my shuffle game tight, lol. I had a decision to make. I decided that I had to represent the dirty, dirty and would sacrifice my feet to ensure that there was no bastardization of the shuffle. You must respect and honor the shuffle.

Originally, there were about 4 people out there. I got on the floor and the bees started swarming around my honey. It all went downhill from there. Some cha cha slides and EWF covers later, I had forgotten the initial plan and lost track of time. However, my feet knew exactly what time it was. But whenever I tried to ease up off the floor, I got pulled back in. My boy Matt, who had 2 dates to choose from, wouldn't take no for an answer. So I had to give in. And then, I tried to do some spin and sneak off move when the next song came on and ended up near Promance, who was currently dancing with his date. He ignored her and then grabbed me really tight and well, I was held captive. He had been begging me all night, so I had to comply. Once that song was over, I THOUGHT that I was in the clear. And THEN, as that "Unchained Melody" song came on from Ghost, I ran right into the Prez.

Prez: I thought that you said that you weren't coming.

LB: I was able to score another babysitter.

Prez: Well, do you have a dance partner?

LB: No.

Prez: Well you do now.

DAYUM!

This man starts swinging me almost off my feet and I had to tell him that I had on some pretty tall shoes so he needed to take it easy with me. He says,

"Well, I guess that means that I just have to hold you tighter."

**crickets**

Mental note: review Professional Conduct Booklet on Monday.

The company kept all 3 of the brown sugar girls in the office...I'm starting to wonder the real reason why, lol.

Anyways, it was a wonderful night and I'm glad that I went. I didn't stick to the plan and stayed much longer than intended but oh well. Some plans are made to be changed b/c you gotta give the people what they want.

** four fingers to the face..."You can't see ME!!!"**

salty

I've been awake for 30 minutes or so. I look like hell. I feel like hell. And I'm staring at these stilettos on the floor, wondering who in the hell is going to walk around in those. Mayne, if it weren't considered uncivilized, I would surely rock some Nikes with this here gold dress. But I digress...I didn't go out and buy a purse to coordinate with my 'fit or those chandelier earrings that S30 suggested.

I guess that I had been searching for every excuse to NOT go to this Holiday Gala tonight. And for a minute, every sign led up to my thinking that God was saying "don't go"...I know, I tend to put words in God's mouth often, but complain when I can't hear (or won't listen to) Him speaking to me, lol.

I asked my cuz if she would babysit for me. She hit me with the "let me check with my husband" line (which usually is the stimulus to my involuntary eye roll) and I just dismissed the whole idea altogether. (Probably reason #38875456 why I would not make a good wife). She later told me that they had a birthday party that HE wanted to go to but that they would probably go early and leave early. So, there was a chance that I could pass through my party a little late. My response, "Don't worry about it. I'm not in the business of inconveniencing folk," and I let it be.

Then the layoffs happened, which made me an emotional wreck. I kept thinking, "How would it look if I'm out celebrating while my friends are out of a job?" I walked past the Prez in the hallway the other day and he asked me if I were going to the Gala. I shook my head and told him that I didn't have a babysitter and he swatted in the air as if I were giving him a dumb excuse. That man is always hounding me right before every event. I understand that its business, but the company just let go of 40 people. Why in the hell is he worried about me?

There was already the matter of the "no date" thing, which I had gotten past with the help of the collective guilt trips spun forth by my friends.

And lastly, I dyed my hair last Monday. I mentioned in Monday's post that I was a tiny bit allergic to hair dye. Well "tiny" was a misnomer. I used to dye my hair all kinds of colors while in high school and college. Somewhere along the line, I developed an allergy to it and discovered this a little over 5 years ago. My hair didn't fall out...and its sad to say that if I had to choose between my arm and my hair at the time, well, I would be doing the single-arm cabbage patch for the rest of my life. Instead I had to suffer the irritation of my scalp, neck, and ears. I ended up having to get a shot and it was a wonderful thing. Since then, I have gone to the hairdresser and have had my hair highlighted and colored with no problem, so I thought that I may be in the cool. I hadn't dyed my hair in a long time so I picked up a rinse. Cool was not the case. The allergic reaction set in on Tuesday. I called the doctor repeatedly on Wednesday, lymph nodes a-swelling by then, and got an afternoon appointment for Friday. In the mean time, I self-medicated with every form of Bena.dryl that I could find. I begged this man for a shot as if he were my pusher. No dice. He gave me an oral steroid, some cream, and sent me on my way. I swallowed six pills last night and laid it down. And now, I'm up...looking like stir-fried crap but I actually feel a little better. A little loopy, but better. My lymph nodes are straight now. Needless to say, when this mess washes out, I will be a dirty brown-haired girl until I gray gracefully. Tee said to me, "For what its worth, that black sure is pretty." For what its worth? Yep, not a dayum thing.

