clean slate

Google is my friend.

2008 MANDATE #1: Save myself the heartache. Start w/ a clean slate!

Recycling is good. Recently, I wore a "shut it down" dress, borrowed shoes, and recycled jewelry (i.e. resisted the urge to buy something new) for my company's Holiday Gala. THAT'S what's hot on the streets! In my line of work and most recent certification, I am to promote going GREEN...from using recycled materials to rainwater recycling for water conservation. THAT'S what's hot on the streets! Recycling a man b/c you feel more comfortable with accepting the M.O. of one that you've already dated versus taking the time to learn the M.O. of one that you don't already know??? Someone needs to be SHOT on the streets!

Now, originally, Mack suggested that JJ and I come up to visit. At last we corresponded, he said that he would be in L.A. for some time this month, then back home for some time next month, blah-cubed...he would let me know the dates once he finds out. And this is exactly what I remember...no surprise there. With him, business is on the frontburner while everything else bubbles over in the back. And that's the problem...he would say something to turn up the heat, I would get all warm to the idea that an "us" was a possibility, and then SPLAT, my emotions would spill over. But he always had the smoothest out...his career. But what about the mess that was made? Who's gonna clean that shyt up?

So, today I decided to do a little snoop-surfing. And with him, it's hard b/c unlike typing in my gubment name into the search engine, you get 50-11 million results...all for him. So, I had to get crafty and type in keywords, quotes, asterisks, and other random crap just to sift through the nonsense and find something of substance. I didn't find anything with regard to him currently being in a relationship and the last thing mentioned about him having a crush was written this time, last year. But I did; however, spot a forum where a couple of ladies were discussing him. Nothing bad was mentioned...just my thoughts reiterated. One broad was bragging about how he invited her to some high profile event...yet, she was asking if the other ladies in the forum knew of him. One said that he goes to clubs a lot...um, ok. Another said that he used to date her girl but it didn't work out b/c he was too focused on his career. She even added that if said chick didn't call or take his calls, that was what got his attention. Nothing bad, but it made me ask myself...how often do you read a book when you already know the end? How many times do you read the SAME book when you hated the ending?

I don't knock a man's hustle. And I am actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, but I have to get real. I can run my a$$ up to NY and make him have an orgasm with enough seismic energy to crack a marble floor. Then what??? And not that that's what I think that our relationship is all about...nor am I plotting. I just don't want to spend even a small portion of this year cleaning up a mess. It's tired and it's tiring.

So for 2008, clean slate...no recycling or reheating short-term romances. That is so NOT HOT on these streets.