a break from "smurfy"

I was about to write another comment, but I decided to make it a quick post instead. First things first...I'm not a small d*ck snob. The extreme on the other side of the spectrum is just as uncomfortable. But if that's what a guy is working with, then cool. If you want to know something about me...my breasts could stand to be bigger and are not as perky as they used to be pre-pregnancy. They were gorgeous during pregnancy and even sexier when I was engorged (although hard as a rock) and I used to love to hit people with the profile. But after breast-feeding, things went downhill quickly. But I'm happy with them...as I am with the rest of my body. And I haven't heard any complaints.

My momma had the kind of breasts that has gotten us free food on several occasions. Now, do I think that I can stroll up in an IHOP and get a free stuffed french toast combo with mine? As much as that would make my mornings, nope. So ok, I know this. You can't tell me that this guy (in his 31 years of life) hasn't been in enough bathrooms, locker rooms, or hasn't seen enough porn to know that he is sub-standard. Quite frankly, there aren't enough actresses in the world that could make him think that he was hurting something. So, the fact that he whipped it out, as if he were about to tame me with it, was a bit confusing.

My f*cking around with the wrong guy (literally) has cost me in the past. I have fallen asleep DURING the act, to which I never heard the end of it. I missed a great commercial once b/c everything happened so quickly...and I was HOT about it. And probably the worst thing that a guy can hear as the sweat is beading on his forehead is "Are you even in?" Yep, I asked that once and the answer was affirmative.

So now, I just try to minimize the discomfort for both parties. If I can help it, I just refuse to get up MAD. Like I said, although his being sub-standard was not the whole reason why I decided to NOT go there with him, it was enough for me to be bored with his attempts at trying to hit after that. It's like that little bitty dog that barks loud on your block, named King, that you look at like "you ain't gon' do sh*t."

I guess that the take-home message is this...if Newsguy had actually tried to date me and get to know me, he stood a better chance at my not making a big deal about him being small. I would actually respect him and work with him. But since he was acting an a$$, well, it only made me angry enough to state that. Once you get to liking a person and later thinking that you're all in "luh", those things don't matter so much. And if the guy reciprocates those feelings then he's about pleasing you. He'll be into a little coaching and creative alternatives. In the midst of the act, I'm not thinking about how he lacks the equipment to tie my fallopian tubes or nudge my ovaries. I'm more caught up in the sensuality of it all. And surely in my older age, I have learned how to help myself out, if it comes down to it.

So no, I wouldn't throw back a good catch but I'm not trying to catch everything that a dude just throws at me either.

And now that you've gotten to know too much about me, back to our regularly scheduled "smurfy" (Leezie, 2008) program...