yes we can, yes we did

Yesterday, J and I did the 10K. TODAY, my legs, thighs, and other regions that I can't name are screaming at me. Despite the weather reports, it was a beautiful day. We started out good, but man oh man, I started fading fast. And then when I got my second wind, J started acting like he was about to drop b/c of a cramp in his stomach. I know that he was salty at me everytime that I pointed at something and said that we were going to start back running once we hit that point. But it was fun! There were so many people out there cheering us on. And then there were those people holding and offering pans of cupcakes and boxes of doughnuts along the route in support. It was truly an experience...even when J decided that he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it, lol. We ran and walked it, but once I saw the finish line from afar, I told J that we had to finish strong (this feeling was intensified when I saw this pregnant lady pass us up...and then the old man). And it was on! I kept chanting "We Can Do It, Yes, We Can!" We just had to keep pushing ourselves and we did it! It may have been ugly but we did it. Now, will we do this again next year...I'm not so sure. Unfortunately, J had a baseball game right after, so we had to race again to get to the field on the other side of town. I told him that he should be proud of himself b/c he did an amazing job.

I found some energy to wash my hair afterwards, but I just stood in the shower for 30 minutes. Simply stood. Reporting back from my last post about my deep treatment concoction...it was a miss this time. My curls were again moisturized but fell limp. I read that this could be a side effect from using either the yogurt or the coconut milk, but I hadn't experienced this before. The hair that is a looser texture was almost straight. I might've kept it in for too long or using it 2 times in a row could have been overkill. Who knows. I have been wearing my hair in a ponytail for the past 2 weeks to hide it and give it a chance to bounce back. So, I went back to my Deep Treatment Masque in hopes of bringing it back to life. Crossing fingers b/c I have to go to Cali next week and then back home the week after that, and I absolutely cannot afford to look crazy in either place.

I scored some She.a Mois.ture products on sale (BOGO) at Walgreens. I should be stocked up for the rest of the year. However, it looks like I have to find a new detangling conditioner. I bought the newly packaged Yes To Cu.cumbers and my hair gave it two thumbs down. I don't know what's missing or added to the new formula, but I'm not a fan. I am open to suggestions.

My dad is coming up on Wednesday to play Mr. Mom for a week when I go to Cali. My test is on Friday and I'm ready to knock it out of the park! J's baseball Opening Day is on Saturday, but after that, a coworker (who is taking a different professional exam that day) and I are celebrating getting our lives back after being holed up in our respective caves and studying for the past 3 months. I can't lie, I plan to be "nice" by 9pm. I'll spend Sunday recuperating and packing. I leave for Cali on Monday, will return that Thursday, and then my dad, J and I will all fly home on that Friday. Provided I'm not in a coma, I plan to enjoy my week in N.O. to the fullest. I don't normally take off from work for a whole week, but this is well-deserved and needed. Can I make it to then?

And the countdown begins...

God knows I'm a knucklehead

It's THAT time of year again! The cubscouts are gearing up for the pinewood derby race. I re-read last year's post about it and I got teary-eyed again.

I had J sketch out what he wanted his car to look like. I'm trying to get him in the habit of planning and executing. Well, this time, he brought his sketch to me and I was shocked to see that he wanted his car to look like Harry Po.tter. The body of the car was in the shape (supposedly) of his favorite character of all time.

Now, I can be a tad bit more hands on than I need to be at times. I try not to take over the whole project but I want to guide him in the direction of success. I explained that the car was too boxy and; whereas, "cute" can win "Scout's Choice", the goal is to win the race. He looked dejected. I applauded him for his creativity (as I always encourage it), but explained that sometimes we get caught up in "looks" and that detours us from the task at hand.

I sketched out another plan, taking into account the best shape to overcome drag and the best place to secure the weights so that the car can go fast. He shook his head in agreement. As far as the design, we can compromise and have it look like a face...can't guarantee that it'll look like Harry Pott.er, but it will look "different". (He still wanted to argue with me on that idea, lol.)

We headed to Lowe's for "cut night" and afterwards, I left him responsible for sanding the car down. Now, that he is more focused on the goal, he has been sanding the mess out of that block. Any moment that he can spare, he's on the case. I find myself watching him when he doesn't know that I'm looking. And when I see him, I see me.

I made a few decisions going into the New Year. One is making me really uncomfortable right now, but for some reason, I know that it's the right thing to do. I can't even see the whole path and the thought of letting go of how I wanted things to be, terrified me. However, I feel as if I'm being directed and shown something better. That "something better" may not happen tomorrow and may not even happen this year, but I can't be concerned with the "looks" of it all in the NOW.

There IS a plan.

And sometimes, I think that God knows that I'm a knucklehead. And He will have me act out these little lessons through other people so that I understand.

At any rate, I don't know what the outcome of this race will be. I'm just glad that J is better at taking direction.

some thoughts on 2010

Do you ever FEEL yourself changing? Thoughts that used to excite me at the beginning of 2010 don't seem as important (or nearly as enticing) as I look towards 2011. Things that seemed irreparable at some point during the year, now feel whole. And the flip side to that is true as well. Even without writing as often as I used to, I have learned a few things about myself. I certainly believe that I have grown in some areas. And those others...well, obviously I'm not ready yet and it's not pressing enough for me to work on.

Being protective of my spirit is the #1 thing that has served me well in 2010.

1. The best thing that I did this year was to stop talking to my dad. Now, that sounds horrible. But he knew that I meant business. He doesn't support me financially, we don't live in the same city, and we never had that Hallma.rk card relationship. Realizing that I have separated myself from him before and that it would cost me nothing to do it again, he has been courting my affection. There hasn't been one cross word between us since that letter and our relationship seems to be on the incline.

2. I also had issues with a negative coworker. I noticed that she would constantly complain about ANOTHER coworker but would never confront them. I realized that this person does this because I make myself available and that had to cease with her and anyone else wanting to use me as their dumping ground.

3. Manipulative people. There's only so much blame that I'm going to take for a sour situation. I no longer accept being the reason why someone else feels bad. A person can do or say something that you don't like, but you have a choice as to how you react. If I have SINCERELY apologized, in my head, it's done. But if it's still going on in someone else's head, I probably have pulled the disappearing act by now. The funny thing about this is that I think that God puts me on the other side of the situation to show me how foolish I was in the past.

4. Church. Although it's only a portion of the spiritual nourishment that I need. I always felt refreshed while exiting the church doors.

