ponderings

Well, this has been another easy-going day. I spent a lot of time...just sitting in silence, reflecting on my life. I thought about how blessed I am to be where I am, but still have a distance to go to truly be where I want. However, I will celebrate the NOW and not live my life in wait mode.

I cannot believe that December is damn-near here and 2009 is almost over. I'm glad that it is, but I still intend on finishing strong. There's no sense in catching bullets with my teeth for the past 11 months and then deciding to crawl under the covers during the 12th. I'm in a good mood, so I just hope to maintain it throughout the month and welcome 2010 with all the hopes that I didn't have for 2009 going in.

My dad is coming up on the 18th or the 19th and even my stepmother is going to make a guest appearance in VA after her 2 year hiatus. She has yet to see my not-so-new house. Somehow J was able to make her feel guilty for not spending Christmas with him and PawPaw. I think that there is still this divide between "his grandchildren" and "her grandchildren". He already let her know, waaaaayyyyyy back when I got my job offer and decided to stay in VA longer, that he was spending Christ.mas with J...whether she was on board for the trip or not. This shall be interesting. My dad has already claimed J's bottom bunk and told me that my stepmother can sleep with me. HA! No bueno. I will happily give up my bed and either sleep in my loft or on my sofa downstairs b/c we ain't doing the "JJ and Mich.ael".

I love my dad but I always have to get mentally prepared for his visits. He likes to think that he can run his house and mine too. I have no problem with reminding him who's name is on ALL of the bills that come here...I just need to practice my delivery. I can be kinda raw when he pushes my buttons and since my stepmother is coming, I can just hear her trying to soothe things and step in and start every sentence with, "Well, you know how your dad is..." Screw that. I don't have eggshells on the floors in my house. We can have it out now and see our respective therapists later, lol.

I'll just make sure that his list of things to do around my house keeps growing so that he won't have time to nag the hell out of me (like he does ALL the time) or rearrange my furniture before I get home from work (like he's done before) or start drilling holes in my wall without asking (again, like he's done before). I got a gang of leaves in my back yard that will take him 3 days to rake, pile, and bag up alone. Plus, he's already been summoned to fry a turkey or 2. I just need to add things that don't require him to take something apart or work with electricity. He somehow blew a fuse and my outlet in my sunroom does not work anymore...and he neglected to tell me that he's the reason why this is until months after he had gone back to the N.O.

With all of that said, I STILL look forward to the smile that he'll put on J's face. J's neighborhood friends are moving away and he's having a hard time dealing with that. I've tried to comfort him and he seems ok now. But when PawPaw comes to town, he loses his mind.

The only wild card left is J's dad. He's texted the same lame promises and I've maintained silence b/c well...his word is dirt to me. Let us all gather together and pray that while I am in the Christmas spirit that this dude does not make me turn into the Grinch.