learn

Back in the day, I had an internship in the petroleum industry, a subsidiary of She.ll. I have to say that it was one of the most boring jobs that I ever had, but I used to work on Poy.dras (the N.O. version of Wall.street, lol) with a lot of my friends at the time. So, I guess that THAT and the $20/hr (for a college student) made it rather bearable. They mostly gave me "busy work", but I remember running my mouth to one of my mentors there and asking for some hard core engineering tasks. Next thing I know, they put my a$$ on a helicopter en route to an oil rig, smack dab in the middle of the Gulf of Mex.ico.

I was scurred!!! I remember calling my momma to remind her of what I was wearing and telling her to send the search party to somewhere-unknown, U.S.A. b/c that's where I was headed if this rinky-dink thing dropped. I think that my knees knocked during that whole flight b/c this mess wasn't nowhere near as smooth a ride as some Del.ta or Ame.rican Airlines 747. But once I got out there, it wasn't half bad. Granted, I was the only female out there (and I'm a pretty small woman, at that), but this was where people that looked like me worked...a hard shift from the office where I stuck out like a sore thumb being young, black, and female. Out there, well, I was just small and female. But those men were just as happy to see me...to see "us" represented amongst the hard hats and company polos. I think that the other polos were shocked to see how well I was treated. The gentlemen on the rig could relate to me b/c I actually talked TO them and not AT them. I soon realized that the people that truly had the answers weren't the ones in air-conditioned offices crunching numbers and simulating models. They were the ones that were actually out there grinding. And you know what? I learned how to advance.

And then I had an incident back at the office. There was a blockage in one of the pipelines. My mentor strolled up to my desk with a manila folder, plopped it down, and said take care of it. I was thinking, "WTF?" This wasn't a situation that "my boys" could help me with. So, I tried to contact (let's call him) Mr. Jones at one of the stations close to the obstruction. Mr. Dumb-A$$ kept answering the phone but he would tell me that Mr. Jones wasn't available for one reason or another. Much time went by and this man had NO PLANS of returning my calls. So, I said that I'd just have to be a nuisance b/c no one is going to keep me from doing my job. Mr. Dumb-A$$ answered the phone and was immediately annoyed to hear my voice again. He put me on hold, or so he THOUGHT, he put me on hold. Then I heard:

Dumb-A$$: Hey, this woman keeps on calling you.

Mr. Jones: Awww hell, again? Do you know what for?

Dumb-A$$: I don't know but she sounds like a BLACK woman.

Mr. Jones: A black woman?

Dumb-A$$: Yeah, what do you want me to tell her?

Mr. Jones: I'll just get her off the phone.

I.WAS.FLOORED. What in the hell does my being black have to do with the cost of tea in China?

And then Mr. Jones got on the line and spoke to me as if he hadn't been dodging my calls. I was still in shock and ANGRY b/c I didn't know if it was appropriate for me to confront him right then and there. I kept my cool but as soon as I hung up the phone, I marched my a$$ right up to someone in HR and asked them to refresh my memory on racism in the workplace. I was ready to take action. At the end of the investigation, the company decided that Dumb-A$$ and Mr. Jones should apologize to me. My response:

Keep it.

I got what I needed from this and some phony "I'm sorry" was only going to annoy all of us. But you know what? I learned to remain professional during the heat of the moment.

Fast-forward many years and positions...

I like my job. It provides my needs during this season. I said to myself that I wouldn't mention Jesse's name again on blog for 2008. My bad. Overall, I have been dealing with the situation pretty well in the last couple of months, but that's b/c I have been doing my best to avoid him. One morning, it was so sad. I pulled into the parking lot and saw that he was parking his truck at the end of the lot, where the remaining employee spaces were. Instead of having to do that uncomfortable walk towards the building, I parked in a visitor's spot and practically rolled over my car, a la Duk.es of Hazz.ard, to get inside. For many days, he was constantly placed in my path and I damn-near tripped over my own feet to keep from having to greet him. It was obvious that I wasn't trying to speak, but he would try to engage me in conversation anyway. I have been more than "short" with him, while still attempting to appear unaffected.

And then today I had class. I knew that he registered for this class, so I figured that if I got there early and sat up front, I wouldn't be forced to look at him. As luck would have it, he sat behind me. Oh joy. I was enjoying myself in this class until the teacher said that she wanted us to do an exercise...in pairs. I looked up in the sky, as if God saw me giving Him the evil eye b/c I knew it was coming.

"LB? How about you and Jesse pair up?"

My mind was screaming, "F*CK!!! What is the dayum deal??!!! Do I have to quit to get away from this dude?"

I know God heard that F-bomb in my head. But Geez! I know that I initiated our end and everything but I felt no power from that. I still felt as if Jesse saw a weak side of me and one of the reasons that I chose to avoid him is b/c I still feel embarrassed...I feel that he saw too much of me. And if I avoid him to the point of indifference, then what happened never really happened...heck, we never happened.

But today, I looked this mofo in his face and...I felt nothing. I could tell that I made him uncomfortable b/c I was smiling but it was all I could do to complete the task. We made a good team, in the end. Will we ever be friends? That is not my goal. At this moment, I'm just glad that I don't feel this mad churning in my stomach or an ache in my heart. I'm just glad that I can look him in his face and know that he doesn't have the same power over my emotions...or that something inside of me won't allow him to. And you know what? I learned that it is best to face your issues head on. Avoiding them WILL make them go away, but that's only until they resurface.

Challenges are like fortune cookies. Once you crack them, that's where the fortune lies.