So, the lady that I was supposed to do contract work for in DC contacted me on Friday night…to talk about nothing. In fact, it was a little weird. I had already turned down a contract job that she offered me (after I signed on with my current employer) b/c it would bog down my schedule and also present a conflict of interest that wasn’t worth the potential consequence. Anyway, I think that we’re “girlfriends” now. I guess that we have enough in common, being both engineers and the single parents of boys. She’s coming down here to Rich.mond in December and wanted to get together. I see no problem with this, b/c whether we form a business relationship or not, I’m all about staying connected. Connections have certainly helped me to transition from one season to another…especially since she is of bi-coastal influence, East Coast and uh…Gulf Coast, lol.
She asked me of my progress towards getting my professional license. Well, I FINALLY submitted all of my application material TODAY. I feel all kinds of butterflies in my stomach. This has been years in the making. This is my golden ticket, my chance to eventually move back home with, prayerfully, more financial stability.
I’m glad that I started gathering my materials early b/c my former employer took about 5 mango seasons to respond to my request. I had to email her to inquire of the status. And guess what? She said that while working on her thesis to complete the requirements for a Masters degree in December, she hadn’t had time! It was 4 questions and one of those questions was “What’s your name?” And after I emailed her, she mailed them to me WITH her signature but WITHOUT answering those questions. But I don’t expect my “little stuff” to be anybody else’s priority but my own…that’s why I had to hound her.
I love this lady. She is still a mentor to me. But I remember when I used to work for her years ago. She was a bull-dog in the boardroom. Nice, but she turned on the ‘tude when she had to. I remember thinking, “Why is this lady so brash, so mean?” And I remember naively thinking that you could get a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar…is that the saying? One day, while on the way back to the office from a meeting in the CBD (Cen.tral Bus.iness Dis.trict), she schooled me on the evolution of the female attitude in male-dominated fields. The scene was akin to “Train.ing Da.y”, lol. She said that you start out sweet, ready to hit the ground running, but after so much b*llsh*t, you start to harden. With time, you develop a thicker skin as men refer to you as a “b*tch on wheels” while you’re just trying to prove yourself and get the job done. I remember thinking that it’s not even in my character to be mean. I certainly don’t like conflict. I’m just going to keep doing me and everything will fall into place.
Well, looking back…I’m not the same. I’ve had men to question my credentials, seconds after a handshake. I’ve had men to be SLOW about doing something b/c on top of me being female, I was black (yes, this was verbalized). I’ve learned that whether I have an attitude or not, people assume that I do. And my latest and greatest, was the guy that was overly-and-inappropriately-complimentary and wanted me to “sit on his lap”. I can say that my mentor’s view may not be the norm but it has been my experience. Now, I don’t go around "Kany.e"-ing at people, but “sweet” does not belong in the workplace. I am respectful, but I will throw the “people’s eyebrow” at somebody, if necessary. As a little girl, I used to practice the “don’t mess with me” look when I was in unsavory places…not sure of what I was going to do if they DID mess with me, lol. At times, I feel as if I have to do the same between 9-5, but without the same fear.
She asked me of my progress towards getting my professional license. Well, I FINALLY submitted all of my application material TODAY. I feel all kinds of butterflies in my stomach. This has been years in the making. This is my golden ticket, my chance to eventually move back home with, prayerfully, more financial stability.
I’m glad that I started gathering my materials early b/c my former employer took about 5 mango seasons to respond to my request. I had to email her to inquire of the status. And guess what? She said that while working on her thesis to complete the requirements for a Masters degree in December, she hadn’t had time! It was 4 questions and one of those questions was “What’s your name?” And after I emailed her, she mailed them to me WITH her signature but WITHOUT answering those questions. But I don’t expect my “little stuff” to be anybody else’s priority but my own…that’s why I had to hound her.
I love this lady. She is still a mentor to me. But I remember when I used to work for her years ago. She was a bull-dog in the boardroom. Nice, but she turned on the ‘tude when she had to. I remember thinking, “Why is this lady so brash, so mean?” And I remember naively thinking that you could get a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar…is that the saying? One day, while on the way back to the office from a meeting in the CBD (Cen.tral Bus.iness Dis.trict), she schooled me on the evolution of the female attitude in male-dominated fields. The scene was akin to “Train.ing Da.y”, lol. She said that you start out sweet, ready to hit the ground running, but after so much b*llsh*t, you start to harden. With time, you develop a thicker skin as men refer to you as a “b*tch on wheels” while you’re just trying to prove yourself and get the job done. I remember thinking that it’s not even in my character to be mean. I certainly don’t like conflict. I’m just going to keep doing me and everything will fall into place.
Well, looking back…I’m not the same. I’ve had men to question my credentials, seconds after a handshake. I’ve had men to be SLOW about doing something b/c on top of me being female, I was black (yes, this was verbalized). I’ve learned that whether I have an attitude or not, people assume that I do. And my latest and greatest, was the guy that was overly-and-inappropriately-complimentary and wanted me to “sit on his lap”. I can say that my mentor’s view may not be the norm but it has been my experience. Now, I don’t go around "Kany.e"-ing at people, but “sweet” does not belong in the workplace. I am respectful, but I will throw the “people’s eyebrow” at somebody, if necessary. As a little girl, I used to practice the “don’t mess with me” look when I was in unsavory places…not sure of what I was going to do if they DID mess with me, lol. At times, I feel as if I have to do the same between 9-5, but without the same fear.
But I sometimes wonder if I can go back. Maybe it’s similar to being in relationships and after you get messed over so many times, you begin to build a wall and become more protective of your heart.
At any rate, despite all of that, I’ve had some great experiences in my career. The good has outweighed the bad. I wouldn’t trade it b/c no matter what you do, you’re bound to tango with people that you don’t like and who don’t like you. Let me know if there is a profession where this is not true. I can handle these men and I look forward to getting some new letters that shout that I’m worthy of the tango. After all, It could be worse.
I have done temporary work in an orthodontics office with 5 other black women. Now THAT was “MTV’s The Rea.l Wor.ld” conflict on steroids!
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1 comments:
You know what, I don't know if it's possible to go back to the naive stage of being "nice" in the workplace. I've given up on that one and my goal is now "always professional." I had a conversation with my supervisor and her boss about a month ago. If I could have gone postal, I would have. I simply told them my thoughts in a manner that let them know I was not to be played with, yet I was professional about it. I think people will try to run you over until you put up a brick wall for them to run into. At that point they take a step back and realize that you ain't just gonna let them talk to you or do what they want.
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