the aftermath

This morning, I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yesterday, I expected to somehow end up in the fetal position, crying while gasping for air. Didn't happen. I guess that I had spent so much time thinking that I had bet' not let anyone see me cry that I kept it up long after I left the office.

I picked up J from drama class and treated us to ice cream treats at Son.ic. I explained to him what happened and he seemed unphased. I then went to his afterschool care and told them that J will no longer ride the bus in the afternoons. They were very understanding but moreso sad to say goodbye to J so soon b/c he's such a sweet kid. He usually leaves in June to spend the summer in New Orlea.ns with PawPaw, but I assured them that this early break was only temporary.

I went back to the office to retrieve the rest of my things and to return my swipe card and garage door opener. I was really on a mission, but when J saw Tee, he stopped to tell her hi...which meant that I was going to have to actually talk about what happened. The first thing that she said was, "Does this mean that you're going back to New Orle.ans? You can't go back to New Orle.ans." That seems to be the greatest concern of the friends that I made here. It hadn't been 24 hours yet, so a decision like that hadn't been made.

She said that my new (I guess "former") supervisor expressed that out of everyone that he had to let go, he felt physically ill when he had to break the bad news to me.

I was not moved. It was most definitely personal and a strategic move on their part. Not b/c I am difficult to work with or b/c I don't do good work...or their excuse of not being able to afford me. When I say "strategic", I don't even mean that they decided to lay me off b/c of the financial challenges of the company...that was only part of it, b/c in the end, they had to make a choice.

Tee said that their Golden Boy, the prick, called her and asked her for my cell phone number b/c he didn't get a chance to say "goodbye". He just won't STOP! He called me at my house earlier in the day and I didn't answer the phone. He couldn't even leave a message b/c my inbox was full. Thank God! He then told her that he knows that I hate him and just wanted to talk to me.

WTF for?? What's done is done...he can now blow kisses to some other woman across the meeting room table. And I hope that she hops onto said table and proceeds to stomp him in his nuts! Have I said that in a blog already? If so, it was worth repeating.

I went to my desk and gathered all of my pictures, books, prints, and my "Mr. Rogers" sweater used for when they had the thermostat set on "January in the north pole." I ran into the P.E. that signed my drawings (one of the guys that I actually liked) and he helped me pack and carry my things to the car...while J played with my hard hat without a care in the world.

Once I got home, my phone line was inundated with calls. With every answer, I received, "Well, you sound really good." Yep, I hadn't quite fallen into a drunken stupor just yet, I guess.

I got a good night's rest, but...

This morning, I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm hurt, I'm ANGRY, but one thing that I'm NOT is worried about my future.

I cannot count how many times I've seen the office number show up on my called ID today. I haven't answered b/c (1) I'm not sure if its Golden Boy on the other end and (2) if it isn't GB, I'm still not in the mood to speak with anyone there. I cleaned out my voicemail so that whoever can leave a message.

It felt weird driving through the drop-off loop at my son's school without being in a rush. It felt even weirder coming back home immediately after. Heck, it feels weirdest to be able to type a blog during working hours!

At any rate, I have filed for unemployment. I then emailed the President of the professional organization that I belong to and let him know what happened...I knew that I was led to nominate myself for treasurer of this organization for a reason. He said that he'd be happy to help me with anything that I needed and gave me a good lead. As did one engineer who called me to tell me that I did great work and he wanted to put me in contact with someone at a firm that he knew would be a good fit for me.

So it's been another day...and soon to be another dollar...


Serenity3-0 said...

I'm glad you are getting things done quickly. I have to find out if there are professional organizations in my area for insurance professionals. I did go to a networking thing last week and I think I will do more of that. At any rate, if you need me, I'm here. And I am having a cookout memorial day weekend!

LadyLee said...

You are one proactive chick. Good for you.

Terry said...

It’s very hard when something like this happens. The uncertainty of the future by itself makes for some pretty extreme stress. And while its true there always seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel, it always seems pretty dark in there right now.

Like many others I’m sure you’re going to be just fine. Things are changing and eventually all of this will be your past.

I don’t think that I would think much about the last place. They lost a good employee and when they finally realize it, it will be too late. Of course you’ll never hear the words they use to describe the mistake and you will not be able to see them scramble without you, but they will. They always do.

While my heart goes out to you LB I will admit that I do not worry about you. As young as you are you have strength beyond your years, and that will have to do for now.

A wise man once said, in the end, change will eventually come, and yet we all tend to curse it. But think of those moments and recall – so much progress comes from them.

If you should find yourself in a dark corner curled up in despair always remember, to someone…you are the perfect Voice, you are the perfect Smile, you are the perfect Heart, you are the perfect Daughter, you are the perfect Friend, you are the Perfect Mother. The things that you are perfect at are the things that are most important. A job is a job, they come and go. Perfect is forever.

Should you need to vent or just want to talk to a new voice, you can always give me a holla. Our friend Lee has my number.

kisz4tj said...

You have the freedom to do whatever the heck you feel like doing right now.

It sounds like despite some of the bitterness, which is natural, you've already taken some good steps and are moving in the right direction. It's a blessing when your attitude and work speaks for itself.