best week ever

I had been a ball of nerves for weeks.  And then  FINALLY, I got good news.  I sat at work on a Friday afternoon, wondering why I was still there at 3pm when it was waaayyyy too sunny outside to be couped up and behind a computer.  And especially now that I wasn't too fond of my current job, I looked for any reason to leave...headache, hangnail, bad breath, whatever! 

As I started packing up, I got a congratulatory email stating that I passed my exam!  It only took them 7 WEEKS to score a computer-administered exam.  But oh well..since I passed, I forgave them.  I happily marched over to my Dept. Head to gloat but, more importantly, be reimbursed for my efforts.  As I held the printed email up, I hoped that he could read what I was thinking.  Something along the lines of "Look at me now, look at me now...ohhhhhh...I'm getting paper...I'm fresher than a mug."  He seemed rather impressed, especially considering how one of his team leaders couldn't pass the exam to save his life.  I left him to marinate on that, bcuz Happy Hour was definitely necessary.

On my way to get a margarita about the size of my head, I get a call.  After 7 WEEKS of interviewing I was offered the job in DC!  I tried to play it cool as the guy was running down the salary and list of benefits.  PRAISE HIM!  When God shows up, He shows out!  I have been so unhappy with my job.  I just got to the point where I didn't want to design anymore.  When you have to sit in your car in the morning before you enter the building and at lunch to give yourself a pep talk, it is definitely time to move on.  Feeling unappreciated, wronged, replaceable, etc. is not a good look.  NOW, I will be getting paid more money to work from home (heading to DC occasionally) doing the function, which I loved the most on my current job, full-time.  I can also potentially move back to the N.O. anytime I want to.  It gets no sweeter.  They gave me the weekend to think about it, but my mind was made up during the conversation.  This job was better than any job that I could've possibly found in the N.O.

I already had plans to celebrate my birthday early with my girlfriends last weekend, but this was cause for an EXTRA toast.  We went to a tasting at a local winery.  We always start out so diginified, but by the end of the night, our shoes were off, dancing in the grass and on the stage with the band.  We followed it up with a champagne brunch on Sunday.  I couldn't think of a better way to bring in 34.

After a fabulous weekend celebration, I handed in my two weeks notice, first thing Monday morning.  I thought that after all I had been through the past few months that their reaction would've been "Ok, bye."  I never got the feeling that I was valued until the company attempted to counter my offer.  It's funny how I have been begging for more money that they could never find for almost 3 years.  The increase was comparable to the new job, but the stress was certainly not worth it.  The reaction that I have been getting from my peers and VPs alike is that I'll be missed but they understand how great an opportunity this new job is for me.  I will still see most during meetings for the professional organizations we belong to.  Others...well, bye!  

My dad, my stepmom, and my baby nephew came up on my bday.  I was spoiled!  J's dad came up on Thursday and my friends came down from northern VA to attend my baby's graduation from elementary school on Friday.  It has been a long time coming!  I am SO proud of my lil man!  We are both embarking on new beginnings and it couldn't be more exciting. 

Here it is...it's my last week at the current job and I have SOOOOO much stuff to do.  Let's see, I'll be checking FB, all my email accounts...oh, I think that it's my turn in Draw Something, gotta catch up on my forums...and maybe somewhere amidst all that busy-ness, I MAY do SOME work.

I encourage YOU to have the best week ever!

still doing me

It's funny that S23 would harp on the timeliness of my updates when SHE has been ghost for ages!  Just saying, but then again, that sounds like her, lol.

I am actually off today, so now I can finally focus.  So, everything is going on.  My baby has chosen a boy scout troop and is about to have his crossover ceremony the end of this month.  We're also gearing up for his 5th grade graduation from elementary school.  And now, it is once again, baseball season...yay, I suppose.  So, he is having the time of his life.

So, what about me?  **Deep breath**  Well, in January, I was informed that my company was having financial issues.  One would think that this is due to the economy, but I feel that some decisions made by upper management could be more to blame.  At any rate, as a result, we had a few la.yoffs.  I'm no virgin to this and my blog tracks that.  Those of us that survived (which is about 95% of us) have to take 3 weeks of furlou.gh time before the end of June (along with other perks being suspended).  Today is the beginning of my first week.  Technically, my first week was supposed to be during Mar.di Gra.s but I was asked to come in, if I could...so I did.  Yes, I went back home to celebrate with fam and friends for MG.  No, I did not leave early.  This trip was a result of my summer cruise in June getting cancelled b/c of schedulling conflicts.  So, I took the money from that and back to New Orl.eans, J and I went (we seem to be averaging every other month).  Once I returned, I worked 9 days straight, so today I have elected to not do a damn thing. 

And bcuz all of this is going on, I made sure that I partied hard while at home.  I got my hair flat ironed for the second time, so that I could be ready for the Zu.lu ball.  However, I did get caught in the rain on the way to the airport so I put some flexi rods in my hair the night before to reverse the frizziness.  When I say that my dress and shoes came together at the last minute, I mean just that!  I didn't want to look as if I were going to prom, but I didn't want to look as if I were a bridesmaid either.  

 

I have been practicing with my makeup lately, adding a few products to my arsenal.  So, I had a game plan.  I was being rushed while I was getting ready, but altogether, I think that it came together nicely.  I felt really good about myself and that was reflected in the way that I pranced around the ballroom.  But while sitting at the table, people watching, I decided to text Darius to see if he were there.  Within 5 minutes, we were eye to eye.  It was good seeing him again...and yes, I was "tested" that night.  I passed!  I failed on another night though, lol.  I don't think that it's really fair to call it a test bcuz I was not fighting with myself.  You know what..I'm a grown ass woman.  I made my mind up and that's what I wanted to do, so I did it.  I had a good time.  The end.

I went to the Bac.chus parade on Sunday but I have to say that this was the first time that I didn't see not "nare one" float.  I was hanging with my girl, who's hubby is a part of some new social club so we basically sat around, ate, drank, wobbled, talked, and obnoxiously listened to music with the group (until the So.ul Re.bels rolled up and did an impromptu performance...one of the reasons why I love my hometown so much) as the parade rolled behind us.  I saw this one guy who was right up my alley...he was pretty, lol, but I couldn't work up the nerve to say anything to him.  I felt like a schoolgirl.  But his boy, of course, wouldn't get out of my face.  I took the latter one's card b/c I refuse to pass up a good networking opportunity and so far, it has been.  But eh, such is life. 

We were all over the place on Mar.di Gr.as day.    We went from the stands, to get a good view of the Zu.lu King and Queen toasts, to a balcony (no shirts were lifted for beads and trinkets).  j even made some new little friends and ran off with them.