So I'm sitting here. Mad at myself b/c I didn't successfully modify my birth control and am now on my cycle, headached and annoyed. Kat had offered to babysit (under the condition that J brings his Wii) 2 days ago, b/c she wants me to go and celebrate the fact that I do have a job. I'm gonna have to wash my hair for the 4th time this week and figure out what in the world I'm going to do to it. So I guess that means that I'm going, but I won't stay long...and I can't drink. I'll figure out the accessorizing thing later.

tastes like chicken

"OK, mommy said that I could have pumpkin pie if I eat this. Can't be THAT bad."



"Hmmmm. I dunno. This is not what I thought."



"Ya know, seriously, something is not right with this."



"Holy Crap! Am I on Fear Facto.r?! Punk'd??? I think that I have to change my draws. Wth is in this stuff???!"



"Woman, I'll kill you if you make me eat this crap again! You best sleep with one eye open tonight!"

young & restless

I cannot sleep. I haven't had one of these nights in a while. Normally, I'm fighting to keep my eyes open until 10 PM. But now every raindrop that bangs against my roof tonight is adding to my annoyance. My appetite is in spurts and I've lost interest in tv. Mentally, I have been a wreck. Yes, I have been spending the past 3 weeks researching potential opportunities and calculating how long I would need to find a new job before my savings ran out. That is, in the event that I lost my current one. Which I didn't. So, I SHOULD be able to sleep like a baby. I still don't have job security but I think that I'll feel that way no matter where I work. I think that I'm mad and I'm unsure if I'm able to articulate why. I guess its that I work so hard, SO HARD...and I'm dependent upon the chips that someone else throws at me. I'm not even sure if I started my own business what it would be. I'm not even sure if its worth the headache when I'd prefer to spend my time doing other things. And then I think about health insurance and explaining "self-employed" on taxes and loan applications. Believe it or not, I keep saying and feeling as if one day, I'm going to wake up rich. But not b/c I help advance the partners of my company to posh lives...b/c of some good investment decision or some random huge windfall or some invention or some hustle. Right now, me and JJ are living well. He's to the point where he says that he only wants to go back home to the N.O. over the summer to be with his PawPaw, but the rest of the year he HAS to stay in VA. That means I'm doing something right, right? We're good. But I don't think that my mom or I worked hard as hell to be just "good". This has just been messing with my mind lately. I'm sure that none of this made sense but maybe I have gotten too comfortable.

the aftermath

I have been having this lingering headache, but today was better...for me, anyways. I have work...and now, even more of it. The 4 empty desks across the hall from me confirmed that yesterday was real. I called my best girlfriend in northern VA last night. I told her what happened and listed those, who she had either heard of or met, that were let go. She said, "I bet you're not that sad to see Jesse leave." I can say that when I cried yesterday, it was a mixture of anger, relief, shock, confusion, and sadness. None of it was Jesse. But that's not to say that I didn't feel bad for him. He's a single father with full custody of his kid so my heart still went out to him.

As I watched him pack his things, I debated on whether or not I should say something. Although it has been hard to look at a man that has hurt me in the past almost everyday, I had to learn to separate my personal feelings from business. Eventually, I got enough nerve to walk over to him and extend my hand. He grabbed it, leaned in, and embraced me. Surprisingly, I wasn't uncomfortable. It was almost as if everything that has been left unsaid was expressed at that moment. He whispered, "I need you to hold down the fort over here." Maybe that was code. Regardless, I was mute. I grinned and walked away. That was business.

My other partings were more sentimental. I now own 2 more plants from the guy that I used to do lunch Bi.ble Study with and Goth Girl's hard hat with the "Ni.ne In.ch Nails" logo on the back. I texted her all day today and I was still cracking on her as if she were standing by my desk. My boy (the one with the non-working wife and 2 kids), on the other hand, probably needs a little more time. I texted him and within his first response he said that his home phone got cut off. I'm thinking...you JUST got laid off yesterday. That kinda tells me where he stands financially, but I guess that I knew that already.

So while answering random email inquiries from people that saw my inability to control my emotions yesterday, I look up to see my supervisor staring back at me. He motions with his finger to follow him. At this point, I'm trying to not even think a cuss word b/c I know that it'll only be a matter of time before it slips out. As we're walking he says, "This is not bad at all. It's actually good, so this walk doesn't have to be that long." He then asked me if I was feeling better. I said that I was. When we arrive at his office, he pulls out this letter. I can no longer hear him talking b/c I'm staring at the number that is my bonus! Insert heart back into chest.

Lord knows that I am grateful to have my job. They could've kept my bonus, but uh, I grabbed that letter and ran off like I stole something. So here's what I've been thinking...

I got a little change. Should I:

a. Put it towards my credit card debt? I only use one cc and this money would pay up to 85% of it off.

b. Put it in my savings account? The only problem that I have with this is that the interest rate on my savings account is not as high as it is on my cc.

c. Divvy it up? Put some towards my cc and the remainder towards my savings.

d. Invest in stock while its cheap? I have a couple of mutual funds and my 401K, but I know nothing about investing in stocks. I've been trying to read up on it but don't feel secure about making good decisions.

e. Buy that flat screen tv that I want for my bedroom and blow the rest on stuff that my kid won't play with in a month?

