best week ever

I had been a ball of nerves for weeks.  And then  FINALLY, I got good news.  I sat at work on a Friday afternoon, wondering why I was still there at 3pm when it was waaayyyy too sunny outside to be couped up and behind a computer.  And especially now that I wasn't too fond of my current job, I looked for any reason to leave...headache, hangnail, bad breath, whatever! 

As I started packing up, I got a congratulatory email stating that I passed my exam!  It only took them 7 WEEKS to score a computer-administered exam.  But oh well..since I passed, I forgave them.  I happily marched over to my Dept. Head to gloat but, more importantly, be reimbursed for my efforts.  As I held the printed email up, I hoped that he could read what I was thinking.  Something along the lines of "Look at me now, look at me now...ohhhhhh...I'm getting paper...I'm fresher than a mug."  He seemed rather impressed, especially considering how one of his team leaders couldn't pass the exam to save his life.  I left him to marinate on that, bcuz Happy Hour was definitely necessary.

On my way to get a margarita about the size of my head, I get a call.  After 7 WEEKS of interviewing I was offered the job in DC!  I tried to play it cool as the guy was running down the salary and list of benefits.  PRAISE HIM!  When God shows up, He shows out!  I have been so unhappy with my job.  I just got to the point where I didn't want to design anymore.  When you have to sit in your car in the morning before you enter the building and at lunch to give yourself a pep talk, it is definitely time to move on.  Feeling unappreciated, wronged, replaceable, etc. is not a good look.  NOW, I will be getting paid more money to work from home (heading to DC occasionally) doing the function, which I loved the most on my current job, full-time.  I can also potentially move back to the N.O. anytime I want to.  It gets no sweeter.  They gave me the weekend to think about it, but my mind was made up during the conversation.  This job was better than any job that I could've possibly found in the N.O.

I already had plans to celebrate my birthday early with my girlfriends last weekend, but this was cause for an EXTRA toast.  We went to a tasting at a local winery.  We always start out so diginified, but by the end of the night, our shoes were off, dancing in the grass and on the stage with the band.  We followed it up with a champagne brunch on Sunday.  I couldn't think of a better way to bring in 34.

After a fabulous weekend celebration, I handed in my two weeks notice, first thing Monday morning.  I thought that after all I had been through the past few months that their reaction would've been "Ok, bye."  I never got the feeling that I was valued until the company attempted to counter my offer.  It's funny how I have been begging for more money that they could never find for almost 3 years.  The increase was comparable to the new job, but the stress was certainly not worth it.  The reaction that I have been getting from my peers and VPs alike is that I'll be missed but they understand how great an opportunity this new job is for me.  I will still see most during meetings for the professional organizations we belong to.  Others...well, bye!  

My dad, my stepmom, and my baby nephew came up on my bday.  I was spoiled!  J's dad came up on Thursday and my friends came down from northern VA to attend my baby's graduation from elementary school on Friday.  It has been a long time coming!  I am SO proud of my lil man!  We are both embarking on new beginnings and it couldn't be more exciting. 

Here it is...it's my last week at the current job and I have SOOOOO much stuff to do.  Let's see, I'll be checking FB, all my email accounts...oh, I think that it's my turn in Draw Something, gotta catch up on my forums...and maybe somewhere amidst all that busy-ness, I MAY do SOME work.

I encourage YOU to have the best week ever!

10 - mini-me is not so mini anymore :(

Celebrating my one TRUE labor day, the day that I gave birth to my lil man, J.  He turned 10 today.  Good Lawd, YA'LL are getting old, lol.

Truth be told, I've written about 3 blogs since my last posting, but I scrapped them b/c I'm just not ready to share.  I need some time to get comfortable again.  BUT, I had to celebrate my baby's birthday on blog.

My boy, Navy, came down for the weekend and took care of us.  My crew had a cookout on Saturday and surprised J (and me) with a cake.  My lil man even learned how to play spades and got to sit at the mens table.  (Next up, dominoes, lol).  We had a great time as I served everyone on some more MJ Ex.perience.  Then on Sunday, Navy treated us to King's Do.minion.  I was mistaken for J's older sister by an entry photographer at the park, but it's cool.  J had a blast and we closed it down!

Today, I woke him up and gave him his gifts.  He was so appreciative that he hopped out of bed just to give me a big hug.  I love that lil boy so much.  I was "allowed" to drop off cupcakes at his school and I made sure NOT to kiss him in front of his friends (the biggest gift that I could give), lol.

Happy Birthday to the greatest joy in my life! (only 8 more to go)

yes we can, yes we did

Yesterday, J and I did the 10K. TODAY, my legs, thighs, and other regions that I can't name are screaming at me. Despite the weather reports, it was a beautiful day. We started out good, but man oh man, I started fading fast. And then when I got my second wind, J started acting like he was about to drop b/c of a cramp in his stomach. I know that he was salty at me everytime that I pointed at something and said that we were going to start back running once we hit that point. But it was fun! There were so many people out there cheering us on. And then there were those people holding and offering pans of cupcakes and boxes of doughnuts along the route in support. It was truly an experience...even when J decided that he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of it, lol. We ran and walked it, but once I saw the finish line from afar, I told J that we had to finish strong (this feeling was intensified when I saw this pregnant lady pass us up...and then the old man). And it was on! I kept chanting "We Can Do It, Yes, We Can!" We just had to keep pushing ourselves and we did it! It may have been ugly but we did it. Now, will we do this again next year...I'm not so sure. Unfortunately, J had a baseball game right after, so we had to race again to get to the field on the other side of town. I told him that he should be proud of himself b/c he did an amazing job.