We closed the day by walking amongst the India.ns.  After spending 12 hours on my feet, I was too tired to do anything else.  We had an amazing trip.  J got to spend time with his cousins and I got to act as if I were a teenager with no responsibilities for a week.  And then we came back here.  **crickets**

So, this week I plan to clean, job hunt, rest and study for another set of initials that I want behind my name.  This test shouldn't be as hard as the PE was, so I hope that I don't go in with the overconfident mindset and bomb it.  If I pass it, I will make even more enemies than those the PE created.  Something about that makes me smile, lol.  I would like to believe that the next time that I go home will be for good but who knows what will happen.  If not, my next visit may be in June.  J seems to think that I should take the whole summer off so that I could be with him in the N.O.  We'll see how that goes as well.

the goings on

Thanks to everyone that congratulated me in my last post. I really appreciated it. So much has happened since then. Now that my son has left me for the summer (hopefully, only a month), I'll devote more time to tell some stories. I should b/c otherwise, my missing him will lead to other impromptu decorating decisions...like painting over my red wall in my livingroom. Yes, I did that. I have since put the paint brush down and backed away slowly.

I reached my 2 year natural anniversary a little over a week ago, but my camera is acting funny, so I didn't bother doing a special post. I'll figure this out later. But 2 years ago, I had about as much hair as my son has in the above pic taken on my birthday.

I turned 33 last week. YAY to 33! I tell you one thing, I love who I am in my 30s. Yes, I still have problems and things don't always go my way but it's different. You couldn't pay me to revisit my twenties. Seven of my girlfriends here celebrated with me during a Sunday birthday brunch at a fabulous French-themed restaurant. No big hats this year. I DID overdo it on the mimosas, but it WAS long overdue. Since my idea of going out is browsing the aisles of Home De.pot when on break from baseball games and cubscout meetings, my girls encouraged me to down another one...and another one. I was rather "nice" by 1:00pm. We just sat and enjoyed each other's company until I sobered up...somewhere around 5:00pm. :o)

Since passing my exam, I've had my Performance Evaluation and it went great. Now, I'm just waiting to see if the next raise matches the review. But that's not even the sweetest part in all of this.

I'll close out this random post with one of my little stories. I did contact my former supervisor...you know, the one that said that he can no longer afford me the day after I returned from vacation 2 years ago. Anyway, I thanked him and some other gentlemen for writing my recommendations for my exam application and let them know that I passed...extending the olive branch. Now, I may be childish but I still have a slightly bad taste in my mouth over the way things went down. And on top of that, I didn't like how he gave my former coworker a bad review when contacted by my current employer. I was trying to get him hired at my company when he was laid off by them (with a family to feed and an unemployed wife), but my ex-supervisor told them, "I wouldn't trust him with his own projects." I found this to be rather odd b/c he was telling my ex-coworker one thing and apparently, letting everyone else know something totally different. Needless to say, my company didn't grant my friend so much as an interview.

Fast forward to now, he writes me back to tell me congratulations. But in the same email, he asks if my company has any openings, b/c he'd like to get on. Come to find out, since I had been laid off, this dude was demoted from VP, had to swallow a pay cut, and had his decisions questioned until he finally decided to leave my former place of employment. I was tripping out, b/c the same man that couldn't afford me 2 years ago was asking ME about a job. How ya like dem apples? So, I kept it cool. I asked him to forward me his resume and told him that I'll make sure that the VP receives it. I held true to my word and sent it off. Part of me felt like I owed him "something" since he did hire me. The VP then calls me in his office and asks me questions about my ex-supervisor. I struggled to answer b/c I didn't want to bad mouth the man b/c that reflects more on me than that man. All I could think was that ever since this dude had brain surgery, he hasn't been right, but I didn't exactly know how to phrase it. I was finally asked, rather bluntly, about the man's performance. My honest opinion...

"Well, I can't say much, but...I wouldn't trust him with his own projects." I guess the OTHER part of me felt that I owed him "something else". HA! A setback is a set-up for a comeback, baby!

I PASSED!

Pictured below is J and I at the school's Mother-Son dance a few weeks ago.

Pictured above is a woman, who just found out 2 days ago, that she passed her PE exam!!! I am still on cloud 9! I believe that I have hit the stage where you debate what kind of frame you want to display your certificate in and on which wall will you display it. Should I hang it up in my home office or bring it to work and ask, "Are you ready to take me seriously now?" I have 2 months to decide since that's when it will arrive.

Admittedly, I was freaking out this week b/c my co-worker and accountability partner found out that she didn't pass her exam (a different one from mine). And then I heard tale that 2 people in my department (who were attempting a different certification) didn't pass their exams. And seeing as how I'm not foreign to failing, I was ready to hang it up. My books have been stacked against a wall across from my bed since I took the test, ready to be picked up again if necessary. Yet, in my mind, I couldn't fathom having to sacrifice my livelihood for months, holed up on weekends and getting up at 3 am on weeknights (when it was quiet), studying until it was time for me to get ready for work.

I had just finished discussing my plans for the Memorial Day weekend when I checked my email on my phone and saw that the testing board had posted the results. This is earlier than normal b/c they usually like to ruin your July 4th, lol. I wasn't so sure that I was ready to give up being content with life to know my results. I logged into my account and viewed my notice with my hands covering my face. Slowly peeking to the right, I saw in all caps, "PASS!" Holy mother of God, I had to muffle my screams. I cried. I jumped around. I got my shout on. This.was.big.

I am the first one to acquire this license in my specialty, one of 2 women in my dept., and one of 2 black people in the whole daggone company. I popped my collar so hard that I almost got a crook in my neck, lol.

I promptly printed my results notice and pranced around with it. The VP of my dept. wasn't in his office, so I kindly emailed him the results and cc'ed my direct supervisor.

I got a "congratulations", 3 handshakes, increased respect....oh, and a RAISE effective immediately. And there's more where that came from come annual review time in July.

I know that I neglect my blog more often than not, but to retrace what I have written to date about the things that I have gone through career-wise makes me feel so blessed. Two years ago, I had just been laid off and had no clue of what I was going to do. Interestingly enough, the same people who were responsible for letting me go were the same people that wrote my recommendations for my exam application afterward when asked. I guess that I have to thank them for helping me to get where I am now. Finally, I'm at a place where I'm valued.

I almost feel as if things don't come easy for me for a reason. I adore humility in others and that's how I wish to remain. But mayne...when I get my stamp in the mail, like Ye, "You can't tell me nuthin'!"

**Dancing**

old dirty bastard

My former employer hired a senior level (over 20 years of experience) designer in my department almost a year and a half after I began working there. I was one of the 2 females in my department (as usual) and also the youngest. Old Dirty Bastard (ODB) was a very knowledgeable guy and soon became my source for answers to any questions that I had. He was the most accessible and ODB was more than happy to serve as a mentor.

He would compliment me often. One day, he liked my dress. The next, my hair. Initially, I dismissed his statements. I foolishly thought that they were innocent since I've been complimented at work before. He would drop by my cube under the guise that he was checking up on me and making sure that I had everything under control. Then one day, I came to work and found a note on my keyboard. It said that he was sorry that he missed my birthday lunch and he wanted to treat me to lunch on that day. I didn't think anything of it and was more than willing to be treated to lunch, 2 days in a row.

