some thoughts on 2010

Do you ever FEEL yourself changing? Thoughts that used to excite me at the beginning of 2010 don't seem as important (or nearly as enticing) as I look towards 2011. Things that seemed irreparable at some point during the year, now feel whole. And the flip side to that is true as well. Even without writing as often as I used to, I have learned a few things about myself. I certainly believe that I have grown in some areas. And those others...well, obviously I'm not ready yet and it's not pressing enough for me to work on.

Being protective of my spirit is the #1 thing that has served me well in 2010.

1. The best thing that I did this year was to stop talking to my dad. Now, that sounds horrible. But he knew that I meant business. He doesn't support me financially, we don't live in the same city, and we never had that Hallma.rk card relationship. Realizing that I have separated myself from him before and that it would cost me nothing to do it again, he has been courting my affection. There hasn't been one cross word between us since that letter and our relationship seems to be on the incline.

2. I also had issues with a negative coworker. I noticed that she would constantly complain about ANOTHER coworker but would never confront them. I realized that this person does this because I make myself available and that had to cease with her and anyone else wanting to use me as their dumping ground.

3. Manipulative people. There's only so much blame that I'm going to take for a sour situation. I no longer accept being the reason why someone else feels bad. A person can do or say something that you don't like, but you have a choice as to how you react. If I have SINCERELY apologized, in my head, it's done. But if it's still going on in someone else's head, I probably have pulled the disappearing act by now. The funny thing about this is that I think that God puts me on the other side of the situation to show me how foolish I was in the past.

4. Church. Although it's only a portion of the spiritual nourishment that I need. I always felt refreshed while exiting the church doors.

It's only the 30th, but I've already begun to "clean house". Yes, I know that there are some people out there that don't believe in resolutions or that it makes no sense to hinge spiritual and emotional shifts on the first of the year. To that, I say, some of us need a starting point. Whether that's Monday, the 1st of the month, the day after Thanksgiving, or the New Year, motivation has to come from somewhere. I like to take this time to reflect and make modifications where necessary. Get in how you fit in. And that's what I'm doing.

It's been a great year. It can only get better.

ponderings

Well, this has been another easy-going day. I spent a lot of time...just sitting in silence, reflecting on my life. I thought about how blessed I am to be where I am, but still have a distance to go to truly be where I want. However, I will celebrate the NOW and not live my life in wait mode.

I cannot believe that December is damn-near here and 2009 is almost over. I'm glad that it is, but I still intend on finishing strong. There's no sense in catching bullets with my teeth for the past 11 months and then deciding to crawl under the covers during the 12th. I'm in a good mood, so I just hope to maintain it throughout the month and welcome 2010 with all the hopes that I didn't have for 2009 going in.

My dad is coming up on the 18th or the 19th and even my stepmother is going to make a guest appearance in VA after her 2 year hiatus. She has yet to see my not-so-new house. Somehow J was able to make her feel guilty for not spending Christmas with him and PawPaw. I think that there is still this divide between "his grandchildren" and "her grandchildren". He already let her know, waaaaayyyyyy back when I got my job offer and decided to stay in VA longer, that he was spending Christ.mas with J...whether she was on board for the trip or not. This shall be interesting. My dad has already claimed J's bottom bunk and told me that my stepmother can sleep with me. HA! No bueno. I will happily give up my bed and either sleep in my loft or on my sofa downstairs b/c we ain't doing the "JJ and Mich.ael".

I love my dad but I always have to get mentally prepared for his visits. He likes to think that he can run his house and mine too. I have no problem with reminding him who's name is on ALL of the bills that come here...I just need to practice my delivery. I can be kinda raw when he pushes my buttons and since my stepmother is coming, I can just hear her trying to soothe things and step in and start every sentence with, "Well, you know how your dad is..." Screw that. I don't have eggshells on the floors in my house. We can have it out now and see our respective therapists later, lol.

I'll just make sure that his list of things to do around my house keeps growing so that he won't have time to nag the hell out of me (like he does ALL the time) or rearrange my furniture before I get home from work (like he's done before) or start drilling holes in my wall without asking (again, like he's done before). I got a gang of leaves in my back yard that will take him 3 days to rake, pile, and bag up alone. Plus, he's already been summoned to fry a turkey or 2. I just need to add things that don't require him to take something apart or work with electricity. He somehow blew a fuse and my outlet in my sunroom does not work anymore...and he neglected to tell me that he's the reason why this is until months after he had gone back to the N.O.

With all of that said, I STILL look forward to the smile that he'll put on J's face. J's neighborhood friends are moving away and he's having a hard time dealing with that. I've tried to comfort him and he seems ok now. But when PawPaw comes to town, he loses his mind.

The only wild card left is J's dad. He's texted the same lame promises and I've maintained silence b/c well...his word is dirt to me. Let us all gather together and pray that while I am in the Christmas spirit that this dude does not make me turn into the Grinch.

it's beginning to...

...look a lot like Christ.mas! I don't do the "Black Eye" Day madness, so I stayed at home. I spent most of the day washing, folding, and ironing clothes, and cleaning. Thank God that I overdid it on the leftovers b/c those sweet potatoes kept me from crawling back in the bed, when I was cussing myself out for allowing those clothes to pile up like that. Then finally, J and I started decorating our humble abode.

I am IN the Christ.mas spirit.

The Pier On.e ornaments made their debut BEFORE Christ.mas this year. I handled my babies with care. We also put up the ornaments that J and I made last week, as well as, every ornament that J has made in school since Kindergarten. The great thing about the tree (which has celebrated it's 3-year anniversary) and my colorful ornaments is that I don't have to be a stickler for a color scheme. It can be eclectic without anything feeling out of place.

I just realized that I have yet to buy those fuel cans to test out my faux fireplace. I got a Home De.pot gift card waiting to get cracked open.

Even the new clock got into the spirit.

J will probably be annoyed for the next month b/c I'm gonna burn a hole in my Harry Con.nick Christ.mas CD. I JUST replaced my "Grinch That Sto.le Chris.tmas" DVD (my favorite cartoon, hands down) and got some hot chocolate, so we're ready.

