old dirty bastard

My former employer hired a senior level (over 20 years of experience) designer in my department almost a year and a half after I began working there. I was one of the 2 females in my department (as usual) and also the youngest. Old Dirty Bastard (ODB) was a very knowledgeable guy and soon became my source for answers to any questions that I had. He was the most accessible and ODB was more than happy to serve as a mentor.

He would compliment me often. One day, he liked my dress. The next, my hair. Initially, I dismissed his statements. I foolishly thought that they were innocent since I've been complimented at work before. He would drop by my cube under the guise that he was checking up on me and making sure that I had everything under control. Then one day, I came to work and found a note on my keyboard. It said that he was sorry that he missed my birthday lunch and he wanted to treat me to lunch on that day. I didn't think anything of it and was more than willing to be treated to lunch, 2 days in a row.

We went to a nearby restaurant. He drove. First mistake. For an hour, I listened to him tell tales of his youth, his home life, his teenage kids, and wife. He tried to paint the picture that he was a rebel or a bad boy. I should've been clued in at that moment. During the drive back, he pulled out a Prince CD from his collection. Anybody that knows me, knows that I'm a Prince fan (and it probably tipped him off when I dressed like Prince for the company party). He played a track and then in the middle of it, he says,

"You know, Prince has this song that makes me horny everytime I hear it."

He repeatedly pressed the "search" button, while the other hand remained on the wheel. I couldn't speak. I was in shock. I DID see the office in clear view through the car window and couldn't wait until he parked, so that I could do the Du.kes of Haz.zard roll on the hood and get far enough away from him. It was pretty clear then. Those times when he would ask what I was doing on the weekend had nothing to do with him trying to make sure that I knew of every event going on in Rich.mond. I started mentally counting how many times he would find an excuse to touch my arm. And then I thought of that time when he startled me while I was walking down the hall and felt it necessary to touch my back. And then there was those times, when he would leave random things on my desk.

I struggled with reporting him b/c I thought that my dismissal of every instance that he crossed the line made it my fault. Had I been firm with my disapproval of his compliments, it would have never gotten that far. I should've never said "thank you". I should've never smiled. Working in a male-dominated industry, I have heard and seen a great many things. I've had female coworkers that have reported cases of sexual harrassment and have watched as the female is labeled as uptight (to put it nicely), while the man got a slap on the wrist.

From then on, I decided to avoid him as much as I could. This was VERY difficult since we worked in the same department. The one time that I broke silence, he took full advantage of that. That's when he said,

"Why don't you come and sit on my lap?"

This time, there were other guys around. Some of them snickered. I walked away. I remember being so upset that day. I talked to my friends on the job and told them what happened. One urged me to report him. Two others acknowledged his creepiness. And the other two were in just as much shock as I was to even respond.

For some reason, I didn't report him then. I can't say that it was embarrassment. Then again, maybe it was. I just wanted to disappear. I stopped wearing dresses and anything that I thought would draw attention.

And then one day, we had a department meeting. As I sat there, he blew a kiss at me across the conference room table...in front of my supervisor, no less. Yes, he reached a new level of boldness. My supervisor looked away. ODB said, "I guess that I shouldn't have done that. Very inappropriate, hunh?" And that's when I went from embarrassed and ashamed to outright angry. I had an overwhelming desire to stomp ODB clean in the nuts. How did I get here?

After the meeting, I went back to my desk. Too busy fuming to do any work. Finally, I requested a meeting with my supervisor. I brought up what just happened (since he chose to look away) and told him of the other times that I was made to feel uncomfortable, minus the car incident. At first, he looked as if he didn't know what to say. But then, I read the look in his eye as his not wanting to be involved. He informed me that ODB had come to him. ODB told my supervisor that I didn't see eye to eye with him. He made it seem like I was unwilling to work with him. Well, I couldn't deny that.

He gave me an option. I could either drop it or give him the ok to move forward with reporting it to HR. I asked of the outcome. ODB would have a note in his file. I thought, "What in the f*** is a note going to do???" I though, afterwards, ODB would most likely make my job a living hell...as if it had not gotten to that point anyway. It started to seep into my personal life as he tried to friend request me on FB. After blocking him, he would mention it everytime he saw me. He would say, "I'm just trying to be your friend."

I know that I've mentioned what I've just written before in previous blogs, here and there. I don't think that I went into as much detail. I'm not sure of what's more embarrassing...the fact that it happened and I didn't report it immediately or my detailing what happened for others to view and judge. One of the main reasons that I was bitter after the layoffs was b/c the company kept him and let me go. The same supervisor that I'd confided in was the same one that made that decision. The morning after, ODB started requesting my phone number from my coworker friends, claiming that he just wanted to make sure that I was okay.

Last week, my team leader (a female) came to me and asked me if I knew ODB. My body froze. She explained that he had submitted his resume to the company and it was currently in review. I hesitated, at first, not sure if I should get that deep. But then I thought, "I'll be damned if this asshole gets another chance at making me uncomfortable. Not here." I told her what happened, amongst other things. She understood my feelings, having experienced a similar situation before. I asked that she not tell my director in as much detail. She said that she would just tell him that she didn't get a good recommendation for ODB.

I prayed that this situation would be over. Then, a couple of days ago, my team leader called me into a conference room. She told me that the director was looking to hire ODB b/c our department is in need. She let me know that she shared the other things that I said b/c she wanted to insure that this situation wouldn't happen to me again She didn't want to risk losing me. My director understood and as far as I know, this is a done deal.

Today, I got a text from a former coworker. ODB was fired. I don't know why, but I guess that he saw it coming and that's why he was floating resumes. I feel not one ounce of sympathy. I never got a chance to physically stomp him in the nuts, but blackballing him feels just as nice.