don't stop 'til u get enough...

So, um...**peeping behind both shoulders**...I was able to sneak on here and type a lil somethin-somethin. Somebody charged my dad's credit card twice, so he left to "fix" the situation. I imagine that'll take some time...figuring in about 30 minutes to an hour of his cussing someone out, him happily telling people that he has PTSD and warning that he has choked someone out before, and then factoring in some time after the police are called....yeah, I have a few hours...LOL. Afterall, he once said, "Just 'cuz I'm a black man cussin' and hollerin' in a doctor's office, they go and CALL the police!" As if that was a problem, pops??? I don't get the logic either, lol.

Well, ya'll...I have been having a BALL. This trip back home has been just what I needed. Good food, good friends, crazy fam...yes, this was the salve to my soul. My baby even acted as if he was happy to see me. Last week, he kept rushing me off of video messaging...perhaps b/c he had more important things to do like play video games and watch tv. But now, it's a different story. LAWD, if he tells me one more time about this Harry Po.tter mess, I'm gonna start cussin' and hollerin' too, lol. I'll be glad when this movie comes out! Sheesh!

Navy was in town, on Friday, so we pretended to be tourists at our old stomping grounds, Tu.lane. Mayne, they have made so many changes to the campus since Ka.trina. Now I know why some houses weren't rebuilt...all of the money went to TU! Afterwards, we hit up a party that Darius and his boys were throwing at an old firehouse. There was a MAD MJ tribute happening and I moonwalked my a$$ off! I'm just disappointed that I couldn't come up with all the Thri.ller moves but I hope that Mike knows that we were out here celebrating his life...doing it N'awlins style!

Darius kept staring at me as I continued to act the fool. I hung out with him Friday, Saturday, and Monday night. I'm gonna need ya'll to pray for me during this upcoming week, b/c the "lil lady" is anxious and one more "come hither" stare may cause me to "drop trou'". Times are hard! My girl seems to think that both Navy and Darius have a "thang" for me and were competing for my attention on Friday night, but I don't know...or maybe, I just don't want to know, lol. Navy hasn't had too much good to say since I cut my hair. His step-mom asked me what Navy thought after I showed him...ya'll just don't know how much I wanted to respond that I couldn't give a sh*t, but my polite response was, "Well, I know what Navy likes and I assume this isn't it. Oh well, but I LOVE it." And hell, other guys love it too. This one dude that I've been knowing rubbed my head on the dance floor and I got a lil tingly. Yes indeed, it's TOO hot out here, lol.

Did I mention that I've run into a lot of old high school partnahs and the "mens" are fine?! I just like looking...and sometimes touching. Since I'm still celebrating MJ's life, I'm gonna be randomly grabbing crotches until...I dunno...Thursday, lol.

So tomorrow, I will be having lunch with my former boss. We'll see where that goes. The woman that I interviewed with in DC called me and asked me to fill out some forms. Well, when I looked at the forms, it appears that she would like me to fill in my accomplishments for a new government contract that she's trying to acquire. Does that mean that she's offering me the job? I probably should've asked that, but this whole situation is weird to me. Right now, I'm hoping that I can score an interview with a certain company in Richm.ond. I LOVE being home...I must say that again. I LOVE being home, but I like everything that my small suburb outside of Rich.mond offers my son. And maybe I sound wacko, but his comfort and happiness is my #1 priority. Yes, I know that that will be anywhere that I am. We'll see. I know that God is still working it out and I'll be happy to report when its done. I don't know what I want, but He knows what I need. So all I can do is trust Him.

I am SO blessed. Albeit, they are playing with my unemployment, I still have savings and other accounts to stand on. I have family willing to help out in any way that they can and friends that, at times, I don't feel I deserve. Right now...at this very moment...life is good.

But um...still pray for me. If another "pretty" dude walks by me looking and smelling good, I cannot be held responsible for my actions, lol. God Bless New Orl.eans!

big chop drama

So, let me s'plain what happened. Last month, I wrote this about my transition to natural hair. My original plan was to wait until this time, next YEAR to chop off the remainder of my permed ends. In my mind, my head was too big to carry off a short afro. Before I even jump into that, I have to credit S23 for giving me that final push to attempt this transition in the first place. I have, at least, 2 other friends that tried to get me to join their bandwagon...so I guess they planted the seed and S23 watered it (more like, she harassed the hell out of it, lol). And I kind of not-so-secretly stalked Kelly when she would write about her natural hair. I told S23 that I would do it, but I figured that I would crack and give in after a few months. I knew how badly my hair reacted to not getting a "touch up" in a timely manner and how frustrated I got at the sight of my naps, protruding from my scalp.

I didn't want to have a heart attack everytime I washed my hair and saw a small Chi.a pet in my comb, so I went and did this. I was happy with that style...until I went home to the N.O. Mayne, I was curling everyday and trying to gel my roots to combat the humidity. Inevitably, the humidity won. Shortly after I returned to the Comm.onwealth, I bought a flat iron. I decided that I was going to straighten my roots and match the textures until I felt comfortable enough to chop the rest of my chemically straightened hair off. However, I THEN decided that I wasn't going to apply direct heat anymore and risk damaging my curl pattern. And THAT'S when all hell broke loose, lol.