We went to a nearby restaurant. He drove. First mistake. For an hour, I listened to him tell tales of his youth, his home life, his teenage kids, and wife. He tried to paint the picture that he was a rebel or a bad boy. I should've been clued in at that moment. During the drive back, he pulled out a Prince CD from his collection. Anybody that knows me, knows that I'm a Prince fan (and it probably tipped him off when I dressed like Prince for the company party). He played a track and then in the middle of it, he says,

"You know, Prince has this song that makes me horny everytime I hear it."

He repeatedly pressed the "search" button, while the other hand remained on the wheel. I couldn't speak. I was in shock. I DID see the office in clear view through the car window and couldn't wait until he parked, so that I could do the Du.kes of Haz.zard roll on the hood and get far enough away from him. It was pretty clear then. Those times when he would ask what I was doing on the weekend had nothing to do with him trying to make sure that I knew of every event going on in Rich.mond. I started mentally counting how many times he would find an excuse to touch my arm. And then I thought of that time when he startled me while I was walking down the hall and felt it necessary to touch my back. And then there was those times, when he would leave random things on my desk.

I struggled with reporting him b/c I thought that my dismissal of every instance that he crossed the line made it my fault. Had I been firm with my disapproval of his compliments, it would have never gotten that far. I should've never said "thank you". I should've never smiled. Working in a male-dominated industry, I have heard and seen a great many things. I've had female coworkers that have reported cases of sexual harrassment and have watched as the female is labeled as uptight (to put it nicely), while the man got a slap on the wrist.

From then on, I decided to avoid him as much as I could. This was VERY difficult since we worked in the same department. The one time that I broke silence, he took full advantage of that. That's when he said,

"Why don't you come and sit on my lap?"

This time, there were other guys around. Some of them snickered. I walked away. I remember being so upset that day. I talked to my friends on the job and told them what happened. One urged me to report him. Two others acknowledged his creepiness. And the other two were in just as much shock as I was to even respond.

For some reason, I didn't report him then. I can't say that it was embarrassment. Then again, maybe it was. I just wanted to disappear. I stopped wearing dresses and anything that I thought would draw attention.

And then one day, we had a department meeting. As I sat there, he blew a kiss at me across the conference room table...in front of my supervisor, no less. Yes, he reached a new level of boldness. My supervisor looked away. ODB said, "I guess that I shouldn't have done that. Very inappropriate, hunh?" And that's when I went from embarrassed and ashamed to outright angry. I had an overwhelming desire to stomp ODB clean in the nuts. How did I get here?

After the meeting, I went back to my desk. Too busy fuming to do any work. Finally, I requested a meeting with my supervisor. I brought up what just happened (since he chose to look away) and told him of the other times that I was made to feel uncomfortable, minus the car incident. At first, he looked as if he didn't know what to say. But then, I read the look in his eye as his not wanting to be involved. He informed me that ODB had come to him. ODB told my supervisor that I didn't see eye to eye with him. He made it seem like I was unwilling to work with him. Well, I couldn't deny that.

He gave me an option. I could either drop it or give him the ok to move forward with reporting it to HR. I asked of the outcome. ODB would have a note in his file. I thought, "What in the f*** is a note going to do???" I though, afterwards, ODB would most likely make my job a living hell...as if it had not gotten to that point anyway. It started to seep into my personal life as he tried to friend request me on FB. After blocking him, he would mention it everytime he saw me. He would say, "I'm just trying to be your friend."

I know that I've mentioned what I've just written before in previous blogs, here and there. I don't think that I went into as much detail. I'm not sure of what's more embarrassing...the fact that it happened and I didn't report it immediately or my detailing what happened for others to view and judge. One of the main reasons that I was bitter after the layoffs was b/c the company kept him and let me go. The same supervisor that I'd confided in was the same one that made that decision. The morning after, ODB started requesting my phone number from my coworker friends, claiming that he just wanted to make sure that I was okay.

Last week, my team leader (a female) came to me and asked me if I knew ODB. My body froze. She explained that he had submitted his resume to the company and it was currently in review. I hesitated, at first, not sure if I should get that deep. But then I thought, "I'll be damned if this asshole gets another chance at making me uncomfortable. Not here." I told her what happened, amongst other things. She understood my feelings, having experienced a similar situation before. I asked that she not tell my director in as much detail. She said that she would just tell him that she didn't get a good recommendation for ODB.

I prayed that this situation would be over. Then, a couple of days ago, my team leader called me into a conference room. She told me that the director was looking to hire ODB b/c our department is in need. She let me know that she shared the other things that I said b/c she wanted to insure that this situation wouldn't happen to me again She didn't want to risk losing me. My director understood and as far as I know, this is a done deal.

Today, I got a text from a former coworker. ODB was fired. I don't know why, but I guess that he saw it coming and that's why he was floating resumes. I feel not one ounce of sympathy. I never got a chance to physically stomp him in the nuts, but blackballing him feels just as nice.

press play #2

I guess that I lied about being back. What’s the deal, right? Well…

1. Mini-me has been keeping me busy. This is tiring, at times, but good. The only thing that worries me is how this has become my life. He’ll be leaving in a month (to spend the summer in N.ew Or.leans) and I’m concerned that I’m going to be bored out of my mind. Sure, I’ll have more opportunities to catch Happy Hours, weekend DC trips, dinners with friends, clubbing (I said this one as if I actually miss it), or whatever it is that you do when you’re 31 y/o and are considered cool, etc. but I’m truly going to miss the noise in the house during those in-between times.

2. This SHOULD give me more time to blog. But, ya know, I don’t know if I necessarily need more TIME to blog. I need more MOTIVATION. I have had several topics to discuss, but by the time I sat down, the topic had gone past its expiration date. I’m a thinker. I can analyze every-damn-thing, but I can also get on my own nerves with all of that. I just want to live and let live.

3. So…I agreed to allow J to spend a week in Florida with his father. **Taking huge breath** I know that he needs that time, but it’s so hard to let go. We have tried to do this in the past and I have pumped the breaks for one reason or another. I guess that ya’ll will know how this turns out…look out for me on the news sometime in August if things go awry.

4. My company has completed some kind of acquisition/merger. There have been celebrations left and right. I’m not a business major or anything, but fast growth concerns me. With everything in my life, I value quality over quantity. I’m not certain that some of the recent decisions that have been made reflect the same value. There have also been some unofficial shifts in power on the lower level. I see a monster-in-the-making but I have a feeling that he might self-destruct before any damage is done. At any rate, I’ve spoken my peace and, prayerfully, I was heard. I was a little reluctant to do that considering…

5. It has been a year since I was laid off. We are truly blessed. Not only does God show up but He shows out! Is it pretty safe to say that I’m good on trials and I deserve to smooth-sail through the rest of my life??? I thinketh not. Unfortunately, I still have some scars…as can be noticed by my concerns in #4 and my mentioning in a previous “hair” blog that I’d rather just blend into the background sometimes. I get a lot of attention at work and every time someone compliments me, I start thinking about that a$$ from my last job that asked me to sit on his lap. I guess that I fear a line being crossed and wondering if there was something that I could've/should've done to stop it ahead of time.

