So what do you do when…a coworker stops by your cube and asks, “Do you think I’m an asshole?” My first thought was "hell to the mutha-effin' YEAH!" But I can't say that. The question and the setting couldn't be any more inappropriate. Within my first week of working at this spot, I did some character assessments. Needless to say, this dude didn’t rate highly as I witnessed him going on a witch hunt to blame someone else for something that went wrong on his project. I’ve since scribbled, in my mental notepad, “lacks integrity” and “untrustworthy” next to his name. Let's just say that b/c I recognize his propensity to "throw shade" that I document stuff in my notebook, just in case it comes to that. There's a fine line between caution and paranoia for me. At any rate, it makes me think about how some people ask you to tell them about themselves; yet, become angry or defensive when your honesty lacks praise.
This morning, I had a training session called “Managing Self”. When I signed up for the class, I assumed that the topics would focus on how to manage your workload, deadlines, and maybe even delve over into striking a balance between work life and home life (I struggle the MOST in this area). Nope. Shortly after I arrived, the instructor threw out a term that I had never heard before…”emotional intelligence.” This is defined as the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively. A different coworker passed me a note saying that he felt uncomfortable in this class. So did I (not for the same reason that my coworker did). I got pissed, in fact, b/c I felt that God is really trying to shove a message down my throat.
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I picked up a book called “Managing Your Emotions”. I am not an outwardly angry person. I don’t walk around grimacing nor do I tout a nasty attitude. I joke a lot and I smile often. However, I internalize my negative emotions which wreak havoc on my idle mind. I have found myself in situations where my feelings got hurt or I became mad about something that someone did, but instead of confronting that person, I would let it ride and start detaching myself. I do believe that communication is very important; however, when I’ve expressed my feelings in the past, it was not received well. I was told (in so many words) that something was wrong with me. So, in turn, that makes me less motivated to work things out. I just accept that that's who that person is (at their worst) and then I either distance myself from them as a whole or I just don't deal with them in those areas that are of potential conflict. I'm not saying that that's right, but it keeps me in control.
This morning, I had a training session called “Managing Self”. When I signed up for the class, I assumed that the topics would focus on how to manage your workload, deadlines, and maybe even delve over into striking a balance between work life and home life (I struggle the MOST in this area). Nope. Shortly after I arrived, the instructor threw out a term that I had never heard before…”emotional intelligence.” This is defined as the ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively. A different coworker passed me a note saying that he felt uncomfortable in this class. So did I (not for the same reason that my coworker did). I got pissed, in fact, b/c I felt that God is really trying to shove a message down my throat.
A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I picked up a book called “Managing Your Emotions”. I am not an outwardly angry person. I don’t walk around grimacing nor do I tout a nasty attitude. I joke a lot and I smile often. However, I internalize my negative emotions which wreak havoc on my idle mind. I have found myself in situations where my feelings got hurt or I became mad about something that someone did, but instead of confronting that person, I would let it ride and start detaching myself. I do believe that communication is very important; however, when I’ve expressed my feelings in the past, it was not received well. I was told (in so many words) that something was wrong with me. So, in turn, that makes me less motivated to work things out. I just accept that that's who that person is (at their worst) and then I either distance myself from them as a whole or I just don't deal with them in those areas that are of potential conflict. I'm not saying that that's right, but it keeps me in control.
The only exception to this rule is my dad. I can't exactly cut him off, so I lose my temper. Something that I've meditated on today: "No one can make you lose your temper. You give it up voluntarily."
My dad isn't all bad...and as much as I’d like to believe that the men in my past were all bad, that’s not exactly true either. They were simply bad for me. Doesn’t mean that it’s not possible for them to be good to somebody else (even if that possibility is hard to wrap my mind around). I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t know anyone that hasn’t done their fair share of dirt, made mistakes, or who is exempt from personality flaws. Oftentimes, we will vilify people b/c they’ve hurt us. But if it isn’t possible for someone to change, then what’s the point of life? I’ve bumped heads with the best of friends. I wouldn’t want them to stop dealing with me over a faux pas, on my part, that is considered small within the confines of our relationship. I would want them to feel comfortable enough to tell me when I’ve hurt or offended them. Even if at the end of that conversation, we decide that we’ll just have to agree to disagree or to go our separate ways (without belittling each other), at least, we would have discussed it before one of us pulls the disappearing act. This makes sense in my mind. But I have to admit that shutting myself off is a habit that may take some time to break.
A friend of mine often quotes, “If you can’t love me at my worst, then you don’t deserve my best.” I’m not sure if I’ll ever “love” the asshole at work. But at the very least, I can exhibit a little more patience...towards him and others.
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Nah, see that's the area right there that I have to work on. Exhibiting a little more patience towards others.
In my first MBA class we had to read an article about emotional intelligence in work settings. After I read it, it helped me to understand how I viewed managers. I had had 3 mgrs at my current job and each one was totally different. The one I like the most had a better handle on emotional intelligence than the others. After reading that article it kind of helped me to deal a little differently with my coworkers. So how was the workshop?
The workshop was effective. Surprisingly, the two coworkers in my dept. that didn't get along (the one that passed me the note and the one that asked me if he was an asshole) have been dealing better with each other. I think that the principles that I learned can help me well outside of the office.
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