If only I could figure out what I want for Christ.mas...

turkey day and a mini-curly girl wonder diary

Goodness, I am tired. Thanksgiving is such a wonderful holiday. I am blessed to have such great extended family. I went by this lady, Ms. Rena, that I used to work with, 2 jobs ago. She took me under her wing on my first day and dubbed herself my "work mom". Well, she put her foot in that food TODAY...every last toe.

Of course, J was thoroughly entertained.

But after 2 helpings, a couple of Cu.pid Shuf.fles and a Cha Cha Sl.ide...he was having a ball!

I was also invited over to have dinner with Tee and her fiance. She was hosting both his and her family but I was so full and so comfortable at my work mom's that I couldn't imagine leaving any sooner than I did.

So, I tried something new for the holiday...with my hair.

Somewhat new, since I still put coils in my hair. Now S23 was clowning me for FINALLY trying something new. Well, I am what one of my favorite you-tubers calls herself...a medium maintenance woman. When I could no longer wash 'n go under 10 minutes, I had to find other options. (1) Coils keep my hair moisturized and (2) I recently stretched the style out to 2 weeks and it still looked cute...2 BIG pluses in my book.

I have fallen back in love with my hair since it stopped shedding so much, but honestly I have been giving my skin more time and attention in trying to nurse it back to health. It's kinda hard for me to focus on too many things. So, my hair is great, but styling is not always at the forefront of my mind. I will watch natural hair styling youtube vids all day, but I'm mainly concerned with keeping it healthy. If I can achieve that with as little maintenance as possible and STILL look cute (b/c that is a MUST), then I'm down. So, if there are any lurkers out there that read my hair blogs...I'm sorry. I might step my styling game up soon but, who knows. But here's something to chew on...

I haven't strayed from HE and Vatika oil.

Yes to Carrots conditioner is part of my Holy Grail of products.

And, my coconut oil spritz is my claim to fame.

For right now, I'm sticking to what works until it doesn't work anymore. And the compliments that I've received makes it worth it.

Hope that ya'll had a great one! I think that I grew a "love handle".

candy wrap-up

Well, the question of the weekend was…are you going to be Prince again this year? I toyed with the idea but my hair is only long enough for me to be the “Under the Cherry Moon” Prince…or maybe even the symbol, the “Sexy Mu**a***a” Prince. J suggested that I be Michael Jackson and that’s when I put a stop to all the "pretty men" costume suggestions. I heart some pretty men and I'm elated that last year's costume was such a hit, but maybe I should use Halloween to release my inner sl*t and be the $exy cop, the $exy firewoman, or the $exy FEMA representative like my younger, attention-seeking sistas with cassava melons for breasts do.

Anyway, J had a Halloween party on Friday night. They had a strobe light or something going and I thought that I was about to have an epileptic seizure. Of course, he was having a ball; whereas, watching a bunch of kids hyped up on sugar highs is not my idea of a great time. But I was cool until J’s friend’s 19 y/o brother asked me if he and I went to school together. I realize that the last time that he saw me, my hair was longer and, that night, I was wearing my glasses but dang! I don’t look THAT young. That’s not even flattering.

We volunteered with the cub scouts for a couple of hours in the drizzle on Saturday morning for a food drive, which was cool. That afternoon, I signed J up for basketball. He wants to play, but he was concerned that it would interfere with cub scouts. The coach told me how much it was going to cost and I ‘bout clutched the pearls and swooned. Forget cub scouts, it’s interfering with my pockets. But this is what I figure…if he expresses interest now, then I’ll support it (to the best of my financial ability) and see if he likes it. Maybe by middle/high school, he will have dwindled down to one activity…or none. But at least, he will have tried it and perhaps have found something that he enjoys. My dad referees high school football, J’s dad played basketball, J is in love with baseball, and I’m for whatever makes J happy that prayerfully, causes the least amount of broken bones. If that means that he just becomes ones of those artsy-fartsy kids that could care less about sports, then so be it. I may even prefer it. But something tells me that baseball may be the keeper.

We went trick-or-treating in my neighbor-woods that night for a couple of hours and that was fun. I never went trick-or-treating as a kid. I remember being Wonder Woman, Strawberry Shortcake and a witch on several occasions but I usually gave out candy. J was Anakin Skywalker, AGAIN. I’m not complaining b/c that’s less money that I had to spend. I can’t even count how many light sabers this child has and he swears that they all mean and do something different. Sure. My dad mailed him a Darth Vader costume and a load of candy, so he was getting his pre-game on for an hour before we left the house. When we were walking down the driveway, we ran into his friends and their parents coming up from the cul-de-sac. Why was this woman looking like Groucho Marx, talking about being dressed as Humpty from Digi.tal Undergr.ound??? Um, yeeeeaaaaah.

So we all walked together…Anakin, 2 skeletons, a ladybug, 2 princesses, and a regular lil dude. Those kids were funny. All the kids would crowd a porch and just stare at the people with their bags open. I’m busy hollering “trick or treat” and “thank you” from the street. Yet, they still made out like fat rats. I’m not big on candy, but I raided J’s bag and relieved him of all the Snickers, Twixs, and Twizzlers. I’m just being the good mother by protecting his little teeth.

Afterwards, J wanted to watch Monster House, in the spirit of Halloween. So we curled up on the couch, only for lil man to start slobbering on my foot 30 minutes into the movie. I have avoided watching this movie several times, but for some reason, I got caught up in it and saw it to the end. Not bad.

I loved spending time with J as I always do. With that said, I want to thank everyone that either responded on or offline to my last post. I don’t necessarily need “me” time as much as I wanted my own project/hobby. I get more than enough “me” time during the summers when J is visiting his PawPaw. Well, it dawned on me that I hadn’t done any home improvement projects in a grip. I know that this is partially b/c of the state of the housing market and I wasn’t about to throw any more money than I already had into my house, especially since I have already dropped a kidney on my front yard. The other reason is b/c I had my heart set on moving back home and had emotionally separated myself from my house and just didn’t see the point in buying so much as a new lamp for it. But now, I’m thinking that I will either do that backsplash in my kitchen with some really colorful tile or do a painting project in my bathroom…something relatively inexpensive that taps into my artistic side, just enough to get my mojo going. I have my eye on some beaded curtains for my loft and some new floor rugs and prints to freshen up the house a bit. I’m sure that just one new thing will lift my spirits...and those that surround the house.

uneventful but easy

My New Year's Day was uneventful...to most, I guess. I didn't participate in the common traditions...resolutions, black eyed peas and cabbage, drunkenness, church, or sports. It was just another day off and I like to capitalize on that time by making very minimal movements and rest. I...

