all I need is one mic

2008 MANDATE #3: DO...be a good friend. DO NOT...be someone's dumping ground. Know when to turn someone's mic off.

I don't know how many mandates I will cover this year. No promises. I'm kinda slow...I own that. I'm just trying to jot down a few personal rules that will make this year all that it can be.

I keep track of how often I talk about a particular problem to a friend. Now, if I keep bringing it up, then obviously that's a sign that it stands unresolved in my mind. Unresolved or not, that doesn't mean that I have to run the same dayum issue into the ground until I'm at peace with it. It's certainly not fair to the listener and it's just annoying as hell to me. There's some sort of buzzer that goes off in my head when I feel like I have officially given some problem too much power. THEN, I give myself a timeout...get my cot, blanket, head to the corner, lol...or I blog the hell out of it, whichever comes first. I have yet to see someone run from me, if they see me coming so that's a good sign. And normally, I'm asked, "Whatever happened with such and such..." and that let's me know that I'm pretty successful with nuisance control.

But there are some people that just can't take the hint.

I think that I am a good friend...a great friend. I encourage people to share things with me...I may actually have good advice, if asked. But there's a difference between talking through a problem and whining about a problem. I HATE whining. I don't know too many people that live for it, but whining makes my skin crawl. I must be pretty good at cutting that off at home, b/c I can't recall the last time that J whined about something. But I CAN recall checking out a few times with adults...counting seconds before my well-timed "unh hunh"s turn into "what" and "say that again." I CAN recall feeling as if I needed medical attention or an I.V. to replenish the fluids that I lost while listening to someone's long whiny a$$ story. I CAN recall thinking that hearing someone's problem had worse side effects than birth control.

Case and point...

Bruh-coworker (BCW) and I have been friends/church mates for a year now. When I first started working at the J.O.B., we hit it off immediately. We trade war stories and b/c we attend the same church, we find comfort in knowing that the other is not going to give some non-Christian advice but we're not gonna pull any punches either. However, this dude is the reason why I question if I want to get married or not. Oftentimes, he'll stroll through the spot with a long face...begging me to ask him "what's wrong?" with his eyes. Sometimes, I take the bait...most times, I don't want to be bothered. Reason being, I can't listen to not one more story about how your wife ain't on the same page with you...how you hate going home to her attitude...how she doesn't listen to you...how any other man would've left her by now...blah-cubed. As I have blogged before...I've got my own issues. I'm trying to get my stuff nipped in the bud for 2008. Ain't no way in hell, I'm carrying my issues and someone else's...my shoulders just aren't broad enough. And I knew this negro was coming with his nonsense, so since I've returned from my vacay, I've been keeping my headphones on...whether I'm listening to music or not, that is my visual "Do Not Disturb."

**Sigh** "Sis..."

Here we go...I start thinking that I'm an enabler. He keeps whining about his problems b/c I make him feel too comfortable with doing it. SO, I need to either tell him to MAN UP or say something really absurd so that he'll keep it moving. I decided to go the absurd route but I was bouncing around the idea of whether or not I should tell him to go home and put a foot in her a$$. Obviously, I do not advocate domestic violence, but I knew that THAT would be a verbal slap to the face and maybe...just maybe...he'd snap out of it. I decided on something a 1/2 step down the previous thought.

"Yo, get a divorce..."

The look on his face was priceless. He was probably trying to decipher if I had flipped my wig. His sister in Christ actually allowed the d-word to fall from her lips...well, it's better than the d in domestic violence, yes? Sounds crazy? Maybe. But he had to think that I was crazy if he assumed that I was going to spend another year listening to tales of his wife's stank behavior. I reminded him that this was a New Year and he has 2 options...stick with it or kick rocks, buddy. And then his mic was turned off.

Could I have been nicer? Probably, but I think that that was a 2007 mandate. It's really for the best. I should be considered for a raise for our increase in productivity, alone.

clean slate

Google is my friend.

