freaked

Last night, I had a nightmare.

I was walking around an unfamiliar house with a chick (that had a familiar face, but I figure that I just conjured up her appearance in my mind). Anyways, we were opening doors and looking into different rooms, but mostly kept pacing the halls and looking at the same rooms over and over again. She was pretty and seemed very sweet, very cool, almost innocent and appeared to be in my age group.

It gets weird b/c in one of the rooms; there was a floor model television set that was on. The chick was oblivious to the television show, but I was tripping b/c the woman that was being interviewed on the screen was the same woman that I was walking around with. She kept moving, but I stopped to look at the television. It was the same chick, but in the future…and I then realized that I was the only one that could see it. She was dressed kinda whore-ish but what drew my eye was that I could see pieces of her flesh torn apart on different areas of her body. She was being eaten by something internally and I could still see the bugs crawling out from one sore and into another. They didn’t look like maggots, but she certainly looked like a talking dead body as they were crawling everywhere. The bugs looked more like spiders, but they had long, red legs about the same color as her fingernail polish and her ripped shirt. Not once did she swat one or brush one off while she was talking…they seemed to be very much a part of her. She had bruises on her face, but mostly around her mouth. And as I’m taking in her future image on the television screen, I looked back at the chick still roaming around the house as her present unharmed, innocent-looking self.

When I turned back to the screen, she was talking to someone off-camera…saying something about a man that she was dealing with. She was VERY passionate about this guy. I don’t know what was said by the person off-camera, but she was driven to tears and seemed to be in denial about the state of her relationship with him. I assumed that the reason she looked like this was b/c of the man that she was currently dating and defending on screen.

I ran back to see if she was still walking around the house…and she was. I stopped her, grabbed her arms, and just stared at her. I couldn’t say anything. I was standing there, looking into her eyes…her pretty face…while trying to figure out how I can prevent her from meeting whatever man she was going to meet, who would do this to her. She just kept looking at me dumbfounded…wondering why I stopped her from walking around the house.

I then woke up…very disturbed.

And you know what? I’m not so sure that I was looking at her in the future. A part of me now thinks that it was already too late.

Weird, isn’t it? I haven't been right all day.

wasted

I WAS CUTE...until I puked on my shoes.

So, about 14 of us showed out at this restaurant on the night of my birthday. I was surprised that THAT many came out for me. I was even MORE surprised that my cousin was not included in that bunch, but oh well. Now, I was having a delightful day, leading into a wonderful night. We were having a ball being loud, somewhat obnoxious, and 2 drinks past "tipsy"...which was ok, b/c a DJ showed up around 10 o'clock and we were drowned out.

As the story was told to me, lol, I kept motioning for the waitress to bring me another apple martini...two fingers pointed towards the rim of my glass, lips pursed just enough to spit, "Keep the party going." These broads kept telling me to slow down, but they were just so tasty...plus, my mouth hadn't gone numb which USED TO BE my sign that I may have had enough to drink. And I thought, who were they to talk when they would randomly sing Happy Birthday to me throughout the night and were snapping pictures of each other throwing up gang signs...I'm laughing b/c every last one of these women are professional, but that night, maybe a little more crunk. But anyway, that wasn't even my biggest mistake as I thought that apple martinis and fish tacos were a good mix.

I was actually fine after the fourth martini. And then I thought that "catching the wall" and dancing suggestively with a chair was a good idea...again, I thought! I remember Goth Girl, the most unlikely chick out the whole bunch to play mama to me, leaned over and said that when I needed to go to the bathroom that all I had to do was just tap her and we'd take off. I believe there was a 5 second lag between when it left her mouth and when I heard it b/c it only took 5 seconds for me to say, "Let's go now."

I JUST made the stall.

She was in there with me the whole time as I became the "loving" drunk, telling her how I'm so glad that we're friends as I had my head hovered over the toilet. She just kept patting my back saying, "I know honey" **pat, pat**..."I'm glad too" **pat, pat**..."awww, how sweet." **Pat, pat** Something tells me that she's used to playing this role.

And THEN the Cu.pid Shuf.fle came on while I was still jacking up this stall. But AGAIN, I THOUGHT it a good idea to show Goth Girl that I knew how to do it...ya know, while still cramped up in this now stank a$$ stall. Once I became more than a little bit dizzy, more of the fish tacos decided that they had spent enough time in my stomach. And then I was done.

This is when everything got blurry, b/c I preferred to put my head on the sink over washing my hands. Tee had come in the bathroom and was laughing her a$$ off, while both of them furiously tried to fix my hair. We left the bathroom.

I don't remember too much after that aside from my girl, Law from high school, and Tee each holding my hands and walking me to Tee's truck. We were headed to my usual crash spot, Tee's house.

Somewhere along the highway, I asked Tee to pull over, leaped out of the truck, totally miscalculated the slope of the ground, almost tumbled, and then puked on my shoes.

The question is....after all THAT, do you think that anyone noticed?

**SMH**

I's an OG!!!

This is ME!!! TODAY! On my birthday!!! Sue me, we're not Ol.an Mills over hea, but when I saw that Leezarus put my blogger pic on blast, I figured that I could step outside of my comfort zone with a more updated non-closeup.

Zoom in S30...you MIGHT be able to see the "pank" toenail polish and I guess those shoes are more sandal than they are peep toes, but you know waaayyyy more than me in the shoe dept. I sometimes wonder if the reason that we hooked up is b/c my momma tapped God on the shoulder and said, "Can you make sure she rubs off on my daughter? I'm so tired of looking at my baby with no lipstick on and a soulja rag." Well, I bought 3 dresses in the last 2 months, so I know that momma is kicking her heels now!

I've only officially been 30 y/o for 8 hours, but it has been a blast. I swear that I almost scorched the concrete b/c I was hot like fiyah today. And yes, it's MY day and I WILL talk much sh**!

My dad and JJ surprised me with cupcakes this morning and then I got an edible arrangement. Leezarus put a rush on those cookies...those cookies that I was s'posed to receive 6-8 months ago...and I've been munching on those bamas since I popped the tin. About 12 of my coworkers took me out to lunch and I got ice cream with sparklers in it...enough to singe my already non-existant eyebrows. I would say that peeps are trying to thicken a sista.

But it's ok. It's all love.

Today, I felt so much love from everyone around me that I got kinda teary-eyed. God has surely surrounded me with some great people. I had some friends that told me that turning 30 is rather anti-climactic. I sooooooo disagree. I woke up this morning saying, "I made it!" I felt the anticipation building all week and I'm far from disappointed today. I had a talk with God last night. I said, "Ya know, I have had many trials and tribulations in the past 30 years. Do you think that you can throw a sista a bone in the next 30?" I think He heard me...more importantly, I think that He felt me.

I'M STILL HERE IN MY RIGHT MIND!!!

I looked around my house and thought of how I only came to Rich.mond with my baby and 2 suitcases. And we made it! I looked at my JJ and thought of how I had no idea of what to do with a kid when I got pregnant. Now, he's the sweetest, yet silliest future preppie that you ever want to meet. We made it! I looked at old pictures of my momma and I remembered telling her that if something ever happened to her, then I wouldn't want to live. It was touch and go for a moment but, I'm still here...standing, stepping, STOMPING through life. Yes, I made it! And then I thought about the men that I dated...mostly the ones that tried to kill my spirit. HA! I made it...without your sorry a$$es (no offense, lol)!

So I'm toasting to the next 30 (which absolutely, positively HAS to be better than the last) with some lady friends tonight. Not sure if I'm coming home...not sure what all I'll remember...but I'm gon' beat the breaks out of this birthday!

WITH my soulja rag!