10

TAKE 1

Scene: My mom and I walk into Kentuc.ky Fri.ed Chi.cken (KFC).

Cashier: Yes ma'am, may I take your order?

Mom: I'll have a chi.cken pot pie and uh...

Cashier: Hold on, ma'am...**hollers to the back** Do we have some chicken pot pies ready? Um, ma'am, that'll be a 15 minute wait.

Mom: **slightly disappointed** OK, well let's see...I'll have a 2-piece white and uh...

Cashier: I'm sorry ma'am...that'll be a 10 minute wait.

Mom: **agitated** OK, just give me some chicken strips and I'll have...

Cashier: That'll be 5 minutes on the strips.

Mom: **highly pissed** This is Kentuc.ky Fri.ed CHICKEN, right? What in the hell do ya'll have back there. Get the manager.

Manager: Yes, ma'am.

Mom: I have stood in this damn line and had my mouth all ready for some food and none of it was ready.

Manager: Ma'am, I'm sorry but...

Mom: Sorry? You're not sorry. I've been standing here for 15 minutes just to get to this counter for nothing. I don't know why ya'll call this KFC when it should be DFC for Don't F*ckin' Care!

**snickers from the line**

Mom: **faces the line** Ya'll might as well turn around b/c it ain't like they got sh*t cooked!

**I walk out, head down in shame, lol**

TAKE 2

Scene: I'm sitting on the couch watching TV with a guy that I was dating.

Mom: I'm gonna just go in the back and leave ya'll here. **door closes**

Guy: **thinking with other head** So... **leaning towards me**

Me: My momma is right in the other room!

Guy: She won't know...

Me: I doubt that...

**guy says something in Spanish and it was sexy as hell, so I figured that a little make-out session wouldn't hurt nobody**

Later that evening...

Me: So ma, I wanted to ask you if...

Mom: Who's been grabbing you around your neck?

Me: hunh?

Mom: Go look in the mirror.

Me: Ok....

**look in the mirror to see that guy has broken the record of how many hickies you can give a person in one night; 4 on the left and 1 on the right**

Me: Uh...

Mom: **chuckles**

**I mistakenly think that I'm in the cool**

Next day...my minister uncle is in town...

Mom: Hey, did you see her neck?

Uncle: **inspects hickies** Oh, what's been going on? Do we need to talk?

Mom: She's alright. As long as his mouth stays up there, I KNOW it ain't anywhere else.

TAKE 3

Scene: My mom was sitting in my dorm room telling me and my roommate some stories.

Me: Hey ma...when you and my dad met did you just know that you'd marry him?

Mom: Oh hell no! I didn't want him. I didn't even like him b/c he was FAR from my type. He just wore me down and well...I was kinda ready to leave Chatt.anooga.

Me: Oh...wow...that was uh...heartwarming.

It's hard to believe that it's been 10 years ago today since my mom passed. I'm not even quite sure of how something can feel like yesterday; yet, feel like a lifetime. I miss her all the same. I would think that, by now, parts of me wouldn't still feel like its unfair or that I don't fully understand why. But I'm not gonna wallow in that and I'm gonna try not to be sad today.

I'm just remembering the kind of woman that she was and wondering if she's partying it up, spanking MJ while going down the Heavenly Soul Train line, blaming it all on the boogie.

Keep Him laughing, ma...