2008 MANDATE #1: Save myself the heartache. Start w/ a clean slate!

Recycling is good. Recently, I wore a "shut it down" dress, borrowed shoes, and recycled jewelry (i.e. resisted the urge to buy something new) for my company's Holiday Gala. THAT'S what's hot on the streets! In my line of work and most recent certification, I am to promote going GREEN...from using recycled materials to rainwater recycling for water conservation. THAT'S what's hot on the streets! Recycling a man b/c you feel more comfortable with accepting the M.O. of one that you've already dated versus taking the time to learn the M.O. of one that you don't already know??? Someone needs to be SHOT on the streets!

Now, originally, Mack suggested that JJ and I come up to visit. At last we corresponded, he said that he would be in L.A. for some time this month, then back home for some time next month, blah-cubed...he would let me know the dates once he finds out. And this is exactly what I remember...no surprise there. With him, business is on the frontburner while everything else bubbles over in the back. And that's the problem...he would say something to turn up the heat, I would get all warm to the idea that an "us" was a possibility, and then SPLAT, my emotions would spill over. But he always had the smoothest out...his career. But what about the mess that was made? Who's gonna clean that shyt up?

So, today I decided to do a little snoop-surfing. And with him, it's hard b/c unlike typing in my gubment name into the search engine, you get 50-11 million results...all for him. So, I had to get crafty and type in keywords, quotes, asterisks, and other random crap just to sift through the nonsense and find something of substance. I didn't find anything with regard to him currently being in a relationship and the last thing mentioned about him having a crush was written this time, last year. But I did; however, spot a forum where a couple of ladies were discussing him. Nothing bad was mentioned...just my thoughts reiterated. One broad was bragging about how he invited her to some high profile event...yet, she was asking if the other ladies in the forum knew of him. One said that he goes to clubs a lot...um, ok. Another said that he used to date her girl but it didn't work out b/c he was too focused on his career. She even added that if said chick didn't call or take his calls, that was what got his attention. Nothing bad, but it made me ask myself...how often do you read a book when you already know the end? How many times do you read the SAME book when you hated the ending?

I don't knock a man's hustle. And I am actually pretty proud of his accomplishments, but I have to get real. I can run my a$$ up to NY and make him have an orgasm with enough seismic energy to crack a marble floor. Then what??? And not that that's what I think that our relationship is all about...nor am I plotting. I just don't want to spend even a small portion of this year cleaning up a mess. It's tired and it's tiring.

So for 2008, clean slate...no recycling or reheating short-term romances. That is so NOT HOT on these streets.

no resolutions

No resolutions. They really don't last the whole year anyways...maybe the first quarter, at best. No superstitions. I am washing clothes and if this causes people to be washed out of my life like granny said, then so be it. No black eyed peas, no cabbage, and no dinner table bribes...just pizza, buffalo wings, honey buns, and ice cream sandwiches and a little ebay browsing. No toasting, singing, partying, or praying at the midnight hour...I hugged the excited boy, put on some Frank Sin.atra, and dodged HEARTFELT texts that inundated my inbox. No expiration date on the goals that I had last year and no deep introspection this year. The only thing that I'm clinging to...the only thing that I believe...

2008 is gonna be great...period.

I'm enjoying my final day of relaxation...still listening to "ol' blue eyes" and rambling football commentators. I'm trying to fight off the early stages of homesickness with cherry kool-aid and my comfy sweats. Although I had to master the art of picking my battles with pops, I'm going to miss him and am feeling a little sad to see him go. I may take down these Christmas decorations...then again, I may just watch a movie or beat the brakes off of JJ in this ongoing WWE wrestling tourney that we have going on playstation. I hope to win the canvas set that I bid on, but if not, oh well. Today, everything will be easy...and that's how I want the remaining 365 to be. And they will b/c the only thing that I'm clinging to...the only thing that I believe...

2008 is gonna be great...period.

My hopes for the year...that my blackened chicken will be less salty, that I will have more than doubled my real estate investment, that love finds me, that I rekindle my fire for my Lord, that JJ continues to be healthy, that I get a nice raise, that I benefit from counselling, that I laugh more, that I'm more productive, that I maintain focus, that I develop a taste for wine, that I take that cruise for my 30th birthday, that my hair continues to grow, that my skin begins to glow, that some really good movies are released, that good music is redefined, that my friendships are strengthened, that weak associations are loosed, and that 2008 is great, etc., etc., period.