OK, so obviously (e) is not really an option and never really my style. I do want that tv but I don't need it. And the kid is already programmed to know that PawPaw is in charge of spoilage. But out of the other 4...and this is to anyone who cares to respond...what would you recommend?

reduced

So in my last post, I mentioned that today may be Doomsday. I was very productive this weekend. I worked for 12 hours, read, bought a couple of books on investing in the stock market and one on careers, bought some low-budget gifts for the little one, did some emotional decorating, and dyed my hair black (I'm a tiny bit allergic to hair dye, but I took a chance on a change). Of course, I was trying to keep my mind occupied.

The Prez said in his email to us on Friday that we were having another office-wide meeting between 9 and 10 am on today. He also said that he didn't know what time exactly, so everyone just had to make sure that they were at work by 9 am. I arrived around 8:50 AM. When I walked in, it was so quiet that you could here a pin drop. People were scared to talk to each other and were blankly staring at their computers, awaiting their destiny. 9:10, nothing. 9:20, not a peep. 9:30, gulps heard across the office as peeps swallowed their anxiety meds. While gathering drawings, I look up and see the head of the interior design dept. ask the chick behind me and the one across from me to come with her. I didn't think anything of it. When I got up to plot some drawings, I overheard the electrical engineering head ask the guy next to me and the one behind me to follow him. And that's when I realized that this so-called office-wide meeting was happening right then. I hurry back to my desk and then I see my supervisor come up the stairs. I had reasoned that if it were my time to go, then that meant that God had something better for me. However, when I saw this man come up the stairs, he doubled as the Grim Reaper and I could not take my eyes off of him. He walked over to Jesse's desk and motioned for him and his friend. They went downstairs.

Then my supervisor came BACK and got the dude that I'm closest to...the one that taught me most of what I know...my church partnah. That's when I got confused. I then thought that maybe they were randomly calling people. Shortly after that, the Prez gets on the intercom and requests that everyone go to the gym for a short meeting. Once we got there and stood in silence, he begins reading his script. "If you recall from our first meeting, I mentioned that we would reduce staff. Well, if you are standing in this room then you have survived the layoffs." Immediately, I look around to see if any of my friends were there with me. I see Tee, Promance, a few others. But it is then confirmed that my boy was not in that number and neither was Goth Girl.

I don't know how to describe this moment. Simply put, I lost it...standing there crying like an idiot b/c 2 of my best friends did not make the cut. I was the one walking around stressed for the past 3 weeks and they were the ones confidently calming me down. Now, Goth Girl was planning on moving in the beginning of '09, so I reasoned that they probably chose her b/c of that. My boy, on the other hand, just boggles my mind. I immediately thought of his family: his non-working wife, his 14-yr. old and 4-month old daughters. We worked on a lot of projects together and had bonded like brother and sister. While this other guy, who I believe they're paying a high price for him to screw up projects, is still on the payroll. I don't understand what their judging criteria was, but maybe its just not meant for me to understand. Not now. My supervisor saw me crying and asked if I were alright. All I could do was nod. I couldn't even look him in his eye.

The Prez said that there were no other planned layoffs and we should rest easy.

My head has been hurting, my stomach has been in knots. I should be relieved, shouldn't I?

ch-ch-changes

New Year's is approaching. I can't believe that 2008 has come and gone so quickly. I don't ever make resolutions, b/c come Jan. 5th all of 'em will be looking for me. I can only strive to be a better woman/mother/daughter/friend/engineer and take the lessons that I've learned over the past year and apply them. But while under self-scrutiny, I decided to start making changes now.

1. Career: After my company dropped the bomb in the middle of last month, it sparked much introspection. I have done some researching and have since found that other architectural-engineering firms in the area have been giving the same speeches to their employees and hiring freezes are the norm. Well, the prez has requested another meeting on Monday. Again, there is much speculation that Monday is Doomsday. I'm to the point where there is just not enough worry left in me. If it happens, it happens. I have already been knocked down a few times in life. I may lay there for a second, but eventually I come up swinging. I enjoy what I do, but if this is God's way of nudging me in the right direction, then all I can do is look forward to next season's blessings. If that's still in engineering, then my goal is to get my PE license next year and do my own hustle.

2. Love: All that I can truly promise is to keep an open mind.

3. Vices: I have become more and more raw by the day; yet, I've always known how unladylike cussing is. It's hard, b/c I think that its my #1 vice. But I have been feeling so convicted that I just can't stand it. We'll see how long this lasts, but I need to be better at controlling my tongue.

4. Spirituality: I have been struggling in this area over the past year and I'm positive that God wants more from me. I've been feeling as if I've been at a crossroads and have no idea which direction to choose. I need to increase my presence both inside and outside the church. Reading, praying, and speaking life.

