all I need is one mic

2008 MANDATE #3: DO...be a good friend. DO NOT...be someone's dumping ground. Know when to turn someone's mic off.

I don't know how many mandates I will cover this year. No promises. I'm kinda slow...I own that. I'm just trying to jot down a few personal rules that will make this year all that it can be.

I keep track of how often I talk about a particular problem to a friend. Now, if I keep bringing it up, then obviously that's a sign that it stands unresolved in my mind. Unresolved or not, that doesn't mean that I have to run the same dayum issue into the ground until I'm at peace with it. It's certainly not fair to the listener and it's just annoying as hell to me. There's some sort of buzzer that goes off in my head when I feel like I have officially given some problem too much power. THEN, I give myself a timeout...get my cot, blanket, head to the corner, lol...or I blog the hell out of it, whichever comes first. I have yet to see someone run from me, if they see me coming so that's a good sign. And normally, I'm asked, "Whatever happened with such and such..." and that let's me know that I'm pretty successful with nuisance control.

But there are some people that just can't take the hint.

I think that I am a good friend...a great friend. I encourage people to share things with me...I may actually have good advice, if asked. But there's a difference between talking through a problem and whining about a problem. I HATE whining. I don't know too many people that live for it, but whining makes my skin crawl. I must be pretty good at cutting that off at home, b/c I can't recall the last time that J whined about something. But I CAN recall checking out a few times with adults...counting seconds before my well-timed "unh hunh"s turn into "what" and "say that again." I CAN recall feeling as if I needed medical attention or an I.V. to replenish the fluids that I lost while listening to someone's long whiny a$$ story. I CAN recall thinking that hearing someone's problem had worse side effects than birth control.

Case and point...

Bruh-coworker (BCW) and I have been friends/church mates for a year now. When I first started working at the J.O.B., we hit it off immediately. We trade war stories and b/c we attend the same church, we find comfort in knowing that the other is not going to give some non-Christian advice but we're not gonna pull any punches either. However, this dude is the reason why I question if I want to get married or not. Oftentimes, he'll stroll through the spot with a long face...begging me to ask him "what's wrong?" with his eyes. Sometimes, I take the bait...most times, I don't want to be bothered. Reason being, I can't listen to not one more story about how your wife ain't on the same page with you...how you hate going home to her attitude...how she doesn't listen to you...how any other man would've left her by now...blah-cubed. As I have blogged before...I've got my own issues. I'm trying to get my stuff nipped in the bud for 2008. Ain't no way in hell, I'm carrying my issues and someone else's...my shoulders just aren't broad enough. And I knew this negro was coming with his nonsense, so since I've returned from my vacay, I've been keeping my headphones on...whether I'm listening to music or not, that is my visual "Do Not Disturb."

**Sigh** "Sis..."

Here we go...I start thinking that I'm an enabler. He keeps whining about his problems b/c I make him feel too comfortable with doing it. SO, I need to either tell him to MAN UP or say something really absurd so that he'll keep it moving. I decided to go the absurd route but I was bouncing around the idea of whether or not I should tell him to go home and put a foot in her a$$. Obviously, I do not advocate domestic violence, but I knew that THAT would be a verbal slap to the face and maybe...just maybe...he'd snap out of it. I decided on something a 1/2 step down the previous thought.

"Yo, get a divorce..."

The look on his face was priceless. He was probably trying to decipher if I had flipped my wig. His sister in Christ actually allowed the d-word to fall from her lips...well, it's better than the d in domestic violence, yes? Sounds crazy? Maybe. But he had to think that I was crazy if he assumed that I was going to spend another year listening to tales of his wife's stank behavior. I reminded him that this was a New Year and he has 2 options...stick with it or kick rocks, buddy. And then his mic was turned off.

Could I have been nicer? Probably, but I think that that was a 2007 mandate. It's really for the best. I should be considered for a raise for our increase in productivity, alone.