love jones part tres

Last time, on a VERY Special Episode of Crooked Letter, I...

The Next Day

"Ti ti...how come you didn't go to church with us?" I open my eyes to see my niece all "purtied" up. I look at the time. Sunday was to be just as packed as Saturday b/c I was supposed to hang out with a former college professor of mine (I know that that sounds weird but he kept me in school) and one of my girlfriends was throwing a bday crawfish boil. So if I were going to hang with Darius, then I needed to squeeze him in after hanging with my professor and before the crawfish boil.

And I was going to make it happen b/c I decided that I wanted more than a snoball.

And Now...

I wasted no time. I changed the TV channel to Spon.ge Bob and my niece was satisfied with whatever answer THAT was, lol. Fumbled around in my purse for my cell and scrolled to Darius' number.

"Hello."

"Are you awake?"

"Yeah, I'm at practice."

"Cool, when will that be over?"

"Maybe around 2."

"That's kinda tight for me, but it just might work."

"Why, whatchu got to do?!" he says with attitude.

"Arruh is having a crawfish boil," I say to confirm that I'm as important as I think I am!

"I wasn't invited."

"It ain't my party."

"Un hunh...well, I'll holla atchu when we're done."

"A'ight."

Later...

I walked to Darius' car as he pretended to be occupied with something...anything, lint on the dashboard, who knows? Maybe he thought that we were 17 again and that my dad was eyeing him from the front door. For the record, my dad was laid up on the recliner with a mask on his face, complaining about picking up some Mex.icans and then feeling as if he had the swi.ne flu. The mask was so that he didn't spread it to the rest of us.

**Blink, Blink**

Nothing to do with the story, just goes to show that my sanity never had a chance in this world.

I felt cute. I wore my yellow dress, which showed off my newly bronzed body nicely. Actually, I wore the dress for the party, but I don't have to say why women wear dresses/skirts in case "something" goes down, right?

"So, I'm proud of you. You most certainly have a way of commanding the crowds attention. It was an honor to witness that last night...except for that whole thing with the poem. Plus, I love seeing all of my people in one spot," I say that while simultaneously thinking how pitiful that sounds, lol. I guess you never know how much you appreciate black people until you're away from them. "I really liked the vibe in there, especially since I'm not a club person.

"Yeah, the crowd has been growing steadily. We do like to market ourselves as the non-club. You can be a part of that too if you move back home."

"Oh, here we go again. I may be down for the movement, but I don't know about the move. I have a life in VA. My son has a life there. My house is there. And my job...well, I don't really know what's going to come of that."

"But it's not like you're gonna find NO MAN there!"

Stop, pause...that just knocked the wind out of me, double negative and all. In my mind, I heard Flav.or Flav say, "Wooooooooooooowwwwwww." That mess just came out of nowhere. I mean, seriously. Is that my lot in life? Is that every woman's lot in life? I know that he meant no harm by it but I was kinda thrown. And that's when "ya girl" started "drying up", lol.

"You say that as if I'm going to find a man HERE!"

Silence.

Normally, I would love to dish a one-liner and have the last word, but not on this matter. So, I decided to change the subject.

"Whatever happened to that t-shirt company that you started?"

"Oh, that's done."

"OK, what's going on with that book you wrote? Although some parts of it went over my head and I needed Cliff Notes for others, the manuscript was good."

"Yeah, I gave it to 2 of my boys and I wanted them to look over it, but they're busy with families and law school so they hadn't gotten to it yet."

Thinking on how he sent the manuscript to me right before my birthday last year and realizing that almost a year had passed since he was last excited about it, I remembered him. I remembered how Darius can be passionate about things but for a limited time only. Although I believe that his new gig will continue to gain momentum, we're still in 2 different places. There's a little more to it, but I'm not going to put him out there like that.

So you say, why should you care if you were just trying to "hit"?

That morning, I had just finished reading this book with Leezie, called "The List". I'm gonna go on ahead and spoil it for you b/c no one besides Leezie listens to me when I mention/recommend a book anyway. The main character was interested in 2 men: for both men, the feelings were mutual. I fell in love with one of them b/c he was charismatic, talented, spiritual, free, romantic, and not to mention, I pictured Gar.y Dour.dan whenever he was introduced in a chapter. Everything was all good or it would've been, if the main character ignored what she really wanted. Ya see, dude wasn't stable and in order to be, his lifestyle would require a drastic change that would most likely compromise his spirit.

Back in the day, I was able to "catch up' with Darius and not feel "caught up". Now, I don't really trust that I can walk away as easily. And then I'd be doubly-pissed b/c he didn't miraculously transform into the kind of man that I want. Ya know, the kind of guy that I just ain't gon' get in VA, according to Darius...lol. When we first stopped "kicking it", it was cool b/c I didn't have much invested. Fast-forward,

I love Darius...

...too much to get confused about where we stand and where we should remain.

Fin

Audience participation: Have you slept with a friend? Or someone that you knew would be short term gratification? If so, what was the outcome?