5. Finances: I have been pretty steady in this area, but I want a "Travel Fund" so that I can afford to go back home as much as I want to and wherever else my heart desires. Of course, I want to save more but I still have some debt to climb. But again, I am pretty diligent with this and still foresee my student loans being paid off by June 2011.

6. Motherhood: I love my lil man, but I can stand to be more patient with him. And maybe I should work on his crawling into bed with me every night. I just want to hold tight to his youth, but it's probably time to let go. That's my baby though.

7. Reading: Do better.

8. Health: By the looks of my ankles, I think that I'm doing well. I have not had my follow-up blood test yet, but I believe that some of the diet changes have paid off. We'll see. There's always room for improvement.

on simmer

I'm just stepping on the scene to say this: Watch out for your so-called "friends", man. I have reason to believe that this broad that was so adamant about me leaving this one dude alone, at some point, was kinda feeling him. I don't know if this is still true now. I suspected it before, but didn't trust my own intuition. I think that I have finally confirmed it tonight. There really is no reason to trip, since I'm not currently dating the dude and her barking in my ear wasn't the reason that I stopped seeing him, but dayum. It just reminds me that I need to think harder on people's motives and agendas.

a break from "smurfy"

I was about to write another comment, but I decided to make it a quick post instead. First things first...I'm not a small d*ck snob. The extreme on the other side of the spectrum is just as uncomfortable. But if that's what a guy is working with, then cool. If you want to know something about me...my breasts could stand to be bigger and are not as perky as they used to be pre-pregnancy. They were gorgeous during pregnancy and even sexier when I was engorged (although hard as a rock) and I used to love to hit people with the profile. But after breast-feeding, things went downhill quickly. But I'm happy with them...as I am with the rest of my body. And I haven't heard any complaints.

My momma had the kind of breasts that has gotten us free food on several occasions. Now, do I think that I can stroll up in an IHOP and get a free stuffed french toast combo with mine? As much as that would make my mornings, nope. So ok, I know this. You can't tell me that this guy (in his 31 years of life) hasn't been in enough bathrooms, locker rooms, or hasn't seen enough porn to know that he is sub-standard. Quite frankly, there aren't enough actresses in the world that could make him think that he was hurting something. So, the fact that he whipped it out, as if he were about to tame me with it, was a bit confusing.

My f*cking around with the wrong guy (literally) has cost me in the past. I have fallen asleep DURING the act, to which I never heard the end of it. I missed a great commercial once b/c everything happened so quickly...and I was HOT about it. And probably the worst thing that a guy can hear as the sweat is beading on his forehead is "Are you even in?" Yep, I asked that once and the answer was affirmative.

So now, I just try to minimize the discomfort for both parties. If I can help it, I just refuse to get up MAD. Like I said, although his being sub-standard was not the whole reason why I decided to NOT go there with him, it was enough for me to be bored with his attempts at trying to hit after that. It's like that little bitty dog that barks loud on your block, named King, that you look at like "you ain't gon' do sh*t."

I guess that the take-home message is this...if Newsguy had actually tried to date me and get to know me, he stood a better chance at my not making a big deal about him being small. I would actually respect him and work with him. But since he was acting an a$$, well, it only made me angry enough to state that. Once you get to liking a person and later thinking that you're all in "luh", those things don't matter so much. And if the guy reciprocates those feelings then he's about pleasing you. He'll be into a little coaching and creative alternatives. In the midst of the act, I'm not thinking about how he lacks the equipment to tie my fallopian tubes or nudge my ovaries. I'm more caught up in the sensuality of it all. And surely in my older age, I have learned how to help myself out, if it comes down to it.

So no, I wouldn't throw back a good catch but I'm not trying to catch everything that a dude just throws at me either.

And now that you've gotten to know too much about me, back to our regularly scheduled "smurfy" (Leezie, 2008) program...

pre-game commentator

OK, this post may need a new category called TMI.

I like a little 'ish talk. And there are some times when this is more than appropriate. For example:

1. After scoring 25 aka "Christ.mas" during a game of bones (dominoes), whenever a trump is introduced during a game of spades or in the midst of whippin' a$$ in Mor.tal Combat. In fact, it is an unwritten rule for the latter 2.

2. In battle rap, but not all that materialistic "iced out, doin' donuts and poppin' bottles" bull.

3. Cooking skills...being my favorite kind of 'ish talk from men.

4. "Yo maw" jokes on the playground back in the day.

5. Whenever your partnah's team gets their a$$ handed to 'em by your team (in whatever sport).

But I hate it...absolutely abhor it...when dudes talk all kinds of 'ish about their prowess in the bedroom pre-penetration. I can handle a freak but not a braggart. For the life of me, I just cannot figure out the point. Be it a pleasant surprise or a quiet disappointment, I don't need the pre-game commentation. Unless I've experienced toe-curlage with the dude before, his mic is turned off.