It's only the 30th, but I've already begun to "clean house". Yes, I know that there are some people out there that don't believe in resolutions or that it makes no sense to hinge spiritual and emotional shifts on the first of the year. To that, I say, some of us need a starting point. Whether that's Monday, the 1st of the month, the day after Thanksgiving, or the New Year, motivation has to come from somewhere. I like to take this time to reflect and make modifications where necessary. Get in how you fit in. And that's what I'm doing.

It's been a great year. It can only get better.

august showers

Lawd t'day...I can already tell that it's going to be one of THOSE weeks. I was at work until 7:15pm tonight, determined to finish up one project today, so that I can finally start another one tomorrow. And something tells me that I'm gonna spend half of tomorrow putting out fires with other projects. I am just a tad bit overwhelmed at the moment.

My mind must be somewhere else b/c this morning I got up, got dressed, left the house, and stayed productive until 10am before I realized that I forgot to put my bra on. Who does that??? I wore a new blouse and I kept saying to myself that its fitting kinda weird. I mean, I had absolutely no clue until I went to habitually adjust my bra strap, only to discover that there was not one to be found. Talk about embarrassed. Now, my girls may not be big enough to notice, but I felt saggy all day and just kept telling myself to walk light. Still in disbelief over my absent-mindedness.

I spent the weekend showering. I went to a bridal shower and a baby shower on Saturday. I enjoyed the cute little finger foods and the cute little games with the cute little stories and the cute little gifts, but I needed to decompress after all of that cuteness. My girl, Kat, was having a game night (b/c Navy was in town). I was good for a while. We played dominoes and spades, but then came the boardgame of Life. Now, the Life that I played as a child is no where near the version of Life that's out now. Anyway, I kept losing a turn and spinning 1s and 2s. Everyone else was on a whole 'nother side of the board and I was the LAST to get married, the LAST to establish my career, and the LAST to have kids. Excluding the kid part, this game was starting to mimick how I felt about my actual life, lol. But then again, I won in the end. So maybe being slow on my milestones is not so bad.

When I was at the baby shower, the guest of honor kept asking me questions about diet restrictions, high-tech baby gadgets, and even the dos and donts about caring for a newborn. I didn't realize how much has changed in 9 years. I was looking at a baby monitor with all these different bells and whistles, but 9 years ago, my baby monitor was my ear. I might've even been given a baby monitor but I don't recall using it. I really don't recall sleeping through the night during that first year with J. Even when HE started sleeping through the night, I would get up to watch him take at least 2 breaths before I went back to sleep. A few times, I held a mirror up to his nose b/c I was just that paranoid.

My girlfriend said that her doctor gave her an exhaustive list of foods she couldn't have. My doctor told me to ease up on the blue cheese dressing and caffeine in moderation. That's all I really remember. It didn't matter b/c by the end of my pregnancy all I wanted were a jar of olives/pickles and lemonade...and I think that I got real pissed when someone (in an attempt to be nice) didn't bring me the Coun.try Ti.me lemonade. I was even particular about the brand.

I would like a do over, one day. I want to be all overjoyed when I find out that I'm pregnant instead of being slightly disoriented when the stick went from clear to magenta in 30 seconds. I want to buy all the cute maternity clothes and take professional photos, with J rubbing my belly...oh, and I guess a daddy will be in there somewhere. I want the joys of pregnancy, but I don't know how I'll survive that newborn period again.

Anywya, here's one of the cute stories: The mom-to-be didn't want to know the sex of the baby. Dad, on the other hand, did. When they went for the ultrasound, mom requested that the technician write down the sex of the baby and seal it in an envelope. They decided to have a family get-together. The mom-to-be went to a bakery and requested a special cake. She handed them the envelope and instructed them to open it. If the paper says that it's a girl, then they were to put pink filling in the middle of the cake. And if it's a boy, then blue. When the family came over, everyone found out the sex of the baby at the same time once they cut the cake...cheers, applause, a drammatic moment for all, lol.

Now, doesn't that make you just want to run out and get pregnant??? LOL. I'm sure that if my breasts swole up to the size that they were when I was pregnant, there would be no way in hell that I'd forget to wear a bra.

this weekend

Yesterday, I drove up to northern VA to visit my best friend, who is a mommy now. She wasn't due until early September, but baby Jor.dan decided that he had better things to do than to be curled up in a womb all day. She had been in the hospital for a few weeks with early contractions. I have to admit that I was so worried b/c she had a high risk pregnancy due to her own health issues. Well, she gave birth on Tuesday and everything was great with her and her new baby boy. God is good. Focusing on my girl and her fam has been a nice mental break.

I went to Babi.es R' Us and suffered temporary insanity as I started throwing the whole store in the basket. I don't know why I even bothered to print out her registry. I might've gotten one thing off of it, but there were so many things that I thought the child should have. As for her baby shower that was planned for the first week in August...I don't know. Her husband informed ME of the date, so I guess that meant that either he or someone that she's close to up there is planning it. I'll probably go back in the next couple of weeks anyway. All of my friends tend to be spread out across the country (and tend to move around almost every 3 or so years) so I'm just glad that we live in close proximity during this season of our lives.

We had a guest pastor this morning. It's sad, b/c if had I known that ahead of time, I might've skipped. I still received the Word. There was this tall, nice-smelling, man that walked in and sat next to me while I was praying. When I opened my eyes and peeped him in my peripheral vision, I was trying to figure out how to look at him...without looking at him. Leave it up to a black church to tell you to turn to your neighbor and tell him...something, anything, When I did, I thought that he looked alright. But then I heard him sing along with the praise team, clap furiously, and truly get into the service. Then, when he started speaking in tongues, my curiosity was peaked. But I swear I heard this dude say, "...ma-ma-say-ma-ma-sah-ma-ma-coo-sah, you da MAN!" I started laughing and then I thought that maybe that was God's way of directing my attention back on Him, lol.

Distractions, both a blessing and a curse.

clueless

Me and this blog **smh**...anyway, I figured that now was as good a time as any to update. I'll probably be up for the next couple of hours so I have time to write while doing laundry/packing for my trip to Chicago.

This evening, I had dinner with my former professor/mentor, who happened to be in town for a speaking engagement. His brother is my version of Mr. Bi.g, since over the course of the past decade, we have continued this cycle of losing touch and reuniting.

