fighting to be silent

Lawdhavmercyjesusandmaryandem, someone almost got DROPPED at the office today. Admittedly, this has been one TRYING week...and I think that I was on edge LAST week b/c I had an impending deadline THIS week. I woke up ALREADY frustrated b/c I seem to be having some sort of relapse from a cold that I had 2 weeks ago. And when I know that my attitude is on the borderline between pi$$y and "I-wish-a-negro-would...", I normally stay to myself. The plan was to hole myself up in the cube and nobody gets hurt. Well, for the most part, that wasn't a problem today. Since Bruh-friend at the J.O.B. has been slinging his responsibilities on me lately, I haven't had a problem with keeping busy. However, I wasn't fully able to hole myself up b/c some matters require me to leave my base for lengthy periods of time.

I did see Bruh-friend this morning, but I kept it short and sweet...the only real interaction that I had today was with my "Pro-mance (Professional Romance...flirting ONLY allowable b/w 8 AM - 6 PM Mon-Fri)" with Dimple-Man across my cube wall and with this other older gentleman who felt the need to close the conversation with "You look bad, I mean...REALLY, you should probably go home." Aside from that, I was left to my congestion and my projects.

And THEN it happened.

"Is there ANYTHING that I can help you with, b/c I see that you KEEP going to JM when I have already HAD this conversation with you before..."

If only I can convey his tone through blog...all I can say is that dude had his eyebrows all furrowed and was shaking his head to stress his words. Initially, I TRIED to remain silent but when it started sounding like he was reprimanding me like some dayum child, I.lost.it. I am BIG on "approach." And seeing as how Bruh-friend goes to my church, I THOUGHT that he knew how to properly talk to somebody. Especially after I had kept quiet about other things that were pi$$ing me off this week, I started feeling froggy and ready to leap! I threw him one of those Rick Jam.es looks...obviously partnah DIDN'T know who I was. My dad lost a good job for choking a supervisor out back in the day and I felt his blood coursing through my veins REAL HOT-LIKE today!

I never look for an argument...I HATE arguing with folks. I can have a discussion with someone until the cows come home, but once someone crosses the line and starts talking to me like I'm dumb or crazy, that's all she wrote.

So he and I got into it...for a good 8 minutes....and the cubes surrounding us were on a mad hush.

Even AFTER I explained to Bruh-friend that I only asked JM a practical question....nothing that would impact his position as LEAD engi.neer...he STILL had his neck hairs on the rise. THAT'S what it's REALLY about...somebody feels threatened and is trying to hold on to what little authority he has. And heaven forbid that I ask someone with, at least, 10 years more experience than he has a question...heaven forbid I learn more than him when my credentials ALREADY speak for themselves. THEN, he went into how I did stuff wrong on previous projects b/c I went to somebody else and when he was questioned about it, he didn't have the answer. It's funny how my work has never come into question until NOW! But again, it was all in the "approach"...we could have probably worked this out without being the only 2 black eng.ineers in the office, who stereotypically cannot seem to get along, had he NOT rolled up on my cube with an attitude without knowing the full story. Now it seems that I have to consult HIM before I even sneeze. Forget that!

"Fine! I won't ask JM a dayum thing else! You got it! I don't want to have this conversation anymore so you can walk away now."

Once he shuffled off, I started thinking about how the overall theme of this week has been for me to know when to be silent. That just wasn't happening today. I had allowed my temper to get the best of me, so I left work a little early. I was too upset to concentrate during the little time that I had left.

The enemy used the BOTH of us. Prayerfully, tomorrow will be different.