I found some energy to wash my hair afterwards, but I just stood in the shower for 30 minutes. Simply stood. Reporting back from my last post about my deep treatment concoction...it was a miss this time. My curls were again moisturized but fell limp. I read that this could be a side effect from using either the yogurt or the coconut milk, but I hadn't experienced this before. The hair that is a looser texture was almost straight. I might've kept it in for too long or using it 2 times in a row could have been overkill. Who knows. I have been wearing my hair in a ponytail for the past 2 weeks to hide it and give it a chance to bounce back. So, I went back to my Deep Treatment Masque in hopes of bringing it back to life. Crossing fingers b/c I have to go to Cali next week and then back home the week after that, and I absolutely cannot afford to look crazy in either place.

I scored some She.a Mois.ture products on sale (BOGO) at Walgreens. I should be stocked up for the rest of the year. However, it looks like I have to find a new detangling conditioner. I bought the newly packaged Yes To Cu.cumbers and my hair gave it two thumbs down. I don't know what's missing or added to the new formula, but I'm not a fan. I am open to suggestions.

My dad is coming up on Wednesday to play Mr. Mom for a week when I go to Cali. My test is on Friday and I'm ready to knock it out of the park! J's baseball Opening Day is on Saturday, but after that, a coworker (who is taking a different professional exam that day) and I are celebrating getting our lives back after being holed up in our respective caves and studying for the past 3 months. I can't lie, I plan to be "nice" by 9pm. I'll spend Sunday recuperating and packing. I leave for Cali on Monday, will return that Thursday, and then my dad, J and I will all fly home on that Friday. Provided I'm not in a coma, I plan to enjoy my week in N.O. to the fullest. I don't normally take off from work for a whole week, but this is well-deserved and needed. Can I make it to then?

And the countdown begins...

he's proud of ME

Life has been pretty hectic, but I have to press pause for this moment. This month, I am helping the cubscouts earn their engineering badge. They have been building catapults and "towers" out of stiff sphaghetti noodles, marshmallows, and tape. I stayed an hour late at work last Friday, printing up portions of plans and creating packets for the boys that show what I do. I was concerned, b/c this is a den full of 9 year olds. I thought by the end of my presentation, that they would topple out of their chairs in boredom. Especially since I'm more of a "hands on" learner myself, I would have rather led another activity. But somehow, by the grace of God, I kept them engaged and interested. I had a couple of the parents tell me that their sons went home excited about what I showed them and even said that my job was "cool". But even better than that, J was quick to share with his PawPaw how good I was that night.

It's one thing to be proud of your kids, but it's an indescribable feeling when they are proud of you. Although I have been so tired from feeling as if I am burning the candle at both ends, I have to say that I DO love my job...the mommy one.

the race

Can you guess which car is J's? (These were the cars in J's den only).

So, the night before the race, I tried to hammer in the axles and wheels to the car. In the process, I jacked up one of the axles. After fiddling with it waaayyyyy too long (b/c J was downstairs in his room having a ball while I was toying with HIS car), I decided that we were going to go in early, so that I could holla at one of the fellas in the pit crew and get him to help me fix it.

Well, the fella in question claimed that there was nothing wrong with my tire. I asked him to check again, but got the same response. I annoyed him for maybe 15 minutes and then let it go. What was J doing? He was playing with his best friend having a ball while I was toying with his car, lol.

And then there's the race. First round, J won first! Second round, J came in second. Third round, J's car was third. The ship had sunk. I was more dejected than J. But guess who comes in first in the whole pack...the fella in question's son (J's best friend). I smell sabotage, lol.

It was all in good fun. We had a great time regardless and J never allows something like this to negatively affect him.

We stuck around to cheer for his best friend. Lo and behold, the Pack Leader announces the Best in Show award for the WHOLE PACK.

J grinned. I, on the other hand, threw my hands up in victory. The other parents laughed at me, but hey, I was up in the middle of the night painting teeth on that dang thang while J was asleep, probably having a dream about having a ball...while I was toying with his car!

So, in closing...I'd like to thank all the little people that made this possible. 2nd place Scout's Choice last year, 1st place Best in Show this year...I may just start a pinewood derby car painting business. LOL!

God knows I'm a knucklehead

It's THAT time of year again! The cubscouts are gearing up for the pinewood derby race. I re-read last year's post about it and I got teary-eyed again.

I had J sketch out what he wanted his car to look like. I'm trying to get him in the habit of planning and executing. Well, this time, he brought his sketch to me and I was shocked to see that he wanted his car to look like Harry Po.tter. The body of the car was in the shape (supposedly) of his favorite character of all time.

Now, I can be a tad bit more hands on than I need to be at times. I try not to take over the whole project but I want to guide him in the direction of success. I explained that the car was too boxy and; whereas, "cute" can win "Scout's Choice", the goal is to win the race. He looked dejected. I applauded him for his creativity (as I always encourage it), but explained that sometimes we get caught up in "looks" and that detours us from the task at hand.