6. The 2 worst things that I could’ve done was to (1) get a smartphone and (2) get a tv for my bedroom. Both are seemingly good ideas, but both have slowed my productivity considerably.

7. I found a note while I was cleaning that J wrote about "loving" some girl. My heart dropped to my knees. I am not ready for all of this. The child is 8 y/o. And what pisses me off is that this is on some Y & R type foolishness, at that. I tried to explain the difference between "like" and "love" but ole boy was adamant about "loving" her. Since he was so upset...that I even found the note, I let it go for the moment. Best believe, it's time for us to have a REALLY LONG talk but I'm looking for books and other visual aids...that sounds crazy, I know.

8. So it's spring/summer and more than just the flowers are in bloom. Weddings and engagements are popping up everywhere and well...it's putting me in a foul mood, lol. Heck, even J is certain about "loving" someone.

overheard

Coworker: "Hey, I suppose your wife, considering how long she's been hospitalized, may give birth on Saturday. So do you think (if she'll let you get away) that you can come in to work on Sunday to help me with this project?

**crickets**

emotional rollercoaster

So what do you do when…a coworker stops by your cube and asks, “Do you think I’m an asshole?” My first thought was "hell to the mutha-effin' YEAH!" But I can't say that. The question and the setting couldn't be any more inappropriate. Within my first week of working at this spot, I did some character assessments. Needless to say, this dude didn’t rate highly as I witnessed him going on a witch hunt to blame someone else for something that went wrong on his project. I’ve since scribbled, in my mental notepad, “lacks integrity” and “untrustworthy” next to his name. Let's just say that b/c I recognize his propensity to "throw shade" that I document stuff in my notebook, just in case it comes to that. There's a fine line between caution and paranoia for me. At any rate, it makes me think about how some people ask you to tell them about themselves; yet, become angry or defensive when your honesty lacks praise.

This morning, I had a training session called “Managing Self”. When I signed up for the class, I assumed that the topics would focus on how to manage your workload, deadlines, and maybe even delve over into striking a balance between work life and home life (I struggle the MOST in this area). Nope. Shortly after I arrived, the instructor threw out a term that I had never heard before…”emotional intelligence.” This is defined as the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively. A different coworker passed me a note saying that he felt uncomfortable in this class. So did I (not for the same reason that my coworker did). I got pissed, in fact, b/c I felt that God is really trying to shove a message down my throat.

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I picked up a book called “Managing Your Emotions”. I am not an outwardly angry person. I don’t walk around grimacing nor do I tout a nasty attitude. I joke a lot and I smile often. However, I internalize my negative emotions which wreak havoc on my idle mind. I have found myself in situations where my feelings got hurt or I became mad about something that someone did, but instead of confronting that person, I would let it ride and start detaching myself. I do believe that communication is very important; however, when I’ve expressed my feelings in the past, it was not received well. I was told (in so many words) that something was wrong with me. So, in turn, that makes me less motivated to work things out. I just accept that that's who that person is (at their worst) and then I either distance myself from them as a whole or I just don't deal with them in those areas that are of potential conflict. I'm not saying that that's right, but it keeps me in control.

The only exception to this rule is my dad. I can't exactly cut him off, so I lose my temper. Something that I've meditated on today: "No one can make you lose your temper. You give it up voluntarily."

My dad isn't all bad...and as much as I’d like to believe that the men in my past were all bad, that’s not exactly true either. They were simply bad for me. Doesn’t mean that it’s not possible for them to be good to somebody else (even if that possibility is hard to wrap my mind around). I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t know anyone that hasn’t done their fair share of dirt, made mistakes, or who is exempt from personality flaws. Oftentimes, we will vilify people b/c they’ve hurt us. But if it isn’t possible for someone to change, then what’s the point of life? I’ve bumped heads with the best of friends. I wouldn’t want them to stop dealing with me over a faux pas, on my part, that is considered small within the confines of our relationship. I would want them to feel comfortable enough to tell me when I’ve hurt or offended them. Even if at the end of that conversation, we decide that we’ll just have to agree to disagree or to go our separate ways (without belittling each other), at least, we would have discussed it before one of us pulls the disappearing act. This makes sense in my mind. But I have to admit that shutting myself off is a habit that may take some time to break.

A friend of mine often quotes, “If you can’t love me at my worst, then you don’t deserve my best.” I’m not sure if I’ll ever “love” the asshole at work. But at the very least, I can exhibit a little more patience...towards him and others.

good girl gone bad

So, the lady that I was supposed to do contract work for in DC contacted me on Friday night…to talk about nothing. In fact, it was a little weird. I had already turned down a contract job that she offered me (after I signed on with my current employer) b/c it would bog down my schedule and also present a conflict of interest that wasn’t worth the potential consequence. Anyway, I think that we’re “girlfriends” now. I guess that we have enough in common, being both engineers and the single parents of boys. She’s coming down here to Rich.mond in December and wanted to get together. I see no problem with this, b/c whether we form a business relationship or not, I’m all about staying connected. Connections have certainly helped me to transition from one season to another…especially since she is of bi-coastal influence, East Coast and uh…Gulf Coast, lol.

She asked me of my progress towards getting my professional license. Well, I FINALLY submitted all of my application material TODAY. I feel all kinds of butterflies in my stomach. This has been years in the making. This is my golden ticket, my chance to eventually move back home with, prayerfully, more financial stability.

I’m glad that I started gathering my materials early b/c my former employer took about 5 mango seasons to respond to my request. I had to email her to inquire of the status. And guess what? She said that while working on her thesis to complete the requirements for a Masters degree in December, she hadn’t had time! It was 4 questions and one of those questions was “What’s your name?” And after I emailed her, she mailed them to me WITH her signature but WITHOUT answering those questions. But I don’t expect my “little stuff” to be anybody else’s priority but my own…that’s why I had to hound her.

I love this lady. She is still a mentor to me. But I remember when I used to work for her years ago. She was a bull-dog in the boardroom. Nice, but she turned on the ‘tude when she had to. I remember thinking, “Why is this lady so brash, so mean?” And I remember naively thinking that you could get a lot more bees with honey than with vinegar…is that the saying? One day, while on the way back to the office from a meeting in the CBD (Cen.tral Bus.iness Dis.trict), she schooled me on the evolution of the female attitude in male-dominated fields. The scene was akin to “Train.ing Da.y”, lol. She said that you start out sweet, ready to hit the ground running, but after so much b*llsh*t, you start to harden. With time, you develop a thicker skin as men refer to you as a “b*tch on wheels” while you’re just trying to prove yourself and get the job done. I remember thinking that it’s not even in my character to be mean. I certainly don’t like conflict. I’m just going to keep doing me and everything will fall into place.