Anyway, we went to this hole-in-the-wall spot, where I proceeded to have the worst version of shrimp and grits ever as we discussed our families and professional endeavors. Incidentally, my company had a meeting today, announcing that we would not receive bonuses this year b/c of some economy-related blah, blah, blah. I sat at that meeting, shaking my head. Last year, I had a meeting and was laid off right AFTER I returned from vacation and here I am about to leave tomorrow and then this mess is dropped in my lap.

I went to the Director of my department and expressed my concern. He assured me that that was the only consequence of the economy and that they've already seen a turnaround and predict that 2011 will be better than ever. I just had a great performance evaluation last week, so I should feel secure, right?

Nope. I had great reviews at the last job. I told my mentor what went down and he suggested that I strike out on my own. As I'm adding up the cost of freedom, it just doesn't seem worthy enough to entertain right now. If I should get displaced AGAIN, the message that I receive is that God must want me to be a housewife and marry rich.

I think that I'm at a period of my life where the things that I thought that I wanted are not as savory as they once were. Everything seems to be up in the air. I'm having second thoughts about moving back home; yet, as I said goodbye to J this past Sunday for the summer, I wondered how many more summers can I take like this. During the school year, I felt overwhelmed with his activities, but now that he's gone, I can't even focus on what I want to do for myself. I told my "friend" back in December that I thought it was pointless to pursue anything romantic; yet, when I imagine him potentially flirting with other women, I become pissed off without any right. I then have an argument with myself for being both selfish and wishy-washy and drop off from communication b/c I can't seem to stand firm on what I want...or don't want. And now my career...I don't know whether I'm coming or going. I wanted that license to have the option for entrepreneurship, but now I'm cowering in a corner just at the mere mention of it.

How did I get here? I always have these 5-year plans in place, but now...I don't know what the hell is going on.

I guess that I have this summer to "find myself"...to heed divine direction...to read blogs, lol.

To start, I guess that I should finish packing. I'll be hanging with my girls in Chicago, enjoying "The Taste". One of them keeps beefing up our itinerary...one event, a "purity" dinner. I don't know what in the hell that is, but I'm sure that it'll make for an interesting blog post once I return.

the haps

So, 2 "big" things are coming up during the week. My 1st year natural anniversary (Friday) and my 32nd birthday (Sunday).

My "friend" asked me if I was excited. I'm not necessarily in cabbage-patch mode about either one. I will say that I am proud of myself for sticking with the "natural" thang. For me, it hasn't been all sunshine and butterflies. I just don't like taking a long time to do my hair. And at times, I questioned why I traded in my predictable roller wrap for an unruly wash n' go. Don't get me wrong...relearning how to do my hair hasn't always been doom and gloom. I find that it is awakening my dormant creativity and is challenging my thoughts on "beauty" and what's considered "beautiful".

It almost feels as if I am having some sort of identity crisis. I considered myself to be low maintenance (not to be confused with NO maintenance). Now, I find myself buying new clothes to compliment my hair (and also b/c I am in dire need of new clothes since I put off shopping for myself) and accessorizing. Now, me and accessories have never been friends. I just didn't see the point in buying something that will go unnoticed. I was wrong. I was surprised to see that men actually pay attention to a nice necklace and my "gaudy" $12.99 rings. The flowers that usually adorn my puffs draws the most attention. But I get more giddy when a little brown girl at J's school compliments me more than a man does.

Growing up, I hid behind big clothes and caps. Now, I understand why my mom had much heartburn over my craving for oversized t-shirts, militant gear, and black this and that. She could see my beauty even when I couldn't. I actually feel more attractive as a natural...and never thought that I'd ever feel that way. For someone that has battled with her self-esteem for so many years, today, I feel as if I am standing on top of a mountain.

So, I would say that I have graduated to medium maintenance...and only medium b/c my love for purses and shoes just hasn't kicked in yet...I don't know if it ever will, lol.

But enough of that, I'll probably do a post on Friday. I trimmed the shit out of my hair yesterday and put it in an updo. We'll see if I butchered myself once I take this 'do down.

As for my birthday...I don't really intend on doing too much. My dad is coming into town the day before. On Sunday, me and some of my lady friends will have a big hat b-day brunch at this restaurant near my house that overlooks the water. Yes, we are getting our "southern" on with mimosas in hand. I have yet to buy my hat though, lol. I have a peach dress hanging in my closet that I haven't worn. Come to think of it, I'll need some shoes and love how DSW is to the rescue with my birthday coupon. It is truly a sin for me to work so close to Steinmart, Ross, DSW, and Michael's...I'm constantly going broke on my lunch break.

No offense to anyone in their 20s, but I don't want to go back. I feel great in my 30s and will probably feel even more fly in my 40s. I'm just happy that God saw fit to allow me to see another year. Lord knows that I have played russian roulette with my life with some of my poor decisions. And then there were the trials...the "why me"s...the "it can't get any worse than this"s, lol. I survived and there is so much beauty in wisdom. That's probably why I like hanging with older women so much. I think back to myself 5 years ago and wow, I am happy that I'm not THAT woman anymore.

Even my blogging is different. I remember writing about anything and everything that came to my mind...oversharing (I'm glad that I deleted that stuff). With age, I've become more selective of what I share, who I allow into my life, and how I spend my time.

I'm not in cabbage patch mode, but I do look forward to the milestones. The best of me has yet to come.

press play #2

I guess that I lied about being back. What’s the deal, right? Well…

1. Mini-me has been keeping me busy. This is tiring, at times, but good. The only thing that worries me is how this has become my life. He’ll be leaving in a month (to spend the summer in N.ew Or.leans) and I’m concerned that I’m going to be bored out of my mind. Sure, I’ll have more opportunities to catch Happy Hours, weekend DC trips, dinners with friends, clubbing (I said this one as if I actually miss it), or whatever it is that you do when you’re 31 y/o and are considered cool, etc. but I’m truly going to miss the noise in the house during those in-between times.

2. This SHOULD give me more time to blog. But, ya know, I don’t know if I necessarily need more TIME to blog. I need more MOTIVATION. I have had several topics to discuss, but by the time I sat down, the topic had gone past its expiration date. I’m a thinker. I can analyze every-damn-thing, but I can also get on my own nerves with all of that. I just want to live and let live.

3. So…I agreed to allow J to spend a week in Florida with his father. **Taking huge breath** I know that he needs that time, but it’s so hard to let go. We have tried to do this in the past and I have pumped the breaks for one reason or another. I guess that ya’ll will know how this turns out…look out for me on the news sometime in August if things go awry.

