the haps

So, 2 "big" things are coming up during the week. My 1st year natural anniversary (Friday) and my 32nd birthday (Sunday).

My "friend" asked me if I was excited. I'm not necessarily in cabbage-patch mode about either one. I will say that I am proud of myself for sticking with the "natural" thang. For me, it hasn't been all sunshine and butterflies. I just don't like taking a long time to do my hair. And at times, I questioned why I traded in my predictable roller wrap for an unruly wash n' go. Don't get me wrong...relearning how to do my hair hasn't always been doom and gloom. I find that it is awakening my dormant creativity and is challenging my thoughts on "beauty" and what's considered "beautiful".

It almost feels as if I am having some sort of identity crisis. I considered myself to be low maintenance (not to be confused with NO maintenance). Now, I find myself buying new clothes to compliment my hair (and also b/c I am in dire need of new clothes since I put off shopping for myself) and accessorizing. Now, me and accessories have never been friends. I just didn't see the point in buying something that will go unnoticed. I was wrong. I was surprised to see that men actually pay attention to a nice necklace and my "gaudy" $12.99 rings. The flowers that usually adorn my puffs draws the most attention. But I get more giddy when a little brown girl at J's school compliments me more than a man does.

Growing up, I hid behind big clothes and caps. Now, I understand why my mom had much heartburn over my craving for oversized t-shirts, militant gear, and black this and that. She could see my beauty even when I couldn't. I actually feel more attractive as a natural...and never thought that I'd ever feel that way. For someone that has battled with her self-esteem for so many years, today, I feel as if I am standing on top of a mountain.

So, I would say that I have graduated to medium maintenance...and only medium b/c my love for purses and shoes just hasn't kicked in yet...I don't know if it ever will, lol.

But enough of that, I'll probably do a post on Friday. I trimmed the shit out of my hair yesterday and put it in an updo. We'll see if I butchered myself once I take this 'do down.

As for my birthday...I don't really intend on doing too much. My dad is coming into town the day before. On Sunday, me and some of my lady friends will have a big hat b-day brunch at this restaurant near my house that overlooks the water. Yes, we are getting our "southern" on with mimosas in hand. I have yet to buy my hat though, lol. I have a peach dress hanging in my closet that I haven't worn. Come to think of it, I'll need some shoes and love how DSW is to the rescue with my birthday coupon. It is truly a sin for me to work so close to Steinmart, Ross, DSW, and Michael's...I'm constantly going broke on my lunch break.

No offense to anyone in their 20s, but I don't want to go back. I feel great in my 30s and will probably feel even more fly in my 40s. I'm just happy that God saw fit to allow me to see another year. Lord knows that I have played russian roulette with my life with some of my poor decisions. And then there were the trials...the "why me"s...the "it can't get any worse than this"s, lol. I survived and there is so much beauty in wisdom. That's probably why I like hanging with older women so much. I think back to myself 5 years ago and wow, I am happy that I'm not THAT woman anymore.

Even my blogging is different. I remember writing about anything and everything that came to my mind...oversharing (I'm glad that I deleted that stuff). With age, I've become more selective of what I share, who I allow into my life, and how I spend my time.

I'm not in cabbage patch mode, but I do look forward to the milestones. The best of me has yet to come.