blacktop cred

So, I spent the weekend with K-Rizzy and I miss my girl already! Her visit was the kickoff event to what I have officially dubbed as "Friendship February"...when I ATTEMPT to create, reconnect and revive friendships. I am coming to realize that sometimes I can be friendship-challenged. I am VERY friendly, personable...but when it comes to bonding with new people and nurturing new relationships, I am not that good at it. I have my core of good friends that I have known for over a decade. And when one falls off the map, it's cool b/c eventually we will pick up where we left off. You can't really disappear with new friends. I swear that I don't do it on purpose. I get wrapped up in something or simply nothing at all. And then I find that I have less patience with new people. For instance, there's this one woman who just calls to spit her monologue. She cuts me off when I talk, rambles on and ON about stuff that's just 10 kinds of wrong, and seems rather drama-filled. She's not ALL bad and I wish that I could just bring myself to roll out with her for a time or 2, but she's so heavy (heavy, in the sense that she has so much drama going on). So considering my options, I'm not sure how the next 3 weekends in February are going to play out, but we'll see.

Anyway, K-Rizzy (who's a play ther.apist) and I were talking today and she was telling a story about some 4 y/o child that she counsels, who has an obsession with God.zilla. He has taken to jumping off furniture and onto other children and just recently got in trouble for punching some kid in the eye (which he claims was self-defense). When the child's father came to the school, he goes through great trouble to try and intimidate the little boy and tell him that he's just going to have to beat him when they get home. I bust out laughing for 2 reasons: never in my life would I tell J, IN FRONT OF teachers/counselors i.e. people mandated to call the authorities if they suspect abuse, that I was going to beat his butt when we got home. That's not to say that I won't do it (spank him, that is), I'll just wait until we get in the car or something to put the fear on his mind, I mean, still far enough away from home for him to sweat the idea of getting wore out. And the second reason that I laughed was b/c K-Rizzy had this counselor approach to disciplining children KNOWING that we came up in similar households that believed that to spare the rod is to spoil the child. I think it's great to see my little Oprah all grown up. I just can't wait to see her interact with her kids.

J is a lot like me and I am a lot like my momma. I can count on one hand how many times that I have had to lay the smack down and on that same hand, count how many times I got whipped for something...and maybe I have to borrow 2 fingers from the other hand, but you get the picture right? I never got whipped for the same thing twice and usually the time before the first smack on my bottom was enough for me to say, "OK, I get it. Won't happen again." All in all, we both haven't been "dealt with" much. I remember being extremely sensitive growing up. B/C I didn't get in trouble much at home, I couldn't handle it when a teacher or some authority figure tried to discipline me away from home. My feelings got hurt easily and I would probably get teary-eyed before someone even touched me. I see that he is a bit on the senstive side too and all it takes is one octave above my regular speaking voice and his feelings are automatically hurt. What's funny is that I'll see him tear up and then he'll walk off to try to clean it up...I guess that's his way of trying to remain strong and whatnot. It's cool b/c I let him have his moment. What works in my household may not work in anyone else's but I find that a stern talking to and taking away the things that he loves usually works. I'm not above whipping him b/c certainly, if the situation calls for it, there are no amount of tears that will save him from a good "James Evans type correcting." And if the situation involves him terrorizing other kids, he has officially signed off for a Category 5...you get the picture. My handle is LB and I got whipped and I'm a productive member of society.

And then we got off into self-defense. She disagreed with instructing your kids to retaliate. I've had this conversation with J before. I told him that if someone was bothering him, he should tell the teacher. I DID say that. But I also said that if she does nothing or if her punishment of that person doesn't prevent them from bothering you, you have my permission to lay them out. It was the same thing my momma told me and to this day, I see nothing wrong with it. I'm not trying to take the power away from the teacher. I just think that you have to establish "blacktop cred", if you will. I can't be near the monkey bars, ready to snatch a child up by the collar if I see them touching my baby. So, in the event that something goes down, I have no problem with him making an example/believer out of that kid and dropping him...and this is AFTER he has exhausted his other options. The kid will stop pestering him and the message will be understood by the others.

I recall being in a fist fight with this REALLY annoying boy in 6th grade. He lived to bully, made his rounds daily. He used to play those stupid "I like you and I don't know how to express myself other than pulling your hair" type games. He caught me on the wrong morning one time and he said something off the wall. I don't know if my house didn't have my favorite cereal that morning or what, but it didn't take much for him to push my buttons. I remember we got into an argument and then he hit me. Now, I'm not a fighter...short of kicking my dad in the groin, fighting was never my thing. But for some reason, telling the teacher that I got hit didn't seem appropriate at the time. I almost felt like that was expected, b/c I was always the teacher's pet. So, I hit him back. He was shocked, needless to say. So shocked that he socked me in the eye and knocked my glasses off of my face. I swear fo' lawd when everything got blurry, something inside me snapped. The sound of my glasses hitting the floor was like ringing the bell to a greater audience. When there are all those eyes on you, you feel the pressure. But I got pi$$ed b/c he knocked the lens out of my glasses and I just commenced to swinging...my only concern being that I don't fall. I remember thinking, "Mayne, we sure have been fighting for a while...when the hell is a teacher gonna step up and pull us apart, b/c I'm tired." To say that that was my first fight and I was somewhat blind, I was doing pretty well. And then what made it better is that dude slipped and it looked like I dropped him...perhaps another kid tripped him. Sweet Victory...and THAT'S when the teacher wanted to pull us apart. To this day, I think she was tired of his annoying behind and secretly rooted for me to give him one good, old-fashioned a$$ whipping too.

I sweat that fight the WHOLE day. I just knew that I was in trouble. I had a whole day to think about the many ways that my momma was gonna tear me up. But what's weird is that Ms. So-n-So never called her and when my momma came to pick me up, the teacher didn't even open her mouth. But b/c my sensitive behind was still wound up, I bust out crying in the car. So moms parked the car and asked Ms. So-n-So what happened. And this is why it pays to be a good kid. The teacher said that the boy "probably" started something with me and I reacted...brushed it off like it was no big deal. In fact, I'm convinced that she wanted me to whip his a$$ now that I'm re-telling the story. I don't remember much of their conversation, but when moms and I got in the car, she started laughing. I was mad b/c I spent the whole day being scared and she thought that mess was funny. She said, "So, Ms. So-n-So said that you wiped the floor with that boy." This woman seemed proud. But she said, "I bet that'll get him to stop messing with you." And she was right. He stopped talking to me altogether. I guess that he didn't like me anymore.

In the world of parenthood, discipline and defense are some touchy subjects. In the end, I think that most of us have the best of intentions. I just want my J to be able to hold his own and know that he is not to fear anyone or anything...aside from my Category 5...you get the picture...if he starts acting out of line.