...watched the series premieres of a few shows on HGTV.

...talked on the phone.

...took pictures of the hot garbage that is my backyard and uploaded them to the HGTV website, in hopes of winning a free outdoor space makeover from my favorite HGTV designer, the pretty one, Kim Myles.

...paid bills.

...wrote down the balances/worth of my assests and liabilities so that I can track where I stand mid-year and by year's end. Started to rethink stock investing and may hold off on that for the time being.

...napped.

...meditated. Thanked God for the kid and I's life, health, and financial status. Didn't ask for anything...just wanted to be thankful.

...went on a movie date...in the living room with J. I am totally in love with his laugh, but I wonder why its necessary for children to confirm that you see what they see throughout the whole movie...or even repeat what was said when I'm not deaf.

...made a root beer float with a little grape soda as requested. Ugh!

...took a green bubble bath. Shipped as a Christmas present from a g/f back home, the bubble bath's proceeds are donated to women's cancer research. I was a little hesitant at first b/c I didn't know if coloring my water today was going to lead me to phoning my gyne tomorrow. So far, everything's copacetic.

Uneventful but easy. I'm hoping that that sets the tone for the rest of the year...at least, the "easy" part of that statement. I already have events planned up to mid-year.

mine in '09

New Year's Eve....bah, humbug. Same ole, same ole every year. Peeps are all introspective, reflective, and anticipating the New Year, which is all good. Been There , Done That. Right now, I'm trying to drown out the whistling sounds from the heavy winds with the Har.ry Conn.ick Jr. CD that HLS left (which is THE bizness, btw). The online weather report said that the winds were strong enough to break tree limbs, knock down wires, and loose holiday decorations. So you KNOW that I got one eye on my computer and the other on my front yard, hoping to get some new decorations on that deep, DEEP discount.

Anyways...I'm keeping it low key this year. I hope to even be asleep.

But before I close, I'll leave ya'll with one thing that I plan to hold true to:

**clears throats**

I'm gon' get me "some" in the New Year.

...

...

...

...

Amen, goodnight, and holla!

(Mike, I need the cute term for the male equivalent to "power-u"...the back-blowing, mind-numbing, toe-curling kind. 'Preesh!)

Happy '09! Let's get it!

the men in my life

I'm in a weird mood tonight. I'm sportin' my doo rag, my ratty pink robe, AND my Os.car the Grouch hoodie...so it must be serious. Time to say goodbye to my Christ.mas colors: magenta, turquoise and lime. I drove my dad back to the airport around 6:30pm. His wife planned for him to go back to the N.O. before New Year's b/c she wasn't going to spend this year without him like last year. I invited both of them last year, but she made the decision to stay home b/c she wanted to spend Chris.tmas with baby Shan. My dad makes no secret about J being his favorite grandchild (without verbally saying so) and was quite fine with coming up here alone. His explanation for spoiling J is that his other grandkids have active dads, aunts and grandparents. J, on the other hand, just has me.

That is, he just has me until J's dad decides to show up. So HLS (Habitual Line Stepper) texted me earlier last week and said that he was driving up on Friday. Well, me knowing HLS the way that I do, I decided to not get J's hopes up...better to be a surprise than a disappointment. He actually followed through and came bearing gifts...for everybody. He brought J some games, a robot dinosaur, some Le.gos In.diana Jon.es stuff, and...wait for it...a pre-paid phone. I was actually shocked that none of that was accompanied with some story about his inability to make ends meet. But perhaps he had already gotten that out of the way during the week before. He then gives me a nightgown with Tink.erbell on it (which was cute) and gives my dad a straw, cowboy-like hat. I am my dad's child b/c we both looked at him like "why in the hell are you giving US gifts?" But I thanked him and kept it moving with little emotion. I don't need him to do anything for me, but he tries hard to impress. If he really wanted to impress me, then he should be a father to his child...not for my sake, but for J's.

The phone sparked some discussion, b/c IMO there is no reason for a 7 y/o to have a phone. So, I put some restrictions on that immediately. It can't/won't leave his room and he can only talk to his dad and his PawPaw on it. I told HLS that I have nothing to do with the phone and if he wanted J to keep it, he would have to maintain the account and put minutes on it. HLS left J's new phone number on my desk. I guess that I'm supposed to program his number, but I have no reason to call him when I can easily holler loud enough for him to hear me downstairs and when he's not with me, I should be able to reach him through some adult.

Anyway, J was on cloud nine...and didn't really care about the phone. It's very rare that he gets to experience this much testosterone within his 4 walls at one time. He didn't know who to play with. I decided that since it was Christ.mas that I would allow HLS to spend the night. I found it funny that my dad got in J's bottom bunk early that night, perhaps staking his claim. I quickly threw HLS a blanket, went upstairs, and closed my door. I can't be too nice b/c then he'll start thinking that we're close. I could care less about what's going on in his family (ESPECIALLY his mom who has made absolutely NO EFFORT to meet J), his job (unless it affects my child support), or whatever new body ache he has THIS week (dude used to always throw out his medical issues to gain sympathy and I used to fall for that mess in my stupid-er ages).

The next morning, I woke up to him cooking breakfast. I was on a mission to head to Pier On.e so that I could get those discounted Christ.mas ornaments.

HLS: Your breakfast is on the table.

Me: I'm heading down to the Pier O.ne.

HLS: You need to put something in your stomach first.

Me: **looking around to confirm that I was in my own home and that I was indeed a grown woman** I'm heading down to Pier On.e. If its still here when I get back, I'll eat then.

I think that the reason that I fell for him in the past had something to do with his constant fussing over me, nurturing and acting like the father figure that I always wanted. Not sure if I articulated that well but something like that but in a non-freakish way. He even noticed that the bruising around my ankles had disappeared and inquired of my current cholesterol levels. When he departed on Saturday, he left behind a book of poetry that he had written and 3 Christ.mas CDs (since my dad complained that I never played any Christ.mas music while he was here). I guess that he was trying to impress my dad as well, since they have never been the best of friends. Alcohol and gifts change things...at least for that moment.