I sketched out another plan, taking into account the best shape to overcome drag and the best place to secure the weights so that the car can go fast. He shook his head in agreement. As far as the design, we can compromise and have it look like a face...can't guarantee that it'll look like Harry Pott.er, but it will look "different". (He still wanted to argue with me on that idea, lol.)

We headed to Lowe's for "cut night" and afterwards, I left him responsible for sanding the car down. Now, that he is more focused on the goal, he has been sanding the mess out of that block. Any moment that he can spare, he's on the case. I find myself watching him when he doesn't know that I'm looking. And when I see him, I see me.

I made a few decisions going into the New Year. One is making me really uncomfortable right now, but for some reason, I know that it's the right thing to do. I can't even see the whole path and the thought of letting go of how I wanted things to be, terrified me. However, I feel as if I'm being directed and shown something better. That "something better" may not happen tomorrow and may not even happen this year, but I can't be concerned with the "looks" of it all in the NOW.

There IS a plan.

And sometimes, I think that God knows that I'm a knucklehead. And He will have me act out these little lessons through other people so that I understand.

At any rate, I don't know what the outcome of this race will be. I'm just glad that J is better at taking direction.

the baptism

I went back home to the N.O. last week for a very special day. J decided over the summer (sometime in July) that he wanted to be baptized. I kept asking him if he knew what that meant...asking if anyone coerced him to do it...asking him if he was sure. He was unbreakable. So, on August 29th (yes, the 5 year anniversary of Ka.trina), J was baptized.

He was so excited the whole day.



Baptized by his grandfather, a deacon of the church. I would like to get this photo touched up and sketched (by an artist greater than I). I think that this would make a pretty cool picture to put up in his room.



Right before taking his first communion,



This was the same man that christened him 8 years ago.

Taking the Lord's supper.



Accepting his certificate.



Proud momma!



He smelled this cake in the house the night before.



Bling 1.



Bling 2.



Bling bling.



Kids grow up so fast...his christening (May 19th, 2002).

finally

Guess what? The baby (yes, he's still my baby even though he's a month away from being 9 y/o) has been in Flori.da with his father for the past week and a half. And I didn't die, cry, hyperventilate, fall out, or have heart palpitations. He's heading back to his PawPaw in N.ew Orl.eans tomorrow afternoon.

I did get sick last week and can you believe that this child REFUSED to come back and nurse me back to health? I mean, does Mic.key Mou.se feed and clothe him? As far as his even caring, I recall him telling me that I need to turn the A/C off so that I don't catch a cold and he also asked about the flavor of my meds. I chalk it up to his having a lot going on out there and not much time to compose his thoughts.

But I can say one thing...the fact that he was having fun with his father perked me up out of my summer funk.

This was a first and a long time coming.

But let me tell you another reason why I was beaming. MY father was probably sitting in Ha.waii (yes, he went to Ha.waii with his church last week) eating crow and a whole heap of it!

Before, he was talking MUCH sh*t about J's dad. Talking 'bout how he 's not going to come through...talking 'bout how he puts everything else before his son...talking 'bout how he doesn't have an idea of what it means to be a father. He says that last line SO MUCH that it takes the WHOLE armor of God to keep me from spitting, "AND what in da hell do YOU know about being a father? And if that ain't the pot calling the m*****f***in' kettle black!"

Whew! I'm composed...

Don't get me wrong. I often think those things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to sit and listen to him gripe about it. I had been in constant communication with J's dad, explaining to him how much this trip means to J. I put it in no uncertain terms that if he didn't come through...that that was his ass. Period. We had many talks over the course of the month that even went deeper than the trip. He said a lot of things that actually made me question if he finally gets it. If he finally understands the type of commitment that transcends beyond mailing a video game everytime J calls.

No, he doesn't have the best track record, but for some reason, I said "...starting today, we're gonna wipe the slate clean. I will not pre-judge you based on your past. I will give you a chance to prove your word."

MY dad, on the other hand, didn't want to be stressed about it and kept hounding me to tell J that he wasn't going to Flo.rida.

But guess what...he's wrapping that trip up as I type. The baby needs this time. He even got a little bass in his voice over the phone. This trip has me thinking. There will be some changes come next summer and I can tell who will be the first to be unhappy about it.

press play #2

I guess that I lied about being back. What’s the deal, right? Well…

1. Mini-me has been keeping me busy. This is tiring, at times, but good. The only thing that worries me is how this has become my life. He’ll be leaving in a month (to spend the summer in N.ew Or.leans) and I’m concerned that I’m going to be bored out of my mind. Sure, I’ll have more opportunities to catch Happy Hours, weekend DC trips, dinners with friends, clubbing (I said this one as if I actually miss it), or whatever it is that you do when you’re 31 y/o and are considered cool, etc. but I’m truly going to miss the noise in the house during those in-between times.

2. This SHOULD give me more time to blog. But, ya know, I don’t know if I necessarily need more TIME to blog. I need more MOTIVATION. I have had several topics to discuss, but by the time I sat down, the topic had gone past its expiration date. I’m a thinker. I can analyze every-damn-thing, but I can also get on my own nerves with all of that. I just want to live and let live.

