one word

For some reason, there is one word that is constantly repeated in my spirit and, unfortunately, I am unable to shake it.

Humility.

I have been struggling with my spirituality for the past couple of years. Now, that's not an open door for someone to just walk through and sling some verses or Christ.ian cliches at me. I own a Bible. I recall verses.

In all honesty, my view of God lately, has been that He's inconsistent. There are certain areas in my life where I feel that He truly has His hand on the situation. There are times when He's carried me through storms, while I was ignorant of its severity. But there are other times when I feel as if I'm fighting alone and waiting on Him to ring the bell...or that I've screwed up so bad that He's just thrown His hands in the air.

I am well aware of His goodness. He has certainly shown Himself to me this year and every year. I'm just trying to organize my thoughts.

So there's a verse in Revelations...3:15, in reference to being neither cold or hot. I have been feeling lukewarm. I used to have a fire. Since it flickered, my faith has been sinusoidal. B/C of this, I sometimes feel as if I don't have the rights to anything. Yet, at the same time, I get mad...as if I believe that God owes me SOMETHING.

Maybe this is where the humility comes in. I can't turn a corner without my blessings in sight, but I focus more on what I haven't gotten an answer to or what has yet to be resolved.