speak life

I believe in speaking things into existence or, biblically paraphrasing, life and death are in the power of the tongue. However, if God is operating within the supernatural realm, and I'm operating within the natural, I believe that it takes both of our works to make something happen. I do believe in miracles, but I don't live my life in hope of one...I feel that that's how you get trapped into being stagnant and in wait mode. THERE ARE sometimes when you have to BE STILL, but I find that that's still considered an action b/c it's easier for me to push for something to happen and do things out of order. Other times, I have to keep it moving and I'm sure that God wants me moving too. And of course, I have to be in alignment with God's Word before I call God to the carpet, remind Him of His word, and ask that He bless a situation. I know that God can work some mess out but the goal should be to get from point A to point B, the quickest way possible.

And I said that, but yet, I feel as if I rambled way past the direction of my post. Back to life and death being in the power of the tongue...

I get frustrated, impatient, discouraged, angry (which is the main thing that I'm working on with Suzie B), and experience all of these negative emotions that I allow to author my lines in my life's script. Overall, I think that I am an optimist, but there are certain aspects of my life that I just can't seem to get a handle on. Most of the time, I'm not even conscious of it and I'll start killing something before it starts. And then there are those times when you'd rather undercut the blow of disappointment by talking a situation down just in case it doesn't come to fruition. B/C it's better to be surprised that it turned out better than you had planned, right? But I have been charging myself to speak life into those situations...no matter how damn-near dead I think they are...and just work on how I deal with the emotional aftermath if it wasn't for me to have. I have to remind myself CONSTANTLY that God is probably working something out in my favor in the long run, but He knows that I kicks a mad fuss about it now.

I was rapping to one of my good g/fs, prayer partnuh, and serial monogamist, Doc T, in Chi-Town last night. The last time that I talked to her, she was dating some guy that I never got the chance to hear the details on. That had to be about a month ago. But it seems that now, she has a new man (who may or may not officially be her man), but as she was describing his traits, I think that I exhaled for her. My g/fs and I have been in some sh*tty situations, but Doc T is the queen of some chronic bad relationship syndrome. But I have never...NEVER...heard her speak negatively about relationships. About the men that she dated? Yes, and they deserved a little more than one negative word or 2. But the whole idea of a relationship was never tainted for her. I think that she just took the attitude that she was learning about herself or that these men were being removed from her life so that God can make room for the one that He'd have for her. In the meantime, she'd have some fun, battle a little heartbreak, and get busy with the joys of her single life. Doc T is just so genuine, the sweetest woman that I know, and listening to her struggle with her Christian priniciples in this day and age of dating makes me chuckle sometimes. But I find her honesty and wit to be one of her most engaging and refreshing qualities. Sometimes she unknowingly lingers around that TMI realm, but there's still that unexplained innocence about her. She's just real.

In comparison, once a relationship dissolves for me, the first thing that I say is, "Dating is hazardous to my health" or "I don't want to be in a relationship" or "I'm not ready for a relationship." Truth be told...I want to be in a relationship, b/c eventually, I DO want to get married. I have to learn to be comfortable with admitting that, b/c I have to be true to my heart. And the whole "not ready for a relationship" phrase is crap. Whether or not I'm ready for a relationship...or the one that I desire...is in God's hands. I believe that sometimes He doesn't give you things b/c you're not mature enough to handle it correctly. Let me walk up on a man with a spiritual backbone, good job, excellent work ethic, SANE, allergic to drama, and can get his Emer.il on. I mean, a motivator, a trailblazer, a financial chief rocka that can match my wit and sexual appetite...if I told him to kick rocks b/c I so-called wasn't ready for a relationship, it must be b/c I'm smoking them. I don't know if God thinks that I'm ready for that, but I'm shaking my head HARD right about now. **Goes outside to point God towards my address and confirms that he has the right number**

Sure, there are many benefits to being single...I don't have to hear about how often I watch HGTV or compromise that b/c the game is on. I don't have to turn down the heat b/c other people are burning up in the house. I don't have to juggle a checkbook with another person, get mad b/c they impulsively bought a Playstation 10 or explain why I needed some new kicks or another wall sconce. But all of those compromises are small in comparison to the blessing of a healthy marriage. And it's b/c healthy marriages don't seem to be prevalent in our society that great care must be taken in the dating and relationship phases. I have to be patient. I have to be still. But first, I have to speak life into my situation. I DO want a relationship with the RIGHT man. And if I keep bumping into the wrong ones and not taking heed to my intuition or God's word, please let them be quickly removed. I'm young, but too old to fall back on not knowing what I want in a man. I know what I want or I, at the least, got the basics down...I won't even venture to speak on what I deserve. But right now, it's my prayer that I stay happy in my singleness so that I can recognize and deflect nonsense.