boys

Take 1

Scene: J and I are sitting on the bed, discussing what we'd like to eat on a lazy night.

Me: I think that I want McDo.nald's.

J: Me too. I want a cheeseburger with no pickles, no onions, no mustard, and no salad.

Me: Salad? It doesn't come with salad.

J: That green stuff on the burger.

Me: Lettuce? You must mean lettuce. Do you know what lettuce is?

J: **looks up in the air to search for the answer** Hmmmm...**starts singing** a...b...c...d....e...f...g....

Me: LOL!!! LET-TUCE, NOT LET-TERS!

He was 3 y/o.

Take 2

Scene: I'm picking up J from choir practice and ran into the First Lady of the church.

First Lady: Oh, he's doing so well. He's learning all of the songs pretty quickly.

Me: That's good, then he should be ready for Sunday. Well, c'mon J...

First Lady: Are you ready to go, man? You all bundled up? How r u feeling?

J: My private hurts.

Me: **embarrassed and rambling to explain** uh, I already took him to the doctor...

J: Yeah, mommy, but the medicine isn't working.

Me: **through pursed lips** Can we talk about this in the car?

He was 5 y/o.

Take 3

Scene: I'm sitting in the doctor's office, completng a new patient interview with the nurse. J is playing his Gameboy.

Nurse: How many children do you have?
Me: **turning my head towards J and grinning** One.
Nurse: Do you drink?
Me: No.
J: **without looking up from his Gameboy and shaking his head** You just lied to her mommy.
Me: Excuse me?!
Nurse: **stops typing my answers**
J: We just had something before we left the house.
Nurse: **hard stare...probably wondering if she was going to have to notify Child Pro.tective Ser.vices**
Me: Would you please tell her what WE had?
J: Orange juice.
Me: **pleased with THAT confirmation** Can you ask me how many children I have again? I would like to rethink that answer.



Ya know...5 y/o came with some hum-dingers.

Take 4

Scene: J and I are enjoying an episode of "Tom and Jerry" in the living room. We're counting how many times Tom has gotten blown up.

Me: **laughing** Where is all that dynamite coming from?
J: I dunno. They just have a lot in that basement.

Me: **watching Tom use a bra as a slingshot for a stick of dynamite, thinking that its a good moment to quiz J on undergarment recognition** What is that J?

J: **grinning and slightly embarrassed** ummm....it starts with a B.

Me: You can't say it? It's ok to say it. What is it?

J: It's a bra, mommy, OK. **looking as if he wanted to say, "It's a bra, DAYUM!"**

Me: **satisfied, continuing to watch Jerry take it to dat azz**

J: I've seen them ripped off before.

Me: WHAT IN THE HELL? **mind screaming WTF????** WHERE THE HELL DID YOU SEE THIS?

J: **growing defensive and stumbling on his words** no, I mean...on wrestling, the women rip their underclothes off.

Me: WHEN IS THIS? So they walk around naked? You've seen them with no clothes on?

J: No, I mean...see, when I watch wrestling with PawPaw...

Me: Yeah, that's who I'm about to call right-damn-now, b/c everytime you see something crazy, he's around.

He was 7 y/o...and this was yesterday.

Later...

PawPaw: **old school and authoritative** Well, you don't want him to be no sis.sy, do you? He needs to know about that stuff. They show it on wrasslin' and everytime we play those "Bra and Panty" matches on his Playstation, there is a lesson behind it.

Here's MY lesson: It is much harder to raise a PawPaw than it is his grandson.

higher

J: Mommy, I have some papers in my folder today.

Me: Is one of them your book report grade?

J: I dunno. I didn't look.

Me: **pulling out papers and sorting through his improved grades, grin widening as I go** You got a 98 on your presentation?!

J: I did?

