what's your net worth?

So, I've been suffering from ADD and narcilepsy lately b/c everytime I sat down to blog, over the past 2 weeks, one or the other would take over. In fact, if I weren't currently sitting under the dryer after freshly relaxing my hair (yes, at 4 in the morning), I would be watching the back of my eyelids, tucked in comfortably on my sofa with my son's feet in my chest. (I have yet to understand why it is that my son chooses to snuggle under me sometimes when he has 2 beds in his room to choose from...I'm STILL trying to understand why I've preferred to limit my night movements to my sofa for the past month).

Anyway...

I've noticed that normal people actually take lunches during their lunch break. Come 11:55AM, people are scrambling in either the halls or on email threads to see who is lunching with who and where. When I first started working at the J.O.B., I was heavily involved in the lunch rotation, b/c I thought that it would help me to get to know my coworkers better (i.e. promote assimilation with the male engi.neers)...and plus, A LOT gets said at the lunch table that doesn't get said at the office. Lately, I have been slacking...perhaps that's a good thing b/c I am neither Sam.antha, Car.rie, Mir.anda, or Char.lotte, so all of these $ex In The Ci.ty dining out episodes are not-so-fabulous for my budget (I believe that that is the second time that I used the word "fabulous" on this hea blog...5 is my limit). But in my break away from the previous lunch norm, I noticed that I was 29 y/o, lol. Not the "young and hip 30 is the new 20 so 29 makes me 19" 29, but the "I just read the consumer reports reviews for a vacuum cleaner and I'm heavily concerned about the quality of the product that I'm getting for the money" 29...that "disputing with the local Low.e's paint guy over the correct paint chip that matches the blue stripe in my shower curtain" 29...that "I think that I'll invest in a good drill in case of emergencies" 29...that "I will continue to buy these $7.99 perms and b/c of my 9 'o clock narcileptic episodes I'll relax my hair at 4 in the morning" 29 (...all of these debates and purchases occuring during my lunch break...29).

Doesn't sound terribly exciting to many, but suits me just fine.

Age Wisdom has made me increasingly aware of a great many things...one being my financial outlook. After I wrote THIS post, I kept tripping up on two words, net worth. For a couple of weeks now, I have been setting up an Excel spreadsheet in my mind that would subtract my liabilities from my assets and force me to come to grips with how non-rich I am. I actually did a quick calculation and was somewhat pleased with the outcome, but I wanted to track it on a month to month basis and THEN do a thorough check-up from year end to year end. I kept procrastinating with this spreadsheet, b/c I started to get too engrossed in particulars...should I REALLY count my car as an asset (even though its paid off) when I have no intention on selling it and would prefer to ride it until I HAVE to get my Fred Flint.stone "yabadabadoo" on and start running with it. How many days after I get paid should I input my current checking account balance when it fluctuates worse than the sine curve? I start thinking about my student loans and how much of a dent I would like to put in them during tax time, but I sure could use another sidewalk which would improve the curb appeal and value of my home.

But somewhere during one of my ADD episodes, I started thinking of my "well-being" net worth, taking into account my standings emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally. I'm sure that financial stability plays a part in every aspect of my "well-being" net worth, but if I don't devote the same time and attention as I do to financial matters, I won't be worth anything to anybody...more importantly, myself.

Forget being the "young and hip 30 is the new 20, so 29 makes me 19" 29 when you don't take control over what enters your eyegate or eargate and what exits your mouthgate. "You are what you eat" is the cliche that holds true across the board. If I constantly take in negativity, I will spit back negativity. There's certain music that I can't vibe to like I used to...certain lyrics that I can't even meditate on, let alone recite aloud. There are Psalms that will feed me more than anything Tu.pac or Bigg.ie cleverly penned...may they rest in peace as I am still a fan of both, but I'm wiser now. I COULD get my rocks off reading Za.ne (although I respect her hustle), but I find that Miche.lle Single.tary speaks to the woman that I want to be. "Who do you surround yourself with?" is a constant echo. I was once told that if you want to be a lawyer, you surround yourself with lawyers....if you want to be a doctor, you surround yourself with doctors...well, I want to be a strong and successful woman that relies on God but understands that her first ministry is home, so who do I surround myself with? Who do I look up to? Those that have overcome adversity and have a positive outlook on life despite day-to-day challenges...those that encourage and uplift others...those with a mission...those that stay hungry...those that reject immediate gratification for long-term security. If I'm not of value to someone else then I emplore them to part ways with me b/c if someone is a hindrance to my progress, I will have to do the same. I'm trying to make the For.be's list for "well-being" net worth and I can't get there with marshmallow pies in my pantry, a lazy man, jealous friends, smut mags, a subscription to a highly controversial blog, and Sol.dier Boy's latest CD, while sweating the small stuff. Without self-control, I'd soon fall victim to an emotional rollercoaster that dictates my mood and alters my esteem. I'm worth A LOT more than that...and my actions as a "young and hip 30 is the new 20, so 29 makes me 19" 29 should reflect that.

Hmmmmm....I'm thinking that I will spend this wealth with a lunch crew tomorrow. After all, a new drill can wait...a couple of days, at least, lol.