under pressure

I've been a walking stress ball lately. I'll probably be on edge until I get this huge project at work out of the door. I worked a little this weekend and planned to REALLY tear it up today but AutoCAD kept crashing on me and, needless to say, I had to walk it out a few times just to unhunch my shoulders and deflate my chest. It's coming down to crunchtime and I'm hoping to get as much done as possible so that it doesn't encroach upon weekend.

As I mentioned before, my dad will be in town this Saturday and I have my list ready for him. I was frustrated this past weekend, b/c I tried to do some of the projects myself and it was a bust. My toilet has been broken for who knows how long and I've been losing weight running up and down the stairs to go to the bathroom. I finally decided to get the molasses out my a$$ and fix it. I gutted it, but I couldn't remove the tank b/c the nuts wouldn't loosen to save my life. I put a killing on my hands trying to hold the bolts in place with a flathead while simultaneously trying to work the nuts off with a wrench and eventually conceded defeat. I threw the tools on the floor and left the scene of the crime. My dad asked me why I couldn't just wait. I could. But I wanted to do it myself...and I was disappointed aggravated that I couldn't do something so simple.

Along with that, a few weeks ago, my closet door came off into my hand and almost took me out. I've had that dayum thing propped up against almost every wall downstairs...constantly moving it out of my way. I finally got some new bifold doors from Home De.pot, mounted them, and voila...those mofos wouldn't close. I was pi$$ed! I tried everything from shifting the track and adjusting the height, but when I re-measured my old doors, I realized that the previous owner had cut off 1/4 of an inch off one of the doors. I was none too pleased...especially since I used Tee's truck to pick them bad boys up. I had to run some errands that day anyway, so I decided to pass by Home De.pot and ask their suggestion for cutting doors without using a circular saw. They sized me up...agreed that I was a woman...and gave me some stupid answer that I think (don't really recall) was supposed to be funny. And then one of the guys (who looks like he works there for the sheer joy of being around power tools and not for getting a paycheck) said that he would cut the doors down for me for free and gave me his card. I was thrilled...and motivated...and somehow I got these 80" tall bamas in my Corolla. Granted, J sat in the front and I was practically screwing my steering wheel but it worked. I asked Larry to cut 1/8th of an inch off both, sped back home b/c I couldn't control my lead foot being that close to the pedal, and they FIT. FINALLY, a victory for the home team.

Did I use that energy to tackle that toilet again? Nope, there are just some dreams that I have to let go. So although my last post was all about the fun in decorating, playing Ms. Fix It is not always a thrill. I was asking one of the the other t-ball parents about tips to house maintenance. He said that I should get very chummy with my coworkers and bake them goodies, so that they can do it for me. WTF for when I can do it myself? There are certain things that I can't do, such as moving select pieces of furniture or any electrical work but I'm not about to play Betty Cr@ckhead for anybody just to get something done. I was told by another woman that my independence was admirable. In the same week, I was told that my independence was a turn off by a man. I couldn't even give that latter statement the energy that it deserved...on second thought, maybe I did when I ignored it.

I already felt somewhat exhausted today for trying to finish up several little projects, working from home, and cleaning the house over the weekend. I've been carrying a headache on and off for a few days and then I allowed something to bother me at work which only led me to being mad at myself. I think that Jesse has been waiting for the opportunity to push my buttons and not only did I open the door, I invited him in and propped his feet up on my table. The thing is, I'm not so much mad about the verbal reaction that I gave him as I am about the internal reaction that was brewing inside.

Anyway, after yelling at JJ for the 10 millionth time about tip-toeing to a doggone base at his t-ball game, I was spent. I took him to Ri.ta's and got us both mango gelatis with vanilla custard. As I was savoring its goodness, it dawned on me. I haven't been on a date in a while...with myself. The only time that I am without my baby is during the summer...I believe that he's only stayed with someone else 3 times over the past year and and only one was an overnight stay. Otherwise, he was with me whenever I hung out, with me whenever someone special came over, and just plain ole with me! I have to squeeze my Friday happy hours therapy sessions with the girls in before I pick JJ up from afterschool care. I decided that after all of the hustle and bustle that I have to do next Saturday, that I was going to take myself to a movie.

I told Tee that I was going to see $ex In the City and she said that she already asked her man to go. I was confused for a second, b/c that had nothing to do with me. She then said that if he decided to not go, then she would call me. I have been hanging tight with friends a lot lately...this was something that I planned to do by myself. I don't want company...I just want "me" time with a big bowl of nachos heaping with jalapenos and a super-pi$$ drink. I might go for some dessert afterwards, but the point is, I need a break from everything and everybody. My car is not the only thing running on E.