mirrors

I was a stay-at-home mom for about a year and a half. I had J right after I graduated from college and thought that it was a good idea to be with him during his first year. I wouldn't have thought that it was a good idea, if I couldn't afford to do so...but I could. I was living with his father...let me rephrase, his father was living with me at the time, which presented its own struggles and makes me reluctant to ever live with a man again, even in marriage...lol. However, I enjoyed being with my son and witnessing all of his "first"s. What's sad to say is that outside of that, I had very little joy in my life.

I remember saying to myself that I had been home long enough and it was time for me to get out there and put my degree to use. I was going through a lot at the time, b/c I watched from the side view mirror as my friends either got advanced degrees, great starting positions, and/or married and the highlights of MY day came when J decided to take a nap. I was also dealing with the consequences of many bad decisions...one being my rejection of a job offer with the company that I interned for, which required me to move to Texas. So I was left to start all over in the job search.

Back then, my favorite movie was "Two Can Pl.ay Tha.t Ga.me." I had decided that Viv.ica Fox's character was who I wanted to mirror. Everytime I had a job interview, I would watch that movie the night before, visualizing that I was that take-charge, successful woman in a power suit. For the most part, my interviews went well...it was the spacing between interviews that would frustrate me. But I felt that with each interview, I was one step closer to being that woman. One day, I would have the nice job with an even nicer income, a nice house, a nice car, gatherings at nice restaurants with my nice friends, and a new nice-looking man...everything would just be NICE. I measured success and happiness by these things.

Yesterday, I went to a pool party hosted by a co-worker. It was a group of us girls out there floating, tanning, and dishing about everything from work to relationships for hours. It was truly a rejuvenating experience. And then it dawned on me...

Somehow when I wasn't looking, I became the woman that I wanted to be.

It's interesting how the presence of other successful women will help you to realize that. I am successful, but most importantly, I am happy. I am thinking back to my 'bout with depression earlier this year and I'm typing that as I'm looking at this book on my shelf about black women and depression. You know what? I'm NEVER going to finish that book. It's probably an enlightening read, but that's not where my head is at nor is it where my focus needs to be.

We all have good days and not-so-good days, but if you took a snapshot of my life at this moment in time, I'm not sure that there wouldn't be a glare from my smile. I am no different from anyone else. EVERYONE is met with challenges and adversity. What truly makes me successful and every other successful person that I know is how we overcame those challenges. Patience has never been an asset of mine and my lack of it would defeat me before anything else could. But in the end...or rather, in the NOW, everything is where it should be. I can think of a lot of things that I want but I'm hard-pressed to come up with something that I need and absolutely have no access to it.

Several years and jobs later, I mirror Vivi.ca's character. I do have the nice job with the even nicer income...and the potential for an even NICER income. My whole house probably fits in Vi.vi.ca's living room in the movie, but its the nicest thing that J and I have ever lived in. A Co.rolla may not be considered a luxury ride, but with the fluctuating prices of gas, it sure is NICE to spend a lot less than $50 to fill it. Ever since they built this Popeye's on my side of the city, it sure is NICE to chat it up with my girls over some chicken, red beans, and RED drink, lol. And although I may not have a Mo.rris Ches.tnut on my arm, it sure is NICE to wake up NOT married to my son's father...to which I thank MY Heavenly Father. And the added bonus is that I have the unconditional love of a very special little person, whom at one time I had no idea what I was going to do with him. And now, I can't imagine my life without him. Yes, I sit amongst all the objects of my desire. Everything in this season of my life is where it should be...and the best has yet to come.

So if I should ever find myself looking through those side mirrors and being WAAAAYYYY too concerned about what's going on with other folks around me, while allowing my patience to defeat me, I just need to focus on those etched words...

"Objects ARE closer than they appear."