3. So…I agreed to allow J to spend a week in Florida with his father. **Taking huge breath** I know that he needs that time, but it’s so hard to let go. We have tried to do this in the past and I have pumped the breaks for one reason or another. I guess that ya’ll will know how this turns out…look out for me on the news sometime in August if things go awry.

4. My company has completed some kind of acquisition/merger. There have been celebrations left and right. I’m not a business major or anything, but fast growth concerns me. With everything in my life, I value quality over quantity. I’m not certain that some of the recent decisions that have been made reflect the same value. There have also been some unofficial shifts in power on the lower level. I see a monster-in-the-making but I have a feeling that he might self-destruct before any damage is done. At any rate, I’ve spoken my peace and, prayerfully, I was heard. I was a little reluctant to do that considering…

5. It has been a year since I was laid off. We are truly blessed. Not only does God show up but He shows out! Is it pretty safe to say that I’m good on trials and I deserve to smooth-sail through the rest of my life??? I thinketh not. Unfortunately, I still have some scars…as can be noticed by my concerns in #4 and my mentioning in a previous “hair” blog that I’d rather just blend into the background sometimes. I get a lot of attention at work and every time someone compliments me, I start thinking about that a$$ from my last job that asked me to sit on his lap. I guess that I fear a line being crossed and wondering if there was something that I could've/should've done to stop it ahead of time.

6. The 2 worst things that I could’ve done was to (1) get a smartphone and (2) get a tv for my bedroom. Both are seemingly good ideas, but both have slowed my productivity considerably.

7. I found a note while I was cleaning that J wrote about "loving" some girl. My heart dropped to my knees. I am not ready for all of this. The child is 8 y/o. And what pisses me off is that this is on some Y & R type foolishness, at that. I tried to explain the difference between "like" and "love" but ole boy was adamant about "loving" her. Since he was so upset...that I even found the note, I let it go for the moment. Best believe, it's time for us to have a REALLY LONG talk but I'm looking for books and other visual aids...that sounds crazy, I know.

8. So it's spring/summer and more than just the flowers are in bloom. Weddings and engagements are popping up everywhere and well...it's putting me in a foul mood, lol. Heck, even J is certain about "loving" someone.

just when I think...

...that I'm not equipped to raise this young man alone, God shows me that I am NEVER alone! A lot of times I walk around seemingly unphased by what people say, but the area in which I'm hypersensitive is with regard to my lil man.

Some bloggers have very strong opinions about single mothers and children born outside of wedlock. I was a bit more spunky back in the blog-day and felt the need to speak on the subject. But even in the midst of my anger, I was hurt by what was being said TO me and about women LIKE me (AND children like ours)...but I had to shake it off and keep it moving. Everyone is going to have an opinion. In the back of my mind, I knew that it doesn't matter what those people (or anyone else) think about me. All that matters is what God thinks about me and what I think about myself. And if at the end of it all, my son pats me on the back and says that I did a good job, then I don't need praise from nobody else! And I mean NO-DAMN-BODY!

I can't count how many times, I sat here wondering how I'm going to pay for this and how I'm going to help him with that. Or thinking that I need a man to do this and I need a man to show him that. But then I have to check myself. God has ALWAYS provided. We live in a beautiful home. J is involved in a lot of extracurricular activities. He is bright and well-mannered. And the man that God provided might not be his daddy or my husband, but they've been his PawPaw, his coaches, my male friends, the husbands of female friends, and the other daddies in cubscouts (to name a few) that have gone beyond the call of duty to make sure that we were taken care of. With that said...

I don't know if anyone remembers reading about Ernie and how he helped me and J prepare for J's cubscout pinewood derby race. Well...I have something to tell Ernie.

I had J draw out his vision for the car.


Thanks to the supplies we were given and gifted by Ernie...



J's vision came to life.

J and his best friend were so excited before the race, but they had no idea what their standings would be after the race. And to be honest, I have NO experience in trying to carve a car out of a block of wood and simply didn't want to get embarrassed.



J won SECOND PLACE! His best friend, FIRST!



It's safe to say that even when I don't know what I'm doing in the natural, God steps in and adds the supernatural.



J ALSO won SECOND PLACE in Scout's Choice for the best-looking car! His peers even thought that he did a good job!

So, J brought home these trophies!

I told J, "You did it!"

J said, "No, WE did it!"

I have been teary-eyed all weekend.



I see YOU, God! Thank You!

the day after

Scene: J and I are in an aisle at Home Depot, comparing sandpaper. A white-haired older man, a Home Depot employee donned in an orange apron with the name "Ernie" scribbled in black marker above the pocket, approaches us.

Ernie: Well hello! Is there anything that I can help you with?

Me: We (I mean, he) has an upcoming pinewood derby race and we need some items to finish designing the car.

Ernie: Oh, really! I JUST helped my grandson with that. Do you know that he came in second place? I can really teach you some tricks that will help you win.

Me: Well, I wrote down a list of things that I think we need. **Reading from list** Sandpaper, primer, paint, and weights. Will this sandpaper do the trick? All we're trying to do is round out the edges.

Ernie: Yes, it will. We'll grab that and now, follow me. **he motions with his finger**

**Ernie walks us to the front counter and points at a tube of graphite lubricant.**

Ernie: You see, you want to put this on your axles so that it reduces the friction between the wheels and the axles. **He looks at J** This will help you to go really fast!