4. My company has completed some kind of acquisition/merger. There have been celebrations left and right. I’m not a business major or anything, but fast growth concerns me. With everything in my life, I value quality over quantity. I’m not certain that some of the recent decisions that have been made reflect the same value. There have also been some unofficial shifts in power on the lower level. I see a monster-in-the-making but I have a feeling that he might self-destruct before any damage is done. At any rate, I’ve spoken my peace and, prayerfully, I was heard. I was a little reluctant to do that considering…

5. It has been a year since I was laid off. We are truly blessed. Not only does God show up but He shows out! Is it pretty safe to say that I’m good on trials and I deserve to smooth-sail through the rest of my life??? I thinketh not. Unfortunately, I still have some scars…as can be noticed by my concerns in #4 and my mentioning in a previous “hair” blog that I’d rather just blend into the background sometimes. I get a lot of attention at work and every time someone compliments me, I start thinking about that a$$ from my last job that asked me to sit on his lap. I guess that I fear a line being crossed and wondering if there was something that I could've/should've done to stop it ahead of time.

6. The 2 worst things that I could’ve done was to (1) get a smartphone and (2) get a tv for my bedroom. Both are seemingly good ideas, but both have slowed my productivity considerably.

7. I found a note while I was cleaning that J wrote about "loving" some girl. My heart dropped to my knees. I am not ready for all of this. The child is 8 y/o. And what pisses me off is that this is on some Y & R type foolishness, at that. I tried to explain the difference between "like" and "love" but ole boy was adamant about "loving" her. Since he was so upset...that I even found the note, I let it go for the moment. Best believe, it's time for us to have a REALLY LONG talk but I'm looking for books and other visual aids...that sounds crazy, I know.

8. So it's spring/summer and more than just the flowers are in bloom. Weddings and engagements are popping up everywhere and well...it's putting me in a foul mood, lol. Heck, even J is certain about "loving" someone.

press play

I'm back! I was supposed to blog a week ago. Once the test was over it was great to get my life back, but I still had mommy duties that kept me tied up in the evenings and any spare moment that I had was allocated to this wonderful pasttime called sleep.

I guess one could say that I had a severe case of tunnel vision. I had to reprioritize, so blogging and FB'ing lost out.

How did I do? I don't feel great about the test at all. It was a beast. I didn't tell anyone at work that I planned on taking the test. No one has those credentials in my department and I didn't want to draw a bigger "X" on my back. While at the testing center...of ALL people...they sat me next to a coworker, from a different department. He said that it was his 3rd time taking it. I also ran into an ex-coworker, who was taking it for the 2nd time. I thought, "I've prepped and prayed." I had my books in the bleachers while my baby had baseball practice. I caught some study-time in the car, while J was in drama class. And if the activities at the cub scout meetings could be handled without me, I broke out my material. I missed out on 5 beautiful springtime weekends (only sunning during J's games) and tried my best to push through my sleepiness and illness (in the last couple of weeks) on weeknights. I had visions of turbines, steam properties, and moment diagrams creeping into my dreams.

At any rate, I'm glad that it's over and I don't intend on worrying about it for the next 3 months. When I picked up J from afterschool care, the first thing that he asked that day was, "How was your test?" I told him that I didn't feel as if I did well. He said, "Well, at least you tried." All I could do was grin. My baby knew how important it was to me and did his best not to bother me while I studied. My "friend" was VERY supportive and would check on me when I would go "ghost". I realize that I wasn't myself throughout this whole process and I appreciate him for putting up with me...even when I was a wee bit difficult to deal with. My dad even said that he was proud of me for going through with it. That was enough to make me feel pretty good, despite the outcome of the test. For a minute, I wondered if I should've just waited until October since I wasn't notified that I was eligible to take the test until it was late in the game. I'm not mad b/c I sincerely did my best. I just think that in this case, my best may not have been good enough. I won't know the results until July, so in the meantime, life goes on. The only thing that does disappoint me is that I so wanted this to be a good testimony, but now, I don't think that it is.

In the midst of my aggressive study schedule, my cousin made the big decision to move the Monday after Easter. I mentioned that she was going through some things before. Shortly after I moved here, I recall her saying that she wanted to move to Char.lotte. Somehow over the course of the last year, I was able to convince her that Houston was a better option. This was purely out of my own selfishness, b/c I knew that eventually I'd be moving back home and Houston is pretty close. I never imagined that everything that has happened would've happened and I certainly wasn't prepared for her to make such a huge decision and follow through with it as quickly as it went down. But knowing her, I'm certain that she made the best decision for her and Baby E. So, there's nothing more for me to say on the matter. One day soon, we'll be in close proximity again so this is yet another thing for me to look forward to.

Being out of the loop hasn't been such a bad thing. One day last week, I left my cell phone at home. I realized it while I was dropping J off at school and actually considered driving back home to get it before going to work. J said, "It's good that you left it at home so you won't be distracted while you should be working." I paused b/c I was trying to figure out what he knew about me being distracted, lol. But he's right. I survived without it...just as I survived without the internet. Being tied to the internet has distracted me from giving my full attention to many things that should be more important. Taking those steps back was not only necessary for studying, but also for some perspective. And I think that I will continue to go with that. Not everything is meant to be put on display and some things aren't meant for me to see.

Let's see...if there's anyone out there that reads me SOLELY for my hair updates, I apologize. I'll post something this week, but I'm kinda boring in the hair department. I wore twists for 5 weeks and now I'm tired of them. This past week, I wore my hair out b/c I wanted a change. Just to give you an idea of my situation now:

End of January (I don't know what was up with my camera)

End of April (w/beaucoup frizz)

I'll post some backstory and more pics later. I said that I wanted thicker hair. Now, I'm not so sure, lol.

So again, I'm back! But I am in the thick of baseball season, spring play rehearsals, and cub scout activities so please bear with me. A sista gets worn out. :)

mini-update

Perhaps I should've hung a sign on the door, sent up a smoke signal, or a pigeon. My apologies. We are fine. My schedule has been a little tight and I have been trying to use what little free time that I have to study. Thanks to those that did reach out to me...I was honored. If we're FB friends, no, I didn't defriend you or put you on limited access. I'm just trying to take care of business and have had every obstacle thrown at me in the process.

My test is next Friday. Unfortunately, I have missed out on some good study days, b/c J and I have been sick this week. At any rate, I have to hit it hard this weekend.

Really quick...

