snooped doggy dogs

No Limit's last comment had me giggling all day at work. Whenever I deviated from being in the zone, I started thinking about when I used to "check up" on dudes. My momma always said that if you start lookin' for something, you'll be sure to find it. I guess that's what she was clinging to when she found that my dad hid extra souvenirs in his suitcase from one of our family trips to Chat-town. I also believe that that's what she called to memory when she needed a numerical code to pop the lock to the case, but thought that a butter knife worked better. Yes, she was truly the MacGyver of dysfunctional relationships. I always said that I'd NEVER be like that but nothing beat the "deer caught in head lights" look on my dad's face when my mom said that she drove by some lady's house and saw his car. It was funny seeing him try to stumble out of that one, especially since she hadn't even spent gas to go up to the cornerstore.

So here's the question...have you ever snooped on your man? And if so, what did you do? What did you find?

I think that I was 5 months pregnant when I first got the urge to verify that something was NOT right with J's dad, HLS (Habitual Line Stepper). I had come home from class and then logged onto my computer to check email and play around on the 'net. Does anyone remember "Coll.ege Club?" That used to be the jump off before Black.pla.net and certainly My.space. Well, I went to the webpage and, lo and behold, HLS hadn't logged out. J kicked me so I knew that he was trying to tell me to go through his dad's email and IM history. OK, ok...that is an exaggeration...just the email, lol. And I'll be damned if HLS wasn't talking to some chick like he was the most single man in the world! Then I found out that he knew that broad from school and she wasn't just some random internet harlot. My blood was boiling and I remember calling him IMMEDIATELY and telling him that he better get to the house and make this shyt right b/c I was about to pop J out, whip his a$$, and then resume pregnancy when my desire to beat the breaks off of him subsided. And that's when everything becomes a blur. He cut class and pieced together some tall tale that I swallowed and this marked the beginning of a cycle.

I started checking his voicemail...and that's when I learned of some chick, named Crystal, who just had to tell him via message that her girls don't understand why she likes him but she just had to get that off her chest. I thought that that was kinda funny b/c I couldn't decipher if this woman was setting him up or was young and stupid...lol, she couldn't have been more stupid than me since this dude was "with" me. I started digging in his bags and luckily, I didn't have to break out the trusty butter knife as an alternative to keying a code. I was counting condoms (and when they came up missing he said that it was b/c he loaned some to his boys), glancing at various pieces of paper with numbers scribbled on them (which always belonged to a classmate), and STILL checking voicemail and emails. I was driving myself crazy, but whenever I went looking for something, I most certainly found what I was looking for.

I have been lied to and lied on. I have been on the other side of the phone when a dude's woman discovered me by cell phone bill or text message...have had both pleasant and unpleasant conversations. I have had my life threatened and have had a woman to offer up her man b/c she was done with his cheating and lying.

Now, I'm just tired...and old. Now, it seems that intuition is enough. But in the past, had any of you snooped? Will you admit to it?