reduced

So in my last post, I mentioned that today may be Doomsday. I was very productive this weekend. I worked for 12 hours, read, bought a couple of books on investing in the stock market and one on careers, bought some low-budget gifts for the little one, did some emotional decorating, and dyed my hair black (I'm a tiny bit allergic to hair dye, but I took a chance on a change). Of course, I was trying to keep my mind occupied.

The Prez said in his email to us on Friday that we were having another office-wide meeting between 9 and 10 am on today. He also said that he didn't know what time exactly, so everyone just had to make sure that they were at work by 9 am. I arrived around 8:50 AM. When I walked in, it was so quiet that you could here a pin drop. People were scared to talk to each other and were blankly staring at their computers, awaiting their destiny. 9:10, nothing. 9:20, not a peep. 9:30, gulps heard across the office as peeps swallowed their anxiety meds. While gathering drawings, I look up and see the head of the interior design dept. ask the chick behind me and the one across from me to come with her. I didn't think anything of it. When I got up to plot some drawings, I overheard the electrical engineering head ask the guy next to me and the one behind me to follow him. And that's when I realized that this so-called office-wide meeting was happening right then. I hurry back to my desk and then I see my supervisor come up the stairs. I had reasoned that if it were my time to go, then that meant that God had something better for me. However, when I saw this man come up the stairs, he doubled as the Grim Reaper and I could not take my eyes off of him. He walked over to Jesse's desk and motioned for him and his friend. They went downstairs.

Then my supervisor came BACK and got the dude that I'm closest to...the one that taught me most of what I know...my church partnah. That's when I got confused. I then thought that maybe they were randomly calling people. Shortly after that, the Prez gets on the intercom and requests that everyone go to the gym for a short meeting. Once we got there and stood in silence, he begins reading his script. "If you recall from our first meeting, I mentioned that we would reduce staff. Well, if you are standing in this room then you have survived the layoffs." Immediately, I look around to see if any of my friends were there with me. I see Tee, Promance, a few others. But it is then confirmed that my boy was not in that number and neither was Goth Girl.

I don't know how to describe this moment. Simply put, I lost it...standing there crying like an idiot b/c 2 of my best friends did not make the cut. I was the one walking around stressed for the past 3 weeks and they were the ones confidently calming me down. Now, Goth Girl was planning on moving in the beginning of '09, so I reasoned that they probably chose her b/c of that. My boy, on the other hand, just boggles my mind. I immediately thought of his family: his non-working wife, his 14-yr. old and 4-month old daughters. We worked on a lot of projects together and had bonded like brother and sister. While this other guy, who I believe they're paying a high price for him to screw up projects, is still on the payroll. I don't understand what their judging criteria was, but maybe its just not meant for me to understand. Not now. My supervisor saw me crying and asked if I were alright. All I could do was nod. I couldn't even look him in his eye.

The Prez said that there were no other planned layoffs and we should rest easy.

My head has been hurting, my stomach has been in knots. I should be relieved, shouldn't I?