Hair update: Not much to tell. I have been keeping my hair in twists b/c I didn't want to think about what I was going to do to it when every minute counted.

My cousin (my only fam here in Richmond) is, well, no longer in Richmond. She has officially moved to Texas and my heart has been heavy. I pray that her and the fam fair well.

I'll have to write a post on what's happening with J's spring play. It has been challenging.

So, I'm about to crack the books. I'll write more next weekend...by then, I will get my life back. Hopefully everyone else is doing well. I have not read any blogs in a grip...maybe one day I'll catch up...or just try to fill in the blanks.

Take care and be cool,

LB

randomosity (part II)

1. So…I got my gas bill. While my dad was here, he thought it a good idea to heat the house by turning on all 4 burners, my oven, and jacking my heater above 75 degrees. Needless to say, when I got the bill, I clutched my chest a la Fred Sanford and shouted, “Elizabeth, I’m coming to join you, honey!”
2. Why is my son so daggone ssssssslllllllooooooooooowwwww??? I swear that I hear the Fat Albert theme song as I watch him walk around the house in the morning, looking like one of the Cosby kids from the cartoon.

3. Is it normal to feel as if you're experiencing post-partum depression...8 years later???

4. I wonder if I have this note written on my forehead that says, "Please, tell me ALL your business." If something goes down, I don't want anyone to have a reason to subpoena me.

5. I had 2 coworkers confide in me...bad stuff about the other one. I remained neutral, but gave both of them a pep talk stressing how they should focus on their own work and suggested ways in which they could better deal with the other.

6. Well, one of them was fired today.

7. Yeah, I really need to work on being unapproachable.

8. Spring cannot seem to come soon enough.

9. I feel so disorganized and unable to focus...which is probably the reason why I can't come up with one cohesive blog.

10. I haven't had a good night's sleep in 2 weeks. I feel "wound up" almost all the time.

11. Sometimes I notice that the qualities that I don't like in other people are present within me.

12. How long is it still considered acceptable to have a Christmas tree up?

13. I'm having an unhealthy addiction to Nick at Nite...The Nanny, Everybody Hates Chris, Malcolm in the Middle & George Lopez. Man, if they somehow threw the Golden Girls in the mix...I'd never sleep.

14. For some reason, I can't commit to shows that I have to watch in sequence to know what's going on.

15. I have been suffering from all kinds of fears of commitment lately.

16. I didn't even want to commit to a Triple Play bundle with Veriz.on. I always feel like big companies are trying to take advantage of me in some way. I ask reps to repeat themselves and then write it down word for word...and THEN call back to talk to another rep to make sure that what the previous rep had in the system was correct.

17. After typing that out, I almost feel as if I should make an appointment with my Suzie.

18. I like being natural (for right now), but sometimes I wonder if some natural-heads are nutjobs.

19. I just can't wrap my mind around why what someone chooses to do with their hair, body, or simply their life period, is a problem for someone else.

20. Looks like I have a Valentine this year. :)

randomosity

1. Today was "Drama Mama or Papa" day at J's drama class. I left work early to act silly for a whole hour. J seemed so proud and happy that I was there. I needed that.

2. I am overbooked. Keeping up with practices, meetings, scrimmages, clinics, projects, races, fundraisers, etc. is very overwhelming right now. And somewhere in that, I have to make time for me. (And I could've sworn that I only had ONE child).

3. Unless J turns into Mich.ael Jor.dan by March, I don't think that we're going to do this basketball thing next year. I can hardly stand to watch him out there.

4. Can you believe that I had to email J's teacher to ask about his grade for that simple machine project? I...I mean...J got a 100!

5. I marched my little butt right over to the office of the Board today during lunch and handed over my "appeal" to their decision. If they still won't allow me to take the test in April, then I'll just accept it and move on to Plan B (whatever that is), but I couldn't go down without a fight.

6. My mentor/former supervisor in New Or.leans wrote me a sweet letter after I "cried on her shoulder". Sometimes I need to remind myself that I have good people in my corner.

7. And with that said, I need to ease my frustrations...and cash in this massage gift certificate and this eyebrow threading gift certificate that I got for Christmas.

8. The latter certificate kinda scares me. I only let one woman touch my face.

9. The day that I get all of the forms that I need to do my taxes, is the day that I do cartwheels in the parking lot.

10. This past weekend was the BEST weekend in football as far as I'm concerned.

11. It's been finalized. I'm going home for Mardi Gras this year. I'm pretty damn excited.

12. I need a break from VA. Seriously.

13. I don't give a damn what happens THIS year, I'm going to Chicago in July. I will book those tickets next. One more reason as to why I'm still bitter about the layoff.

14. On some days, I can't even quantify how much my dad gets on my nerves. And on others, he takes his meds surprises me and acts like a father should.

15. I'm not certain, but I think that there are 3 white guys at work flirting with me. Yet, when I'm in close proximity to a black guy (i.e. the elevator), the nearest female tries to "sell" him to me.

16. My rule: Equal Opportunity, in general. No opportunity at work.

17. I was going to write a blog about my attempt at being debt-free (excluding mortgage) by the end of 2010. But after dropping some bills on my car recently, I'm not so sure. I am disappointed that my original goal of paying off my student loans by June 2011 is looking kinda shaky.

18. I am sitting here...eating whipped cream out of the container while thinking of ways to modify my diet.

19. It's not looking too good for the home team.

the day after

Scene: J and I are in an aisle at Home Depot, comparing sandpaper. A white-haired older man, a Home Depot employee donned in an orange apron with the name "Ernie" scribbled in black marker above the pocket, approaches us.

Ernie: Well hello! Is there anything that I can help you with?

Me: We (I mean, he) has an upcoming pinewood derby race and we need some items to finish designing the car.

Ernie: Oh, really! I JUST helped my grandson with that. Do you know that he came in second place? I can really teach you some tricks that will help you win.

Me: Well, I wrote down a list of things that I think we need. **Reading from list** Sandpaper, primer, paint, and weights. Will this sandpaper do the trick? All we're trying to do is round out the edges.

Ernie: Yes, it will. We'll grab that and now, follow me. **he motions with his finger**

**Ernie walks us to the front counter and points at a tube of graphite lubricant.**

Ernie: You see, you want to put this on your axles so that it reduces the friction between the wheels and the axles. **He looks at J** This will help you to go really fast!

Me: OK, great!

Ernie: Now, let's go look at some paint.