Well, looking back…I’m not the same. I’ve had men to question my credentials, seconds after a handshake. I’ve had men to be SLOW about doing something b/c on top of me being female, I was black (yes, this was verbalized). I’ve learned that whether I have an attitude or not, people assume that I do. And my latest and greatest, was the guy that was overly-and-inappropriately-complimentary and wanted me to “sit on his lap”. I can say that my mentor’s view may not be the norm but it has been my experience. Now, I don’t go around "Kany.e"-ing at people, but “sweet” does not belong in the workplace. I am respectful, but I will throw the “people’s eyebrow” at somebody, if necessary. As a little girl, I used to practice the “don’t mess with me” look when I was in unsavory places…not sure of what I was going to do if they DID mess with me, lol. At times, I feel as if I have to do the same between 9-5, but without the same fear.

But I sometimes wonder if I can go back. Maybe it’s similar to being in relationships and after you get messed over so many times, you begin to build a wall and become more protective of your heart.

At any rate, despite all of that, I’ve had some great experiences in my career. The good has outweighed the bad. I wouldn’t trade it b/c no matter what you do, you’re bound to tango with people that you don’t like and who don’t like you. Let me know if there is a profession where this is not true. I can handle these men and I look forward to getting some new letters that shout that I’m worthy of the tango. After all, It could be worse.

I have done temporary work in an orthodontics office with 5 other black women. Now THAT was “MTV’s The Rea.l Wor.ld” conflict on steroids!

kids today

J and I are going on a hike with the cub scouts Saturday afternoon. We're supposed to attend our Clay-mation class at the Visu.al Arts Cent.er that morning. I'm looking forward to the art class. The hike? I don't know. I don't have a problem with being outdoors...I have a problem with this group of lil dudes being outdoors. I used to think that if I should be blessed with more children that I wanted them all to be boys. Now? Eh, not so much.

We were preparing for the hike last night at the cub scout meeting.

Group Leader: "OK, I have a bag full of items that we should bring on the hike. Tell me what you think we should bring and I'll see if I have it in my bag."

Kid #1: "A Nintendo DS!"

Group Leader: "Really." **sad flatly**

Kid #1: "Well, I'm going to need something to do when I get lost."

I remember the last time that I was out in the woods. Believe it or not, it was for work. I was touring a site for future development. My coworker and I were out there crossing streams on logs, walking around deer feces, while stepping high to avoid getting tagged by twigs and sticks stuck upright in the ground. It was a gorgeous day, but those real-life animals are not as cute as they are in those Pi.xar movies. Anyway, I thought that I was doing fairly well, that is, until it was time for lunch.

We sat under a tree shortly after I bust my ass, sliding down a hill and I pulled out my sandwich and ate like I had never been fed. All of a sudden, I noticed that there were a whole bunch of bugs crawling on and around me...apparently, dropping from the tree. I didn't know what they were, but I didn't want to seem like a punk so I just dusted them off. I mean, they were small enough. And then I turned to my coworker and asked, "Um, what kind of bugs are these?"

"Oh, they're ticks."

"Ticks?! As in lime-disease carrying ticks???"

Mayne, I jumped up and started dancing like Ge.orge Jeffer.son to get those things off of me. He was all non-chalant and said, "You'll probably have to shake your clothes out when we get back to the office." And I'm looking at his For.est Gu.mp-looking ass, pissed the hell off! May I just say that I live and work around a bunch of hillbillies.

I only saw maybe 2-3 of them at the time, but those bugs were hiding in places that required me to strip...in the bathroom...at work. I found a couple hiding underneath my bra...in my socks...and the waistband of my draws (excuse me, panties...lol). I was mostly concerned about them being on my scalp and kept feeling around my hair. After I thought that I had shook dem haters off, I breathed a sigh of relief.

And then I got home...

I was playing a game with J in his room and I noticed that my back kept itching. I assumed that it was a mosquito bite. And then something said, "go check." Apparently, this was the alpha tick, b/c he wasn't going anywhere. I didn't have tweezers, but I had acetone. So, I soaked a cotton ball with acetone and drowned him in it. The tick was dead, but he was still lodged in my back.

I couldn't contort myself to get the damn thing out and I wasn't about to suffer any more injury at the hands of J. So, I let him stay there. When I went back to work, I asked my bruh-coworker to help me get the tick out of my back. After being hemmed up in a car with him...with my shirt over my head, while he was trying to tweez the tick out of my back but ONLY got half of it (looking mad suspect, I should add)...I was disgusted. I ended up having to go to the doctor and paying over $100 for her to remove it.

So, I'm going to enjoy this hike on Saturday but if I have to choose between a tick and a lost kid...well, I hope that he remembered to pack his games.

rewind

I'm almost a month in so, I'm still in the honeymoon phase at work. But so far, so good. My supervisor keeps checking in on me...and my dying plant that has rolled with me for over 3 years and 3 different work spaces. The people are extremely friendly. So much so that one morning, I was over by the coffee bar and struck up a conversation with some man, only to find out later on that he was the Prez. I dunno...I made up a rule that I didn't really want to have relationships with too many people at the new spot. (Although, I now work with my son's little league coach and a former coworker from my first job in VA). But my immediate coworkers are cool and, for the most part, younger than the guys that I worked with before. My nextdoor cube neighbor and I are two peas in a pod...we must be, b/c he always manages to wander into my peripheral vision when I'm in deep thought, staring at my computer screen.

But THIS ONE GUY that does all of this hacking, snorting, sneezing, and coughing up a lung is driving me insane with his infectious antics. If I get sick, I'm beating somebody's ass. Put that in a memo and pass it around the office.

Anyway...I'm excited b/c I can finally work with this new software (that I was forbidden to touch at my old job) and I love it. I feel as if I have learned so much in less than a month and I can see myself growing as an engineer. Now, my goal is still to move back home one day but I must soak up as much as I can here and I'm in the process of gathering all of my paperwork so that I can sit for my Profe.ssional Enginee.r's license in April. Truth be told, I just really want to stamp my name on drawings...forget the legalities of it all. But anyway, I must pass in order for it to be on the company's dime, so balls to the wall, ya'll, balls to the wall.

I guess the best way to describe how I'm feeling is to label this as a blindsided blessing. When they first offered me the job, I wasn't sure if I was going to take it, attractive benefits and all. In fact, I believe that I even dropped a couple of tears. Seriously, my heart was set on going back home and running an office. However, when I called the lady in DC (who had yet to write me a formal offer letter...an offer letter that she was supposed to issue me 3 weeks prior), she couldn't even give me a start date for the contract job. The funny thing is, when I told her that I couldn't turn down this new offer, she coincidentally had JUST started writing my offer letter the day before. OoooooKaaaaaayyyyy. And then she said, "Well, what happens if the 3 projects that I'm expecting to start, begin in October? Then, what?" Now, what I look like basing my decisions that determine when and how I'm going to eat on an IF??? So, deuces on that. If ya'll recall, this company interviewed me on a Monday, offered me the job on a Tuesday and asked me to start Wednesday. They were serious.