I tried all of the nautral hairstyles...twist-outs, braid-outs, bantu-knot outs. Nothing looked great with my straight ends, in my opinion. The only style that I liked was setting my hair on rods, which gave the illusion of a curly 'fro. It also blended the 2 textures well. I became addicted to hair blogs and youtube videos and learned how to take care of my natural hair. I got on a new hair care regimen to condition my hair at least 3 times a week, wash and DEEP condition, at least once a week. Well, this process was becoming a little too lengthy (for my taste) since I decided that my staple style was a rod set. It takes me 45 minutes to an hour to set my hair and then another hour to sit under the hairdryer (if I'm not letting it air dry). And for someone who likes everything to "be easy", I needed another option.

So, my birthday was coming up. Originally, I didn't want to do anything. I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate, so the original intention was to turn 31 quietly and be done with it. When I talked to Tee, she wasn't having it and offered to plan a small dinner at her house. I cut down my guest list from last year, b/c quite frankly, I didn't want to look at all those people. Now that I had something to do, I had to plan my look. I had my dress for a minute...the real challenge was to figure out what to do with my hair. I went to Michae.l's and bought some fake flowers that matched my dress. I was going to clip one in my hair and have my spiral curls flowing over the flower.

While setting my hair for the 20-millionth time last week, I got fed up. I was tired of catering to my permed ends. Plus, I was inspired by a you-tuber that only trnasitioned for 2 months, did the big chop, and looked more gorgeous than before. I decided that the hair must come off. Now, I wasn't THAT strong. I had my reservations. In fact, every negative thing that someone had to say about me physically, resurfaced in my mind..."lawd, your eyes are so huge, I bet you can see through me"..."your cheeks have to be the biggest thing on your entire body"...etc. Plus, I don't have the greatest skin in the world. If I cut all of my permed ends off , then what in the world would I hide behind? Guys like long and flowing hair, so would I even be considered attractive anymore?

I called Kat and asked her to help me cut off all of my hair. She was the only friend that I KNEW would help me since she's been rocking a short 'do since I met her. My best girlfriend had just told me that if I decided to do it, then I better get rid of my "tomboy-ish" clothes...I guess there was no need in me looking anymore "butch" than I was going to look. I knew that she didn't really mean any harm, but I got tired of people and their unsolicited opinions from my just MENTIONING that I was going natural. The ONLY opinion that matters is my own. I shouldn't have ever told her what I was going to do anyway, so I decided that she and Kat would be the last 2 people that knew.

Kat came over...and I chickened out. I started to believe the hype and that I WAS crazy. I kept parting my hair and saying that I didn't have enough new growth. Next thing I knew, this chick had my clipped hair in her hand. THEN she said, "Now, we can stop if you want?" LOL. For a second, I hated her. And then I said, "Do it quick before I change my mind." Hair was all over my kitchen floor. She was happily snipping away and when she was done, it was a masterpiece...

I looked like James from "Good Ti.mes." LOL.

But for some reason, I didn't freak out. Kat was clowning me b/c the hair in the back of my head apparently grows faster than the rest and I had a little ducktail a la "Rea.dy for the Wor.ld" and proceeded to start singing "Lo.ve You Dow.n" everytime she touched it. For another second, I hated her...although I was laughing too.

The next day, I called the lady that typically cuts my hair and asked her if she had an opening to give me a quick line and kinda fade it out for me. She cleaned it up and then I put my "fruits and berries" in it, lol. And the rest, as they say, is history! Even my dad got on board and actually said that it looked cute. Someone even asked me if I had a texturizer in it, so perhaps I don't have "bad hair"...as much as I hate that term.

Initially, this decision wasn't much more than trying something different. I'm not that deep and didn't see any sort of spiritual connection nor did it signify a new beginning. Now, after having gotten used to it, I feel something. I believe that I've said repeatedly on here that growing up, certain members of my own fam have always had negative shit to say about me as a child, a reflection of their own insecurities. And I carried them. As an adolescent and a young woman, those insecurities continued to mature. And then I got into these toxic situations with dudes (and I'm thinking of "ole dude" in particular) that did their damndest to try and kill my spirit and make me feel as if I wasn't enough...or if I just did one or two things, then I could make the cut. Building up self-esteem is like establishing good credit...it takes time. Now that I am more than comfortable in my own skin and, at times, a little too confident in who I am (and have been for a while), I cannot even believe that I thought that something so small as hair would place me back at square one.

The results are in: 1 out of 1 person agrees that I don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks. Granted, I've gotten more compliments on my new style than anything (and I thank everyone on here that has given me the thumbs up), but there are still some people that talk to me as if I had just done something to make me fall short of meeting THEIR standards of beauty...or that all I need to do is this and that and the other to be considered attractive TO THEM. Well, this is what I think about that...