Me: Yeah, man. You got a 95 on the actual report!!! I am soooo PROUD of you!!! Your teacher wrote in the margin that you did an EXCELLENT JOB. **hugging him all hard, damn near choking him out**

J: **grinning with pride** Look! I got a 100E on my vocabulary test...**searching for other good grades, feeding off of my love**

If this had been me and my dad when I was 7 y/o, I could forget about any sort of affectionate display b/c he would be too busy trying to figure out what happened to the 2 points in my presentation and the 5 points in my book report. Actually, I was trying to figure out what happened to those 5 points, myself, b/c I helped J with the book report...and for some reason, I take it personally when points are taken. I mean, this is second grade homework.

But what have I realized? As simple as this sounds...J is not me. It took kindergarten, first, & now, second grade to come to this realization. Certain things don't come as easy to him as they did for me. He's not at the top of his class. He even takes a while to finish his assignments.

But this boy has strengths in areas that are foreign to me. There are some things that he got by nature and not by nurture. He read that book on Bara.ck Oba.ma and when he told me what it was about, at times, he would recite exact sentences verbatim. He made a puppet out of a paper bag (that was supposed to be Bar.ack) and when he did his presentation, he asked the puppet to tell the class about himself, and proceeded to speak in a deep voice throughout the remainder of the presentation. I made him practice every night for 2 weeks, but he had it down on the first one. The teacher provided the students with notecards, but I told him that he wasn't allowed to use them and that he already had everything that he needed to be outstanding. Stand out, he did.

I needed to modify my expectations. Don't get me wrong, I think that every parent should have high expectations when it comes to their children. However, I kept meeting J where "I was" and not where "he is". Its much easier to raise the bar, now that I know where it rests.

I can't wait to see him take it higher.

slide, giddyup, giddyup

OK, so this isn't a real blog. I got some things that I'm working on or working out. But I thought that I'd momentarily take down my "Gone Fishing" sign to post something close to my heart...Old School Bounce. New Orle.ans is home to many great things. Bounce music (circa early to mid 90s) is on my list...which is probably why Beyon.ce's extended version of "Get Me Bo.died" is (as Kat and I call it) my reset song for the club.

A friend of mine from high school posted this video on faceb.ook and my mood went from frantic to jiggly in 5 seconds. The whole song is really 9 minutes, but this video had me laughing at the dances we did and the music that made us hype...well, the video just has me laughing. I don't even know why I said "did" or "made" bcuz I still like bounce in small doses. Don't let a DJ spin this joint when I go back home this year cuz..uh...I'm doing a quick stretch and then the shoes are coming off.

Gimme what.cha got for a por.kchop...

URBAN DICTIONARY:
dj jubilee: the king of bounce. the new orleans hip- hop a music that set the format for crunk, buck, and screw music. jubilee has been making dances for the south since 1991

uneventful but easy

My New Year's Day was uneventful...to most, I guess. I didn't participate in the common traditions...resolutions, black eyed peas and cabbage, drunkenness, church, or sports. It was just another day off and I like to capitalize on that time by making very minimal movements and rest. I...

...watched the series premieres of a few shows on HGTV.

...talked on the phone.

...took pictures of the hot garbage that is my backyard and uploaded them to the HGTV website, in hopes of winning a free outdoor space makeover from my favorite HGTV designer, the pretty one, Kim Myles.

...paid bills.

...wrote down the balances/worth of my assests and liabilities so that I can track where I stand mid-year and by year's end. Started to rethink stock investing and may hold off on that for the time being.

...napped.

...meditated. Thanked God for the kid and I's life, health, and financial status. Didn't ask for anything...just wanted to be thankful.

...went on a movie date...in the living room with J. I am totally in love with his laugh, but I wonder why its necessary for children to confirm that you see what they see throughout the whole movie...or even repeat what was said when I'm not deaf.

...made a root beer float with a little grape soda as requested. Ugh!

...took a green bubble bath. Shipped as a Christmas present from a g/f back home, the bubble bath's proceeds are donated to women's cancer research. I was a little hesitant at first b/c I didn't know if coloring my water today was going to lead me to phoning my gyne tomorrow. So far, everything's copacetic.

Uneventful but easy. I'm hoping that that sets the tone for the rest of the year...at least, the "easy" part of that statement. I already have events planned up to mid-year.