I still communicate with the lady, but at this moment, I have NO EGGS in that basket.

So now, a week begins and ends in the matter of a blink. I have made it through unemployment without missing a bill or cutting off certian luxuries. Now, I'm able to breathe again...with a decent amount in my ING savings account, while my other funds remained untouched and have increased in value. I have my baby J back with me...healthy and happy. I can stay in my own bed and not have to worry about finding good renters/buyers just yet. Yes, I am happy, blessed, and thankful that God BLEW these doors open. I just have to uphold my end of the bargain and praise Him while pressing forward.

what did I agree to?

I figured that I might as well write tonight since I have been horrible at updating on even a semi-regular basis. This whole day has been kinda blah. I know that I should be excited about having a new job and embarking on a new opportunity, but my heart isn't here. Maybe I'll be able to make a better assessment once J returns and we get back into the swing of things together. But for right now, as I wash clothes and ponder what am I to do for lunch tomorrow, I keep thinking that I sold my soul to the devil just to pay the bills.

Don't get me wrong...I have been trying to get "on" with this firm since the day after I was downsized. It is well-established with a great reputation. My responsibilities will still be design-intensive within the same discipline. The only real difference is project diversity...which is fine. My first 2 days really didn't offer a clear picture of what it would feel like to work there since I was in training most of the day. With the fast turn-around, I haven't been able to occupy my cubicle b/c it has yet to be set up for me. Again, I'm surrounded by men, but they are a lot younger than what I'm used to and very welcoming. My supervisor appears to be easy-going and accomodating. I can't really knock the benefits and whereas I would've had to swallow a 5% pay cut at my old firm (had they not decided to cut me altogether), I will receive more than a 5% increase here.

What is my problem???

J wants to come back and prefers his Richmond school. He even called me at 7-something in the morning once to ask if he can return to his same afterschool care. His friends on the block keep knocking on my door, as if I were lying about J not being here. His drama teacher emailed me today, informing me of the anticipated schedule and wondering if he and I were still here. I mean, it seems as if it were only right that he be here.

Right when I was walking around in this whole blues-y fog, my dad calls to tell me that a doctor in the N.O. diagnosed J with a mild version of the sw.ine flu, gave him a prescription and sent him on his way. Apparently, he's had a fever since Friday, has been complaining of headaches, his sinuses or something has been draining, and he's been laying around with little energy. Now, I'm not there...I haven't talked to a doctor and haven't seen my child in weeks; yet, my dad is telling me NOT to worry. He can't go to school for the next 7 days and all air travel is out so undoubtedly, he will not be back in VA in time to start school. He hasn't been cleared to go anywhere until his birthday, September 7th.

When I spoke with J last, he was a little better. His fever had broken, he has an appetite but he said that his head hurt everytime that he coughed. According to my dad, the doctor said that the worse may be over. The media has really hyped this virus up so much that I couldn't even acknowledge the word "mild". I'm only familiar with worse case scenarios. I've done some online research and have read some journals of parents with children close to J's age with similar symptoms and by day 3 of their quarantine, they were feeling much better and too bored to stay at home from school. So, reading that helped. I guess the part that's bothering me the most, at this moment, is that I'm not there...but he has 3 nurses at home caring for him, his PawPaw leading the pack.

For a while, I wondered if this was some kind of sign...or maybe I wanted it to be. It is certainly reason enough for me to drop everything and go back down there. I don't know. I pray that J is swinging from the ceiling fans by Tuesday and that I feel better about this new beginning by the end of the week.

new business

MONDAY, August 24th

Scene: Conference Room at local engineering firm. I'm sitting at a long table, across from 2 company supervisors, doing what I termed a "practice" interview. (I was already told that the firm was in a holding pattern; plus, I already planned to do the contract job in DC until December.)

Mr. Rob: If you don't hear from me by the end of the week, then give me a call next week. I should be able to tell you where the company stands, but DO know that we still are in a holding pattern.

Having heard this before, I was unphased. Plus, I didn't really care.

TUESDAY, August 25th

Scene: Mr. Rob leaves a message on both my home and cell phones. I assume that he's contacting me b/c I left something out from that load of paperwork that they threw at me during my "practice" interview. I return his call.

Me: Hi, Mr. Rob...I'm returning your call.

Mr. Rob: Yes, what a difference 24 hours make. Actually, less than 24 hours. So, we briefly discussed salary yesterday, but I'd like to make you an offer with a base salary of _________. Of course that doesn't include overtime, bonuses, and other benefits. How does that sound?

Me: **stunned** Uh...yes, that sounds fine.

Mr. Rob: Here's the catch...can you start tomorrow? There's a software training that I'd like you to attend.

Me: Tomorrow??? Uh...

WEDNESDAY, August 26th

HR Rep, Dee: Congratulations and welcome to Engineering Firm A.

THURSDAY, August 27th

Software Trainer, Neal: So, you've been here 2 days and had a lot of information thrown at you. How do you feel?

My heart is still in N.ew Or.leans, but I decided to hang out on the east coast a little longer than planned. As for the contract job in DC, it was agreed that I could possibly do that on the side for some extra cash. Possibly. The owner and I will keep in touch and may still try to iron out a deal that gets me back home one day, running the show. In the meantime, I'm getting my baby back and we're gonna turn this house back into a home.

how NOT to succeed at an interview...

Yesterday, I had an interview for an engin.eering design firm. However, I could not find said firm anywhere on the 'net, so out went my research. I soon discovered that there was a reason for that.

My interview was with an archite.ct, who is a partner of this phantom firm. I went to his office to find people so casual that I thought that they were moreso dressed for the park, than an office setting. When I saw this one chick walking around barefoot, I thought "how in da hell do I end up in some weird a$$ places?" Now, my minor is in architectural studies so I spent a lot of time in the architectural building on my old campus...and yes, everyone there was a character. I guess that makes me one too and I just fail to see "them" in me. Anyway...

The guy greeted me in the waiting area and I followed him to his office...overdressed, mind you, b/c I had on a suit that was making me sweat bricks in this hot setting. He explained that the design firm was something that he and his partners failed at in the past and he'd like to get up and running again. I gave him the "people's eye.brow." He continued on to say that a lot of the projects that he's done lacked communication between disciplines and often encountered many problems during construction. I sighed at the thought of how disorganized this operation seemed to be. I asked him several questions with regard to how his firm goes about communicating with the engineers and he looked almost lost. So I through out some suggestions.

Yeah, he was supposed to be interviewing me, right?

I asked if he had a location for this new office. He said no. I suggested that he save on overhead and allow the engineers to set up satellite offices at home (if there were pressing projects in the meantime) until he figured that out. He seemed to agree. But I also said that if he wanted to minimize the adversarial relationship between archi.tects and engineers, he might consider a closer location to his architecural firm so that there is no excuse for any lack of collaboration.