Me: OK, great!

Ernie: Now, let's go look at some paint.

**Ernie walks us to the paint aisles and asks the lady behind the paint counter about spray-on primer. She points us to the containers that have paint and primer combined.**

Ernie: What color do you want it?

J: Red.

Ernie: About as red as your jacket?

J: Yes!

Ernie: **directed towards the lady behind the paint counter** Can you get us a red about the same color as this young man's jacket?

**She disappears**

Ernie: Do you have brushes at home?

Me: Not any good ones.

**Paint counter lady reappears with the paint.**

Ernie: Can you pick us up a brush too?

**Paint counter lady (PCL) leaves again and then comes back with some brushes.**

Ernie: **looking at the items and the paint lady** Good. Now how much is all of this?

PCL: I know that this **pointing at the paint** is $2.69. I'm not sure about everything else off-hand. I can check.

Ernie: **taking off his Home Depot apron** That's ok. I will see. **he taps me** Please be patient.

**Ernie walks away with my items. I smile b/c I was so happy that he was helping me. Ernie then returns with everything paid for in a Home Depot bag.**

Ernie: **pats me on the back** Merry Christmas.

**Ernie hands me the bag and then disappears between the aisles. I thank him as he walks away.**

I woke up yesterday feeling so heavy. Reality had set-in overnight, and although I plan to fight the decision, I was disappointed in myself. All I really wanted to do was stay in bed, but I had a tight schedule and taking a moment to feel down was not an excuse to NOT handle other business.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned having a 5-year plan. Well, at the end of those 5 years, I hoped to be back home closer to my family. In my mind, passing this test was going to help me get back there sooner, b/c having those extra initials would automatically make me more marketable...even in the toughest of markets. So I wanted to get it knocked out as soon as possible. The next one is being offered in October, but for some reason, that's not good enough for me.

Anyway, it's amazing how someone's act of kindness can not only motivate you to keep going but can also motivate you to be a better person. I will definitely pay it forward.

Thanks, Ernie.

my lil cub

So um...I'm trying to get this blog out **looking over shoulder** during halftime, lol. Unfortunately, my baby's pack meeting conflicted with THE game...the night that I can actually watch these beasts play on TV, he's getting his first badge.

Best believe, I was rushing the ceremony. Den moms stopped to talk, while J was lollygagging with his buddies. It just wasn't looking too good for the home team. Plus, my dad was ringing my phone, trying to figure out why we weren't camped out in front of the TV during this "national holiday", lol.

Anyway, I am so proud of my baby. But uh, I'm 'bout to get back to these Saints!!!

11 N.O. Geaux, SAINTS!!!

the juices part 2

Continuing my artsy fartsy ramble from here...

I performed the "morning after" test...

I looked to my left...



I looked to my right...



And everything was right with the world.

I spent most of today coaching J on his presentation for his science project.



THE SNACK MACHINE

...able to pour snacks and cereal into a bowl...and leap tall buildings. Exciting, hunh? All of the components were found around the house. I think that we (I mean, he) got this in the bag.

So, those home improvement projects that I mentioned a while back...I think that I'm on the move. I called Tee and asked her where she found her backsplash tile. I really love how colorful it is and wanted to do something similar since my kitchen colors are about the same as hers. She was more than helpful and mentioned that she could probably get me a discount since she's an inter.ior de.signer. Score! So, I just need to take some measurements and see what the total damage will be.

I just have to really motivate myself to paint my bathroom...again. I think that I'm going to make it the same shade of green that's in my hallway.

Believe it or not, those art classes helped. Here I was, thinking that everything that I do revolves around J but those classes made me remember my own interests and how therapeutic they can be.

Although the best part was spending quality time with J, I got to spend some much needed time with me.

this woman's work

I spent today doing everything BUT work. Tuesdays are my early days so I get, at least, an hour to myself to think before everyone starts rolling in at 8. But I scheduled my drive-thru gyne appointment (I was in and out of there in 30 minutes) for this afternoon, so I was sitting at my desk dreading that and not concentrating on too much of anything else...work-related.

J has a science project due soon. He has to build a simple machine. What happened to the quarterly 5-min oral presentations? He used to ace those. Simple machines? This SHOULD be an ace-in-the-hole for me but I am in a creative rut.

I re-read the worksheet. It states:

The project is for your child (with the help from you) to create a simple machine using any supplies you can find.

I'm thinking, this woman MUST be talking to ME...trying to REMIND ME on the slick.

When I was 10 y/o, I had to choose a bird and do a huge project for my gifted class. When I say huge, I mean, I had to write a paper, do an oral presentation, write and perform a song, create a board game that quizzed my classmates on facts learned from my presentation, and sculpt a model of the bird. It was nuts!

