i hate men

There's this nasty rumor going around that I hate men. Yep, I might as well just get right to it. It may or may not be a rumor b/c I have a tendency to say anything and oftentimes I have a tendency to say the wrong thing. Whether I said it or thought it was a funny thing to say, or just cosigned to it, I have to retract it. Hate is such a strong word that I can't even seriously use it against one person, let alone, allow it to blanket a whole group. That was engrained in me since childhood as the word "hate" was just as bad as any other curse word when directed at someone. I may be disenchanted with, maybe even frustrated with, but by no means do I hate men. And even the "men" part of that statement comes with some qualifiers b/c I am only disenchanted with...maybe even frustrated with...SOME of the men that I have either encountered and/or dated. So no, I do not hate men and I hereby break ties with that statement.

In fact, as I sit here, I can think of 2 men that I'd love to absolute pieces, if we ever stepped our romantic game up. I can't really acknowledge them as crushes, b/c there is no one in my life giving me butterflies right now. But when I think of these 2 gentlemen (having met their families), I can picture being welcomed to the fold and treated as one of their own. And since both have at one point interacted with J, I can see them helping me to raise him to be an honorable and respectable young man. I can envision vacations, house parties, rainy Sundays, strawberry milkshake runs (lol), and family portraits at Ol.an Mills. My mind doesn't even get to ponder on the sex involved. I've only been with one of them in "that" way and **throwing up the field goal sign with both arms** it was good. Yes, I can see them meeting my needs and even the needs I have yet to need...but perhaps the reason that I'm not with either one is b/c I don't meet theirs.

It's all good though. These men are less about a chance as they are about a hope. I may never (and doubt that I will) get the chance to live out my fantasies with them, in particular. But as long as I keep their energy somewhere (even if they only reside in the deep and dark crevices) in my mind, then I have hope that I can meet someone else like them. Certainly, neither of them are perfect and both have annoyed me a time or 2 but I admire them for their spirituality, their character, their vision, their priniciples, their humility...heck, their overall "swagger".

And with that said, let me tell you what I DO hate.

**Tying soulja rag so tightly around my head that you can see the pulse of my temples and now involuntary "surprised" look on my face**

Lack of accountability - Does anybody remember that singing group "Pre.tty Ric.ky?" There were about 5 Rickies and not ONE of them bammas was "pretty"...I mean, downright rough and roughed up looking, right? Well, it just used to boggle my mind that they would come up with such rubbish. That's how I feel when a man starts spitting that nonsense that all his exes were crazy. So what you saying is...you got 5 exes and none of them bamas were sane? Not one, yo? And you don't think that this has ANY reflection on you? I can respect an "I messed up" but when you act as if you learned not one daggone thing from your previous relationships, I have a problem with that. Not that I care enough to assign any emotion to this now, but I remember when I found out that ole dude was sleeping with his ex. When I called him on it, he got angry and cussed at me for asking...yet he WAS sleeping with his ex. And I'm sure that I was labeled as "crazy" or a "b*tch" to the next one after that was all over.

Celebration of a$$hole-ishness - I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, but I remember when this jack said (and I'm paraphrasing), "Well, I used to be the good guy but good guys get played for punks. Women seem to go for a$$holes. So now I'm that a$$hole." This whole mentality just makes my head hurt and blood boil. The day you lay your character to the side for a "piece" is the same day that you should realize that you have much bigger, deep-rooted issues. And what's worse is that you lack the courage or conviction to confront those issues. If that's not the quality of a punk, I don't know what is.

Cookie Monster Syndrome - this has been a debate in the past, but oh well, I still stand behind this. I know how to appreciate a GOOD man. But I get tired of dudes wanting cookies for the things that they are SUPPOSED to do. I was watching "Peo.ple's Court" yesterday. This fool got up there with an itemized list of things that he bought for his OWN kid and wanted to be reimbursed for them. He figured that since he had JUST started paying child support that this was reasonable for a certain time period that he had drummed up. As he reads off Pam.pers, milk, clothes, shoes, etc., I immediately thought that this was dumba$$ery at its finest. I think that it pi$$es me off b/c I count it an honor to be a mother and a privilege to be J's mother specifically. I CANNOT fathom a bigger turnoff than a guy that looks upon fatherhood as a burden. How crazy would it look if I decided on the day of my son's high school graduation that I would slap him with a detailed bill of expenses accumulated from newborn to now, asking to be reimbursed? If you answered, "it would look as if you're a grill short of a cookout", then YOU get a cookie.

OK, I have gotten all fired up, so I'll close...especially while I'm merely just disenchanted with...maybe even frustated with...SOME men that I have encountered and/or dated. All is not lost though. I've been frustrated by the Saints but I still support them. I've been frustrated with school, but will raise up my alma maters. Sometimes the things or people that we care the most about DO frustrate us. And when I see the positive potential in a situation or person that I care deeply for, I expect and want more. That's all it is. I want more than what I've been offered...more than what I've settled for in the past. So no, I do not hate men. Its just that b/c I love men, but more importanly, myself that I want more.

all over the place today...