The only person that I have to impress is myself. I have to be able to look at myself and like what I see. And honey, I DO! I ADORE every last one of my naps as is...in fact, I'm thinking about naming each and every one of them....curly, larry, moe, lucretia, lamma-lamma-ding-dong, $%*&^, etc... I no longer think that my head is too big. I happen to think that my eyes are my best asset. And now I'm going to flaunt my cheekbones proudly. So at the end of the day, I don't have a problem with me and the only recommendation that I have for you is that you either love me or leave me alone. Period, amen, goodnight, and HOLLA!

I know that a lot of natural heads are focused on acquiring length. I will let my hair grow out, but I'm enjoying where I am now and don't wanna be so focused on where I wish to be that I miss out on where I am. But I'll be tracking my progress at my new fotki account,

HERE.

To those that gave it, thanks for the support! And to those that hate it, keep hating!

31

happily nappy after...

Cuz: Are you going through something right now?

Dad: You're not going to just leave it like that, are you?

Girlfriend: Do you really think that this is a good idea?

Me: I dunno...

But since I'm turning 31 tomorrow...

Why not???

Son: Whoa!

Me: What's wrong?

Son: You have hair like your mom.

I'll take that as a compliment. So...

Dear perm'ed ends,

It's been real.

Respect,

~LB

can't touch this!

Have a little "hammertime" with your morning coffee (0:45 is my fave part...perhaps b/c I can be found doing that in the local Wa.lgreens occasionally, lol)...





I just might incorporate this into my mid-day routine...sometime between noon and 3 pm. Out to buy some hammer pants...

Break it down,
~LB

hmmm...

My dad is flying into VA this evening. Unfortunately, he's not staying as long as I had hoped...or even as long as he thought, b/c my step-mom books all of his tickets. Usually, he stays long enough for me to take him out for Father's Day, but I guess that the joke is on us. It's not even so much that I want him to stay a long time...I like all the noise in the house and I don't want to have to say goodbye to J so soon. They are leaving next Tuesday.

J must think that I've lost my mind b/c I keep telling him "I love you" at the most random times. I don't want him to go. Granted, I have felt that way every summer since we moved here. But this summer seems different. I don't want the break. I'm not in the mood to go out. All I can think about is being near my baby. I asked him if he REALLY wanted to go. J said, "You can come home with me and PawPaw and stay while I'm there."

Truth is, I could. And I'm thinking really HARD about it.

honeymoon

So, I was being nosy on FB...flipping through a huge honeymoon photo album of one of my friends and then I got this GREAT idea! I'm gonna get married! I guess that I could skip the wedding and just go straight to Jamaica and book a room with a private pool, but maybe I'll actually want the company...and the conjugals.

still standing

I remember when 2009 began, I hoped that the year would go by quickly. I had it in my mind that although the recession would be for a lengthy period of time, that 2009 would bear the brunt of it. It seems like January 1st was just yesterday, but here we are in June. So, I guess it has gone by quickly, but last week was rough (excluding my interview).

I've been going through some financial madness! No, I'm not in trouble. It just seems that everyone has their hand out NOW. I had to kick this plumber out of my house last Friday, proceed to go off on their office manager and then promptly hang up the phone after shouting, "I'm not signing anything and I'm not paying a damn thing!" Yep, it was THAT serious. This was the third time that these people have been out to the house.

I don't even want to get into all of what happened, but all I know is...I'm my momma's child with my daddy's temper. I abhor conflict. I don't like arguing with people. And being mean (and angry) just consumes so much energy. But damn if I'm gonna allow someone to get over on me. I was still mad at myself for losing my cool...do know that it takes A LOT! But playing with my money is like playing with my emotions.

That was only one example of the foolishness that was last week. My God, I hope that I'm not going through all of this for nothing.

Anyway, this whole layoff thing has altered many of my plans and financial goals. I have been researching brokerage firms in order for me to rollover my 401K to an IRA. While in the mood to examine my financial house (to make sure that it was in order), I searched my file cabinet for the small slip of paper, on which I outlined my assets and liabilities on January 1st. It was imperative that I see where I stand in comparison, 6 months down the line.

Assets

Mutual Fund (for whatever) - 22% increase

Mutual Fund (Jalen's education) - 12% increase

401K - 49% increase

Savings - 72% increase (after removing a chunk to cover bills in the meantime)

House - 4% decrease in value (this is what gives me heartburn)

Liabilities

Student Loan 1 - 10% decrease (kinda sad that it wasn't more)

Student Loan 2 - 25% decrease (I wanted to pay off this one by year end)

Credit card debt - 13% increase (NOT HAPPY, although it is relatively small debt)

Overall, my Assets decreased by 8%, with a cash asset increase of 36%. My liabilities only decreased by 9%.

I know that I could be in much worse standing. I could not have savings at all, but it doesn't really make me feel better about my situation. I was supposed to go to Chicago in July and now that's pretty much out of the question...and so is my goal to see "The Col.or Pur.ple" at the Kenned.y Ce.nter that month too. I'm not too bothered by putting off those plans.

I just want to live life again.

Right now, my son is my only source of happiness. He has been so helpful. He keeps offering up his birthday/Chr.istmas money b/c he says, "I don't want you to have to use your money." He says that he's not worried about anything and I explained to him that that's HIS money and "my" so-called money is our money. His only request is that we not move b/c he likes our house.

I dunno...where is the fast-forward button when you need it?