Unfortunately, J's little league Opening Day got postponed. It rained Thursday and Friday, so I kinda knew that it might be cancelled b/c of the grounds. Maybe that worked out to my benefit b/c I was planning on spreading my germs to everyone in the bleachers. Yes, I am sick AGAIN but I have been powering through.
Earlier in the week, J asked me if I would watch the Ki.d's Choi.ce awards with him on Saturday night...but it was funny, b/c he used the fact that Za.c Efr.on would make an appearance as a way to entice me. Yes, I am too grown to be into the Hig.h Scho.ol Music.al trilogy and probably too too grown to salivate after that 18 y/o boy. I seem to be losing my edge b/c I thought that HSM3 was one of the best movies that I had seen in '09, lol. When I start panting hard after those Jo.nas Bro.thers, then I beg you...any of you...to have me committed, seriously. I just don't get J's musical tastes but oh well. I digress...I was already sold on the deal b/c Dwa.yne John.son was hosting the show and I have been wanting to do things to that man ever since WWE was WWF.
**wipes mouth** lawdhavmercyjesusandmaryandem...
So, what was I saying? Oh, right...
Tee asked me to babysit her 12 y/o daughter...let's call her Princess. Apparently Tee and B are back together b/c she went with him to some concert in DC and asked if Princess could spend the night with me. I was fine with that, b/c unlike babysitting my baby cuz Lady Ed.en a couple of weeks ago, I knew that Princess wasn't going to snot, slobber, or hand me food that she decided wasn't worth chewing anymore. In other words, I can be sick and keep up with a 12 y/o. Plus, Tee doesn't have cable so Princess was excited to see the Ki.ds Choi.ce awards too. We ordered pizza and were good to go!
After all the hoopla and while J was in his room, Princess says, "I don't mean to get all in your business and everything, but how did J take it when you got divorced?"
I swallowed hard for a second b/c that question caught me off guard. I had to choose my words carefully. I have no problem with saying that I had J outside of wedlock, but I have a problem with saying that to a 12 y/o girl. Yet, I don't want to lie...not even by omission.
Me: Well, J's dad and I weren't married.
Princess: I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Me: It's cool. But to answer your question, J doesn't have any memories of his dad and I together b/c he was a baby.
I made a mental note to tell Tee about my admission. Whereas J and I are doing better than fine; Princess needs to know that children should be had within the sanctitiy of marriage. She should know that already. But then I started thinking. Tee's divorce hadn't been final that long...I'm not even sure if its been 2 years yet. But she has been dating B for over a year and is now engaged.
So I asked, "How are you taking your parent's divorce?"
Princess: **teary-eyed** Well, I didn't know that they were thinking about it until I heard them arguing at my aunt's house and I just remember my mom saying that she didn't want to go back to my dad.
Me: Do you still want them to be married?
Princess: **wiping a tear** Yes, I think about it. I mean, it doesn't even matter now, b/c my dad is seeing some woman that he doesn't want me to meet yet and my mom is now engaged to B.
I felt so bad. I saw a lot of myself in Princess. We're both only children. I was around the same age when my parents got divorced. I was different in the sense that I was happy that it happened b/c I was tired of coming home to the same foolishness. And I didn't have any memories of my parents ever being happy with each other (excluding the fake smiles seen on vacation pics). So either they would have to change their behavior after so many years or part ways. As unrealistic as the former was, I accepted the latter. If nothing else, I valued peace by any means necessary.
But I DO remember when my mom started dating again...or rather, when she allowed me to know that she'd started dating again. I had some time to get somewhat adjusted to the idea. Granted, I wanted my mom to be happy but her men got the hard stare for a while b/c I didn't know what their intentions were.
B is a nice guy. Marriage material, I don't know. But from what I see, he does treat Tee very well. I think that Tee has every right to be happy and shouldn't put her life on hold. Now, her and B believe in PDA. It makes Princess uncomfortable when they kiss in front of her. Heck, it makes ME uncomfortable when they kiss in front of me...to the point where I choose not to hang with them as much. But Tee dismissed it when Princess brought it up. Tee said that she was finally happy so Princess was just going to have to be uncomfortable.
So how soon is too soon? Do you handle kids with kid gloves after a divorce?
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5 comments:
Of course I wouldn't know the answer to this, but I can speak to how I explained to Tyler that I was never married to his dad. As many times as I explain it, he seems to forget it. When I had to explain that my Ex just had another kid, Tyler asked me about his wife. I had to explain that he is not married. Then he asked if he adopted a kid. I was like no, he just had one. I have told Tyler over and over again, the proper order for things, college, job, wife and then marriage, but its interesting to see how many people don't follow the order and having to explain it all away. I feel sorry for Princess b/c while her mom's life shouldn't be put on hold, she should respect her wishes not to be privy to PDA. Mother/daughter relationships are fragile in my opinion. I think I would try to make sure my child's thoughts were always heard and considered.
I didn't bring any men around my children for about two years after my divorce. I was dating before that but they didn't need to be involved in that.
I'm always surprised at the number of women who have "random" men around their children all willy nilly.
To each her own, but unless I am serious, there's no need for my child to meet another "friend".
I'm not so sure that my child doesn't think her parents are married and just live in different households...and we are not even dating! Yeah, that's a whole 'nother blog for me to write one day! lol
Touchy subject. Is there a hard rule? I guess not. For me, my girls were young and I let them meet the first guy I started dating after abt 9 mths. I saw it as them meeting my friends. We weren't affectionate in front the girls either tho. The good thing is that I'm friendly with the men they've met, so its not been like opening and closing wounds.
I think Tee should absolutely take Princess's feelings into consideration. She's a young girl struggling with alot. Being much younger, my girls were hams and were never put off in the least by someone else who could dish out attention to them. I feel badly for her.
einstin showed us time is relative - either something happens or it dont
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