I'm ranting b/c Newsguy, perhaps in a bored state of mind, kept texting me nonsense today...straight trashy in the A.M. And here I thought that if you igged a person enough, then they would get the hint. Guess what made him stop? Tonight I sent:

LB: "Yes, I'm a hot piece so I don't blame you. But u want ure cake and to 'eat it 2'. Here's the news at 10, I'm overqualified for the 'eat it 2' position."

Newsguy: "Hahahahaha. I'm pullin' ure hand off my face."

LB: "Holla at me when ure ready to take me to dinner."

I guess that he read that and thought "murder she wrote", b/c my phone hasn't made a sound since. I figured that digging in his pocket would shut him up. But here's the thing...Newsguy was talkin' much $exual 'ish from jump. So when I finally let him cross my threshhold on my day off, I was kinda curious amongst other things.

In that post I wrote, "...some things happened...NOT EVERYTHING...". Well, what I'm about to say was not the trump card, but again, here's the news at 10.

Never brag on your endowment, if you masturbate with only 2 fingers and a thumb.

random holiday update

I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Mine was excellent. Surprisingly enough, this homebody went house-hopping. I am thankful to have friends that 1. love to cook and 2. love my company. It was a normal Thanks.giving in 'da wood'...I stuffed my face, clowned with the kid, danced, posed for pictures, and got hit on by a broke a$$ version of Jaz.ze Pha. Like I said, a normal Thanks.giving. And this normal Thanks.giving would not be normal if my dad hadn't called and left a msg, implying that I must not have wanted to talk to him b/c he had been calling me all day. Yep, the holiday guilt-trip in full effect.

I HAVE been feeling homesick lately, but its not something that a quick flight to the N.O. can solve. I miss the feeling and state of "home" from over 10 years ago, when everything was easy. But I didn't have time to wallow in that. My job is to make sure that my son has as many good memories and similar traditions as I had. One of those traditions will NOT be a visit to the barbershop the day before Thanksgiving. It was so doggone packed in there that I thought that Black Fr.day had started early and peeps were getting a free set of clippers and 'ish.

On Black Friday...you guessed it...go, go, gadget doo rag. This is going to be a low budget Christmas...and I say this as if I ever break the bank. So I was enjoying this wonderful day when I got a phone call.

LB: Hey Kat.

Kat: Hey girl, how ya doin'?

LB: Good.

Kat: So, we are going bowlin' tonight and I wanted to see if you and J wanted to come."

LB: Uh...I dunno. I am in MAD chill mode.

Kat: But we haven't seen you in such a LONG time.

LB: Right, right...I mean, its been what? A whole 24 hours..and I've fully digested your food, aged, and ev'rythang.

Kat: Unh hunh, so we're gonna meet up for 7 AND we're gonna bowl out there by you, so you won't have to drive too far.

LB: How kind! So you and Anthony...

Kat: Well, me and Anthony...and his friend...

LB: I smell a trap.

Kat: Naw girl, we just hangin'.

LB: **Laughing** You over there trying to bamboozle and hoodwink a sista and as soon as I get to the alley that's when Plymouth Rock is goin' to land on me.

Kat: **Laughing** Not.at.all. We just missed ya.

LB: **Yawn** You know what...I got that thang that I forgot about. So um...I'm gonna have to take a raincheck. We'll do brunch.

Kat: Now you know you're wrong.

LB: I'll holla left.

Anyway...since I've been blog HARASSED by that girl, I thought that I'd update with something that may tickle her fancy...fashion. So that Holiday Gala is quickly approaching, December 13th to be exact. I had it in my mind that after I went from potentially having two dates to zero I wasn't going. And then I dug around my archives dated around this time, last year and came up with this and this. I remember going through a lot of crap then (a helluva lot more than what I'm going through now), but surprisingly enough, my fashion-challenged self was able to pull off a fabulous night.

I am humble, but uh...I was the #1 stunna THAT NIGHT.

I've been telling everyone that asks that I'm not going this year. Honestly, I just couldn't imagine going to a semi-formal event by myself. But in the words of Kat, "...that's just loser-ish"...and she wasn't talking about going by myself, she meant the actual thought that I couldn't go BECAUSE I'd be going by myself. She didn't rock my world with that but, for some reason, it stuck with me. Now, I'm hinging on a maybe.

So, I did some online shopping, attempting to catch some of the sales this weekend. After browsing every black dress there is, I decided to buy this:

I was not going to wear that red dress again and I have been wearing the hell outta my little black dress this year. I thought to play it safe with another black dress but how many of those bammas does one need? I'm sure there is a fashionista answer for that, but I just don't know it. Plus, judging by the last 2 years, there will already be enough broads playing it safe. I picked this dress b/c I thought that if I walked in the room with that on, maybe I would forget the fact that I have no one on my arm. So then, I had to visit another website to buy these:

Those are some 4-1/2" stilettos. Merely typing that, makes me nervous but that's why I always look for an ankle strap. And that's where I stopped...attempting to accessorize would've made my head hurt. I do not own a flat iron but I was thinking that I would wear my hair straight, so that everyone would forget about that guy. People still call me Prince in the hall and the madness has to stop!