My mom hijacked that project. Now, this was waaaaaaayyyyyyyy back in the day...when cavemen roamed the earth and people actually went to the library and used ENCYCLOPEDIAS to do research. My mom turned me loose on the paper and didn't so much as coach me for the oral presentation. I guess b/c those were the more boring portions of the project. But the song? There was a popular creole/cajun-sounding rice commercial, at the time. She modified the lyrics, so that I was singing about a mockingbird instead. Yep, it was a stretch but I still have that song in my head to this day. She gave me the idea to base my boardgame off of Ch.utes and Lad.ders and MAY have allowed me to color some inconspicuous part on the board in the far corner. And as for the bird...she had the wise idea to do paper mache. She let me play around with the concoction and even let me place some soaked paper on the model, here and there. But when it came time to paint it after it dried, I don't remember painting anything on it aside from a black dot on his beak. Now, who do you think was more anxious to find out what my grade was?

So, I was sitting at my desk today, laughing to myself. I have this notebook that I keep with me at work. I usually write meeting notes, project ideas, things I need to remember, things I've already done, etc. and, unless I'm on vacay, I have to have an entry for everyday to keep track of my progress or else I feel out of sorts. This morning, in the quiet, I wrote down 5 things that I wanted to ask my supervisor when he got in. But when he got in, I was sketching out J's project at the bottom of that same page, scribbling notes and arrows as if this was a plan to take over the world, lol. I was trying to think of a task that he commonly does at home and a simple machine that would make that job easier.

I googled my ass off, but I couldn't find websites that did the damn project for me. It's a shame. I can find out people's addresses, phone numbers, and whether or not I should "dontdatehimgirl.com" but I can't find a flippin' "how-to" third grade science project.

I ended up settling on a design that will use 2 simple machines to pour cereal in a bowl. I figure that we'll use his Legos, some cardboard, and 'rig the other items.

I hope this mess works and I hope J cooperates...he gets on my nerves, always trying to do his own daggone projects, lol.

side by side saturdays

So our art teacher taught us some tricks to make some clay creatures. Dragons were pretty popular...

I guess J had the right idea. This one reminds me of Ki.ng Koo.pa from the Supe.r Mari.o Broth.ers 1 Nin.tendo Game.

And then J just loves to show me that he can work quicker than me. So, he cranked out a knight...

If I turn to the left, close one eye, squint the other, spin around real fast, and turn the lights off...I can see that that's a knight or at least, that this thing is swingin' a sword. But of course, I praised his artistic expertise...as I waited for him to tell me what it was.

But if you want to see some genius...and I mean, some REAL genius...then check out...

This RIGHT HEA is my "Diva Monster", LIVE IN CONCERT, complete with pearls, Patt.i La.belle-esque hairdo, and dress with a sweetheart neckline. She's bringin' home "And I'm Tellin' You..." by Jenni.fer Holli.day.

EVERYBODY loved my monster. Little girls walked up to me and told me so. Which goes to show you...

...there wasn't much talent in the room, lol.

Diva Monster, girl, you betta sang that song...

sweet

Parent-Teacher Conference

Teacher: **Dreamy look** Jalen is so incredibly sweet...

Note from Afterschool Care

"Jalen is really sweet and respectful..."

Message on Answering Machine from Drama Teacher

"Jalen is the sweetest kid..."

Today, J brought home his report card. He made As and Bs.

**wipes brow**

That's a relief. I thought that he was just getting by on his dimples.

kids today

J and I are going on a hike with the cub scouts Saturday afternoon. We're supposed to attend our Clay-mation class at the Visu.al Arts Cent.er that morning. I'm looking forward to the art class. The hike? I don't know. I don't have a problem with being outdoors...I have a problem with this group of lil dudes being outdoors. I used to think that if I should be blessed with more children that I wanted them all to be boys. Now? Eh, not so much.

We were preparing for the hike last night at the cub scout meeting.

Group Leader: "OK, I have a bag full of items that we should bring on the hike. Tell me what you think we should bring and I'll see if I have it in my bag."

Kid #1: "A Nintendo DS!"

Group Leader: "Really." **sad flatly**

Kid #1: "Well, I'm going to need something to do when I get lost."

I remember the last time that I was out in the woods. Believe it or not, it was for work. I was touring a site for future development. My coworker and I were out there crossing streams on logs, walking around deer feces, while stepping high to avoid getting tagged by twigs and sticks stuck upright in the ground. It was a gorgeous day, but those real-life animals are not as cute as they are in those Pi.xar movies. Anyway, I thought that I was doing fairly well, that is, until it was time for lunch.

We sat under a tree shortly after I bust my ass, sliding down a hill and I pulled out my sandwich and ate like I had never been fed. All of a sudden, I noticed that there were a whole bunch of bugs crawling on and around me...apparently, dropping from the tree. I didn't know what they were, but I didn't want to seem like a punk so I just dusted them off. I mean, they were small enough. And then I turned to my coworker and asked, "Um, what kind of bugs are these?"

"Oh, they're ticks."

"Ticks?! As in lime-disease carrying ticks???"

Mayne, I jumped up and started dancing like Ge.orge Jeffer.son to get those things off of me. He was all non-chalant and said, "You'll probably have to shake your clothes out when we get back to the office." And I'm looking at his For.est Gu.mp-looking ass, pissed the hell off! May I just say that I live and work around a bunch of hillbillies.

I only saw maybe 2-3 of them at the time, but those bugs were hiding in places that required me to strip...in the bathroom...at work. I found a couple hiding underneath my bra...in my socks...and the waistband of my draws (excuse me, panties...lol). I was mostly concerned about them being on my scalp and kept feeling around my hair. After I thought that I had shook dem haters off, I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then I got home...