**Ernie walks us to the paint aisles and asks the lady behind the paint counter about spray-on primer. She points us to the containers that have paint and primer combined.**

Ernie: What color do you want it?

J: Red.

Ernie: About as red as your jacket?

J: Yes!

Ernie: **directed towards the lady behind the paint counter** Can you get us a red about the same color as this young man's jacket?

**She disappears**

Ernie: Do you have brushes at home?

Me: Not any good ones.

**Paint counter lady reappears with the paint.**

Ernie: Can you pick us up a brush too?

**Paint counter lady (PCL) leaves again and then comes back with some brushes.**

Ernie: **looking at the items and the paint lady** Good. Now how much is all of this?

PCL: I know that this **pointing at the paint** is $2.69. I'm not sure about everything else off-hand. I can check.

Ernie: **taking off his Home Depot apron** That's ok. I will see. **he taps me** Please be patient.

**Ernie walks away with my items. I smile b/c I was so happy that he was helping me. Ernie then returns with everything paid for in a Home Depot bag.**

Ernie: **pats me on the back** Merry Christmas.

**Ernie hands me the bag and then disappears between the aisles. I thank him as he walks away.**

I woke up yesterday feeling so heavy. Reality had set-in overnight, and although I plan to fight the decision, I was disappointed in myself. All I really wanted to do was stay in bed, but I had a tight schedule and taking a moment to feel down was not an excuse to NOT handle other business.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned having a 5-year plan. Well, at the end of those 5 years, I hoped to be back home closer to my family. In my mind, passing this test was going to help me get back there sooner, b/c having those extra initials would automatically make me more marketable...even in the toughest of markets. So I wanted to get it knocked out as soon as possible. The next one is being offered in October, but for some reason, that's not good enough for me.

Anyway, it's amazing how someone's act of kindness can not only motivate you to keep going but can also motivate you to be a better person. I will definitely pay it forward.

Thanks, Ernie.

stalker alert

I want to just go on record and say that Chele is my best friend...in my mind. Two days in a row, she wrote about some things that have been bothering me lately. I mean, REALLY bothering me. It feels so strange when someone (who you've never met) is so in tune to your thoughts that it's as if they are peeking through your window. I am so excited about her journey that I may just take up singing in juke joints and find myself at the corner table, reading Confessions of a Beautiful Woman with a glass of merlot, stalking her and B on their date nights. OK, I'm kidding...I'm not trying to get cut.

Twice, I have tried to draft a post expressing this and this, but then scrapped them b/c I was trying to stay "smurfy". The latter post really choked me up b/c half the time I can't tell if people are for me or against me. I'm not requiring that everyone just fall in love with me when they first meet me b/c that's unrealistic. But damn, if you don't like me for some reason other than something that I directly did to you, then be honest with yourself. I'm not the enemy.

Single black female seeking GENUINE friendships. Keep 'em coming, Chele, b/c I'm jacked up now!

Real post, coming soon...

lazy saturday

I woke up with good intentions this morning. I thought about priming my bathroom today, so that I could paint it tomorrow. But since I spent most of the day before, doing what I felt to be "late fall cleaning", I knew that I would take my time getting up. Now, my version of sleeping late is somewhere around 9 am...if I dare slip into the double digits, the day has gotten away from me. Especially now that the best sunlight pours into my bedroom window around 8-8:30 am.

But that knucklehead son of mine would not let me close my eyes for 10 whole minutes. I swear, if I heard "mommy" one more time, I was going to snap. This lil dude is an early riser on every day that ends in y. And the fact that he was calling me over silly stuff just made me triply-aggravated. Then again, I have been carrying this headache all day long so that has probably done a number on my level of patience. My all.eve didn't help at all.

With the exclusion of treating ourselves to IHOP, we have been couped up in the house. I have gotten reacquainted with my recliner while observing the flickering Christ.mas lights and random bios on TV. I did some online window shopping. I am debating on whether or not to buy a new dress for my company's "holiday" party. I did purchase some vinyl art: something custom made for my kitchen and a quote to go above my bed. I'll post pics of both rooms once I receive it. And finally, I did some reading. I guess that I'm trying to soak up as much relaxation as possible during this 4-day weekend.

I did see something that disturbed me while driving down my street. The house on the corner is up for sale. The older couple that lives there is so sweet...I usually see the white-haired guy walking his dog. He always stops to speak and I can also depend on him for a full report on the "goings on" around my house when he notices that my car has been missing for long periods of time. Well, the last that we spoke, he said that he might be laid off soon but he hadn't heard any final word on the matter. When I saw the "For Sale" sign up, I was wondering if that was any indicator of that final word.

I don't want to go down there and get in his business...I guess that I hope to catch him walking his dog and that the conversation will come naturally. I'm trying not to jump to conclusions, so I'll just pray that everything is alright. I really hate to lose good neighbors...and I appreciate the somewhat nosy ones.

Anyway, I am sitting here...willing this headache to go away just as much as I'm willing some magical glass of egg nog to appear.

the funny things about face.book

While reading this blog, I was brought back to those negative emotions that I displayed on here towards J's dad. He was actually my friend on FB, b/c it was convenient. I wasn't about to mail a picture of J, so he had access to J's photo album and could puff his chest out and act as if he's been some big help while looking through the pics, I guess. Well after my angry post last week, I clicked my mouse so hard that I almost broke it when I defriended him. I'm laughing about it now b/c I'm tickled with the things that we do on face.book...and how serious it's gotten.

I joined a little over a year ago...under duress, lol. My girlfriend set up my account and then "friend"ed herself. Not too long after, it seems that every person that I may have even glanced at in high school were sending friend requests. And then there were those people that I really had to think long and hard as to how I knew them. Soon my mysp.ace addiction was satiated and I was on to something new. There are a lot of things that I like about the site, but there are also things that I can do without. I'm going in...

1. I can do without the hug requests, smile requests, or any of those other "cutesie" requests. I'm still scratching my head over the point of it all, but to each his own.

2. I do not play Mafi.a Wa.rs, Fa.rmville, Sor.ority Li.fe, etc. If there's any way to control MY not receiving a request, I would greatly appreciate it. I REALLY could do without them. Please and thank you.

3. I can do without the undercover brothers. When I post a pic or update my status, instead of commenting below it like everyone else, they wanna shoo-shoo over email. This would be fine if the emails didn't say, "Girl, you got me thinking some things..." Yeah, I'm thinking some things too...like, "How's the wife and kids?"

