you a soulja, partnah...

So I spent another weekend with Tee (I think that we kick it, on average, every other weekend). Since Leezie has original oldgirls, I think that the Nolia in me is gonna start claiming soldiers...um, excuse me, souljas. And instead of giving out oldgirl cards, I'm gonna start distributing honorary soldier rags...eh, excuse me, SOULJA rags! And with that said, I gots to get something off of my chest, so forgive me for my choice of words or choppiness of this blog in advance.

If there is something that ANY woman can do for me...it would be to LOVE herself. I'm serious...it is critical that we sit down and take an honest inventory of our worth. So what does a woman loving herself have anything to do with me? Not a dayum thing! It just ANGERS me when I hear another woman downing herself or settling for another trashy a$$ man! Don't think that I don't know about low self-esteem and the consequences of it. I do and I'll admit to having HAD low self-esteem. But you know what? I know who I am. I won't even start preaching about how the enemy wants you to NOT know who you are in the kingdom of God b/c as long as you're uncertain of that, you have no clue of what you're capable of conquering. And I'm not about to pretend to be "bad a$$-ier than thou" b/c that attitude irritates me too. Most of the time, all of that loud talk that this so-called "bad-a$$" woman is spittin' is just to convince herself that she's about something. Well, sista, you ARE about something, so you don't have to talk loud to ATTEMPT to prove it. And to the other ones that DON'T speak up AT ALL b/c they don't think that they deserve better, SHAME ON YOU!

Tee and I were having a girl's night Friday night, when she said something that totally disrupted my flow. She spun another tale about a dude dogging a woman...the woman knowing that she was being dogged, but continuing to deal with dude b/c well, in her mind, it's better than nothing. I know dude a little too well, so the Nolia in me wanted to drive through his front door and have him catch my boot with his throat! And as far as the chick was concerned, I was hot behind her thought process. But I think that the reason why I was SO MAD was b/c I saw myself in that situation. And I think that almost EVERY woman with some life experience has been in that situation...and seriously, if you can't lay your "bad $$-ier than thou" attitude to the side to relate to this situation, then this message is not for you...I'm only addressing the REAL women, the REAL souljas! REAL souljas have made mistakes, but instead of wallowing in them or denying them, they have grown from them.

Allow me to take the time to clear up some misconceptions...not having a man does not equate to having nothing! Let's dig a little deeper...not having a man does NOT determine your worth! Why is that such an obvious statement, but so hard for women to believe? Not having a man DOES NOT mean that you're ugly...not having 5 or so men wearing out your cell phone DOES NOT determine your level of attractiveness or lack thereof. It just bothers me b/c I'm wondering when did men become coated in platinum or some rare breed. Can someone help me understand why a woman can have multiple degrees, can hold down a household by herself, can be professionally accomplished, can make a dollar out of 15 cents, can strengthen her community, can set personal goals and exceed them, can stop traffic when she glides down the street, and etc., etc., etc., yet NEED a man to validate her? Can someone help me understand why this same woman downs herself or worse yet, is judged by other women b/c she doesn't have a man or 2 salivating after her, at the moment?

Don't get me wrong...I love men and I'm not suffering from peni$ envy or whatever else, but I'm wondering when did a man become the "end all be all" status symbol. And I came into this world alone, so at what point did a man define who I am? Fugg that! I am so serious...I am sick of witnessing catty foolishness over a trashy a$$ man. I am sick of girlfriends calling me, wanting me to help them figure out where their man's head is at when THEY haven't even nailed down what THEY want or need out of the relationship. I am sick of girlfriends whining about giving their all to said trashy a$$ man when the man absolutely did not deserve what she had to offer, in the first place...AND THEY KNEW THIS! When did we become so desperate that we just give ANY man our number only to duck and dodge him in the long run? I can understand wanting companionship, but DAYUM! C'mon ladies, this is TIRED! I'm not saying that ALL men ain't sh*t! I'm not even really addressing men. I just want women to stand strong! And not that phony stuff either.

One of my close girlfriends was challenged to write 10 good things that she has to offer to a relationship. The idea was that if she sat down and actually wrote 10 good things about herself, then she would price herself out of the mar.ket of men that she was choosing. But what she said blew me away. She said, "I'm scared that if I sit down to write it that I won't be able to come up with 10." I guess that I was supposed to join her in her self-pity. I missed that memo b/c I immediately became pi$$ed off! You mean to tell me that out of all of the 30 years of your existence, you don't think that you can come up with 10 GOOD things?! SHAME ON YOU!

I challenge EVERY woman who reads this to write out 10 good things about themselves...and not that superficial stuff like, "I'm the finest woman on my block," b/c that's just bullsh*t. I'm talkin' 'bout REAL soulja things! Place it in your journal, post it on your blog...hell, post it in my comments, if necessary...just know that you are about SOMETHING! I'll start...

1. I am DANGEROUS with a screwdriver and a hammer.

2. From the loss of my mom to Hurri.cane Katr.ina, I have had a portion of my foundation taken from me twice...but I'm still standing by the grace of God.

3. I am a single mom, raising an up and coming productive member of society.

4. I have an awesome sense of humor.

5. I am an artist at heart. If I put my mind to it, I can paint a picture of something that someone would be willing to pay for.

6. I am stronger than what the last man gave me credit for.

7. Although I haven't been in my discipline for long, I find that I am surpassing those that have been doing what I do for many years.

8. I am financially savvy.

9. I have failed at a few things, but from those experiences, many of my successes were born.

0. I can write this list of good things about myself and make it look easy!

And there it is. Know that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" and ANY man that YOU choose to date has GOT TO BE worthy of YOU. I'm handing out soulja rags, mommas! Come and get yours!