Tonight, J and I had to say goodbye to my dad. J kept asking his PawPaw to change his ticket to the 1st. He couldn't. In a last ditch effort, J just asked that he stay an extra hour. Again, he couldn't. It was hard. No one barely said anything in the car.

My dad wasn't a great father and I never would've imagined that we'd get to this point after my shutting him out of my life for so many years. We got into it on a few occasions while he was here, but its interesting to see how easy we were able to rebound and resume our previous convos before the disagreement. He's a funny guy. He brags about cussing out his pastor, hearts the F-bomb, has yet to lose his Chatta.nooga twang, thinks that 'nam was the beginning of all of his "crazy" issues, ends almost every statement with "he'ah", farts and then waits for your face to contort, must have Crown within arm's reach, actually believes the women that tell him that he resembles Morr.is Chest.nut, can't hear worth a damn, will quickly impose his spiritual views on you and absolutely CANNOT agree to disagree...but he's my dad and to love him is to love all of that.

As for HLS...I was glad that he was able to carve out some time for J. I don't know how J will look upon his dad when he reaches my age. I just hope that he remembers this Christmas and how happy he was.

I'm a little bit cocky, I'm a little bit rock 'n roll

I went, I saw, I conquered. Moreso...I went, scanned the room, and couldn't find the competition. Not bad for someone who was bent over in the doctor's office begging for a shot just yesterday. When we're full of ourselves, my baby boy J and I always imitate Joh.n Ce.na and wave four fingers to the face, look real crazy, and say, "You can't see ME!" Let me tell ya, that statement was appropriate tonight.

I had been slowing around all day, b/c I wasn't sure how washing my hair 5 times in one week was going to work for me. I popped 4 more tablets and just went for it. I thought about roller-wrapping it and keeping it straight but again, I'm sure that I got a bit of new growth that needed to be camouflaged by curls. I never missed the severe N.O. humidity until tonight b/c I was trying everything to make these bammas fall.

After I finished doing my hair, I went out to the mall to look for those daggone accessories that I neglected to get. Have I ever mentioned that I hate malls? Or that I don't like shopping? OK, now add to it that I forgot that this was December and that folk are going crazy 'round this time of year. It was my worst nightmare...feeling as if I had gotten caught up in a super-sized Wal-Mart. I race J around this outdoorsy-fancy mall in the cold and then head over to Kat's.

As promised, J brought his Wii and I ordered them a pizza and attempted to finish getting ready. I just couldn't get it together fast enough. Let me first say that Kat was my fairy godmother. That girl took care of me and J. She earned her spot in the girlfriend hall of fame. Kat pressed my dress and poked new holes in the straps of my stilettos so that they would wrap around my ankle more securely. She picked my polish color for my toes and just raced around the house to make sure that I had everything that I needed. And STILL managed to play J's baseball game. Seriously, that chick is amazing and came through like a G.

I arrived at the spot MORE than fashionably late, which was ok b/c my last word to my friends was that I wasn't going. I was happy to see some of the people that were laid off on Monday. I mean, it wouldn't have been me but I was happy to see them there...and drinking. Anyways, when I walked through the door, someone needed to wipe me down b/c I was on! Fugg a date.

Matter of fact, I may never go with a date again and mingle as I please. I am one of the more humble people that you'll meet on blog but I'm not ashamed to say that the "gorgeous" word was thrown around quite a bit, lol. The only problem was those damn shoes. Ya know, it was nice being 5'7" for a night...but uh...I don't need all that air up there. They are a size 8 if anybody wants them and can work them. My plan was minimized to taking pictures, eating, and throwing the deuce...which sucked b/c I love to dance. While chilling at the table, my girl tapped me on the knee and said, "I KNOW you're gonna get out there like you always do." I reply, "Naw, I'm just gon' chi..."

**Beat drops...voice whispers, "shu.ffle...cupid shu.ffle"**

DAYUM! My girls up here know that if the Cup.id Shu.ffle comes on, I drop convos, put down drinks, purses, and whatnot and get out there and line dance with the best of 'em. Hell, on my birthday I paused in mid-hurl 'cuz I heard it over the bathroom speakers and proceeded to drunkenly cupid shuffle in the stall. I'm SERIOUS about my game...I got my shuffle game tight, lol. I had a decision to make. I decided that I had to represent the dirty, dirty and would sacrifice my feet to ensure that there was no bastardization of the shuffle. You must respect and honor the shuffle.

Originally, there were about 4 people out there. I got on the floor and the bees started swarming around my honey. It all went downhill from there. Some cha cha slides and EWF covers later, I had forgotten the initial plan and lost track of time. However, my feet knew exactly what time it was. But whenever I tried to ease up off the floor, I got pulled back in. My boy Matt, who had 2 dates to choose from, wouldn't take no for an answer. So I had to give in. And then, I tried to do some spin and sneak off move when the next song came on and ended up near Promance, who was currently dancing with his date. He ignored her and then grabbed me really tight and well, I was held captive. He had been begging me all night, so I had to comply. Once that song was over, I THOUGHT that I was in the clear. And THEN, as that "Unchained Melody" song came on from Ghost, I ran right into the Prez.

Prez: I thought that you said that you weren't coming.

LB: I was able to score another babysitter.

Prez: Well, do you have a dance partner?

LB: No.

Prez: Well you do now.

DAYUM!

This man starts swinging me almost off my feet and I had to tell him that I had on some pretty tall shoes so he needed to take it easy with me. He says,

"Well, I guess that means that I just have to hold you tighter."

**crickets**

Mental note: review Professional Conduct Booklet on Monday.

The company kept all 3 of the brown sugar girls in the office...I'm starting to wonder the real reason why, lol.

Anyways, it was a wonderful night and I'm glad that I went. I didn't stick to the plan and stayed much longer than intended but oh well. Some plans are made to be changed b/c you gotta give the people what they want.

** four fingers to the face..."You can't see ME!!!"**

tastes like chicken

"OK, mommy said that I could have pumpkin pie if I eat this. Can't be THAT bad."