So who was interviewing who?

I'm just at a point, apparently, where I just don't give a sh*t anymore. Forget all of those tips that the web tries to offer on successful interviewing skills.

And even after all of that, he seemed interested, asked for my references and then introduced me to another partner.

I'm tired, ya'll.

decision

So...while back home, I made a decision. I decided that if I hadn't heard anything along the lines of "we'd like to extend an offer of employment" by the beginning of August, then I'm making moves to go back to New Or.leans. This is mostly based on J having to start school in the fall, which is quickly approaching. I've dicussed this decision with my dad and stepmom. Of course, my dad was grinning in hopes of keeping J there full time. As he said, "And now Christ.mas can be right here in New Orl.eans where it should be." And that's when my stepmom jumped on board b/c for the past 2 Christmas(es?), my dad has spent it with me and J in VA.

I have mixed feelings, actually. There are just as many pluses and minuses to being here or there. And then some may say that there's much more to the world than just Rich.mond or New Or.leans. I agree; however, I know what's best for me and J at this point in our lives. I have applied in several places though and I would have to judge each opportunity (if it came along) accordingly.

One thing for sure, I credit my spiritual growth to being removed from the N.O. Unfortunately, I feel as if I have regressed from where I used to be spiritually...say, 3 years ago, but that doesn't negate the value of these past 4 years. Maybe it's just that I've found some sort of balance, but admittedly, I am not where I want to be.

Not too long ago, I had my heart set on moving back to New Or.leans. As less exciting as it is perceived to go back home and as underdeveloped as the N.O. is in certain areas very familiar to me, home is home. The weird thing is, I have NEVER been close to family. I was close to my mom and didn't care to be bothered with anyone else. I feel as if I'm just getting to understand and appreciate my dad as a man and I actually like him (and see where a huge part of my sense of humor comes from), lol...a far cry from my feelings of indifference or worse. But there is something tugging at me, desiring a closeness to the people that share my cheekbones. And of course, there's J. I don't know what either of my grandfathers looked like; let alone, knowing what it's like to be spoiled by them.

I have this feeling of anticipation. I don't know where God is going to lead me. I have faith and I've done my "works", so only time will tell. In the meantime, I've made that decision.

the deal

OK so...overall, the interview went well. HOWEVER, I have MANY concerns.

The Plus(es)

The firm is owned by a sista. It's a small firm in DC, right around the corner from the White Hous.e...I could be brunchin' it up with Michelle O. and everythang! The lady even mentioned that its her goal for all of us to meet the President. Although it is not my plan to live in DC, the change of scenery and potential excites me.

It's in my field, but it seems that the projects would be much easier than the type of commercial design that I was doing before. The firm specializes in "green design" which was something that I wanted to be more involved with b/c I want to be at the forefront of this whole green movement. She was saying all the right things...she wants to put me in Project Management courses so that I can get my feet wet in that area and she wants me to train under a new software package (that my former employer didn't even want me to touch). In other words, it seems that she wants to invest in building me up and is not trying to hold me back.

PLUS, and here's the BIG PLUS...this woman is from Bat.on Rou.ge and is trying to build up an office down there! She asked if I could travel and help her to get that office off the ground, requiring travel to BR 2-3 months at a time. (BR is an hour and a half away from New Or.leans). I explained to her that I could only do that during the summer b/c I'm a single mom and J usually spends the summers with my dad. Otherwise, I have school to be concerned about. She said that that may work. She even said that she likes to get a group from the office together to go to the Bay.ou Class.ic during Thank.sgiving. My mouth literally dropped! When I said that I wanted to be able to go back home more often, this is not what I had in mind, but would certainly work for me! I mean, it just seems as if this job is tailored for me, BUT...

The Minus(es)

Pay and benefits. I didn't think that we would discuss salary, but it came up. I gave her a number to account for the increased cost of living. She looked up in the air and had to think about it. Hmmm...and then she asked me about benefits. I'm used to my health insurance being paid, my 401K being matched, and 3 weeks of leave (annual, sick, and personal). She said, "People don't really get sick around here." And as far as annual leave, she said that they usually get the week off for Christmas. I'm hoping that I missed something. I have worked for a small firm before and I swear that I only had 3 days off a year, not including holidays. She said that she's flexible, but I'm not so sure. She understands that I'm a single mother (she should b/c her 2 y/o was present during my interview, trying to rip up my resume). Then there's the matter of making a move to be closer to the office, renting out my house, finding a new (GOOD) school for J, etc. What if after I do all that, the firm runs out of work?

She said that I should hear back from her within 2 weeks and she also said that she wants me to start when a project begins in a month...I mean, it sounds like she all but offered me the job, but I feel somewhat uneasy. It seems like a great experience, but I refuse to starve over a great experience.

I'll be researching and waiting for her to call, but I'll also keep looking in the meantime. Who knows...she may surprise me.

Any thoughts?

is DC for me?

At first, I was worried about jinxing myself but then I came to my senses...what God has for me is FOR ME. I have an interview with a firm in DC on Thursday. I am so excited and nervous all at the same time. My former professor came through for me and sent my resume out to the lady that called today. She said that she was just thinking about hiring a person with my experience and then, lo and behold, my former professor popped up in her inbox.

I called Navy and told him about the potential opportunity and now we're both hype. A move to DC will present some challenges, but I'm just going to continue to believe that God will provide. I'm not about to put the cart before the horse, nor am I calling my dad to tell him about this. We shall see if this is FOR ME first.

If you believe in the power of prayer and you've grown to kinda like me and J on blog (lol), please put us in them. we can never have too much.

lunch from hell

I believe that I mentioned before, on here, that I was the treasurer of a professional org that I belong to...well, I was officially elected today. We had a lunch mtg at some country club (that I didn't REALLY want to go to), but I thought that it would be best for me to, at the least, show my face. Besides, this was our last mtg until September.

What I didn't bank on was that my old supervisor and a couple of former coworkers (including Golden Boy) would be at this mtg too. Normally, I was either one of 2 or the only one in attendance, repping my former employer. When I walked in and saw GB, I immediately looked up and asked, "God, why dost thou test me???"

You might recall that when I was "let go", I walked out without saying anything to anybody and refused to answer phone calls with my former employer's number plastered across my Caller ID.

I tried to sit at another table, but when the coworker that I actually liked (an older Russian lady that AGAIN...wanted to be like a mom to me) called me across the room, I couldn't ignore her just b/c I didn't want to breathe in the same air as that prick.

Prick: Hey! I really missed you.

I think that I threw up in my mouth a little. Ms. Russia kept asking me if I had any luck with the job search and even though I said "no", in both english and spanish, she didn't leave me alone about it. I mean, I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to be left alone and enjoy my fabulous meal...which WAS fabulous, btw. And then lunch hit an all-time high, when my ex-supervisor came in late and sat next to Ms. Russia. He could barely look me in my eye...he just waved. I wonder WHY?

