Ever see this? Central character and his adversary are in a physical confrontation during the climax of a movie. The adversary pulls out a gun, sets the stage for the quickest way to dead his opponent…clear shot and everything. But INSTEAD of just pulling the trigger, this dude will explain WHY he is going to shoot him, HOW he masterminded whatever scheme that led up to this moment, WHAT he’s going to do AFTER he kills the dude, WHO he’s going to frame for it…hell, on down to how he felt unloved as a child and what he had for breakfast. I have time to get up, go to the bathroom, buy some nachos and a super-piss drink, come back and this mofo is STILL talking! Or worse yet, the antagonist will drop the gun and get all Jet Li/Jackie Chan. Hmmmm…I just can’t imagine myself in a life or death situation and then I decide that I’ll forego my piece for an honorable fight with my fists. Damn that…if I’m gon’ “off” you, I’m not taking any chances of getting boxed in the face or getting my grill kicked out in the process. Now, I’m not a film buff but Ste.vie Won.der can see that this buys time for the impending power shift b/c, of course, the protagonist HAS to save the day. Without scenes like this, some movies will only last for 30-45 minutes…if THAT long. I know this but this scenario annoys the hell out of me EVERY TIME.
Now, this is a movie. And this is obvious b/c it’s a movie. But why do we take so long to figuratively “dead” people, who are of no good to us, in real life? What is the pay off in dragging out a situation, long past its expiration date? We’re so concerned about our physical health…with good reason. We’ll throw out bread that begins to mold. We’ll pour out milk that begins to curdle. And as far as I know, rotting fruit has never been the business. I bet if we’d stop stomaching some of the things that affect our emotional health with half as much conviction, we’d find that a lot of the bellyaching could’ve been avoided.
Here’s what I’ve noticed…some people are unaware of how much power they hold in a situation. They have the gun in the palm of their hand, but will unknowingly relinquish it. I have a girlfriend, who was dating some jerk…nothing uncommon for her. Well, dude disrespected her. The manner in which he did it was a deal breaker. This broad writes him a 4-page letter/email explaining WHY she was upset, WHAT he did to make her upset, and HOW she deserves to be treated. Maybe I give men too much credit, but chances are, she didn’t include anything mind-blowing in that letter b/c he already knew better…and he probably didn’t read it anyway. I’m only guessing that the reasons that she wrote the letter were b/c she wanted some kind of closure or an apology. I’ve learned that apologies do nothing for me, especially when I’m not ready to even entertain the forgiveness process. So, what’s the point? Someone of bad character is more sorry about the revelation than the actual act. Here’s my tip…say nothing. You’ve killed the situation on your end AND the asshole doesn’t even know what’s on your mind or your next move. It’s strategic. If he’s even concerned, then you have the upper hand. And if he’s not, you’ve exited with your dignity intact, which is powerful in and of itself. Silence is a win-win.
Arguments typically consist of two people talking loud. That’s it. I’ve had my fair share of cussing matches and I couldn’t even tell you what the other person even said. And once it’s over, then what? Resolution? Not likely. People are going to believe and think what they want. No amount of loud-talking is going to change that. As I‘ve gotten older, I’ve become a woman of fewer words and a proponent of the disappearing act.
Here’s another favorite…how many times have you said or heard, “He just won’t leave me alone”? Who controls that? 9 times out of 10, dude is a nuisance, not a certifiable nutcase or stalker like we make dude out to be…though the embellishment is good for the ego, I guess, and pure entertainment for your girlfriends in the retelling of the story. If it’s truly an extreme case then, of course, the best thing is to get some authorities involved…if you REALLY feel as if your life is in danger. None of my girlfriends have ever done that, so I always assume that it is not that serious. In that case, the best way to correct not being highly-selective when issuing out your number in the first place is to STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE. I have yet to come across a guy that has not taken the hint after conversing with my voicemail or having his texts unanswered. In the meantime, save the number and set the ringer ID to silent. If you receive calls from unknown numbers, don’t answer them. He may be sitting in his house, turning the lamp light on and off and chanting, “I will not be ignored,” but I’m gonna be sleeping soundly and sipping lemonade in the shade. All of this picking up the phone to tell him to not call anymore is counterproductive. Getting riled up or angry is just what the crazies want. Dead him now, eulogy later.