"Hmmmm. I dunno. This is not what I thought."



"Ya know, seriously, something is not right with this."



"Holy Crap! Am I on Fear Facto.r?! Punk'd??? I think that I have to change my draws. Wth is in this stuff???!"



"Woman, I'll kill you if you make me eat this crap again! You best sleep with one eye open tonight!"

random holiday update

I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Mine was excellent. Surprisingly enough, this homebody went house-hopping. I am thankful to have friends that 1. love to cook and 2. love my company. It was a normal Thanks.giving in 'da wood'...I stuffed my face, clowned with the kid, danced, posed for pictures, and got hit on by a broke a$$ version of Jaz.ze Pha. Like I said, a normal Thanks.giving. And this normal Thanks.giving would not be normal if my dad hadn't called and left a msg, implying that I must not have wanted to talk to him b/c he had been calling me all day. Yep, the holiday guilt-trip in full effect.

I HAVE been feeling homesick lately, but its not something that a quick flight to the N.O. can solve. I miss the feeling and state of "home" from over 10 years ago, when everything was easy. But I didn't have time to wallow in that. My job is to make sure that my son has as many good memories and similar traditions as I had. One of those traditions will NOT be a visit to the barbershop the day before Thanksgiving. It was so doggone packed in there that I thought that Black Fr.day had started early and peeps were getting a free set of clippers and 'ish.

On Black Friday...you guessed it...go, go, gadget doo rag. This is going to be a low budget Christmas...and I say this as if I ever break the bank. So I was enjoying this wonderful day when I got a phone call.

LB: Hey Kat.

Kat: Hey girl, how ya doin'?

LB: Good.

Kat: So, we are going bowlin' tonight and I wanted to see if you and J wanted to come."

LB: Uh...I dunno. I am in MAD chill mode.

Kat: But we haven't seen you in such a LONG time.

LB: Right, right...I mean, its been what? A whole 24 hours..and I've fully digested your food, aged, and ev'rythang.

Kat: Unh hunh, so we're gonna meet up for 7 AND we're gonna bowl out there by you, so you won't have to drive too far.

LB: How kind! So you and Anthony...

Kat: Well, me and Anthony...and his friend...

LB: I smell a trap.

Kat: Naw girl, we just hangin'.

LB: **Laughing** You over there trying to bamboozle and hoodwink a sista and as soon as I get to the alley that's when Plymouth Rock is goin' to land on me.

Kat: **Laughing** Not.at.all. We just missed ya.

LB: **Yawn** You know what...I got that thang that I forgot about. So um...I'm gonna have to take a raincheck. We'll do brunch.

Kat: Now you know you're wrong.

LB: I'll holla left.

Anyway...since I've been blog HARASSED by that girl, I thought that I'd update with something that may tickle her fancy...fashion. So that Holiday Gala is quickly approaching, December 13th to be exact. I had it in my mind that after I went from potentially having two dates to zero I wasn't going. And then I dug around my archives dated around this time, last year and came up with this and this. I remember going through a lot of crap then (a helluva lot more than what I'm going through now), but surprisingly enough, my fashion-challenged self was able to pull off a fabulous night.

I am humble, but uh...I was the #1 stunna THAT NIGHT.

I've been telling everyone that asks that I'm not going this year. Honestly, I just couldn't imagine going to a semi-formal event by myself. But in the words of Kat, "...that's just loser-ish"...and she wasn't talking about going by myself, she meant the actual thought that I couldn't go BECAUSE I'd be going by myself. She didn't rock my world with that but, for some reason, it stuck with me. Now, I'm hinging on a maybe.

So, I did some online shopping, attempting to catch some of the sales this weekend. After browsing every black dress there is, I decided to buy this:

I was not going to wear that red dress again and I have been wearing the hell outta my little black dress this year. I thought to play it safe with another black dress but how many of those bammas does one need? I'm sure there is a fashionista answer for that, but I just don't know it. Plus, judging by the last 2 years, there will already be enough broads playing it safe. I picked this dress b/c I thought that if I walked in the room with that on, maybe I would forget the fact that I have no one on my arm. So then, I had to visit another website to buy these:

Those are some 4-1/2" stilettos. Merely typing that, makes me nervous but that's why I always look for an ankle strap. And that's where I stopped...attempting to accessorize would've made my head hurt. I do not own a flat iron but I was thinking that I would wear my hair straight, so that everyone would forget about that guy. People still call me Prince in the hall and the madness has to stop!

We'll see how this turns out...I'm leaving it up to circumstance. I just ordered the dress and shoes, so if they arrive too late then I'll take that as a sign and I'll send the items right on back. I haven't arranged a babysitter, so if that falls through then go, go, gadget doo rag and a book. At the least, I've made an effort.

day in the life of...

So, its already been established that I ain't wrapped too tight, right? I mean, even before I decided to dress up as Prince, right? Good! Let me just say...Prince is THE man! Not b/c he's a musical genius or anything. Not b/c Pur.ple Rain is considered a classic, all horrible acting considered. I've seen this man perform twice in my life. And while I was so in awe of his talent and his ability to hypnotise his audience with his heavily guy-linered eyes alone, I neglected to take notice that this dude gyrates, humps, splits, slides, kicks...heck, he probably even sex-es...in high heels. After only walking for less than 8 hours in my high heel boots, I was ready to throw in the towel.

Even still, yesterday was one of my top 5 days for 2008. I had a ball being somebody else. I believe that I was in competing range of J's excitement to be Ana.kin Sky.walker. I didn't really do the "Halloween thing" growing up. I never went trick-or-treating and the only costumes that I remember having (around J's age) were Wonder Woman and Strawberry Shortcake. Once I became a teenager, the only haunted house I would go to was the one that I could time exactly when the guy with the chainsaw would jump out ('cuz I don't do scary too well).

When I walked into work, J's guitar in hand, I got a standing ovation. I knew then that I had a good chance for the prize. I was in the company of Sar.ah Pa.lin, the moose she shot (lol), Joe the Plum.ber, the Bride of Fran.kenstein, V for Vend.etta, Ugly Betty, the cast from Alice in Wonder.land, and the guys (including the Wizard) from the All.tel commercial. That's only a few, b/c some of them were characters from movies that I hadn't seen. This being my second Halloween at the firm, I've learned to do it big. Peeps are kinda crazy 'round here, but we work hard. So when the company says that we can play...oh, we PLAYS!

