decision

So...while back home, I made a decision. I decided that if I hadn't heard anything along the lines of "we'd like to extend an offer of employment" by the beginning of August, then I'm making moves to go back to New Or.leans. This is mostly based on J having to start school in the fall, which is quickly approaching. I've dicussed this decision with my dad and stepmom. Of course, my dad was grinning in hopes of keeping J there full time. As he said, "And now Christ.mas can be right here in New Orl.eans where it should be." And that's when my stepmom jumped on board b/c for the past 2 Christmas(es?), my dad has spent it with me and J in VA.

I have mixed feelings, actually. There are just as many pluses and minuses to being here or there. And then some may say that there's much more to the world than just Rich.mond or New Or.leans. I agree; however, I know what's best for me and J at this point in our lives. I have applied in several places though and I would have to judge each opportunity (if it came along) accordingly.

One thing for sure, I credit my spiritual growth to being removed from the N.O. Unfortunately, I feel as if I have regressed from where I used to be spiritually...say, 3 years ago, but that doesn't negate the value of these past 4 years. Maybe it's just that I've found some sort of balance, but admittedly, I am not where I want to be.

Not too long ago, I had my heart set on moving back to New Or.leans. As less exciting as it is perceived to go back home and as underdeveloped as the N.O. is in certain areas very familiar to me, home is home. The weird thing is, I have NEVER been close to family. I was close to my mom and didn't care to be bothered with anyone else. I feel as if I'm just getting to understand and appreciate my dad as a man and I actually like him (and see where a huge part of my sense of humor comes from), lol...a far cry from my feelings of indifference or worse. But there is something tugging at me, desiring a closeness to the people that share my cheekbones. And of course, there's J. I don't know what either of my grandfathers looked like; let alone, knowing what it's like to be spoiled by them.

I have this feeling of anticipation. I don't know where God is going to lead me. I have faith and I've done my "works", so only time will tell. In the meantime, I've made that decision.