4. I can do without the status messages that try to police other people's status messages. Let them do them and you do you. The "Hide" button has been a close friend of mine...but then you have to wonder. If I'm hiding them, why am I friends with them?

5. I said #4 but people DO lack sense these days. I can REALLY do without the status messages that allude to your getting or having just got "some". You sir, are a lame.

6. I can do without the friend requests after I comment on a mutual friend's page. No...you are their friend. We have never met. (This doesn't apply to bloggers that I frequent but have never met...I welcome you all.)

7. I can do without being tagged on EVERY doggone picture that I am in. I have de-tagged myself for a reason. Or worse yet, someone that's not even IN the picture, will tag me b/c...it was such a gross mistake for me to NOT be tagged. Please mind yurn!

8. I like how one friend of mine, who met J's dad through me, was friends with him on FB long before I even knew that he had an account. And then is all up in his photo album, commenting on pics of J, talking 'bout how J looks just like him...blah, blah, blah. Say word? So ya'll cool like that??? Please note that I'm looking at you real crazy right now...and am wondering if I can do without you.

9. I can really do without the jacked-up face.book "upgrades". Do us all a favor and just leave well enough alone.

10. I am currently doing without the "Honesty Box"...but I am open to someone explaining why they like them and if someone ever said something juicy in their box...and did a torrid affair ensue? Just curious.

Any more???

IMO Thursdays - Silence

Ever see this? Central character and his adversary are in a physical confrontation during the climax of a movie. The adversary pulls out a gun, sets the stage for the quickest way to dead his opponent…clear shot and everything. But INSTEAD of just pulling the trigger, this dude will explain WHY he is going to shoot him, HOW he masterminded whatever scheme that led up to this moment, WHAT he’s going to do AFTER he kills the dude, WHO he’s going to frame for it…hell, on down to how he felt unloved as a child and what he had for breakfast. I have time to get up, go to the bathroom, buy some nachos and a super-piss drink, come back and this mofo is STILL talking! Or worse yet, the antagonist will drop the gun and get all Jet Li/Jackie Chan. Hmmmm…I just can’t imagine myself in a life or death situation and then I decide that I’ll forego my piece for an honorable fight with my fists. Damn that…if I’m gon’ “off” you, I’m not taking any chances of getting boxed in the face or getting my grill kicked out in the process. Now, I’m not a film buff but Ste.vie Won.der can see that this buys time for the impending power shift b/c, of course, the protagonist HAS to save the day. Without scenes like this, some movies will only last for 30-45 minutes…if THAT long. I know this but this scenario annoys the hell out of me EVERY TIME.

Now, this is a movie. And this is obvious b/c it’s a movie. But why do we take so long to figuratively “dead” people, who are of no good to us, in real life? What is the pay off in dragging out a situation, long past its expiration date? We’re so concerned about our physical health…with good reason. We’ll throw out bread that begins to mold. We’ll pour out milk that begins to curdle. And as far as I know, rotting fruit has never been the business. I bet if we’d stop stomaching some of the things that affect our emotional health with half as much conviction, we’d find that a lot of the bellyaching could’ve been avoided.

Here’s what I’ve noticed…some people are unaware of how much power they hold in a situation. They have the gun in the palm of their hand, but will unknowingly relinquish it. I have a girlfriend, who was dating some jerk…nothing uncommon for her. Well, dude disrespected her. The manner in which he did it was a deal breaker. This broad writes him a 4-page letter/email explaining WHY she was upset, WHAT he did to make her upset, and HOW she deserves to be treated. Maybe I give men too much credit, but chances are, she didn’t include anything mind-blowing in that letter b/c he already knew better…and he probably didn’t read it anyway. I’m only guessing that the reasons that she wrote the letter were b/c she wanted some kind of closure or an apology. I’ve learned that apologies do nothing for me, especially when I’m not ready to even entertain the forgiveness process. So, what’s the point? Someone of bad character is more sorry about the revelation than the actual act. Here’s my tip…say nothing. You’ve killed the situation on your end AND the asshole doesn’t even know what’s on your mind or your next move. It’s strategic. If he’s even concerned, then you have the upper hand. And if he’s not, you’ve exited with your dignity intact, which is powerful in and of itself. Silence is a win-win.

Arguments typically consist of two people talking loud. That’s it. I’ve had my fair share of cussing matches and I couldn’t even tell you what the other person even said. And once it’s over, then what? Resolution? Not likely. People are going to believe and think what they want. No amount of loud-talking is going to change that. As I‘ve gotten older, I’ve become a woman of fewer words and a proponent of the disappearing act.

Here’s another favorite…how many times have you said or heard, “He just won’t leave me alone”? Who controls that? 9 times out of 10, dude is a nuisance, not a certifiable nutcase or stalker like we make dude out to be…though the embellishment is good for the ego, I guess, and pure entertainment for your girlfriends in the retelling of the story. If it’s truly an extreme case then, of course, the best thing is to get some authorities involved…if you REALLY feel as if your life is in danger. None of my girlfriends have ever done that, so I always assume that it is not that serious. In that case, the best way to correct not being highly-selective when issuing out your number in the first place is to STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE. I have yet to come across a guy that has not taken the hint after conversing with my voicemail or having his texts unanswered. In the meantime, save the number and set the ringer ID to silent. If you receive calls from unknown numbers, don’t answer them. He may be sitting in his house, turning the lamp light on and off and chanting, “I will not be ignored,” but I’m gonna be sleeping soundly and sipping lemonade in the shade. All of this picking up the phone to tell him to not call anymore is counterproductive. Getting riled up or angry is just what the crazies want. Dead him now, eulogy later.

In closing, be protective of your energy and recognize your power/control. B/C lawd knows, if you hold a gun to my head and then proceed to recite a monologue in the most dramatic of displays, that’s your ass.

Simply IMO.

lyrics of life

Lyrics that profile my life/mood at this very moment:

CAREER
Like a child lost in the wilderness,
Till I reach my destination I won't rest.
'Cuz I'm willin' and I'm able.
I'm ready 2 place my cards on the table.
There's some kings in my deck and a queen or 2,
So you know there ain't nothin', nothin' that I wouldn't do.
'Twas a long time comin', but now that it's here,
All the non-believers better fear me.

-"Willing and Able" Prince

ROMANCE
I'm into you, you into me,
But I can't let it go so easily.
Not 'til I see whether this could be,
Eternity or just a week.