Needless to say, I got very little work done. In the past, we've gone as a group to the nearby mall and paraded around...lookin' like a bunch of cornies. But since the office moved, these jokers suggested a new locale to look stupid and I just wasn't feeling it.

Me and Goth Girl (dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein) decided to grab some lunch at this hole-in-the-wall that I like. Now, the last time that we went, it was not crowded at all. The place only has 9 tables. Yesterday, and of course yesterday, 8 of those 9 tables were filled. This older lady saw us walk in and bust out laughing. So much for having a quiet lunch. 10 minutes later, she walked over to me and said that I had the best costume that she's ever seen and went on and on for about 5 minutes. She couldn't believe that my hair was actually my hair, for some reason. But was morseo drawn to my mustache...which I had to retouch at least twice. She eventually leaves with (who I assume to be) her husband. Can you believe....she came BACK 15 minutes later with a camera and a writing pad, begging to take my picture. So, I grabbed my guitar and threw her a couple of poses. She wanted my email address...she gave me some story why, but I didn't care b/c I just wanted to finish eating. Lol, she emailed me the photos that she took of me and bragged about how fantastic I am. I wondered, "Is THIS what Prince goes through on a regular basis?" Nah, he wouldn't have ever given up the contact info...especially to fanatics like myself!

Finally, it was time for the chili cookoff/costume contest. I had been waiting to taste some chili all week, but I was kinda anxious about the costume contest. Many people said that I had their vote (without so much as a promise of no new taxes, lol), but I didn't know if I was about to be bamboozled b/c of the Bradley Effect, lol. Anyway, I won!!! But these mofos wanted me to bust some celebratory Prince moves. Fugg that...my feet hurt and Prince was having cramps all day AND he JUST started his cycle. They got the deuce and a smile. I won a $30 gift certificate to a Mex.can restaurant...eh, it wasn't a new drill, but still appreciated. I'm not that big on Mex.ican so I guess that I'll just treat my friends to some burritos next week.

I couldn't WAIT to sling those boots off once I walked through my door. I thought about trick-or-treating in full gear but I got hills in my neighborhood...so yep, that wasn't going down. Boots came off, makeup came off...that lacey sh*t 'round my neck, ripped off. I pushed the hair out of my face, put on my fave jogging suit and my sneakers and was ready to go. J and I trick-or-treated for a couple of hours...as my fingers froze to my heavy-duty flashlight. We had fun. I love my wooded 'hood. It's VERY family-oriented but DAYUM, when are we getting some m-n-f-in' streetlights?! I wondered, "What would Prince do?"

Prince would probably trick-or-treat by strobelight.

purple reign

So, its a big day for the kid...who went from being a skeleton to Ana.kin Sky.walker. (I think that it was the light saber that tipped the scales.) But it ain't no fun, if the homies can't have none. Last night, I said goodbye to the blogger formerly known as LB.



DEUCES!

And today...

Said hello to the artist currently known as Prince (circa '84) aka the best that ever did it!

GAME, BLOUSES!

(You too can achieve this look with Lotta Body setting lotion and goo-gobs of eyeliner. I would like to thank the misguided buyers at New.port News for actually thinking that this blouse was envogue!)

Now, Murphy's Law states that on the one day that I am dressed like a man...EVA...albeit an androgenous man...is the same day that I meet the hottest guy...EVA...on the whole dayum planet, whose love for power tools would come at a close...but not questionable...second to his love for me. I'm talking...this guy takes sexy to a new level AND can build a mean deck in my backyard...yep, today would be the PERFECT day to meet him.

**cough, cough...choking on sarcasm**

Anyways, here's to stomping out fantasies in my high heel boot and ensuring that I won't get asked out until the end of the winter season or the image of me possibly having testicles has been erased from any/every man's memory...whichever comes first.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN...let's get it!

happy is as happy does

SPRING FORWARD, FALL BACKWARD

Don't you just LOVE fall?! I can identify with the season...we're both straight breezy. The acorns are beating up my roof, while the leaves are falling to the ground. But guess what? My leaves are falling on my NEW GRASS. Hells yeah!!!

**LB singing, "Laaaaaaa, laaa, la, la...wait til' I get my lawn care right. Laaaaaa, laaa, la, la...then you can't tell me nothing right. 'Scuse me, is you saying something? Ah, uh, you can't tell me noth..." Kan.ye snatches mic.**

Of course, the lawn still has a ways to go. But I'm sure my neighbors watch me and J through their windows as we stand and marvel at the sea of green blades for 5 minutes before I unlock the door. I think that we're both in disbelief that after a year's time that this is even possible. But now, we actually have a view when we have our cheerios on the front porch.

I have to make my way over to Micha.el's and pick up some fall/halloween decorations. I'm on a very tight budget, so we may be limited to some styrofoam pumpkins that J and I can doctor up and place on my steps.

YOU MUST PURIFY YOURSELF IN THE WATERS OF LAKE MINNE.TONKA

J wants to be a skeleton this year. I'm shocked, but that's a pretty inexpensive costume so I'm down. It looks like I'm FINALLY going to be Prince for Halloween. I was originally gonna pick up a costume from Party Ci.ty (think Cleo.patra) and just fade into the background like last year...although I didn't really fade into the background b/c I was a Greek Goddess and it drew more attention than I thought it would. But apparently, royal purple must be the new black b/c New.port News has a lot of clothing in that color, so I ordered some velvet pants, a blazer, some boots, and a white ruffled shirt to top it off. I'm going to borrow J's guitar and walk around with it strapped to my shoulder. The trick will be in curling my hair to match Prince (circa '84) on the cover of Pur.ple Rain and doing my eyes up really pretty...oh, and carefully sketching in a light mustache. I'm kinda excited about honoring THE best that ever did it. If only I can convince a dude to dress up as Appoloni.a or Van.ity.