We'll see how this turns out...I'm leaving it up to circumstance. I just ordered the dress and shoes, so if they arrive too late then I'll take that as a sign and I'll send the items right on back. I haven't arranged a babysitter, so if that falls through then go, go, gadget doo rag and a book. At the least, I've made an effort.

la-Z

Have you ever had someone cancel plans on you and instead of being disappointed, relief washes all over you? That's how I felt towards the end of last week. Relieved. Finally, I had a weekend when I could marinate in the previous day's funk if I wanted to. If you looked up homebody in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of me in my pink robe and a doo rag, cheesing next to a spoonful of yogurt Cheerio.s. Yes sir, I planned to put a serious butt dent in my recliner while watching movies. And that's just what I did...on Saturday. Today, I reworked my budget sheets, helped J with his book report on Ba.rack Oba.ma, and hit up one of my fave stores...Tar.get.

My aunt called and asked, "Whatchu doing?" I answered, "Nottadamnthang!" with a smile in my voice. Her nickname should be Negative Nelly, so I try to keep my convos with her short and sweet. I have been so tense at the job lately that I needed a mental vacation. And the great thing is that now that all the leaves have fallen, I got this new natural light bursting through the windows as if the gates of heaven opened up. And then I cracked the blinds in my livingroom and saw the many sh*tloads of leaves on what I assume to be my now 10 dead blades of grass and thought of hell. My neighbors will just have to be pi$$ed with me b/c I'm leaving that job to my daddy. He called to tell me that he'll be in Richmond for Christ.mas. I swear fo' lawd, that man nags me to death but he is far from lazy, so I'll just swallow my tongue for that week and a half that he's here.

Once I confirmed that I wouldn't spend Thanksgiving in the N.O., Tee happily informed me that I would get full and tipsy at her house. Honestly, if I didn't eat turkey and I wasn't surrounded by people, I would be just fine on Thursday. I have these moments when I seem to detach myself from folk, especially when I'm going through some things b/c I don't want to be a drag. But since I adopted Tee's crazy family, I look forward to seeing them again and doing an electric slide with a plate of food in my hand. But come Black Friday...go, go, gadget doo rag. Me and JJ might put up the Christ.mas tree, sip hot cocoa, and watch "The Grinch..." repeatedly.

Speaking of Tee, her man is/was trying to hook me up with some dude(s) that he knows. I'm unsure as to how I became "that girl" but I really don't need another Hype-man/PR rep and I surely don't need another dude to start trippin' on me over some dumb mess...i.e. Navy. I'm good for the time being. Or I will be once I have a few good books in my hand.

Any recommendations?

to speak or not to speak

Maybe I wasn't inebriated enough and that's why I was easily annoyed. Or maybe b/c I haven't been myself lately, as told to me by 2 different people, but I just have little tolerance for dumb stuff. Tonight, a small group of us celebrated Tee's bday. And as swigs increased, so did the gripes and complaints about certain coworkers. So ok, I can understand that (at some point) someone might've pi$$ed you off and you decided that (besides the common cordialities ?), you weren't going to fool with that person anymore. That's reasonable. But I was sitting there while listening to 2 of my close friends say that they disliked people just b/c said people don't speak to them in the hallway. I don't even know what I was sipping on, but I wished that I had taken a huge gulp just to say, "Who the f*** cares???" Are you kidding? Especially when I know that the one who started the conversation has the propensity to mean mug some folk, so what exactly does a person owe her? I kept interjecting to say that the people that they were bashing were actually nice, but that fell on deaf ears and drunk mouths. And once the cosigning started, I could forget about sharing my opinion anyway and just decided to chill and eventually make my exit from all the negativity.

I can agree that its disrespectful if I initiate the greeting (and I doubt that they do), but I got too many other reasons to want to pi$$ in someone's coffee. So I guess one of my pet peeves is when people get angry over little things. Man up and move on.

What's yours?

we're the dancers

I loves me some JT and I'm a reformed Beyonce hater. I think that somewhere after "Get Me Bo.died", she won me over as a semi-fan. This had me screaming! In between laughing so hard, I couldn't take my eyes off of JT.

state of shock

So here's the skinny...we had our office meeting this afternoon. Up until 3:15PM, I had been keeping busy. But as 3:30 PM approached, "what if"s started swirling around in my head. I sat in the front row for the presentation b/c I didn't want to miss one detail.

I already wrote about how the economy has affected me here. Back then, I was pretty optimistic. Now, I'm not as much.

The Prez made 4 recommendations for the employees to stay in financial control during this time of "crisis".

