decisions, decisions

So the J.O.B. has me in a headlock right about now. One of my best friends from high school is coming to visit me this weekend...which has motivated other friends within a 2 hour radius to come and visit HER at my house. I don't mind. I am looking forward to the reunion b/c these are my dawgs for life. However, I REALLY, REALLY should be working this weekend. And since her plane back to Chi-town is not leaving until 5 PM on Sunday, you might as well put a ribbon around my work schedule b/c that's a wrap!

These people at the J.O.B. got me mentally hemmed up. The Prez made a speech at our last Fir.st Fri.day and said that he would be meeting with all offices this week, topic: The Election and the Economy. Rich.mond's meeting is on Thursday afternoon. Rumors have been flying all around the office, from the possibility of lay-offs to small bonuses and non-existant raises. I haven't really given the rumors much energy. I have already come to accept that the numbers that I may be presented with aren't what I had in mind and that my 5-year plan may have to be extended. As we were handed our list of projects at our last studio meeting, I counted how many times I saw my initials next to each project that I was assigned. 6 times. The latest completion date was in June of '09. I'm not worried...yet. But I'm not so comfortable that I can't see the forest for the trees either.

I was picking the brain of a coworker the other day since he has a license that I would like to get soon. Anyway, I was discussing my educational background when I mentioned that I minored in Robot.ics and Auto.mation. His eyes grew big, he paused, and then said,

"Why are you here??? Why aren't you out somewhere doing something cool, instead of designing piping systems for schools?"

Reactively, my eyebrows furrowed. Although he belittled my job, I took it as some backhanded compliment. But with anyone, its the way that people deliver a compliment that can turn you on and off. I can't figure if he was shocked that I was smart or that I wasn't living up to my potential. At that time, all I could think to do was to politely end the convo and head back to my desk. I sat there and wondered about my "supposed" missed opportunities.

I make my decisions much differently now than I did 7 years ago. The reasons that I minored in Robotics had nothing to do with me actually wanting to design a robot. Up until the point that I did, no one else had fulfilled all the credits to achieve that minor. So, I hungered for the challenge but, truth be told, I liked the way that it sounded the most. I used to love to say it aloud...throw it in a convo HARD, like I'm playing bid whist or spades and that was my trump. It sounds cool to say to this day. Could I make a lot more money in the field? Probably. Would I feel all high profile? Maybe. Would I be happy? Hell naw. And that last question is what guides my decisions today.

I struggled through those courses and they were boring as I-dunno-what! I spend too many hours at my J.O.B. to hate going to work...just so that I can feel as if I'm about something. Newsflash: I'm already a big deal and it has nothing to do with my career. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard to get where I am. I recently reordered my diploma (since I lost it to Kat.rina) to remind me of how hard I worked for it.

But that's exactly how people get caught up in nonsense...needing to be validated in some form or another...always having something to prove. Some people are so bound by the opinions of others that they couldn't recognize what it feels like to live for themselves. Yes I get stressed at times, but I happen to like what I do. I don't curse Monday mornings b/c I am doing what's right for me in this season of my life. I COULD be living the high and miserable life all b/c it sounds cool, but at the end of the day, I have to be true to myself. We got a whole generation that do, agree, and buy things b/c its perceived to be cool. I need more. Build me up. Enhance my character. Allow God to lead me. And since I feel that God led me to where I am today, I don't salivate over "supposed" missed opportunities. I may have taken the long road, but I am where I need to be. Which is right here at my J.O.B., doing something cool like designing piping systems for schools.

So I guess that I have to wait and hear what the Prez is going to lay on us on Thursday.