I was playing a game with J in his room and I noticed that my back kept itching. I assumed that it was a mosquito bite. And then something said, "go check." Apparently, this was the alpha tick, b/c he wasn't going anywhere. I didn't have tweezers, but I had acetone. So, I soaked a cotton ball with acetone and drowned him in it. The tick was dead, but he was still lodged in my back.

I couldn't contort myself to get the damn thing out and I wasn't about to suffer any more injury at the hands of J. So, I let him stay there. When I went back to work, I asked my bruh-coworker to help me get the tick out of my back. After being hemmed up in a car with him...with my shirt over my head, while he was trying to tweez the tick out of my back but ONLY got half of it (looking mad suspect, I should add)...I was disgusted. I ended up having to go to the doctor and paying over $100 for her to remove it.

So, I'm going to enjoy this hike on Saturday but if I have to choose between a tick and a lost kid...well, I hope that he remembered to pack his games.

will draw for food

A couple of weeks ago, J brought home a form from school, advertising drawing classes. I looked at the cost of tuition and had to bring down the hammer on that one. As much as I would love to see him grow as an artist, my money is already tied to his other activities. Plus, I figured that drawing is something that he could practice on his own time.

I remember being in awe of my mom's freehand sketches as a little girl. I believe that I even asked her to teach me how to draw like that. I started requesting coloring books that had the best pictures...not necessarily the cartoon characters that I enjoyed. I sat in my room and I stared at those pictures and attempted to sketch them instead of color. My mom saw the drive in me and just encouraged me by making a big deal out of my "talent", lol. Even if I had a stick figure on a white piece of paper, it was a work of Picasso to her. So, I kept at it. Next thing you know, I sold a painting in the Fren.ch Quar.ter for $20 when I was 13 y/o. You would've thought that I sold it for $2000. Anyway...

Earlier this year, I discovered that the local visual arts center was offering free parent-child art classes. I signed J and I up for them b/c you can't beat free with a bat. And, of course, he and I both enjoy stretching our creativity. We took pre-Columbian clay sculpture, batik, cartooning, knitting, and hula-hooping (don't ask, but I got hit in the head with a hula-hoop a few times when we were supposed to be decorating them). Even though J and I had creative differences, it was interesting to see his little mind at work and his ideas come to life. When I saw that they were offering those classes again, I had to sign us up.

Today, we took cartooning again. We had a different teacher. We learned how to draw cartoon characters, their profile, their figures, and their figures in action. At the end of the class, we had to draw a comic strip. The last time that we took this class, I drew a little girl that I named "Pen.elope Pon.ytail", who could shoot fire through her "Pippi Long.stocking-like" ponytails. Today I decided to draw a teacher choking a kid that placed a whoopee cushion on her chair. As a teenager, I won a city-wide contest for creating a cartoon strip that warned against drunk driving. So, I know what I'm doing...lol. However, both art instructors from each session probably walked away thinking that I was a few cards short of a good deck. J, on the other hand, was in awe of my work and once again I was Pica.sso.

I watched as J conversed with the instructor about his idea. He really enjoyed this class and has been motivated to practice sketching since we've been home. Now understand this, he draws like the average 8 y/o but no matter what, I praise his work as if it's the best that I've ever seen. I always hoped that one day, he would grow to surpass my skill and actually take it farther. I've dreamed of seeing his work in a museum or his name in the credits for some cartoon on Dis.ney. I've often thought of how beautiful it will be to see someone in my family FINALLY make use of a gift.

But once I get my head out of the clouds, I realize that it's already bigger than that. The beauty has been in the bond.

candy wrap-up

Well, the question of the weekend was…are you going to be Prince again this year? I toyed with the idea but my hair is only long enough for me to be the “Under the Cherry Moon” Prince…or maybe even the symbol, the “Sexy Mu**a***a” Prince. J suggested that I be Michael Jackson and that’s when I put a stop to all the "pretty men" costume suggestions. I heart some pretty men and I'm elated that last year's costume was such a hit, but maybe I should use Halloween to release my inner sl*t and be the $exy cop, the $exy firewoman, or the $exy FEMA representative like my younger, attention-seeking sistas with cassava melons for breasts do.

Anyway, J had a Halloween party on Friday night. They had a strobe light or something going and I thought that I was about to have an epileptic seizure. Of course, he was having a ball; whereas, watching a bunch of kids hyped up on sugar highs is not my idea of a great time. But I was cool until J’s friend’s 19 y/o brother asked me if he and I went to school together. I realize that the last time that he saw me, my hair was longer and, that night, I was wearing my glasses but dang! I don’t look THAT young. That’s not even flattering.

We volunteered with the cub scouts for a couple of hours in the drizzle on Saturday morning for a food drive, which was cool. That afternoon, I signed J up for basketball. He wants to play, but he was concerned that it would interfere with cub scouts. The coach told me how much it was going to cost and I ‘bout clutched the pearls and swooned. Forget cub scouts, it’s interfering with my pockets. But this is what I figure…if he expresses interest now, then I’ll support it (to the best of my financial ability) and see if he likes it. Maybe by middle/high school, he will have dwindled down to one activity…or none. But at least, he will have tried it and perhaps have found something that he enjoys. My dad referees high school football, J’s dad played basketball, J is in love with baseball, and I’m for whatever makes J happy that prayerfully, causes the least amount of broken bones. If that means that he just becomes ones of those artsy-fartsy kids that could care less about sports, then so be it. I may even prefer it. But something tells me that baseball may be the keeper.