-"Try Again" Aaliyah

MOTHERHOOD
I've never been in love like this before.
Now let me pray to keep you from,
The perils that will surely come.
See life for you, my prince, has just begun,
And I thank you for choosing me.
To come through unto life to be,
A beautiful reflection of his grace.
For I know that a gift so great,
Is only one God could create,
And I'm reminded every time I see your face.

-"To Zion" Lauryn Hill

FINANCES
Thinkin of a master plan,
'Cuz ain’t nuthin but sweat inside my hand.
So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent,
So I dig deeper but still comin up with lint.

-"Paid in Full" Eric B. & Rakim

SPIRITUAL
Faithful, faithful, faithful is our God.
I'm reaping the harvest God promised me,
Take back what the devil stole from me.
And I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all.
Yes, I rejoice today, for I shall recover it all.

- "Faithful is Our God" Hezekiah Walker & The Love Fellowship Crusade Choir

crooked letter, I presents...

...another random blog.

It has been so long since I wrote about something aside from my mundane life. I have a drafted "angry" blog, but I feel as if the moment has passed and it doesn't even make sense for me to post it. Anyway...

Do any of you work with the "Is something wrong?" guy? My God, every-damn-day, he stands in front of my cube "checking on me". He is getting on my nerves. I'm thinking that he feels some sort of guilt. When I came in on Friday, I overheard my name when he was speaking to my supervisor. I startled him when he saw me and then all of a sudden he says, "Hey **gubment name**"...a little too nervously for my taste. I'm already paranoid, so I assumed that he may have been in the process of trying to throw me under the bus. I happily walked my ass around to his cube and stood there while he finished speaking with my supervior. After they finished their discussion, I confronted him. He was overly nice then...praising me and whatnot.

My coworkers in my department say that since I've been there, everything has been 99% better as far as this dude is concerned. Apparently, he likes to dictate minus the clout. He is really short with people and has no sense of accountability. But for some reason, according to them, he is afraid of me. He has never said anything crazy to me to my face and I'm sure that after I confronted him on Friday, he won't dare try me. It's funny b/c I am so non-threatening. I'm 5'3" on a good day and petite. I'm not sure if it's my race, 'fro or this "make 'em think you crazy" look that I like to sport. I could care less if he's walking on eggshells around me, all I want to do is my job and do it well. So far, so good. I've been getting nothing but kudos...so, he SHOULD BE scared.

***************************

While playing around on the internet, I came across this picture of Lau.ryn Hill...

I'm not sure if she's loc'd, twisted, braided or what in this picture but I love the shape of her do'. It may be a little difficult for me to achieve since my sides are shorter than the top of my hair, but it motivated me to keep pushin'. This is what my coil-outs look like now:

This is either 3rd or 5th day hair b/c I'm lazy as hell, but maybe in 6 months or so, my hair may be as full as Laur.yn's in that picture. I also love the richness of her hair color but me and black hair dye parted ways last December after my second trip to the doctor over that PPD allergic reaction. So...that's a wrap on that.

***************************

This past Sunday, I did the "Making Stri.des Against Brea.st Cancer" walk with my lil man. Now, I WAS supposed to do the walk with a group. Only one person showed up. The others gave me one reason or another as to why they couldn't make it. Plus, it was rainy and cold that morning. For a minute, I wondered if I was even going to do it. I was all emotional that morning too. But I was determined. Since my mom died, there may have been one year out of the ten that I didn't do it. But honestly, if you feel really strongly about something, it doesn't matter if anyone else will be around. I did it for me and enjoyed my myself.

They had a mini-warm-up before the race, during which they played the Cha Cha Sli.de and the Cu.pid Shuf.fle. Now, the former is J's jam (albeit he has no rhythm whatsoever and I will work hard at remedying that, lol.) And the latter...well, most of ya'll should know that I don't play when it comes to my Cu.pid Shuf.fle.

It's funny b/c I had J out there in the crowd, guiding him as the moves changed. It made me remember when my mom used to just randomly start dancing in grocery/convenience stores, parking lots, etc. and how that would embarass the hell outta me. J, on the other hand, was a trooper. We were laughing the whole time. We forgot about the cold and the drizzle and kept it moving. So, it was a good time had by all...and hopefully, my mom was watching us and having a hearty laugh as well.

randoms

1. I am kicking ass at work and taking names. **Pats self on back**

2. Speaking of work, I am glad that I didn't flip those conference room tables when I was downsized in April...like I envisioned. I had to get 3 references from 3 PEs that have known me for over a year to complete my application for this PE exam next April.

3. My former supervisor(s) were very happy to hear from me. I, on the other hand, still feel a little weird about it all.

4. I was making some ninja-like movements about the old office b/c I didn't want to be seen. Unfortunately, my hair grabbed some people's attention .

5. This was not the time to get loud compliments, but I took them with a smile...as I looked over my shoulder.

6. Speaking of hair...my hair=ugh!

7. J has joined cub scouts, and believe me when I say, I tried every creative way to talk him out of it b/c of my own laziness.

8. And his drama classes start up next week, which means that I'm going to have to be to work for 7 so that I can pick him up after class in the afternoon. I'm not a night owl, but I'm most certainly not a morning person. For that and the cost, J better be the next Morgan Freeman. In fact, his new nickname will be Denzel.

9. These neighborhood kids must not know that I'm not too fond of children. But I'm happy to see J happy.

10. It's October...YAY! And so it begins...

11. Breast Cancer Race is October 18th. Who's with me???

12. J wants to be Ana.kin Sky.walker for Halloween AGAIN this year.

13. Just when I get excited about saving money on a new costume, this dude is trying to talk me into buying tombstones and police tape for the front yard. NOT!!!

14. Oh yeah...I was offered a job back home in the N.O...just yesterday. My dad took the news hard, lol. He understood that I refuse to put J through anymore than he's already been through this summer.

15. Speaking of home...my man friend from back home did make the trip up and the visit went well.

16. I really liked having him around.

17. Not that #15 or #16 is related to this, but I can't wait to get back on my BC this month. Hopefully, my skin will thank me.

18. My girlfriend (the one that I'm in the pseudo-relationship with) said, "I just feel that I value the friendship more than you do."

19. OK, maybe I'm an odd bird but, there's only so much phone talking that I can do with any ONE person.

20. Has anyone had to get a se.curity clear.ance before? My God. They have asked everything on down to whether or not my Uncle Sam liked green eggs and ham. Geez.