WHO'S HOUSE? HELL'S HOUSE

My old church does a play every Hallo.ween, called Hell Hou.se. It's similar to walking through a haunted house but in each room, there is a different life situation acted out. The purpose is to scare young people straight and to bring souls to Chr.ist. Well, when I participated in it 2 years ago, I was only supposed to be a nurse in an abor.tion clinic. However, (you know how church folks are) I got stuck playing the main character having the abortion. Let me tell ya...that mess wasn't fun. All that screaming made me lose my voice and then I caught a serious cold and was miserable. The only highlight of the play was that I had a scene with Choir Boy, who played Je.sus. I barely remembered my lines b/c he's so pretty. Anyway, this lady from my old church started calling my home and cell phones all crazy b/c she wants me to reprise my role. Had it been anyone else, they would've been met with a swift "HELL NAW!" I told her that I had too much going on for the month but that I would get back to her. Church folks will...use...you. And I don't care how pretty Choir Boy is...I'm gonna pass on this one.

THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Every year, I participate in a run/walk in honor/memory of my mom. Last year, I did the walk with my cuz and J. Both of them got tired in 5 minutes, so I power-walked to the finish line alone. Only to find them already there, snacking and smiling. They had apparently cut the course b/c 3-5 miles was too much for them. This year, it looks like my team is 5 strong. I'm hoping to recruit some more before the 19th. In the meantime, I look forward to the event. To be surrounded by hundreds of survivors and their loved ones does my heart good. I hope that I can raise a decent amount of money this year. I set the team goal rather low, so we'll see.

TO THE MOON, ALICE, TO THE MOON

Yep, that's right...the honeymoon is over. The company has been in the new spot for about a week and a half now. For the most part, I can't complain. However, they have me sharing a space with this guy, whom I can only stand in small doses. He tore his draws with me when I was on the phone one morning and he had the gall to swivel around in his chair and ask me who I was talking to. I had to blink twice before I politely responded, "Nunya." I forgot about the huge difference between dating someone and living with them, so if left alone, partnah was about to be knocked unconscious with a water bottle...an empty water bottle. Do the math and see how in the hell THAT can happen. I do not like it when people invade my space. I can be the sweetest person in the world...but I can be funny about my space. On top of that, there is this part-time inter.ior des.gner, who moved her computer to my side of the table and then had the nerve to tell me that she may need some of my shelves. This broad works 4 hours a week...you gets no shelves, homie. She got the blank stare as my catalogs STAYED on the shelf in question. And as of today, this guy (who has come out of retirement) brought all of his drawings back in my area. Then I started wondering, "How in the hell did I get stuck back here with a bunch of part-timers and CAD techs.

Technically, we were supposed to wait 30 days before we request to be moved. But I couldn't take the chance of them hiring more people and taking up all of the good cubes. I went straight to one of the principals. Now, I can play the game with the best of 'em. He thought that he had satiated me with his "I'll look into it" response. I decided to become a pest. Then, it seemed as if he wanted to give me the run-around. So, I went to my immediate supervisor...and just in case he decided to brush me off, I reminded his a$$ again that I wasn't going to let this die without a fight. I got the email by the close of business stating, "your request has been approved." Fugging right it's been approved! I didn't bust my a$$ for 5 years to advance anybody else's career but my own...and I've most certainly worked hard enough for 3 friggin' walls. If I didn't get the desired results, I was going to talk much sh*t at my annual review. A lot of times in the engin.eering field, it's a man's world. Well now, I'm going to be in my own little world. I might just have a Ma.rdi Gra.s themed cube-warming. Bustas!

no resolutions

No resolutions. They really don't last the whole year anyways...maybe the first quarter, at best. No superstitions. I am washing clothes and if this causes people to be washed out of my life like granny said, then so be it. No black eyed peas, no cabbage, and no dinner table bribes...just pizza, buffalo wings, honey buns, and ice cream sandwiches and a little ebay browsing. No toasting, singing, partying, or praying at the midnight hour...I hugged the excited boy, put on some Frank Sin.atra, and dodged HEARTFELT texts that inundated my inbox. No expiration date on the goals that I had last year and no deep introspection this year. The only thing that I'm clinging to...the only thing that I believe...

2008 is gonna be great...period.

I'm enjoying my final day of relaxation...still listening to "ol' blue eyes" and rambling football commentators. I'm trying to fight off the early stages of homesickness with cherry kool-aid and my comfy sweats. Although I had to master the art of picking my battles with pops, I'm going to miss him and am feeling a little sad to see him go. I may take down these Christmas decorations...then again, I may just watch a movie or beat the brakes off of JJ in this ongoing WWE wrestling tourney that we have going on playstation. I hope to win the canvas set that I bid on, but if not, oh well. Today, everything will be easy...and that's how I want the remaining 365 to be. And they will b/c the only thing that I'm clinging to...the only thing that I believe...

2008 is gonna be great...period.

My hopes for the year...that my blackened chicken will be less salty, that I will have more than doubled my real estate investment, that love finds me, that I rekindle my fire for my Lord, that JJ continues to be healthy, that I get a nice raise, that I benefit from counselling, that I laugh more, that I'm more productive, that I maintain focus, that I develop a taste for wine, that I take that cruise for my 30th birthday, that my hair continues to grow, that my skin begins to glow, that some really good movies are released, that good music is redefined, that my friendships are strengthened, that weak associations are loosed, and that 2008 is great, etc., etc., period.

it's a wrap

I wish that I could say that I'm still wearing yesterday's funk, but for some reason I keep bathing...I guess that that's one of those ingrained behaviors. My bones are a little achy from sleeping on the couch last night. The one thing that I should've asked for was an electric blanket, b/c the physics behind hot air and tall ceilings conspired against me. But anyway...before passing out, J and I WERE watching The Polar Express and then Madasgascar. When I woke up, he apparently had gotten tired of being cold and ran for cover...on his top bunk. I figured that I might as well remain in my station since this boy naturally wakes up before 6am EVERY MORNING. That way, when he was ready to open presents, all I would have to do is sit up, observe, and feed off the excitement of a 6 y/o. I would have an edge over his PawPaw and his bad knees...well, I wouldn't be required to do the Fred San.ford shuffle to the tree.