In closing, be protective of your energy and recognize your power/control. B/C lawd knows, if you hold a gun to my head and then proceed to recite a monologue in the most dramatic of displays, that’s your ass.
Now, this is a movie. And this is obvious b/c it’s a movie. But why do we take so long to figuratively “dead” people, who are of no good to us, in real life? What is the pay off in dragging out a situation, long past its expiration date? We’re so concerned about our physical health…with good reason. We’ll throw out bread that begins to mold. We’ll pour out milk that begins to curdle. And as far as I know, rotting fruit has never been the business. I bet if we’d stop stomaching some of the things that affect our emotional health with half as much conviction, we’d find that a lot of the bellyaching could’ve been avoided.
Here’s what I’ve noticed…some people are unaware of how much power they hold in a situation. They have the gun in the palm of their hand, but will unknowingly relinquish it. I have a girlfriend, who was dating some jerk…nothing uncommon for her. Well, dude disrespected her. The manner in which he did it was a deal breaker. This broad writes him a 4-page letter/email explaining WHY she was upset, WHAT he did to make her upset, and HOW she deserves to be treated. Maybe I give men too much credit, but chances are, she didn’t include anything mind-blowing in that letter b/c he already knew better…and he probably didn’t read it anyway. I’m only guessing that the reasons that she wrote the letter were b/c she wanted some kind of closure or an apology. I’ve learned that apologies do nothing for me, especially when I’m not ready to even entertain the forgiveness process. So, what’s the point? Someone of bad character is more sorry about the revelation than the actual act. Here’s my tip…say nothing. You’ve killed the situation on your end AND the asshole doesn’t even know what’s on your mind or your next move. It’s strategic. If he’s even concerned, then you have the upper hand. And if he’s not, you’ve exited with your dignity intact, which is powerful in and of itself. Silence is a win-win.
Arguments typically consist of two people talking loud. That’s it. I’ve had my fair share of cussing matches and I couldn’t even tell you what the other person even said. And once it’s over, then what? Resolution? Not likely. People are going to believe and think what they want. No amount of loud-talking is going to change that. As I‘ve gotten older, I’ve become a woman of fewer words and a proponent of the disappearing act.
Here’s another favorite…how many times have you said or heard, “He just won’t leave me alone”? Who controls that? 9 times out of 10, dude is a nuisance, not a certifiable nutcase or stalker like we make dude out to be…though the embellishment is good for the ego, I guess, and pure entertainment for your girlfriends in the retelling of the story. If it’s truly an extreme case then, of course, the best thing is to get some authorities involved…if you REALLY feel as if your life is in danger. None of my girlfriends have ever done that, so I always assume that it is not that serious. In that case, the best way to correct not being highly-selective when issuing out your number in the first place is to STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE. I have yet to come across a guy that has not taken the hint after conversing with my voicemail or having his texts unanswered. In the meantime, save the number and set the ringer ID to silent. If you receive calls from unknown numbers, don’t answer them. He may be sitting in his house, turning the lamp light on and off and chanting, “I will not be ignored,” but I’m gonna be sleeping soundly and sipping lemonade in the shade. All of this picking up the phone to tell him to not call anymore is counterproductive. Getting riled up or angry is just what the crazies want. Dead him now, eulogy later.
In closing, be protective of your energy and recognize your power/control. B/C lawd knows, if you hold a gun to my head and then proceed to recite a monologue in the most dramatic of displays, that’s your ass.
Simply IMO.
Posts
3 comments:
SAY IT AGAIN!!! ROFL!!!
"He may be sitting in his house, turning the lamp light on and off and chanting, “I will not be ignored,”" HYSTERICAL!!
Silence is definitely your friend. I think I perfected the disappearing act when I was 19. I had a girlfriend who always had to say, "Well, I just need to tell him how I feel!" I never understood that.
Too true.
Post a Comment