Today's perplexity is brought to you by the letter H. Hugging. In general, I have no issue with showing affection towards fam and close friends. I ALWAYS hugged my mom. Video games and wrestling moves used to be the way that my daddy and I expressed our love as a little girl. He might've even preferred a warm embrace, as opposed to, a swift kick to the groin during our Saturday morning matches. My mom thought that ballet would put an end to all that boyish rough-housing...I just began to kick my dad with a more pointed toe, lol. My mom always kissed me in public and took to dancing with me in grocery store aisles. My dad said "I love you" with "Aiight nah." Polar opposites, they were. Perhaps I needed that balance, but as a result, I would always go to my mom's women friends if they called me towards them. My dad's male friends got the hard 5-second stare down (LadyLee, 2007) and dismissal.
I find now that I have turned into my mother. I hug all on my baby...in fact, if we make it to his before school care, he doesn't walk off to join his friends until he hugs my waist and puckers his lips. I randomly tell him that I love him several times a day and the last time that I was at the local Wal.greens, I found myself slinging my moves to "Need You To.night" (IN.XS), blasting from the store's speakers. And since I'm all that J's got, for the most part, I probably overthink and attempt to exhibit the qualities that I'd like him to have as a young man. I do my best, but I also make sure that even if he doesn't have his dad around, he has enough positive male role models that can show him how to be a man better than I can...which is one reason why I send him back home to stay with his PawPaw for the summers. I want him to be affectionate. My biggest concern is that he'll grow up to be effeminate. And in the short term, get his butt pummeled or teased on the playground for extending his arms towards another boy.
Where did that come from? Well, his friend J2 asked J for a hug one day. Silence ensued. We BOTH gave the boy a hard 5-second stare down...and then J caved and walked towards J2 and stood there while J2 embraced him and rocked him side to side. I can't lie...I had a problem with that. When J was 3 or 4 years old, those toddler boys at his daycare did that sort of thing. It didn't really bother me then b/c they were all still babies in my eyes. But 2 6 y/o's? These are big boys and apparently J2 is the only friend of J's that likes to hug and dance with J...often. My ex-roomie-play-therap.ist friend thinks I'm looney. My dad, of course, is on the same page with me. I'm worried that I'm making it a bigger deal than it really is, or even worse, if I'm pushing my issues on J. So, I sat J down last night for a talk. Apparently, he doesn't seem to mind hugging J2...I'm the only one feeling uncomfortable. And my level of discomfort was not eased when I overheard J2 asking his mom for some Bra.tz make.over thingee...and he doesn't have sisters. But anyway, I hipped J to the Big Boys Code.
Mommy: J, how old are you?
J: 6, I'm a Big Boy.
Mommy: Yes, you sure are. And do you know what Big Boys do?
J: What?
Mommy: Well, one thing...when Big Boys and other Big Boys say goodbye, they usually wave, high-five or shake hands. Do you know how to shake hands?
J: Yep.
Mommy: Show me.
**I extend my hand and he shakes it.**
Mommy: Good. You have a nice, firm grip. Now, give me a high-five.
**I hold my hand up and he slaps it...hard.**
Mommy: Cool. So when J2 asks you for a hug, you ought to hip him too. Tell him that you'd rather give him a high-five or shake his hand.
J: OK.
Mommy: Aaight, I'm J2. J, can I have a hug?
J: I don't wanna give you a hug. How about a high-five?
Mommy: OK. Aaight, I'm Ry.an. J, can I have a hug?
J: How about I shake your hand?
Mommy: OK. Good! Aaight, I'm Kayla. J, can I have a hug?
J: OoooooKaaayyyyy.
**J thrusts his body forward and falls in my arms and I bust out laughing**
Mommy: So wait, J, you hug on Kayla?
J: No, but you asked.
Where is an instruction booklet when you need one?
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5 comments:
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm supposed to be on "leave" and I am just doing some banking online and well ummm...
that last line - hilarious!!!!
You are not over reacting. I used to worry about the same things. I always said my baby (damn near 17 now) was a punk and that was my fault since I didn't always let him finish a fight or always told him to talk to a teacher first. I know your post is about hugging but you get my point. I always wanted him to be that good boy that didn't get into fights and got along with everyone. And he is. Even after several fights where he got beat up and some where he beat people up. Like you I hug up on him all the damn time even when he doesn't want me too. He's a manly man now (or is that manly teen?) but I tell ya he's the most affectionate teen I know! LOL
Anyway, J, is gonna be alright. Especially with your little lessons. Classic. You doing good ladie! You doing good.
Tsk, tsk...and I checked in on you last night to make sure that you were following your word. Online banking...good one!
But yes...I AM worried about the "punk" thing. I mean, J does well in tae kwon do and has REALLY learned how to throw a punch, but I still worry that when it comes down to it, he won't do anything...the same way that he didn't speak up after this little boy asked him for a hug.
But your boy is old...a cutie, if I may add as well. He seems to be fine, so I'll try not to think too hard.
I love J! That was soooo funny! Give Kayla that hug J!
I'm certainly not ready for all THAT! LOL. But them lil girls sure are frisky for 5 and 6 y/o's. I've witnessed too many kisses on the cheek and I'm gon' have to put a stop to that too, lol!
Let that boy get a hug from Kayla.. Shoot if she putting out tutoring for free, least he can do is give her a kiss.. LOL! Oh and I feel ya on that hugging that other kid.. I told Tyler long ago that boys don't go together with other boys. That was after another little boy told him he was gonna marry him.. I bout him the roof..
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