...so, bear with me. I've been home long enough to realize that Ty.ra Ba.nks annoys me. I had the TV on downstairs for a little background noise while I read and due to the dreariness of the outdoors and the warmth of my blanket, I wasn't abandoning my curled up position on the daybed in my loft for anything short of a fire. Besides, I loved taking breaks and looking on as the light rain obscured the view through my skylights. I had a dental appointment this morning and I decided to miss my company's summer weekly ice cream truck runs since I was numb up to my right eye...in fact, this eye is still feeling as lazy as the rest of my body feels right about now. I'm sure that I'll hear about it tomorrow as I have gained a reputation for being the smallest person in the office but with the biggest sweet tooth. I'm sure that's precisiely why my a$$ got tagged HARD in the dentist office this morning. I've always been and forever will be a salt lover and can't take large doses of chocolate, but I somehow worked around all those petty details and managed to get cavities. Anyways...

In the midst of reading my book, Dan.ce In.to Des.tiny, my answering machine picks up and I hear Suzie B on the line, telling me when her next available appointment is. I had cancelled for today b/c I just didn't feel as if I had a co-pay's worth of stories to share...that is, until she says, "I hope that you're doing ok with your son gone." I immediately became pi$$ed that she even brought that up, thinking that that was a low blow and that the mental health business must be slow this time of year...I'm kidding, of course. I've been seeing her about 6-7 months now and much like my visits with my Bishop at my old church when I first moved up here, I've run out of pressing subjects to work through. I guess that's a good thing. I still like to go in there and just talk and joke around freely since in the short amount of time that I've been seeing her, she has managed to find out more about me than my best friend...maybe even more than Bishop. But again, since that appointment was short of a fire, I wasn't moving from my cozy position.

Of course, I miss my JJ but lately, I have been feeling homesick. I had a great fourth of July. I went to a cookout, won a dance off, and drank enough wine to see fireworks before the real show! Did I mention that I won a dance off? I mean, I believe that Mich.ael Jack.son came out with that little known song "Bl.ood On the Dance.floor" and THAT day, I felt his gift. But I humbly digress, lol. So, I totally forgot about Ess.ence weekend with all the hoopla up here. Ess.ence is not a big deal to me anymore, but I miss the post-Esse.nce rendezvous. Between the calls from my closest friends telling me of all the C-list celebs they saw and took pictures with, I'd receive calls from my not-as-close friends asking if I had snuck into town and not told them. So, I started missing some of my running buddies. Plus, my old boss from back home called to tell me that her youngest son had been accepted into my high school. You woulda thought that he was MY kid, b/c I was too excited. It had been a while since I had talked to her b/c I thought that she was going to drop the phone when I told her that I had just turned 30 y/o. I guess that its hard to believe that "Lil Bit" is grown...that was the same thing that I was thinking about her son...and I'm missing it all.

I think that I mentioned in a previous blog that I am an "emotional decorator," right? Well, I thought that I'd turn this homesickness around and start on projects that make me feel as if I'm back in the N.O., pinching tails and sucking heads. (THAT'S A CRAWFISH REFERENCE, PEOPLE!) So if you remember, #6 (I think) of my summer projects was to create a bistro-style awning for my kitchen bay window. I want to establish the feeling of being in a Caf.e Du Mon.de, minus the green and white stripes. After browsing a fabric store and feeling totally lost, I sent off for 2 different, yet colorful fabric samples at an online store. I printed off some instructions from the hgtv website, but b/c I have to modify them, I feel a little intimidated by the whole project. But I drew out a mock up, so we'll see how this comes out...especially with my lack of skills in the sewing department. If there's anyone out there that knows a little sumthin' sumthin', throw a sista your email addy, lol. Once I'm done, I'll invite S30 back over to cook up some burnt biscuits and try to suagr 'em and pass them bamas off as beignets, lol.

I also got the idea to paint "Laiss.ez Les Bon Tem.ps Rou.ler" in some fancy black letters on the wall opposite my kitchen bay window. I just want to have fun with my kitchen. Nowadays, everyone is so fixated on granite countertops and stainless steel appliances that creativity and personality is lost. Granted, I would love some stainless steel appliances...not so sure if I would put granite in THIS house or not...but I like little quirky things too. New Or.leans is filled with both crazy and creative people so I guess that I got that honest. Heck, "I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my sh*t." - Ery.kah Ba.du. I'm gonna get like Pam and do that backsplash one day, perhaps in mosaic tile. My friend Tray and I agreed to tackle our backsplashes together, so we'll see.