5:50am: There was a nudge vigorous shake...a whisper loud voice...bright eyes and emerging dimples...and so it began...

Things that made noise...things that need batteries...

Things that require a computer, things with flashing lights...

But as entrancing as these gadgets might be, his most prized possession...

2 cardboard wrapping paper tubes...now, used to shoot marbles and random action figures across the room. The moral of THIS holiday story is....it doesn't take much technology to merry a child's Christmas.

daddy's home

It's no secret that I had been dreading my dad's visit, but so far, it has been a blessing. So much so, that I don't know what to do besides anchoring myself in my Urb.an Hang Suite (my loft and bedroom upstairs). I hadn't even formerly made my list of projects for him to tackle but everyday that I've gone to work, I've come home to some new surprise. I almost hate to admit this, but I purposely did not get groceries b/c money has been tight all month. I knew that if I kept, at least, one slice of bread and a half-gallon of milk that it'd inspire a couple of trips to Kro.ger without the incessant nagging. Now, the goodies in my fridge are pressed down, shaken together, and running over! He has raked and bagged (as JJ puts it) the 200-quad-billion leaves in my yard and driveway...that were gonna remain there indefinitely if left to my care and attention. I now have a TP and face towel holder in my downstairs bathroom, fresh vacuum tracks throughout the house, and a new deep fryer for the turkey that pops is going to go to town on come Christ.mas eve. Yes, life.is.good.

What am I going to do when this man leaves? Forget Mr. Belv.edere...Mr. Belvedad is what's hot on the streets!

It looks like it's going to be a pretty good Christ.mas for JJ. My dad went overboard, my g/f and her hubby went overboard and J's dad actually shipped him some things. HLS (Habitual Line Stepper) probably said that he would do so on some voicemail, but since the sound of his voice makes the peach fuzz on my arms stand on end, I usually delete his messages before listening to their weepy, woe-is-me entirety. I can just picture him sitting somewhere, looking stupid as usual right about now, but that's neither here nor there. Until he straightens out the financial biz as I asked him to, he need not say "boo" to me.

My thoughts are towards the future. Despite the challenges of the last couple of months, 2007 WAS/IS my year! Too many great things happened for me to sell it short by a couple of mistakes...my life is full of beautiful disasters and everything is ok. I look forward to 2008, but I'm not running from 2007. I still have a week and a half to celebrate the old year in all my glorious funk and comfy PJs...starting now, lazy days are-a-coming. Maybe while I'm off, I'll have the time and inclination to blog daily...or maybe I'll just think really hard and say I did.

no hook for this hit

So...last night was THE night...and I was a HIT! I spent the morning cleaning, doing some prep for the event and babysitting my little cuz...in other words, I spent the morning being frazzled. Baby cuz was pretty easy-going this time around, plus JJ went into big brother mode to ease my load. But when it came time to pack the two up and drop them off by lady cuz, I developed a new respect for single moms with more than one kid...just don't know if I'm man enough, lol. I just can't think of a better ad for birth control.

Anyway, I met up with my coworker, Goth Girl (GG), for a mani-pedi clear across town. I must say that it was TOTALLY worth the extra mileage b/c I needed that pampering. I can't remember the last time that I treated myself like that...but they were having a special, so I somehow reasoned that I could afford a paraffin wax with the money that I was saving. Hell, it's Christmas time and I'm giving and not getting, so I might as well gift myself. After we were done, GG and I headed to the MAC counter at Nord.strom's...hoping for last-minute makeovers, but luck doesn't strike twice in a day. Here we are, 2 engineers...yet we fail to calculate that yesterday was a Saturday during party season. One consultant, looking as frazzled as I was feeling some hours before, was really precious and nice but basically told us to wait until the crowd dies down around 7 or 8 pm or kick rocks. I opted for rock kickage and foundation. Time was of the essence...and Ebony...and Jet at this point. I had 30 minutes to get home and only one hour after that to give Navy the house tour, finish doing my hair and makeup, press my dress, and spray the holy crap out of my undergarment with static guard.

When I was done with my magic, I could tell by the look on Navy's face that a $75 "shut it down" dress, recycled jewelry, and borrowed shoes NEVER looked so good. It is not in dude's nature to throw out compliments to anyone, so when he does, I have to grab hold of it and stuff it somewhere private for safe-keeping. We arrived at the Gala about an hour and a half after it started. I am all for being fashionably late...but feeling like we were early for next year's party is another story. However, it turned out that we were right on time to NOT listen to the announcements and to NOT win any of the door prizes. But I did win something...

This post is not really about how good I looked...it is about how good I felt last night. My emotions have been running rampant lately, but I figured that it was time to make some decisions. I'm going through some stuff, but I decided to not give any more power to it by obsessing over it. And no, the "stuff" I'm talking about is not Jesse (who didn't even show up). I've only shared what's been REALLY bothering me lately with 2 people...but honestly, they can say every right thing in the world to make me feel better, but if I don't believe it then I'm just wasting their time. There are a few things under attack right now and I haven't been feeling too good about myself. Couple that with Jesse's indifferent attitude towards our dissolution and you got me sitting over here waiting to ex.hale. But to command the attention of the Prez, who held my hand for 1 minute too long while slinging words like "stunning", "gorgeous", and "breathtaking"...to have prinicipals and vice presidents giving me the full-body once over and their wives glaring at my shoes...to have my girls bug out over my dress...to turn a corner and feel as if I just collided with the paparazzi...to feel as if I had to creatively end convos with people or else they'd be in my face all night b/c they were THAT drawn to me...that was ALL restoration. My mind needed this to quiet the negative voices in my head.

Yes, I shut it down...but these voices got shut down too.

I would say that the most interesting part of the night was when Tee's man, Jesse's best friend, practically chased me and Navy when we exited the ballroom. As soon as he asked how we knew each other, brother's game was blown. I figured that he was doing some research...perhaps to ensure that Navy and I were not an item. I told Navy from jump street that we weren't going to fake the funk...and although I wanted to at that point there was no sense in it. After a while, I wandered off and let them talk for a minute. But not before this dude invited me over during the Christmas holiday. Tee and I have gotten pretty cool through all of this, but I'm not too sure of what ole boy's aim is...but I'm also not so sure that I don't want to find out.