We went trick-or-treating in my neighbor-woods that night for a couple of hours and that was fun. I never went trick-or-treating as a kid. I remember being Wonder Woman, Strawberry Shortcake and a witch on several occasions but I usually gave out candy. J was Anakin Skywalker, AGAIN. I’m not complaining b/c that’s less money that I had to spend. I can’t even count how many light sabers this child has and he swears that they all mean and do something different. Sure. My dad mailed him a Darth Vader costume and a load of candy, so he was getting his pre-game on for an hour before we left the house. When we were walking down the driveway, we ran into his friends and their parents coming up from the cul-de-sac. Why was this woman looking like Groucho Marx, talking about being dressed as Humpty from Digi.tal Undergr.ound??? Um, yeeeeaaaaah.

So we all walked together…Anakin, 2 skeletons, a ladybug, 2 princesses, and a regular lil dude. Those kids were funny. All the kids would crowd a porch and just stare at the people with their bags open. I’m busy hollering “trick or treat” and “thank you” from the street. Yet, they still made out like fat rats. I’m not big on candy, but I raided J’s bag and relieved him of all the Snickers, Twixs, and Twizzlers. I’m just being the good mother by protecting his little teeth.

Afterwards, J wanted to watch Monster House, in the spirit of Halloween. So we curled up on the couch, only for lil man to start slobbering on my foot 30 minutes into the movie. I have avoided watching this movie several times, but for some reason, I got caught up in it and saw it to the end. Not bad.

I loved spending time with J as I always do. With that said, I want to thank everyone that either responded on or offline to my last post. I don’t necessarily need “me” time as much as I wanted my own project/hobby. I get more than enough “me” time during the summers when J is visiting his PawPaw. Well, it dawned on me that I hadn’t done any home improvement projects in a grip. I know that this is partially b/c of the state of the housing market and I wasn’t about to throw any more money than I already had into my house, especially since I have already dropped a kidney on my front yard. The other reason is b/c I had my heart set on moving back home and had emotionally separated myself from my house and just didn’t see the point in buying so much as a new lamp for it. But now, I’m thinking that I will either do that backsplash in my kitchen with some really colorful tile or do a painting project in my bathroom…something relatively inexpensive that taps into my artistic side, just enough to get my mojo going. I have my eye on some beaded curtains for my loft and some new floor rugs and prints to freshen up the house a bit. I’m sure that just one new thing will lift my spirits...and those that surround the house.

I NEED

Lately, I have been going through the motions. Can't say that I'm depressed necessarily...I just haven't felt like myself. I was looking through some old pictures and came across this dance photo from when I was 5 years old.

I did ballet, tap, and gymnastics for about 7 years. There are (maybe) 5 other professional photos like that one, some looking as if I were about to step off the dance stage and accept my dozen roses and tiara on the pageant runway. I loved dancing, but then I just decided that I wanted my afternoons to myself and that was that.

I'm sure that it may have been easier on my mom's pockets when I quit, but maybe she wanted to see how far I could go.

I don't want to push J to do anything that he doesn't want to do, but every time he draws something or throws something that he built over my loft railing to see if it'll fly, I just want to encourage the artistic side of him. Especially since my mom could draw really well and that gift was discarded. And then I used to dabble in drawing, painting, and building and now....nada.

J did tae kwon do for 2 years and then decided that it wasn't for him. I wanted him to keep going (b/c I thought that he looked so cute in his uniform) but oh well. Now, he's in love with his drama class...oh, and if I ever tried to take baseball away from him, it will be the equivalent to cutting off his left arm. He's finally old enough to play basketball for his school, so that's something else that we're looking forward to in January. And of course, his most recent activity is cub scouts. I also signed us up for more FREE Saturday morning art classes at the local visual arts museum since we enjoyed the previous ones so much.

This is all fine and good, but I NEED something. Something separate and apart from J. Problem is, I have no idea what that is. I used to do karate and only advanced one belt, I think, before I quit. I probably stuck around THAT long b/c my instructor was kinda hot. I have no idea what race he was but he was just so bronzed and beautiful...and lethally sexy. Anyway, I used to do kickboxing and enjoyed getting all of my aggression out on the bag. That was great...the counter-productive part was when me and my g/f would walk right across the street to this greasy spoon and get these huge stacked burgers, onion rings, and the thickest milkshakes in town. Yeah, it was like going to the "Pe.ach Pit" b/c the owner knew us...and our workout clothes.

I can't explain it...I feel as if I'm shrinking. I work my schedule around J's and I'm not complaining b/c that's my job. But there's more to me than just being a mom. I'm not talking about hanging out at the club or anything b/c I could never go to a club again and be fine with that. And I'm not talking about companionship b/c that need is currently being met as well. I just want something to call my own...something that's not going to cost me an arm, a leg, and a pancreas b/c my money is tied up in J's activities as it is. Something that I can look forward to going to or doing.

I don't know what it is, but I NEED.