1. Come up w/a plan to live on less.

2. Save 6 months worth of emergency funds.

3. Lower credit card rates.

4. Pay off mortgage before retirement.

OK, none of that was a shock to my system. Every financial book that I've read says the same thing. It was the next segment that confirmed the rumors and had everyone shook.

Here's how the company plans to remain in control:

1. Freeze staff salaries until further notice.

OK, I can understand that.

2. Freeze $1500 referral bonus.

Fine, I never got that anyway.

3. All hiring will be suspended.

Cool.

4. The 401K match will be suspended.

I may need to temporarily decrease my retirement fund contributions.

5. Re-evaluate company credit card usage.

Doesn't affect me.

6. Monitor company educational courses.

I'm fine with this also, b/c my classes would sometimes conflict with my deadlines.

7. Reinforce client relationships.

I hope that they do.

8. Negotiate good fees.

I can get with that.

9. Work hard and stay calm.

That's a tall order for me right now, b/c of 10.

10. Reduce staff.

I have a mortgage and a kid.

Now, the Prez said that the company would strategically reduce staff. And I don't know what the timeline is, but I'm thinking that it'll be within the next 2 months. I cannot lie...I'm nervous b/c that word "strategically" can take on different meanings within the corporate world. Some people were moved to tears. I'm not quite there yet. The only thing that I can think to do is pray and ask others to pray for me. I have made it through some hellish situations, but I'm tired of things being taken away from me. It took me 2 years to rebuild my life after Ka.trina. I just can't fathom losing ground now.

good ole gyne

I had my annual gyne appointment this afternoon. I both dread and anticipate these appointments. Reason being that I don't want to be told that something is wrong with me, but I don't want to live in ignorance and allow something to go undetected. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in Feb. and passed away in July of that same year. That has shown me that either she had a pretty aggressive tumor or it was detected late. I have some other thoughts on that, but the point is, I got too much that I want to do and see in life to allow fear and ignorance to be written as the cause of death on my certificate.

Well this past week, I haven't been feeling right. Fair warning, this blog is about to get unsexy right about now. In the past, I have had cysts, been diagnosed with dysplasia and had the LEEP procedure, common infections, etc. I'm weird b/c I will walk around with a cold for weeks and never go to a PCP, but if something isn't feeling right in the "womanly" way, I'll call my gyne like we're old girlfriends.

So I was sitting there on the table...kinda scared. I was trying to brace myself for the needle, b/c I thought that she would need to take a culture to determine what it was. I'm already not a big fan of pap smears, so the thought of that on top of whatever she needed to do extra had a girl frigid. I laid back as she inspected me from the roota to the toota, concentrating on the light so as to keep my cool. And then she says,

"Uh Oh..."

Me: Awww hell...

Gyne: "...that's a hemmorhoid"

Me: "uh what?"

Gyne: "a hemmorhoid."

Me: "A hemmorhoid???"

Gyne: "Yes, a hemmorhoid."

Me: "A hemmorhoid... **silence** Whew! Thank you, Jesus!!! I just got a hemmorhoid! Yes!!! A hemmorhoid...that's what's up, right dere! **sigh of relief** Mayne, I gotta call somebody! We gon' be popping bottles!!!"

**blank stare**

I would have kicked my heels, but I didn't want to risk hitting her in the throat while having a speculum lodged in my nether-regions. I'm going back to get some bloodwork done AND I will be having my first mammogram (b/c of my family history) before this month is up. But I can't be too concerned about those outcomes b/c we're celebrating some minor swollen rectal veins TONIGHT, BABY!

Now I know that some of us just got a little too close for comfort...I'm just happy to be healthy. Let this serve as a humorous reminder to take our "big girl" or "big boy" pills and get ourselves checked.

decisions, decisions

So the J.O.B. has me in a headlock right about now. One of my best friends from high school is coming to visit me this weekend...which has motivated other friends within a 2 hour radius to come and visit HER at my house. I don't mind. I am looking forward to the reunion b/c these are my dawgs for life. However, I REALLY, REALLY should be working this weekend. And since her plane back to Chi-town is not leaving until 5 PM on Sunday, you might as well put a ribbon around my work schedule b/c that's a wrap!

These people at the J.O.B. got me mentally hemmed up. The Prez made a speech at our last Fir.st Fri.day and said that he would be meeting with all offices this week, topic: The Election and the Economy. Rich.mond's meeting is on Thursday afternoon. Rumors have been flying all around the office, from the possibility of lay-offs to small bonuses and non-existant raises. I haven't really given the rumors much energy. I have already come to accept that the numbers that I may be presented with aren't what I had in mind and that my 5-year plan may have to be extended. As we were handed our list of projects at our last studio meeting, I counted how many times I saw my initials next to each project that I was assigned. 6 times. The latest completion date was in June of '09. I'm not worried...yet. But I'm not so comfortable that I can't see the forest for the trees either.