This is the same man that invited me to mtgs that didn't include Ms. Russia b/c he said that he saw me as a leader and didn't see the same quality in Ms. Russia. That was just bullshyt talk apparently. I feel like somebody (that I really cared about) just broke up with me for no good reason.

After the presentation was over, former supervisor was hanging around to talk to me afterwards. I just kept occupied with the outgoing treasurer's duties and didn't even acknowledge that he was there. I can't keep running from these people forever, but how much can a broad take???

I'm still hurt.

the aftermath

This morning, I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yesterday, I expected to somehow end up in the fetal position, crying while gasping for air. Didn't happen. I guess that I had spent so much time thinking that I had bet' not let anyone see me cry that I kept it up long after I left the office.

I picked up J from drama class and treated us to ice cream treats at Son.ic. I explained to him what happened and he seemed unphased. I then went to his afterschool care and told them that J will no longer ride the bus in the afternoons. They were very understanding but moreso sad to say goodbye to J so soon b/c he's such a sweet kid. He usually leaves in June to spend the summer in New Orlea.ns with PawPaw, but I assured them that this early break was only temporary.

I went back to the office to retrieve the rest of my things and to return my swipe card and garage door opener. I was really on a mission, but when J saw Tee, he stopped to tell her hi...which meant that I was going to have to actually talk about what happened. The first thing that she said was, "Does this mean that you're going back to New Orle.ans? You can't go back to New Orle.ans." That seems to be the greatest concern of the friends that I made here. It hadn't been 24 hours yet, so a decision like that hadn't been made.

She said that my new (I guess "former") supervisor expressed that out of everyone that he had to let go, he felt physically ill when he had to break the bad news to me.

I was not moved. It was most definitely personal and a strategic move on their part. Not b/c I am difficult to work with or b/c I don't do good work...or their excuse of not being able to afford me. When I say "strategic", I don't even mean that they decided to lay me off b/c of the financial challenges of the company...that was only part of it, b/c in the end, they had to make a choice.

Tee said that their Golden Boy, the prick, called her and asked her for my cell phone number b/c he didn't get a chance to say "goodbye". He just won't STOP! He called me at my house earlier in the day and I didn't answer the phone. He couldn't even leave a message b/c my inbox was full. Thank God! He then told her that he knows that I hate him and just wanted to talk to me.

WTF for?? What's done is done...he can now blow kisses to some other woman across the meeting room table. And I hope that she hops onto said table and proceeds to stomp him in his nuts! Have I said that in a blog already? If so, it was worth repeating.

I went to my desk and gathered all of my pictures, books, prints, and my "Mr. Rogers" sweater used for when they had the thermostat set on "January in the north pole." I ran into the P.E. that signed my drawings (one of the guys that I actually liked) and he helped me pack and carry my things to the car...while J played with my hard hat without a care in the world.

Once I got home, my phone line was inundated with calls. With every answer, I received, "Well, you sound really good." Yep, I hadn't quite fallen into a drunken stupor just yet, I guess.

I got a good night's rest, but...

This morning, I woke up with a bitter taste in my mouth. I'm hurt, I'm ANGRY, but one thing that I'm NOT is worried about my future.

I cannot count how many times I've seen the office number show up on my called ID today. I haven't answered b/c (1) I'm not sure if its Golden Boy on the other end and (2) if it isn't GB, I'm still not in the mood to speak with anyone there. I cleaned out my voicemail so that whoever can leave a message.

It felt weird driving through the drop-off loop at my son's school without being in a rush. It felt even weirder coming back home immediately after. Heck, it feels weirdest to be able to type a blog during working hours!

At any rate, I have filed for unemployment. I then emailed the President of the professional organization that I belong to and let him know what happened...I knew that I was led to nominate myself for treasurer of this organization for a reason. He said that he'd be happy to help me with anything that I needed and gave me a good lead. As did one engineer who called me to tell me that I did great work and he wanted to put me in contact with someone at a firm that he knew would be a good fit for me.

So it's been another day...and soon to be another dollar...

congratulate me b/c I just lost my job

So if you're my Face.book friend or LadyLee (who I called before calling my daddy), then you probably just got the word that I was laid off.

I was going to write about my trip today, but this seems like a MUCH better topic, hunh?

Well, my trip to New Orle.ans was wonderful. Great food, great friends. I came back feeling rejuvenated. I planned my trip before we were told about our office-wide meeting today, so I thought that it was bad timing b/c I knew that I would be tired and may need the extra day off to recuperate. So I thought...

Going back home put a lot of things into perspective.

When I had dinner with my girlfriends, we were catching up on each others latest accomplishments and our jobs. Out of the five of us at the table, I felt as if I enjoyed my job the least. I don't know if its b/c they work more with people and I work with paper, but I started to reevaluate what it is that I was holding onto. Now, any one of them could've been faking the funk but I knew in my heart that I couldn't fake it if I tried.

Now that they've let me go, I'm just gon' be real for a moment. One thing that they did say to me before I walked out was that they couldn't afford me. They were DAMN RIGHT!

I had already been told to humble myself (in so many words) so that I could learn from my "mentor"...the prick that told me to "come and sit on his lap" when I asked him a question. They were already kind enough to let me know that they didn't support my getting a P.E. license or the other goals that I had outlined from day one. They made it clear that they didn't value my ambition or my motivation, so they were indeed correct! Them mofos CANNOT afford me. And I cannot afford to continue having chest pains and headaches to support their car notes.

But no hard feelings...my faith was never in man and as long as I keep my faith in God, I KNOW that everything is going to be more than alright.

And how do I KNOW this?

While I was back home, I had my friend G drive me around my old neighborhood. And as I looked at my house and the other houses, I was reminded of where I came from. I'm not talking about the state of the 'hood b/c it was always a good neighborhood. But my mom died in that house and then 6 years after that I lost everything that I owned in that house. As long as me and my baby still got our health, the worst that could ever happen to me has already happened.

So while my two "superiors" sat me down in the conference room and talked to me as if they had me shook, I said nothing and (at times) tuned them out. They said that I could work up until next Tuesday if I wanted to.

I had 2 projects due tomorrow and I was thinking that I would have to work overtime b/c I had missed 3 days from being back home. Running the calculations in my head...**carry the one**

FORGET THAT! Let ya golden boy, Mr. Mentor, handle it...that is, when he's actually at the office. I threw the deuce and walked out.

I didn't say anything to anybody, except for 2 other girls that were left broken at their cubes. I hugged each of them tightly and let them know that everything was going to be ok. I wasn't in the mood to have anyone else comfort me. I'm going back this evening to gather my things in the quiet after I pick up J from school.

And that's that.

Now, here is what I ask of you. I appreciate words of encouragement, but if you are moved to comment PLEASE do not say that you're sorry or feel sorry for me. I don't need that and I don't want it. I know that it comes from a good place, but I am in good spirits right now.

If anything, just congratulate me on my new opportunity...b/c there is most certainly one in the works.