the aftermath

I have been having this lingering headache, but today was better...for me, anyways. I have work...and now, even more of it. The 4 empty desks across the hall from me confirmed that yesterday was real. I called my best girlfriend in northern VA last night. I told her what happened and listed those, who she had either heard of or met, that were let go. She said, "I bet you're not that sad to see Jesse leave." I can say that when I cried yesterday, it was a mixture of anger, relief, shock, confusion, and sadness. None of it was Jesse. But that's not to say that I didn't feel bad for him. He's a single father with full custody of his kid so my heart still went out to him.

As I watched him pack his things, I debated on whether or not I should say something. Although it has been hard to look at a man that has hurt me in the past almost everyday, I had to learn to separate my personal feelings from business. Eventually, I got enough nerve to walk over to him and extend my hand. He grabbed it, leaned in, and embraced me. Surprisingly, I wasn't uncomfortable. It was almost as if everything that has been left unsaid was expressed at that moment. He whispered, "I need you to hold down the fort over here." Maybe that was code. Regardless, I was mute. I grinned and walked away. That was business.

My other partings were more sentimental. I now own 2 more plants from the guy that I used to do lunch Bi.ble Study with and Goth Girl's hard hat with the "Ni.ne In.ch Nails" logo on the back. I texted her all day today and I was still cracking on her as if she were standing by my desk. My boy (the one with the non-working wife and 2 kids), on the other hand, probably needs a little more time. I texted him and within his first response he said that his home phone got cut off. I'm thinking...you JUST got laid off yesterday. That kinda tells me where he stands financially, but I guess that I knew that already.

So while answering random email inquiries from people that saw my inability to control my emotions yesterday, I look up to see my supervisor staring back at me. He motions with his finger to follow him. At this point, I'm trying to not even think a cuss word b/c I know that it'll only be a matter of time before it slips out. As we're walking he says, "This is not bad at all. It's actually good, so this walk doesn't have to be that long." He then asked me if I was feeling better. I said that I was. When we arrive at his office, he pulls out this letter. I can no longer hear him talking b/c I'm staring at the number that is my bonus! Insert heart back into chest.

Lord knows that I am grateful to have my job. They could've kept my bonus, but uh, I grabbed that letter and ran off like I stole something. So here's what I've been thinking...

I got a little change. Should I:

a. Put it towards my credit card debt? I only use one cc and this money would pay up to 85% of it off.

b. Put it in my savings account? The only problem that I have with this is that the interest rate on my savings account is not as high as it is on my cc.

c. Divvy it up? Put some towards my cc and the remainder towards my savings.

d. Invest in stock while its cheap? I have a couple of mutual funds and my 401K, but I know nothing about investing in stocks. I've been trying to read up on it but don't feel secure about making good decisions.

e. Buy that flat screen tv that I want for my bedroom and blow the rest on stuff that my kid won't play with in a month?

OK, so obviously (e) is not really an option and never really my style. I do want that tv but I don't need it. And the kid is already programmed to know that PawPaw is in charge of spoilage. But out of the other 4...and this is to anyone who cares to respond...what would you recommend?