I was picking the brain of a coworker the other day since he has a license that I would like to get soon. Anyway, I was discussing my educational background when I mentioned that I minored in Robot.ics and Auto.mation. His eyes grew big, he paused, and then said,

"Why are you here??? Why aren't you out somewhere doing something cool, instead of designing piping systems for schools?"

Reactively, my eyebrows furrowed. Although he belittled my job, I took it as some backhanded compliment. But with anyone, its the way that people deliver a compliment that can turn you on and off. I can't figure if he was shocked that I was smart or that I wasn't living up to my potential. At that time, all I could think to do was to politely end the convo and head back to my desk. I sat there and wondered about my "supposed" missed opportunities.

I make my decisions much differently now than I did 7 years ago. The reasons that I minored in Robotics had nothing to do with me actually wanting to design a robot. Up until the point that I did, no one else had fulfilled all the credits to achieve that minor. So, I hungered for the challenge but, truth be told, I liked the way that it sounded the most. I used to love to say it aloud...throw it in a convo HARD, like I'm playing bid whist or spades and that was my trump. It sounds cool to say to this day. Could I make a lot more money in the field? Probably. Would I feel all high profile? Maybe. Would I be happy? Hell naw. And that last question is what guides my decisions today.

I struggled through those courses and they were boring as I-dunno-what! I spend too many hours at my J.O.B. to hate going to work...just so that I can feel as if I'm about something. Newsflash: I'm already a big deal and it has nothing to do with my career. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard to get where I am. I recently reordered my diploma (since I lost it to Kat.rina) to remind me of how hard I worked for it.

But that's exactly how people get caught up in nonsense...needing to be validated in some form or another...always having something to prove. Some people are so bound by the opinions of others that they couldn't recognize what it feels like to live for themselves. Yes I get stressed at times, but I happen to like what I do. I don't curse Monday mornings b/c I am doing what's right for me in this season of my life. I COULD be living the high and miserable life all b/c it sounds cool, but at the end of the day, I have to be true to myself. We got a whole generation that do, agree, and buy things b/c its perceived to be cool. I need more. Build me up. Enhance my character. Allow God to lead me. And since I feel that God led me to where I am today, I don't salivate over "supposed" missed opportunities. I may have taken the long road, but I am where I need to be. Which is right here at my J.O.B., doing something cool like designing piping systems for schools.

So I guess that I have to wait and hear what the Prez is going to lay on us on Thursday.

let it rock

J woke up this morning and looked out of the window and said, "Mommy, I believe that its finally fall." Well, Captain Obvious was a little late, but how often do we take time to observe the beauty of the seasons.

Yep, that would be leaves on my grass. YES AGAIN, leaves on my new GRASS! (If you don't know why that excites me, then peep the previous hot garbage that was my yard!) So this is all sexy and everything but uh, who's gonna rake this mess up? Now that I have a few blades of grass, I finally emailed a pic of my house to HGTV so that it can be featured during one of their commercial breaks. We'll see if they choose it...I'm still scouting HGTV shows that will actually come to VA and do a free backyard makeover. So far, none. But I shall put my faith out there for Carter...dayum, he's sexy. I can't wait until I'm able to roll out some money to have the siding painted an inviting yellow, my door red, and my shutters white. THEN, my neighbors will really be on my jock.

So I decided to stay home today to get some much needed rest. I had a major project going out of the door yesterday and once that was over, I was ready to crash! Especially since I have been trying to stay drugged all week. I am still heavily congested and am walking around with vaseline on my nose and upper lip b/c of all the nose-blowing, but I'm feeling a little better. I have 3 other projects on my desk and then checked my lineup and noticed that I was signed on to do 3 MORE projects by my-damn-self! Its a double-edged sword, I guess. I got what I wanted but I'm going to be working my a$$ off, all within kissing distance of Christ.mas. Can't complain...won't complain...I got work.

I think that I'm still in shock today. It is a blue-tiful day in VA. I know that the blog world has been inundated with Bara.ck O-blogs (lol), but I just have to say that I have never been as emotional about a win like this. I know that Newsguy is somewhere crying in a corner. **devious laugh**

I have no clue...and he certainly has his work cut out for him...what Obama is going to do for America in the next 4 years, but Black America has been exponentially impacted in less than 24 hours. My J, at 7 y/o, was able to see someone that looks like him achieve his dream. His smile was so big when I told him that "Rock" Obama (as he once called him) had won. You would've thought that it was his daddy making his election day speech. I'm debating on whether or not I'm going to his inauguration on Jan. 20th. I feel as if I live too close to DC to NOT go, but who knows. I may value my warmth more, so we'll see. At this point, I'm just glad that all the texting and calls have ceased. The "40 acres and a mule" text was funny the first time, but around time 20, it was annoying as all hell.

Navy and I are talking again. He apologized and I'm cool. I still have no interest in going to that Gala with anybody, so that might be some saved money staring me in the face.

Well...I'm about to go take some successive naps until its time for me to pick up "Rock" Jr./Baby J.