wasted

I WAS CUTE...until I puked on my shoes.

So, about 14 of us showed out at this restaurant on the night of my birthday. I was surprised that THAT many came out for me. I was even MORE surprised that my cousin was not included in that bunch, but oh well. Now, I was having a delightful day, leading into a wonderful night. We were having a ball being loud, somewhat obnoxious, and 2 drinks past "tipsy"...which was ok, b/c a DJ showed up around 10 o'clock and we were drowned out.

As the story was told to me, lol, I kept motioning for the waitress to bring me another apple martini...two fingers pointed towards the rim of my glass, lips pursed just enough to spit, "Keep the party going." These broads kept telling me to slow down, but they were just so tasty...plus, my mouth hadn't gone numb which USED TO BE my sign that I may have had enough to drink. And I thought, who were they to talk when they would randomly sing Happy Birthday to me throughout the night and were snapping pictures of each other throwing up gang signs...I'm laughing b/c every last one of these women are professional, but that night, maybe a little more crunk. But anyway, that wasn't even my biggest mistake as I thought that apple martinis and fish tacos were a good mix.

I was actually fine after the fourth martini. And then I thought that "catching the wall" and dancing suggestively with a chair was a good idea...again, I thought! I remember Goth Girl, the most unlikely chick out the whole bunch to play mama to me, leaned over and said that when I needed to go to the bathroom that all I had to do was just tap her and we'd take off. I believe there was a 5 second lag between when it left her mouth and when I heard it b/c it only took 5 seconds for me to say, "Let's go now."

I JUST made the stall.

She was in there with me the whole time as I became the "loving" drunk, telling her how I'm so glad that we're friends as I had my head hovered over the toilet. She just kept patting my back saying, "I know honey" **pat, pat**..."I'm glad too" **pat, pat**..."awww, how sweet." **Pat, pat** Something tells me that she's used to playing this role.

And THEN the Cu.pid Shuf.fle came on while I was still jacking up this stall. But AGAIN, I THOUGHT it a good idea to show Goth Girl that I knew how to do it...ya know, while still cramped up in this now stank a$$ stall. Once I became more than a little bit dizzy, more of the fish tacos decided that they had spent enough time in my stomach. And then I was done.

This is when everything got blurry, b/c I preferred to put my head on the sink over washing my hands. Tee had come in the bathroom and was laughing her a$$ off, while both of them furiously tried to fix my hair. We left the bathroom.

I don't remember too much after that aside from my girl, Law from high school, and Tee each holding my hands and walking me to Tee's truck. We were headed to my usual crash spot, Tee's house.

Somewhere along the highway, I asked Tee to pull over, leaped out of the truck, totally miscalculated the slope of the ground, almost tumbled, and then puked on my shoes.

The question is....after all THAT, do you think that anyone noticed?

**SMH**