I'm feeling especially motivated b/c my boy from back home, G, sent me the first draft of his book and I knew that it was a long time coming. I haven't finished it yet, but I had to call him last night b/c what I read so far TOTALLY went over my head. I underestimated it, thinking that it was going to be some regular, run-of-the-mill fictional story but that mess read like some book-club-discussing, cliff-note-deserving, piece on spirituality and his POV on the state of the world. MAYNE!!! To hear him explaining it for hours over the phone, with such passion and purpose, made me feel a 5-second crush. I heart creative people b/c that stuff just hypes me up. But don't worry about that crush, I'm back to normal.

Well, normal for the most part. I got this overwhelming urge to paint some pottery this weekend. LOL, I probably SHOULD have gone to see Suzie B. today.

keepin' busy

My baby has been back in the N.O. for 2 weeks now. I thought that since my social calendar has been on steroids recently, I’d hardly notice but that is so far from the case. I’ve called home everyday only to find that he was busy either teaching something to or running from his cousin, beating his PawPaw in bowling on his new Wii, or pretending as if he were asleep in the car after swimming practice. And now that his camp has started up, he’s even tougher to catch up with than I am. No matter the situation, he’s so preoccupied that he abruptly ends our telephone conversation with an “I love you too, bye” whether I tell him that I love him or not.

So initially, I thought that I’d make a list of home improvement projects that I wanted to tackle while he was gone. Such as…

1. Tile a backsplash
2. Create a little garden around my mailbox
3. Clean out J’s bedroom (dispose of old workbooks, recycling projects, and toys)
4. Paint both bathrooms
5. Have the debris from the cut down trees removed and mulch around my single tree in my front yard
6. Figure out how to create an indoor awning for my kitchen bay window (admittedly, THIS project intimidates the heck outta me!)

When my dad was here, we got A LOT accomplished.

We stained my front porch…

Seriously, I am doing work on the other side.

And the finished product is...

Unfortunately, the wrought iron bistro set that I wanted from Target has been discontinued. The price was right but it cost $70 to ship and I wasn't having that! So instead, I let it slip through my fingers and now I'm kinda bummed. My porch shall go naked another summer. Anyways...

I painted my bedroom and I love, Love, LOVE this color.

At first, I was looking for a more soothing blue but when I saw this I had to have it. Sometimes I find myself lying awake and staring at it…or that could possibly be b/c it has been hot as Hades in my bedroom lately. So installing a ceiling fan may be #7, but who knows.

And the sight of my chocolate wall from my bedside turns me on even when I don't have a man in there. In fact, I'm getting tingly right now...moving right along.

I compromised with J and painted an accent wall in his room. He wanted all of the walls to be navy blue, but I just wasn’t having it. The rest was done in this "Pita Bread" color.

I am SO NOT looking forward to cleaning this organized chaos that is J's room.

So I was off to a good start and thought that completing these other projects would be a breeze. That is until I get a text or a call and head out of the door. I realized that 30 looks GREAT on me but I can’t hang with young people too much…they about killed me on Friday. I danced with this youngun, who would not let me sit down. I was literally laying over the speaker trying to catch my breath...and this dude JUST had his appendix taken out. GEEZ!!! That's when I realized that I should probably go home and do another project, lol.

I was looking around my country cottage and I thought DAYUM, I got a lot of colors in this piece! My floor plan is a little funny, so you're able to see 10 different rooms when you walk through the door and it's hard to decorate around that unless you do the same safe monotone decorating.

Obviously, I had an overactive imagination as a child!

And I can prove it! Here are a few pics of the dilapidated popsickle stick house that I built when I was 11 or 12 y/o. I am so shocked that THESE pictures were not destroyed by the storm.

I forgot that I made a garage...and the door actually went up by a string, lol. My God, I had too much time on my hands!

This was well before I discovered the wonder that is balsa wood...oh, and the wonder of some architectural training in college, lol.

I even went so far as to go in the garage at my house and try to build the tools that I saw. There is my wheelbarrow, edger, and lawnmower. Geez!

And once again, every room is a different color...and those trash cans by the garage are coffee creamer cups that I "borrowed" from Sho.ney's. Thank God that I work with structural eng.ineers as well!

The red thing in the front is a vacuum cleaner, I believe. And I think that I cut the name brand detergent logos from coupons that I saw in the paper and put them on small plastic bottles that I jacked from one of my Bar.bie houses.

And here is one of the 3 toilets that wreaked much havoc on my clothes and the carpet as I cut up the popsickle sticks.

And this would be the inside of the poolhouse.

So I guess that my son got his desire to make projects out of household trash honestly. Hmmm...I wonder what his house will look like one day. I'm sure that his future wife would be elated to have his decor expertise, lol. Hell, I wonder how I'm going to have to change my style once I get married...perish the thought!